Caged Wolf? How an Alpha became the Omega...

Last night turned out very nice, after the rough start in the morning... went back to bed when Mistress Wolf went to school, got a couple of hours rest, and felt better when She got home. Got called into work to go pick up a part (2 hour round trip), then back home again. went to the store with Mistress and Little One, back home for dinner and a movie, then Mistress asked if i felt good enough to "try again", my reply "Yes, please!".

We talked, touched, and made sure we were both good, then it got fun... final "O-score": Mistress Wolf lost count, me 1... After several very good O's and being close several times myself, Mistress decided to MAKE me finish, without telling me. When She got close on the last one she started intentionally squeezing and working Her muscles, and soon had me right on the edge and could tell i was very close. As She went over the edge again i tried very hard to maintain control, and almost managed, but, as She finished i was too close, moaned to Her that i was, and She told me to let it go. Afterwards She told me what She had done, very pleased with Herself... i had so wanted to make it only about Her.

We laid there talking in the afterglow, and after She told me what She had done i expressed my desire tat She use it to Her advantage, and eventually bring me to the edge, but when i get there tell me "no, not allowed", just to see how it affects me over a longer period....

She also told me yesterday She had started reading the Georgia Ivey Green FLR book again. Has an issue with he comments about "if you cheated and she doesn't know don't say anything..."... i understand both sides, but truth and honesty have to be the priority... i have no secrets from Mistress Wolf!

 

Having a bit of a rough week... nothing really "wrong", just not really good either. Mistress Wolf has been good to me, we've spent some quality (non-sex) time together, and have talked about things. Little One is stirring the pot a little, missing assignments at school, doing little things she knows she isn't allowed to do, etc., but still nothing major. As we were going to bed last night i paused at the side of the bed waiting for Mistress Wolf to give me permission to join Her, and She said "Come to bed grumpy butt...". This opened a brief conversation about my mood and why. i started by explaining i was not grumpy, just worried/stressed, and then gave my thoughts on why...

i think the biggest issue is stressing over my dad. Since Mom passed in June his health (which wasn't good before) is failing, and with the talks with Mistress Wolf we've realized that when dad passes i am probably going to have to move down to the homestead to start getting it ready to sell, and to protect it from the thieving scumbags who would be there if it was left unattended. Realistically, we are looking at a couple of months to get everything done and, hopefully, get it sold, but that will be time off without pay, and i'll be 300 miles away, by myself in my childhood home... This all just really hit me yesterday, square in the reality...

Going down to see dad this weekend, and help him get stuff together for taxes, my brother is supposed to be there Saturday so i hope to be able to talk to him about "the plan" and see what his thoughts are.

After discussing it with Mistress Wolf she got quiet, then kind of sniffled. When I asked She replied "It just hit me that you will be gone for several months, and it might cost you your job....". "Yes Mistress, exactly...".............

 

Will be leaving in a couple of hours to drive down to dad's, had hoped i might be allowed to pleasure Mistress Wolf before i went, but, at this point, it's not looking good. i am at the end of the 4-7 day hump since last being allowed to finish, so it shouldn't be as bad, but i still don't like being away from Mistress Wolf, even just for a couple of days.

 

Quick catch up:

Weekend at dad's went pretty well, got some things done, but more importantly spent time just talking and being there. Had a migraine Friday night, still trying to shake it completely. Talked to Mistress Wolf on the cell for an hour while driving home, decent trip home, but by the time i got home my legs and shoulders were in full protest from the work i had done Saturday.

Fast forward to today: legs are still sore, migraine is lowgrade but still there, and i have not been allowed to pleasure Mistress Wolf. i have been aroused since i got home, nighttime erections lasting extended time, trouble staying focused on task at hand instead of Mistress's needs, etc. Last night as we were getting ready for bed i commented "I was hoping to, but if i remember right it is going to be another week at least?" Mistress replied "I'm hoping for tomorrow at lunch... if not then yes, a week, at least."

i am hopeful, but will not let myself dwell on it, or be disappointed if it doesn't happen. While i would love to go into this next week either denied completely or allowed to please Her but not finish myself, it is about Mistress Wolf, not me, it is Her desire or choice, Her wants and needs that matter. My love for Her is absolute....

 

Post lunch update... looks like i get my wish for total denial, as Mistress Wolf was not felling up to any "nakee funtime" today. going to be at least a week, but i am actually okay with that. It's funny how a little time and adjustment in thinking make this all work so much better!

 

So horny, keyed up. Hard to think of much else beyond pleasing Mistress Wolf.

This has been the "Red Ring week", i have a 2" red rubber base ring She tells me to put on this week as a reminder of Her cycle. I have added a 1 3/4" flat metal ring under it to keep it in place better, and have been fine with it this time (thinking the next CD i get will need a 1 3/4" curved base ring). Hoping to be let out today, and maybe allowed to pleasure Her soon...

Life is good though, finally stabilizing some. i haven't had a major meltdown in a while, stress at work is better since the boss finally canned the troublemaker, but it's still frustrating and i sometimes bring some of that frustration home with me (only a 1.5 mile commute to try to re-center myself).

Mistress Wolf has been reading Mrs Green's FLR book again, at Her pace of course. Subtle changes in the relationship, hard to notice until i stop and look back at where we were a week, a month, a couple of months ago.... then i can see the shift, but it is all good.

 

Interesting week and a half... Last week finished out the Red Ring week on Tuesday, was hoping for the opportunity to pleasure Mistress Wolf, but Wednesday i started feeling poorly, by Thursday morning i realized what was going on -- Kidney stones... blegh. Off to Urgent care, then the ER, spent the better part of the day lightly medicated and hooked to IV fluids. Seems to have passed okay, but CT scan shows 2 more in each kidney just hanging out. Urgent care called and said i have a minor UTI (urinary tract infection) from passing the stone, so no play until cleared.
Monday i get a follow up call from my PCM, everything looks good, stay hydrated, etc... ER testing did not show UTI, but take antibiotics to make sure. Then She called back an hour or so later, "Was looking at your CT scan and found..." Apparently I have a medical issue, problem with my adrenal glands causing excess/uncontrolled adrenaline, which helps explain my mood swings over the last year, the panic attacks since September, and some of the headache and other physical issues. Testing is ongoing, should have preliminary results back today, and start building a plan to treat it.

One of the tests was to take a medication that suppressed the normal function of the adrenal glands, then do the blood work to see if Ii was still getting adrenaline. The morning after I took the med I felt so good, so normal. The fight or flight sensation was gone, my headache was gone, though i did feel the familiar sensation of the morning after adrenaline let down, the feeling of having just done excess physical labor... For 2 days I felt so good, happy, clear headed, etc. Unfortunately last night the meds wore off and this morning i am swinging back toward the darkside again. At least knowing what is apparently causing it all gives me something to hang onto, to fight against, and lets me know that i'm not just losing my mind...

Mistress Wolf and i are concerned, obviously, if this turns out to be the problem then i will be going in for surgery, possibly to remove both adrenal glands, and may be on hormone replacement therapy for the remainder of my life. PCM is supposed to call at 3 today for a telephone followup again (no appointment slots available to get in and see her), will post again this evening with the outcome and tentative plan. Really didn't need this after everything that happened last year, but at least it was found and can be dealt with....

Thank you all for your thoughts and support, this looks like it could be a rough road....

 

Didn't get the followup phone appointment, was back at the E/R after getting gasoline splashed in my face and eyes (not intentionally). Home today so the eyes can heal up. then this am, bent over to read something and my lower back went out. Mistress Wolf is planning to take me to the Chiro after She gets home from school...

That's 4 in a week. enough ...

 

Thanks Jasmic, though She may be considering that option...

 

@Lucy , yes I have had a rough week. Honestly thinking that an outside force is screwing with me again, a year after we removed her from out lives...

This am my back is still out, slept okay as long as I stayed flat on my back. right eye is really irritated, and the contact they put in to protect it is a big part of the problem at this point. Am going to talk to Mistress Wolf when She gets up and ask Her to take it out. Can't get my vision to clear, is hazy, so reading and typing is not difficult.

Got lab results back on the other medical issue, but from a PCM other than my own who did not know what was going on. Have requested an phone consult with my PCM for Monday or Tuesday to get better answers. It appears that I will be in a long term monitor and evaluate periodically mode....

Mistress Wolf has been diligent about making sure my eye meds ate done at the appropriate times, even with my whining (mostly in fun) Here is a video of what I sound like when told it's time for meds... LOL

 

spent another 4 1/2 hours in the E/R, including a CT head scan to make sure there wasn't more debris in my eye. Had fuzzy vision this morning, and the contact they put in was killing me, so Mistress took it out. Started feeling a scraping like debris, so away we went. No debris, just the abrasion on the cornea still rough, but is smaller than Thursday. Got another contact installed and sent home. 3 more days before follow up.

Still have not been allowed to pleasure Mistress,, really starting to suck. I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude and understand that physically i'm broken wight now, but it still sucks.

 

Things are doing better today, got to talk to my PCM about the lab work, and so far so good. Still waiting for one result that could hold the key though. My eye is getting better, still out of focus, but not hazed like yesterday, and no pain. Kidney issue should be finished tomorrow, so I am hopeful that Mistress Wolf chose to make use of me soon.

I spent the day at home, doing laundry, cleaning the oven, taking care of a couple of things out in the yard, etc. I am staying pretty even, disposition wise, not desperate, not feeling forgotten about, Just understanding that the time is not right. Mistress puts the drops in my eyes, I have stopped whining, even in jest, as it did not please Her. Seeing the concern She has for me makes me both proud to belong to Her, and ashamed for getting hurt through my own carelessness. I will be more attentive and careful from now on..

 

And, having sad that, my back is gone again... twisted wrong yesterday afternoon, and it's just getting worse as i go now. Will be going to see the chiro after dropping little one off at school this am, and hoping he can get me some relief... damn it...

 

Thank you @jemima

Things are starting to come back around, the eyes and back are from the same incident, back was doing better until I overdid it yesterday (bending down to clean the oven, and trying to do a little work in the yard). The important thing is that i've kept my attitude under control, even with everything going on. There is a reason for everything, so i'm trying to just see where things are going.

 

Back is feeling better, I can see again (for the most part, still a little fuzzy in the right eye), and things are going well. Back is getting better too, at least i can get up out of bed without struggling. It is still sore, with some twinges if i move wrong, but tolerable.

Last night after Little One went to bed Mistress Wolf asked if i was up for some "Nakee Fun". Surprisingly, even though it's been on my mind, i had been telling myself it wasn't going to happen any time soon and even when She asked it didn't seem real. It had been around a month since the last time... Off to the bedroom, nakedness ensued, but it still took a while to get "things" going., then they were over way too quickly... yes, i got too close, got it stopped once, but when things got going again She was very close and it pushed me right over the edge when She went. To be honest, if i had to rate my performance last night it would only get about a 4 out of 10... Yes, once things got going Mistress Wolf had a couple of good O's, but i didn't last long of perform overly well.

i know there has been a lot going on, and my mind was still dealing with another issue that is on the verge of settling one way or another, but i feel bad for not being able to really focus and make last night special. Will be talking to Mistress Wolf today about it. We also have a Date Night scheduled for tonight, dinner and a movie, without Little One... After the past month's trials and tribulations i am hoping to get things back on track and moving forward again!

 

Back is getting better, still sore, but able to work, and do most things okay. Things between Mistress Wolf and i are very good, Dinner and a movie last night helped, it was good to get out just the two of us and be able to relax. Was kind of hopeful that things would happen once home, but, other than the normal fondle as i tucked her in, nothing.

Today should be interesting... going to what may very well be my final meeting for a club i was working to become a member of. With everything that has happened in the las year i had to step back and haven't finished my probationary period, and the members are getting anxious for me to finish. With the recent medical issues, and other life issues, i don't see any way to get the process completed without taking overloading and pushing myself beyond my abilities. Was so close to completing it back in July/august before things went off the rails completely.

i have been researching chastity devices and options, including some of the DHGate cages and belts, and am very close to asking Mistress Wolf if i may purchase another one (or 2) and try again with something much closer to the needed size, or try a full belt. i feel like i need something, even though i am a good boy and follow Mistress's rules about not playing with myself, i need the control and security of being locked up. Since i sold the Jailbird there have been so many times i felt the strong need to be locked for my own well being.

How do i ask Her without making it a scene, but being able to explain the desire and the need when i don't fully understand myself???

 

Oh, and i forgot to mention, for the past few weeks i have been using the epilator to clean up instead of shaving. Using it once a week seems to be working pretty well, and I've gotten to where I am clearing from hip to hip, waist to upper thhight with it, including the rough hairs right on the base. the only thing i'm not using it onis the sack...