Thank you
@Jasmic68 and
@allaboutHer
Here's one of the problems/issues... Dad has always been a very gruff person, very much his way, maybe because he was the oldest son of a old school farmer, always pushed more than the rest and it made him bitter his entire life. Nothing is good enough, and worse, if someone, say Little One, does not respond as he wants he will push them away, then open up and expect it to be the same as it was before.
Mistress Wolf and dad get along okay, but when She is not there he will tell me how i should be running the house differently, making Her find a job, etc. And Little One... she and dad were inseparable until about 3 years ago when she wanted to go with us to help mom at Fair instead of spending the week with dad as before. Dad never forgave her, and now "tolerates" her, still loves her very much, but will not open himself up because she hurt his feelings. With me we talk about anything and everything, but when there are differences (relationships, politics, ideologies, wolves, etc) he will stop me when I'm talking to push his point, and not listen to my side, we just move on to the next topic.
This is why I have been going down there alone, and having to come up with reasons (school, cold, etc), and each time dad comments about the fact that they don't want to come. There is no way he would move in with us, and that would be a miserable situation. He doesn't go out or do anything, has a little group of other old guys he has coffee with a couple of times a week when he feels good, but beyond that has no life.
I think dad is part of the reason I was always pushing as an Alpha, pushing myself, and pushing everyone around me, to do only their best, then a little more.... I see many of the personality traits, the learned ways of doing things, and that is part of what makes my submission so difficult but but also so important. i am breaking a cycle of life, and creating a new one, while relearning how to deal with emotions and express myself in positive ways. i love my dad, but it's a screwed up "love me my way, or don't at all" kind of thing. That is what makes it SO hard...
When I am down there Mistress Wolf and I text and talk throughout the day, it's what keeps me in a place to deal with it without dumping on dad. Dad will make comments about our communication ("tied to that phone?", etc), but deep down i know it's also because it makes him miss mom that much more. i know he misses mom and is still mad that she left him alone like this, he has not really been able to grieve because of things that have happened, and some other things we found out about after mom died. It's a mess....
i know i'm dumping a lot here that is not really CM D/s stuff, but it is my life and affects the FLR D/s relationship on a root level.
thanks for reading, commenting, etc.. Time to wake Mistress Wolf for the day, she has school (which is not going well... last required class to finish her degree, and it's not going well right now... ) yes, there is a lot going on...