So I recently dated a girl who was into chastity. It was a lot of fun. However, I realized something: I really did not want to orgasm. There was a lot of teasing, and a lot of orgasms for her, but every time she asked me if I want to cum, my honest answer would have been "no". Maybe I didn't want the fantasy to end, I don't know. Sometimes I said "yes", but mainly because I believe my desperation turned her on and it was part of the "play". But truth is, I would have preferred no orgasm. Finally coming after 4 weeks was kinda disappointing. Anyone similar experiences? If you read online, the desperation is part of the thrill, but when I was in chastity, I never really felt desperate. I felt horny, submissive, obedient, at ease, but not desperate. Mainly happy to be in chastity.
I've always found that I only want an orgasm when I'm on the verge of having one. Other than that, I don't crave them, and I don't want one. I find the process messy and gross. I have in the past, had one, just so I can shake being distracted from being horny or frustrated. That makes me resent them more than want them, if that makes sense. I very often have a huge mood drop post orgasm as well.
I don't like orgasms. There's a lot of factors that went into this I guess. Obviously I like the idea of not having them, that's kinda hot. But another is that it's so easy for me to have them even in chastity. Being horny is a big mood booster to me, so losing it over a moment of pleasure sucks. That combined with punishments for doing so have essentially conditioned me to not even enjoy the orgasm itself. Which just makes me want them even less!
My first serious boyfriend hardly ever had an orgasm.He enjoyed giving Me them without anything being done to him.This led to him being even more gentle towards Me.Always on time,never swearing or being unkind.Never answering back.I was 16
Well, I don't have them very often, but although I do enjoy it, I really prefer Mrs Chaste's orgasms to my own!
we all respond in different ways, and there are degrees of "desparation". Your particular need is satisfied by being refused orgasm. Doesn't matter that you don't actually crave one. What you do want is being fulfilled. good luck
My wife and have actually had this conversation before. From the age of 13 and long, long before discovering chastity, I always found my partner’s orgasm much more important than my own. This began out of the selfish, but true, idea that if I ensured my lover enjoyed herself she would come back for more. It was always amazing, watching them orgasm over and over until they were short of breath and exhausted. And while this line of thought proved correct over the years, I do believe it helped me eventually find and desire chastity. Our orgasm, as intense as it can be, lasts but a moment and requires a refractory period. Hers can happen over and over, until she pushes or kicks you away. But your hunger? That hunger can last as long as she’s willing to keep you that way. That, my friend, is a no-brainer.
Very well put! That's one of the good things about this forum. There are so many intelligent and well thought out views expressed!
He sounds like me! My first serious girlfriend enjoyed her satisfaction via my tongue or fingers and I went without
Enjoy the "high" of the tease and providing my wife orgasms to the point of her exhaustion over my own. When I experience my own, I reset to zero and it takes several days to get back to the right head space.
I am on day 41 and to be honest I want an orgasm. I want to go on though not having one as every day is a new record for me my last longest being the 31 days of January. I have beat that by ten days smashed it to be honest.
My madam enjoys me not having them! I think if I was allowed then I would have one, but as others have said, I enjoy the long term feeling of constant arousal from being denied.
Why not just point out that you think it would enhance your experience and be potentially better for her if she wee to make you wait a little longer each time. If she asks why .. give her an explanstion that would appeal to her... I can't make those suggestions for you I have never even met her.
I also have discovered that after orgasm, I feel the let down after and would rather stay denied. I had discussed this with @LadyL and provided several articles on this. It takes me several days to get back to feeling my submissiveness again. My last orgasm was a few days ago. She noticed my behavior changes this time and didn’t like it. She had always felt that I deserved one. I believe she has changed her mind. My denial is bliss, my orgasms would be punishment.
I wouldn't say an orgasm is punisment, but it has its ups and downs. The ups are mostly obvious, and not specific to our kinks, but I think the men here are more sensitive to the downs. Short-term, it often ends whatever has led to it, as ongoing pleasure turns into a final burst of pleasure. The following loss of desire has a tendency to put a damper on things, and we are not happy to see how strong this influence is. Longer-term, one can feel he's back to square one, so to speak. Men who enjoy denial can feel happy about going without for a week, or two, or a month, and an orgasm resets the counter. And it is not just about that reset, it can re-awaken various other emotions and desires and thoughts. And there's nothing unusual about a woman feeling her man deserves an orgasm. After all, if I'm eager to give her orgasms and make her happy, I shouldn't be surprised she feels the same way. Accepting, on an emotional level, that your man is happy when you *don't* give him an orgasm, even when you *know* he enjoys the orgasm itself, and even when you're so worn out you wouldn't want to keep going if he didn't come, can be difficult. So whenever my lady wants me to peak, even if don't really wish to, I can remind myself that making me visibly happy, which an orgasm does, at least for the moment, makes her happy too.
@subslave l can rest assured that I have changed my mind. I miss the submissiveness denial fosters. Until we started practicing chastity and FLR I never realized how his personality changed after orgasm. I find I don’t like the arrogant, sarcastic insensitive man he becomes after release. I know what to do to avoid this attitude change and am willing to do it.
I too dislike the reset and absolutely hate Day 1. Days 2 and 3 and 4 aren't much better. And like @sandman9355 the reawakening of other emotions and thoughts is something I probably need to avoid. The erection is really a projection of my alpha nature. By controlling my erection, she abates the primal need to penetrate and reduces my power and helps me submissive side. Erections and orgasms reawaken parts of me that I'm trying to get past. Maybe just once in a great while is OK, but those periods seem to be getting longer and longer and I seem to need that. My wife is finding the same thing, from the other side of the coin. She's found that when I'm locked I'm less arrogant and sarcastic and insensitive and more affectionate and attentive and intimate. And those are all good things I was missing when I was having erections and masturbating and getting PIV on demand.
Thanks everyone, I suddenly feel almost "normal". I guess with a little chastity experience most of us have learned to associate the refractory period after orgasm with the orgasm itself. Since the refractory period sucks, we learned to avoid it. We have trained ourselves that Orgasm = Refractory period, ...so by extension we learn to avoid Orgasms. Why couldn't I have figured all of this out when I was 18?
Because getting off feels sooooo good. Because we're programmed to enjoy the orgasm. The problem forms when we start thinking beyond ourselves. When we want more than the instant gratification of a few minutes of orgasm high. We learn that being on the edge can be more fun. We learn our partners pleasure is more fun. We learn that orgasm for men isn't all what we thought. If we're really lucky we learn to orgasm without an ejaculation. We learn how to feel what our partners feel and how to extend that amazing feeling. It's not easy and it's something few achieve. Worse it's not always possible to do. So we get frustrated and live the best we can.
I’ve had my Wife/Keyholder say several times you always get this way after you orgasm. Never really thought about it until W/we started getting into keeping me in chastity. Also W/we are realizing through this adventure that a FLR is how our lives have been since marriage 30 years ago. I am hopeful that my Lady realizes my mood drop is from orgasms and denies them in the future. I’m looking forward to growing with her further into FLR and chastity.