Caged Wolf? How an Alpha became the Omega...

WOW! So glad we have unlimited texting! This series of small steps has become a staircase, and i am so proud and happy for the progress!

 

Mistress Wolf has decided we will be going to the "Social Club" tonight (actually decided earlier in the week), and asked her New Friend if He would like to attend and meet there. Unfortunately He was not able to attend this time, but would like to attend next month.

Also, as i was drifting off to sleep last night i realized my avatar picture was still the one from when Mistress C was involved. It has now been changed to one more appropriate... My apologies to Mistress Wolf for not catching it much sooner.

 

Our visit to the Social Club last night was one of the best in a long time. We took this party off (are on staff adn work most parties), and actually had time to socialize and play. Mistress added another 10 days to my locked time, 8 for Her pleasure, and 2 extra for an exceptional performance ... That is 32 days on the ledger now, over a month owed! Hoping to be locked up and start paying soon.

On the drive home this early a.m. Mistress was texting with Her new Manfriend, 34 more texts (54 total for the entire day), covered a lot of subjects and started setting the boundaries for the pending relationship. Looks like i will soon e calling Him "Sir", but Mistress Wolf told Him they would discuss control and possession in person but that She would be the one giving me orders, at least for now.

After the failed meetings and false starts i have a feeling this one will actually work, and probably sooner than Mistress Wolf had originally planned as it just seems to be clicking so well right now. Hoping to meet with Hime very soon as Mistress Wolf wants him to attend the Social Club Halloween party with us next month.

Happy, happy wolf, tail is wagging so hard!

 

Oh, one thing i forgot to mention from last weekend. While down at my Dad's house helping him my collar broke and i was unable to repair it there. Immediately texted Mistress Wolf and told Her what had happened, She told me not to worry, as She had a spare at the house for me. When i got home on Sunday She escorted me to the master bath and installed the "spare" collar, which is actually an inch shorter than the original! It now sits higher and is visible almost all the time, and the feeling of it is very different. It reminds me again that i am owned, that i have voluntary committed my life to Her, adn in all that it provides me comfort in the knowledge that She is very much in control.

Thank you Mistress Wolf!

 

Wishful,
Thankyou for you comments, So far my longest has been about a week, hoping for longer runs, with time out for Mistress's pleasure. Waiting for Mistress Wolf to tell me it's time to lock up, with over a month owed, hopefully for a week minimum.

 

Home for lunch, and just spoke to Mistress Wolf (She is back in school as of today). She has been texting with Her new Man-friend this morning, and looks like either we will be meeting him in the next couple of days, or Mistress and He will move to phone calls so they can communicate that much easier! Both are very nervous, excited, etc, almost like a couple of teenagers moving toward their first time together..

Happy, happy wolf! i am starting to really believe this is happening, and that Mistress Wolf will soon have a Man-friend to spend quality playtime with while i am left home alone!

The bad news, He has a business trip next month that looks like it will keep him from attending the Halloween party... Part of the reason for the big step forward to meeting/phone chats.

Funny thing, at least to me, is that i am not nervous, i am excited to move into this next phase of D/s, cuckolding, etc, and for Mistress to have this situation available to Her to grow, enjoy, and experience. i do hope She eventually allows Him partial or full control of me also!

 

Got myself in trouble at lunchtime today... Was home for lunch, and as is normal, was checking our account on AFF to see if there were any messages. After checking there I started surfing through the videos, and found one that grabbed my attention and opened it. About that time Mistress got up from Her chair, and i, in a hurry, closed the video. Mistress Wolf asked me "Looking at guy on guy again?" i told Her "No, it was guy girl." which it was. Mistress asked "Then Why did you close it so quickly?" me "guilt,".

i had been told a couple of weeks ago that i was not allowed to view video's in the mornings before waking up Mistress and Little one, but She did not specifically say i could not look at other times (BUT, i knew what Her intent was). Knowing and doing it anyway was wrong of me, even if it did not go against what Mistress Wolf directed.

i am currently waiting to find out my punishment... and i am still not locked with 32 days owed!

 

and i am in deep shit... something i did came back and bit me in the ass.

Last month i went to a website i shouldn't have and didn't tell Mistress Wolf. Today, while looking for certain pictures She had downloaded, She found that i had been on said website. i still don't know why i even went there, something from my past that i had moved on from... all i can think is with all the loss and stress this summer i was weak, and it has and will cost me dearly.

Initial impact: Loss of Mistress Wolf's trust, loss of all locked time owed, loss of any chance to earn more time until Mistress Wolf decides, not fun at home. and very much more control over my computer use.

i am sure there will be more fallout from this transgression, and the damage done to the relationship will be difficult, if not impossible to repair. My only hope is Mistress Wolf will forgive me someday and we can rebuild a stronger, better me.

 

Still not sure where i stand (kneel) today. After reading Mistress Wolf's posts today i have hope, but She has said nothing to me directly. Uncertain how to proceed, so will just keep my head down and listen closely....

Sick today on top of everything else, feel like death warmed over, and stayed home from work after lunch, passed out on the bed when Mistress went to pick up Little One from school. Slept for a little over 4 hours, woke up with a blanket on me that wasn't there when i fell sleep. Mistress just commented "Not sure what to do for dinner" so even though i feel terrible i will take Her out to dinner.

 

Good dinner, nice little local restaurant that makes home style meals that actually taste home made, and big portions. Comfort food was a good choice Mistress!

 

Mistress Wolf and Her Man-friend had a phone conversation today!!! Only about 10 minutes, but that step is taken, and Mistress is more excited to get the first meeting planned!!

Mistress is telling me about the text and call this morning, can tell She is really getting into the frame of mind now!

 

Yea! Mistress Wolf and Her man-friend have talked on the phone, and even better, it looks like we will be meeting with him next Tuesday afternoon! Most likely meeting in a public place (coffee Shop), and if things go well then possibly back to the house for more in-depth discussions. Mistress Wolf has also sent him several pictures, including some provocative ones (see Mistress Wolf's journal), and He has enjoyed them very much. Mistress has kept me well informed, and has shared a majority of what She and He have discussed so far.

Mistress and i chatted tonight about the progress and the possibilities, about Her nervousness and excitement, and my support for Her as She move through this series of steps on Her journey. We also talked more about my failure and the damage to our relationship (along with things it has helped us talk about), whether the punishment was commensurate to the offense, and possible additional discipline should She decide to further address the issue. i offered that use of Her crop might help ingrain the lesson, which She chose not to exercise.

i have realized how stupid my actions were, and how much i have to lose, especially with the new direction of our relationship. To think i would risk losing Mistress Wolf and our blossoming D/s relationship over a fetish website, that i would allow my own personal demons and past jeopardize this present and future shocks even me. i know the past few months have been a wild, dark period, but i, of all people, should have known myself well enough to see and know what i was doing. Stress induced stupidity, lack of sleep, life issues, none of these should have affected me enough to fail as i did.

Know, all of you who have been reading and following my posts and rants, i accept the penalty for my failures, for breaking Mistress Wolf's trust in me. i have asked Mistress Wolf's forgiveness and offered myself to her discipline as She sees fit. i have taken a step further back from the domineering ass i used to be and am seeking to be the best, most loyal submissive i can be.

Mistress Wolf is my love and my life, my strength and ever more my reason for being.

 

edit, see next post please

 

Sunday Evening, after a pretty good weekend. Mistress has, for the most part forgiven my transgression, with a very stern "Do NOT do it again!", but, Yes, i am still under punishment.

i have 6 websites i am allowed to go to right now, with specific permission to go online. 3 are e-mails, one Facebook, one paypal (Mom's business paypal, to check for any purchases), and CM. If there are any other sites i want to go look at i have to ask Mistress Wolf in person. Before posting here Mistress Wolf has approval of each post.

i am required to ask Mistress Wolf to go do anything other than assigned chores, work, trips with Mistress present such as dinner out or other outings.

i have not been allowed to pleasure Mistress Wolf, but i am, once again, allowed to hold Her hand in bed as we fall asleep, but where before i would lay my had on Mistress's hip and She would take it, now i place my hand near her hip and wait for Her to chose to take it and place it where She chooses. i have been told there will not be any play until She chooses otherwise. i have a feeling i may not be allowed to pleasure Her until after we meet Her Man-friend, and possibly until after Mistress Wolf and He have their first encounter together... i understand my actions would warrant this "time-out", and i continue to fully support Mistress Wolf on this journey.

i was called out after hours to work, and given a cash bonus for that call. That bonus was surrendered to Mistress Wolf on my return home, and used to take Mistress and Little One out to dinner Saturday evening, and to lunch Sunday. Normally any work bonuses or tips are allowed to be put into my hobby fund, this change will put a significant crimp on my hobby builds.

There have been other changes in the dynamic also, but mostly my position is more submissive than before, while Mistress's position of Dominance has definitely increased... What used to be asked of me as "Would you xxxx", is now "xxx needs to be done". i am also less comfortable calling Her 'dear' as i have for the last 3 years. It no longer seems appropriate, for a couple of reasons. First, i feel unworthy or the familiarity of the term, but i am still not allowed to use 'Mistress' when Little one is around. Secondly, Mistress's man-friend has effectively claimed 'dear' as His term of endearment for Mistress Wolf.

This has been a week of changes, most of which will likely be permanent in our relationship from here on, others that will surely be stepping stones as things continue to mature, and i am good with it.....

 

Tough day, mood is in the toilet, Mistress is upset (see Her journal, have been told it's none of my business to share) and it's starting to affect me a lot. i am one who is sensitive to the prevailing mood and if there is stress or negativity i invariably end up shifting to that mood. i realized what was happening yesterday, but was unable to talk to Mistress Wolf about it last night.

Today i was tasked at work to take a vehicle to another shop and wait while they worked on it. i texted Mistress and asked if She would like to meet someplace for lunch while the car was worked on, She initially said yes, but after several questions about where to go She texted "Nevermind, not really hungry, heading home." i explained that i just wanted to spend some time with her and talk and got no response, asked if She still needed to go to the chiropractor (i fubar'd my back and shoulder again this morning) and was told no, so i texted, "Yes M, will not bother you anymore then." i really was hoping to talk to her about the prevailing mood, but can't after work due to Little One, and Mistress's dance class tonight.

SO, i'm let home in a pissy mood, in pain, stressed from the drama with no hope of any resolution until at least tomorrow at lunch. yea.....

 

When Mistress Wolf got home from dance class last night She passed on a hug from the Dance instructor (who was also one of the officiants at our renewal of vows and submission ceremony) and today has been better since i got up. Woke up and felt like the weight had been lifted off of me, had a good talk with Mistress during lunch and expressed how i had been feeling and how Her mood was affecting me. i know she is upset about Her Man-friend situation (again, see Her journal). We talked about a lot of things including how things are between us. She is no longer mad at me for my transgression form last week, but is not ready to resume intimate contact with me. i understand and can deal with this, as long as we are able to communicate and know how the other is feeling.

So, long story short, things are good but not great, life goes on, and i don't have to start looking for a place to live (was really starting to wonder...).

Back to work for me.......

 

And She has talked to Her Man-friend again, looking at meeting in person next week now! Much happier Mistress tonight!

 

Mistress Wolf is nervous! Pacing, hoping He will text her again tonight, or even call.... She is excited for the possibilities, looking forward to meeting and more. i am content, with the occasional "Oh crap, this is really happening!" moment, and excited as well.

Today was good and bad, good though lunchtime, but after lunch the boss sent me out on the road, even knowing i had a meeting right after work. While driving my mood degenerated to absolutely pissed off, ready to tell the boss what I thought and see if i got fired. There are big problems at work, and the best thing i can do is move on. When i realized how far down the rabbit hole i'd gone i texted Mistress Wolf and told Her. By the time i got back to the shop i had gotten myself barely under control, and made to through to the end of the day (after being kept 1/2 hour past end of shift, without getting O/T), and came home. Mistress met me in the driveway and walked with me around the yard, talking about "things".

I was able to clear my head, explain where my head was and my thoughts as to why. This included feeling forgotten in the excitement of Her new Man-friend. i understand i am still in trouble, and have no one to blame for that but myself, but i have really felt isolated and alone this past week. i also asked Her if i should be/could be locked, as i am dealing with severe temptation right now while i am not allowed to serve Mistress. She simply reinforced Her rule of "No taking matters into my own hands.", so i will have to rely on willpower until such time as Mistress decides to make use of me again.

 

After Mistress Wolf proof read the previous post She told be we would discuss certain parts "later". i was done online, so asked if i might take my shower. Mistress said yes and walked to the bedroom ahead of me, once in the bedroom She turned and told me "If you are severely tempted then lock it, we'll figure out the days later." i explained i would be okay with just the reinforcement of the rules, She restated "Lock it, so you don't get in trouble again.". "yes, Mistress"

So, after my shower tonight i am locked back in my Jailbird with no idea how long, only speculation from Her comment earlier today that it would be at least a another week and a half before i will be allowed to please Her again. When i was locked i offered Her the key, She told me to put it in the cabinet in the bathroom. It is accessible to me, but i will not use it without Her direction to do so...