Your first chastity experience within a relationship.

[floatyurboat]

Hi, i'm new here and extremely interested in chastity play with my partner, but i can't figure out how to bring it up or better yet find a way to get her interested in it before even trying that.

so i was wondering things like what role you play in your relationship, how you first brought it up or discovered your partners kinks, how you got the confidence to ask your partner about it, and how long you were together before starting this would all be appreciated.

 

[Quercus Jay]

Everybody is different and I have heard of many, many aborted attempts to get a partner interested in chastity. I have however found a few things seem to hold true.

You need a strong relationship based on trust. You need a partner who is at least moderately not completely vanilla in their sexuality. You need to take your time and not try and jump feet first into the toy box shouting Geronimo! You need to explain to your partner what it is you want and why.

A few people including myself have then moved on to proving to their partner that chastity is not a fad by self locking for several weeks. This also allows the partner to find out that they don't have to be some mental femdom mistress with whips and chains 24/7. In fact they don't have to do anything they don't want to.

Don't top from the bottom, or overload your partner with your own ideas about what chastity looks like. Let them know what you enjoy when they do it and let them develop their own style. If they are being forced into doing something they are not likely to want to continue.

Chastity does not mean your partner goes without orgasms. It doesn't even mean that you do. It means that they get as many orgasms as they want, but you only get them with their permission. The reasons for this are many, but for a lot of guys it breaks down to two things. First is the fantasy of control, of giving over something so fundamental to someone else. Second is the physical, the way that extended periods of chastity make you feel, constantly horny, dripping precum and easily teased.

How's that for starters? Good luck! It really is worth it.

 

[wishful]

Hi Floatyurboat, looking back many of us have come at this from many directions it took me about ten years of chastity play to get where we are mainly as I was looking at from my perspective. It was only when I changed and started doing things that were based on my interpretation of Miss's perspective that she really got engaged. Where to start is very dependant on your and her goals. If it's just a bit of time locked up as a tease to sex then I would start with just discussing abstaining for a bit the heightened the final experience then work up from there to a device when the time is right. If like me you actually want to give control over then that's very different. I am achieving this and although Jasmic started much later he seems to have got if much more right in his relationship than most so he is worth listening to. For what it's worth I believe the foundation has to be a strong relationship at the start. A female led relationship and mine does include chastity is based on a firm foundation. I started being tha man Miss wanted first then we discussed how I could be better for her than a felt I could achieve on my own with her help.
Once we got to there I gave Miss some links to some female written FLR web pages and the Sarah Jamison blog ( that may have been a mistake as she now knows that chastity for a man has no time limit ). We then at her pace discussed what she had read and then we looked at where she wanted us to go initially. After some discussion ( weeks really) we set some goals for me to achieve including three months chaste prior to starting out FLR.
That was a while ago and we have a little red book where we note objectives rules penalties etc as well as who is responsible for what. As time moves Miss is taking more control and she did shock me by insisting on another 3 month lockdown to start the relationship off.

Sorry rambling now but in essence go slow and encourage her with the benefits to her but do agree limits where either of you does not want to go.

Well the best of luck.

 

[Quercus Jay]

Thanks for your kind words @wishful. The only reason I am getting it right (if in fact that is what I am doing!) is down to getting it all entirely wrong when I first started, and then reading and reading and reading as much as I could by other people who were getting it right. In essence the only bit of advice I needed is what you put at the end. Go slow.

I was also hugely lucky to have a very patient and caring Wife who started off doing this because it was what I wanted. Now we are equally wanting to do this though she is still learning what she wants it to be like.

 

[Lockedwithlove]

Hi! This is always the age old question to chastity because it can be quite shocking to your partner. However shocking is not always a bad thing. My mistress and I were chatting about our relationship a few nights back. We have been together for 11 years and married for 5. She said there are no real big surprises left in our relationship. I said what about when I asked you to put me in chastity, she just giggled and said "yeah, that was a big happy surprise".
What I would recommend is that you gather as much pertinent info on MC as you can find. Take a day and completely clean your guys house if you live together, be detailed, do laundry, dishes all the chores. Make her her favorite dish if you are a capable cook and open a bottle of her favorite wine. When you sit down to eat or after eating, explain to her that you have an overwhelming desire to please her and make her happy. That you want to be responsible for the chores around the house so her life is easier. Let her know you came across the idea of male chastity and through this you will be able to enrich your relationship and both of your lives. She's going to ask questions so be prepared with as much info as you can. Chastity mansion and chastityforums.com are full of good info. Chastity forums might be a better place to start because it's a bit more low key for those just starting out and it's got a separate forum specifically for keyholders. When I asked my mistress she was quite surprised with my request, it took two weeks and a book about male chastity for me to be locked up. I generally articulate better through writing so I wrote my wife a long detailed email lettering her know the benefits to this lifestyle. She read my email, then read the book "Male Chastity" by Lucy Fairbourn. Shortly after she seemed very much onboard to be my mistress. I've been in 24/7 chastity for a little less than a year and it's been baby steps the whole way. But with each month that goes by I see changes in myself for the better and changes in my mistress where she is becoming more dominant with me. So put on the charm and butter her up, let her know you don't want her to have to lift a finger because she is your queen. Hopefully she'll want to (her loss if she doesn't) but most of all don't be pushy about it. Let her get comfortable with the idea and have good information ready for her. I hope this helps, I compare the level of anxiety to the first time you ever asked a girl out. Just remember, if your partner really cares about you and your happiness she'll hear you out without judging you. Maybe she'll say no but she's not going to love you any less. I'm gonna be optimistic and say that she's gonna say yes. When she does say yes, prepare to bust your ass because doing all the chores plus cooking and cleaning and pleasureing is no easy feet but absolutely worth it in the end. Good luck!

 

[Quercus Jay]

While I agree with @Lockedwithlove that a side element of male chastity is that your partner gets a more helpful partner (after all, if you aren't more helpful how else are you going to get unlocked at all!?) you do have to be careful how far you take this. If I told my Wife to sit down I would do everything she would very quickly unlock me and tell me she doesn't want to play any more. She isn't someone who can sit around while there is work to do and if I tried to force the issue she would get very angry very quickly.

You have your own reasons for doing this and if you are lucky your partner will become your keyholder and they will decide how you can make them happy. I cook dinner for my Wife every day and get up every morning to see her off to work, even though she goes before I need to get up. She loves both of those as they make her life easier and nicer.

 

[Lockedwithlove]

Exactly what jasmic68 said, I try to do as much as I can but my wife always helps out and does feel bad if there is a lot to do then she certainly helps. There those times where she would prefer to sit while I do the work and believe it or not it's quite a turn on when she know that she can just sit there if she wants. But as jasmic68 said and I can attest to this as well, I have annoyed my mistress by trying to be overly helpful too.

 

[jemima]

its my job to do it all and my Mistress works in Her office so it only rigt that i does do it.

 

[Quercus Jay]

@jemima part of me is quite jealous of how you live your life, or at least how I think you live your life. To live this lifestyle so completely with such a full time Mistress would be what many of us seek and not many of us achieve. It's only a little bit of me though (no pun intended) as I love my Wife dearly and wouldn't want her to change.

 

[Bound4life]

I'll just address the chastity part of introducing it to my wife.

I have many kinks, mainly bondage. My wife is not that into it but will indulge me every now and then. I would usually tie myself up when she was at work with a note and she would find me and try to do what the note said. So one day I had bought a chastity device. I wrote her a note giving her the basics but not telling her what it was, just eventually told her to come and see. So she did and did not say much about it. I have self locked more and tried to explain why I like it to her a few times (that is hard as it does not make sense logically that I want to have more sex so how bout I lock up my dick and give the key to someone who has a low sex drive but oh well). Now when I will self lock I will give her the key and she won't let me out unless I need to clean then she unlocks me, keeps the key and when I come out of the bathroom I should be locked back up. Truth is if I asked her she would let me out any time. So I just know not to ask her and wait until she wants sex and unlocks me without asking.

 

[filltee]

There are several ways of introducing a partner to the idea of you being denied or both locked & denied. There are of course some slightly deceitful things you can do as well. Some ways are better than others in that they work and some don't work so well.

My immediate thought is that one should never advocate any dishonesty in a relationship but sometimes the end may be considered to justify the means. And to be frank a certain amount of being less than honest has been helping keep the cart on the rails for years.

Your 20 minutes late setting off and she has just tried on her 4th outfit, Does my bum look big in this? What are you going say? ..NO. I doubt it.
You were late because you were watching something on TV ... sorry the traffic was crazy today for some reason.
Nobody got hurt but dishonest all the same.

There is lots of published material on male chastity and how to get started and perhaps tailoring one or a combination of some of those might provide a possible solution for you. Ideally this is probably the best approach.

If your partner is not that open to ideas that are other than vanilla perhaps introducing the idea of you not having an orgasm every time you make love. She will want to know why, even if she does not ask. Tell her you are getting enhanced feelings aout of feeling honry for longer. You, ought to, know your partner and what she might consider believable. Then its time to show her the benefits of that.

She gets more attention when you have not cum. Not just in bed ..all the time in every way possible. Do things for her so she is less likely to be tired. Do stuff you don't normally do and do the stuff she normally has to ask you to do before she asks. Ring or text her during the day, and not just about sex. Basically start courting her again. You know what worked back then. Then the slight dishonesty... allow yourself to be a little less attentive and do a little less after you have cum. Then pick things back up slowly till normal service is resumed. She will notice. She will ask. Which might be your cue to suggest looking at some of the stuff you have read, or it could be time for a little more dishonesty ..Sorry I don't what makes me behave that way... let her figure out that things are better before you cum than they are straight after.

If the end result is you being denied and perhaps locked too then you will have attained what you want, the dishonesty this may have required to achieve it is onlyreally justifiable if you are prepared to really work at making it worth her while in everyway on all levels and on a permanent basis. As she realises the advantages to her she is far more likely to embrace the whole idea and then it won't be long before you are enjoying regretting ever starting this.

Whichever way you go ...good luck.

 

[Giles_English]

Hi, i'm new here and extremely interested in chastity play with my partner, but i can't figure out how to bring it up or better yet find a way to get her interested in it before even trying that.

so i was wondering things like what role you play in your relationship, how you first brought it up or discovered your partners kinks, how you got the confidence to ask your partner about it, and how long you were together before starting this would all be appreciated.

"I have this fantasy about wearing a male chastity device while we do sexy things. The twist is that my key would be out of reach for the night..."

 

[Coolhandluke]

Well this worked for us, we has dobe tease and denial and my wife sometimes left me frustrated, she liked me better when frustrated..
Well, I had a week away with my mates on a cycling holiday where we had to share rooms which basically meant I couldn't wank. When I got home I let her know why I was so horny which basically meant I had to tell her how much I would usually wank.
After a bit of loving, she left me frustrated and name me promise not to wank.

Well as c I was working away the following week, I self locked at night.

When I got home the following weekend, ( 2 weeks no orgasm) I went out of my way to be extra nice, partly out of nature and partly on my own accord to show her benefits very very clearly. I brought flowers in, was hugging, kissy a bit touchy feel until we finally got into bed where she asked me if I'd wanked I simply told her that I'd bought a male chastity cage and had locked myself in it so I couldn't wank.

She burst out laughing but after a Minute of calming down she started to ask questions.

One thing lead to another and I was left frustrated after licking her to orgasm. I was sent to bed and told to lock myself.

I've been in chastity ever since. When I was allowed to cum, I excentuated my poor behaviour a bit and she actually said she regretted allowing me to orgasm..

That was early March 2016. It all started with teasing and denying ages ago.

 

[traveler]

I want to have more sex so how bout I lock up my dick and give the key to someone who has a low sex drive but oh well). ... Truth is if I asked her she would let me out any time.

lol that is so me!! FWIW I'm glad to know I'm not alone!

 

[steviepie]

All above are valuable but perhaps an even softer approach ....... may I suggest trying to hold your own orgasm until you have her permission?
This can be a very gentle segue that build both intimacy and intensity. Next step would be to ask to just hold her after her own climax and tell her how exciting it will be if you can hold-off for another night......if she starts to enjoy your energy this way you could "discover" chastity online and tell her it might be interesting. Hope some of this might help.

 

[Nicoftime]

Hello, we are just starting out but can tell you how it was and how it is. Dated for 6 months, both pretty happy and in a good place. Sex was fine for us both, in fact she said she never had anyone so giving in the bedroom before. After some flirty texts I told her, but no pressure, and it was something that I wanted. Her benifits should probably not be discussed, this is your thing and if she wants to do this it will be because it's for you. If anything like my KH, they will like certain parts and grow into the rest. Found a pic and shared it with her, she thought it was sweet and perfect.

 

[luvinlocked]

My wife and I have been married for 25 yrs and have just started chastity play. It's awesome so far! We was in an adult book store and she seen the cb6000 and asked about it, I told her I heard it was a fad with couples getting married to lock up the groom in chastity a month before the wedding so he wouldn't be able to do anything at his bachelor party and be really ready for his new bride on their wedding night. She didn't really say to much then but made subtle comments about it later. I found 1 online and sent her a pic of it, she wanted me to buy it!! I am locked up now and we both are enjoying new feelings of intamacy

 

[Aoilioa]

Hi,
my girl was always aware of my fetishes I guess. We dated for a month when I told her about my rather strong latex fetish. Tolerance for my preferences was always a condition for our relationship - it's more complicated than that, because building a sex life at all was very hard at the start, but that's the basic version. She's an awesome girl for giving me all I need and making the obscure things possible for me. I don't want to wake up and realize I can't explore my fetishes because of my relationship, and she doesn't want to hold me back.

Took a while for chastity though, that's not exactly a vanilla thing any more... When the first cage arrived she was more than sceptical but in the end she understood, and now we enjoy some t&d and femdom now and then.

 

[Jamie's-Locked]

My first experience didn't work out very well because I chose unwisely to beg her to be released to fool around while she wanted sleep FAR more than any attempt at orgasm. That was about 20 years ago.
I've approached chastity play a few months ago, and she's accepting the idea far more readily. I'm presently locked for 104 days, it's my birthday and I'm hoping she'll reward me with a whole year locked with allowing me any orgasm.
We've grown a lot more together over the years and she knows I'm a kinky ba*Tard. I'm truly lucky.

 

[wastlander2002]

My first experience was Vday a few years ago, we and been married for 4 years and I brought the cage put it on and didn't tell her we went out for dinner and I gave her the key just before desert arrived., she thought this was quite comical and wanted to see it so I showed her when we got back in the car. we then went to a club for some drinks and she was pretty dirty on the dance floor rubbin up against me. About half way home I pulled over and asked her to drive as we were changing seats I just started taking my clothes off. she loved this but it made her nervous as hell. we then went on the rest of the way home. being it didn't stay on too long once we got there. but the urge to put it back on afterwards hit her and she asked me if it was ok. I told her it was her Vday give and to do what she wanted so she did. the next morning she came back in after her shower and was going to take it off but I decided that some oral would be a better idea first. after that I just said tell ya what its ur Vday give just leave it on til monday. and that led to some more oral on her on sunday. it was about 2 months before we used it again...but the frequency of use just slowly became Incorporated into our sex lives