To echo Slave Kris and Pa. i too have the same feelings when dressed, only wish the Misses was a little more keen to my dressing. my mannerisms change, from the way i walk, to how i hold a cigarette, to how i sit, it even seems to effect the way i think and it all seems so natural. It's not like i think about changing my mannerisms it just happens. It's like there is another whole person in me just waiting to get out.
Back to the Wife thing. i feel this is my fault. If i would have told Her about my secret self when we first got together it may have turned out better, hell i've been dressing since i was 12 or 13 years old and i knew then how it made me feel. Then again She may have just told me to get out. That may not have been a bad thing either although i would have missed out on all the joy Her and our daughter have brought to my life. i can't tell you how many times i have thrown my stuff out or put it away only to buy more or get it back out in a couple of months. Talking with 53 years of life experience you can hide it for awhile but if it truly a part of you it will always come back. This is why whenever a newbie joins us and asks should i tell my fiance' about this i always answer yes. Relationships are built on honesty and this is as honest as you can be. i can only imagine what my Wife thought when i sprung it on Her and how i would have felt if the roles were reversed.
Pa you said you ask yourself the question who am i really. I think a better question would be who would you be if not for societies expectations? To me this would be who you really are. If you could dress all the time and not be looked at in a negative light would you do it? i would just to see if it fit me or i fit it whichever the case may be. We cannot do this however, so it seems to me at least, we can only do it within the constraints society allows. For us it is a constant battle between being who we are and who we are expected to be.
Mistress Watchful said
i too am not big on the label thing but if you want to go down that road i am just a crossdresser when the opportunity arises. What i would really like to be is a fulltime cd'r that had a job in a really nice
Anime costumes last night, jealous as hell, because they are usually aimed at sissy play... then I thought... what's to stop me being an Anime Princess?! Why can't *I* be the dress up doll?!
The main thing I think that would stop me persuing this avenue is that I wouldn't want to be mistaken for a sissy and I would worry about what other's thought... which are pretty stupid reasons!
Yes Mistress Watchful they are pretty stupid reasons but they are the same reasons that stop me from doing it.
Rachel
