A Sea Change in Online Behaviour ?

This is not exactly a rant, more a condensing of thoughts from observations over the years as to how online behaviour has changed on interest and contact sites over the years.

Even now, from long ago, I recall the thrill and fear of first logging in to a D/s site. All my dreams of a mistress immediately spotting me and whisking me away for a life where every fantasy will be fulfilled. Ok, it didn't quite work out that way I have a general rule that if you want to approach someone online, then ask yourself if what you intend to say could be said to their face in a pub. Personally, I just consider that to be good manners. You can imagine my dismay when I first encountered online forums to see males flocking around any female name (and how many actually were female was debatable) and using language and approaches that would probably get them arrested in the real world - or at worst, a drink thrown over them in a pub.

There's a kind of Gresham's law applied to online interaction. The worst behaviour is often what is seen in the public spaces, newbies tend either to believe this is the norm and copy it, or they stay quiet. The quiet ones are effectively driven in to hiding, yet they are often the most earnest and the ones who are most likely to be genuine sub material.

Ideal or not, this was the way things were. As an earnest young thing I learned that there really weren't hundreds of dommes fighting over each sub and instead, it was the other way around. Falling in the quiet category it took some time before I was talking with real women and I learned just how much they hated the aggressive male approaches. One of the most common bug bears being that the males were too stupid to have read a profile before jumping in. Even then I found that male aggression rather odd for people who proclaimed to be submissive. However, it was accepted that this was how it worked, the ratio of subs to dommes created competition amongst the subs and this would bring out some unsavoury behaviour. In almost no circumstances would females act in the same manner.

This brings me on to the sea change over the years. Even before E.L. James the Internet was bringing fetish and BDSM behaviour more in to the mainstream and things began to change. It was kind of cute to see the beginning of young girls offering services to pay their way through uni or college. A niche market on the sidelines that despite not being my cup of tea obviously worked for some people.

Move it on a decade and the niche market has become the mainstream. A sideline for extra cash has become a business for many and to make it a business requires marketing that becomes ever more aggressive. Almost every site has been flooded with it. All too frequently I now find my inboxes with approaches from "dommes" who cut and paste the same message without reading my profile first. It has to be said that these people are almost 100% under 30 years old and just like our ladette drinking culture, they seem to have adopted the worst characteristics of what they perceive to be the 'lad' culture. Aggression, rudeness, ignorance of the basics of spelling and grammar.

I also wonder if I'm seeing a new variant of Gresham's law in female profiles on such sites. When we arrive at somewhere new one of our instincts and desires is to conform. We ask "what are the rules ?" I do wonder, if with so many profiles and ads demanding money to treat other people like dirt, that newbie females wanting to explore some new found desires scan the profiles of others and think that this is what they have to conform to. If so, that's truly depressing.

For me now, my profiles on sites are fairly specific about what will work and what won't, so 99% of messages are easy to spot as some sort of come on. It does make me worry about others, those starting out on their journey in fear and excitement, believing that someone special has just spotted them. Male subs often live in a world of excessive hope where they will wish to believe that the person contacting them is real. Too often now I read posts where such subs have had their life shattered and their bank accounts emptied.

Yes, I do think there has been a sea change and the deadly female of the species has adapted a lot better than the male.

 

I just had a wonderful example on another site that had me rolling with laughter. Here's the entire email.

Melody i crave for your servitude ........​

​

A little research finds a pro-domme site where you're invited to sign up for many things.

Over the years I've spent a lot of time talking to dommes who despair of the one liner approach from subs. The genuine domme wants to read something interesting, as a woman she quite likes to be wooed and to find a personality. Since it now seems to be de rigeur for a whole class of 'dommes' to behave in the way many subs have for years, I too would really prefer to read something interesting and be wooed. If nothing else, I'd like them to have at least read the profile.

I emailed her back and thanked her for the laugh, but apparently it went over her head - which says it all