Hey guys, I've gotten into femdom about a year ago and we tried a few cages and stuff, but nothing really worked due to my anatomy. We've picked up femdom again now to renovate our sex life a bit, because I'm masturbating a lot when I have free time which totally kills my libido - so sex wasn't really a thing, maybe 3-4 times the past 2 months. The important thing here is that I doesn't want to please some crazy hardcore kink fantasy I have, I'm mostly past that. I really just want a 24/7 solution that mostly keeps me from masturbating and focused on my girlfriend. One could say, this solution would be called self control and discipline and I guess it could work, but would be hard work and also not as fun. So we've come up with a plan. I'm gonna explain the ideas and it's flaws and why I'm not entirely happy and could need a few suggestions from you guys to make it better. It's simple: I'm not allowed to orgasm on my own any more, I need her allowance for edging for instance. Orgasm for me only while regular sex. If she cums first, sex is over, unless she decides otherwise. We also got a hitachi a few days ago and I made her climax two times with it, then she returned the favor and gave me two ruined ones. Why I'm not happy? Well, first off, if we renovate our sex life the way we wanted and maybe have sex 2-3 times a week, the whole tease and denial thing doesn't really work. As you know, you have to get into it mentally and physically which takes at least 4-5 days for me. So that's not really fun. At the same time I can't and don't want to go hardcore denial with 2-3 weeks+ or even months between orgasms. It's a tempting fantasy but once you really try to live it... Sex is always the first thing on my mind then which is very exhausting for her. I'm not the same guy anymore then, and it's a lot of pressure on her part, so that just doesn't work for long term. Also, I have finals coming up and I can't allow myself to be so horny I can't concentrate on my studies. Some kind of balance is needed which I on my own and with my limited experience find difficult to achieve. Also I realised that one PIV orgasm doesn't really satisfy me. Two hours later I'm horny again. Could be a problem, could be something to work with, I don't know. Generally I enjoy having my mind off sex for a day or two after those denial sessions. So far, having integrated orgasm denial a little in our relationship (I really didn't ask for those two hitachi orgasms to be ruined ) I like the loss of control, to not be able to "go back to normal" again, because this is the new normal. However it's also pretty scary and I wanna be careful. Being in over your head sounds nice in fantasy but as I said, we're really just looking at t&d as means for the purpose - as a way to a happy sex life. Suggestions (and questions) are very welcome, we're off to the cinema for now
You can do anything you want. Make sure you're both happy. You don't need to conform to others' expectations. I started out simply. I just stopped masturbating. No device. I focused on being pleasant and friendly and unselfish. I was able to go the first five months without an orgasm on my own. After we had a direct conversation halfway through that time I admitted what I was doing. She liked how I was behaving with her. I'd woo her for intimacy and sex twice a week. Sometimes a full week. But it was low pressure. But after she understood what I was doing she played with me more... More tease and denial. She's learned that even casual teases are taken as love and attention. Then in those first handful of months she encouraged me to get pierced, finally. She's making my dreams come true. We then got custom steel chastity (Contender and MouseTrap). My fantasies are becoming real. One piece of advice. Don't focus on your own rules though. Or on record durations. Keep it simple. My love doesn't like schedules or flow charts or point systems.... She just wants to focus on the experience. She also has needs and desires of her own. It's easy to get too selfish, even in denial! Now after 2.5 years of this, she's relaxed into her role. We haven't made vows to keep this dynamic permanent but we're both happy and agree to keep this going indefinitely. If I had my way all my orgasms would be owned and controlled by her forever. But that's a lot of responsibility to put on her. So we take it day by day. All in all, we've developed a fairly romantic and loving intimate relationship by. I don't push or pull for sex or denial. She knows I never masturbate anymore. She knows I enjoy waiting for her as much as an orgasm. Giving myself completely to her whim has been difficult but it's been rewarding. It's oddly not that kinky anymore. It's an everyday thing now. My body and reactions tell her everything she needs to know. On devices, nothing worked for me until I went with custom chastity. MaleChastityNow's products really work for me. Good luck and enjoy it. Make her happy and don't focus on your own pleasure. Let her give you those gifts of denial, ruined orgasms or full ones when she wants.
You have mentioned part of the answer yourself. You have finals...concentrate on them and leave the TD till after that. Then talk to each other and swap your ideas/desires.