Awakenings - Our Chastity Journey

Greetings All!

Since we have gotten "serious" about this thing called chastity, it has become apparent that this is truly a journey of discovery - physical, but maybe even moreso mental and emotional. We have now passed 6-months since my wife of 22 years told me I should be locked up "for awhile." You can read a bit about it here:

https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/well-that-escalated-quickly.52329/

This is by far the longest I have been locked up, and there have been many discoveries over this time. I have now experienced some things that I had only read about over the past few years and I am starting (I think) to really understand what this is about. In this blog, I hope to document some of those discoveries and try to understand and learn as we grow in this lifestyle.

In reading so many posts on this and other forums, it is clear that a chastity lifestyle can mean different things to different people, and there are myriad ways to explore it. What started as almost a novelty for us several years ago, something we would play at until my wife lost interest, has now become an enduring fact of life for me. Any notions otherwise were effectively dashed last week when she told me that I would be locked up for the rest of my life and she may even bury me in my cage! It's like she dipped her big toe in the pool many times over the past few years and then just decided one day to dive right in head first! We've both always been impulsive, but I didn't expect this to happen (though I'm glad it finally did). Even though it's been years in the making, it still seems like it happened overnight...

Last Monday was a turning point in our journey. In addition to her above revelation about this being permanent, it was maybe the first time she teased and denied me and DIDN'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. She had occasionally teased and denied in the past, but always felt guilty or gave in and allowed me to cum. Of course I told her I was glad she didn't feel guilty and that it is truly up to her if, when, and how I am allowed to cum. It seems this concept is starting to sink in for her now. We also discussed how much we wish she had gotten into this several years ago.

After she told me I would not be getting an orgasm, she kind of rubbed my belly and thighs to try to calm me down - which I guess would be something like aftercare. This segued into a couple of those discoveries I was talking about: She asked me how I felt about being locked up forever and I simply said I am happy for it, as it is up to her. She asked if I had been so horny and dying to cum (it had been about 2 1/2 weeks) and I found myself admitting that I've been locked up so long now that I actually think much more about pleasing her than being allowed to cum. While I've always wanted the tease and denial, that night I realized that I was undergoing some significant mental and emotional changes. In fact I now wonder if I were given the choice of having a full-on orgasm or not, how I would answer. I believe I know, but can't say for sure until faced with that situation.

Another discovery occurred the next morning. I got out of the shower and as I was drying off, I noticed my penis was dripping. This was a new one for me. Of course I had often dripped pre-cum, but this was the next day - probably 11-12 hours later! This was my first true experience with the proverbial drip I've heard so many guys talk about. The crazy thing is that it happened again the next day and the next, then seemed to subside a while, then occurred again this morning. It's funny - it kind of makes me feel like I have "arrived," so to speak, now that I have experienced that. Well, maybe not arrived, but at least not a newbie to all this.

Saturday was an interesting day and a bit of a mental tennis match. Will write about that in my next post when time permits.

 

Saturday was an interesting day. I woke up very early after having a "sex" dream. I don't remember the specifics of the dream, but am pretty sure it was a wet dream - something I haven't had in a long time. I can't say with certainty it was a wet dream, however, as I deal with incontinence (sorry if TMI, but this is something that factors in to chastity for me), but let's just say I think that is what woke me up. After the T & D of a few days before, I suppose it was a natural reaction, but have to say I was a bit sad about it.

Anyway, we both had to work Saturday - she during the day at our business and me a 12-hour shift. Though it was a long day, I would still get home early enough for some activities. I had hoped for a sort of celebration of the fact that it was the 6-month anniversary of my lock up, or at least SOME kind of acknowledgement of it.

When I got home, however, she was in bed in pain, after tweaking her back. Of course I rubbed her back and did what I could to help. Clearly there would be no celebration tonight! We both had Monday (yesterday) off and I hoped that perhaps we could play some then. Unfortunately, her back still hurt and Monday came and went. The past few days have made me realize that, despite my fantasized version of this LS, real life does often get in the way and we have to adjust our expectations.

It also occurred to me that, though I see 6 months as a milestone to be celebrated, it may not be a milestone for her. This is the mental part of it that truly interests me...the psychology behind it all, if you will. I mean, since this is going to be for "the rest of my life," then should I/we even acknowledge mileposts on the timeline? But then I realize that today marks day 23 without an orgasm (other than the wet dream). This is the longest I've gone since I discovered masturbation as a kid.

Today is another long day for both of us, and though we both work tomorrow, it is a normal work day. Her back is feeling better today, so maybe tomorrow evening we can have some intimate time together. And so the waiting starts...

 

I did mention it a few days prior, but didn't bring it up that day. She was in pain so my focus then was on her. I doubt I will bring it up to her again unless she asks. She knows I have an eye on certain things, ie: I have been locked up for X weeks/months, I haven't cum in X days, etc. I actually put things on our shared digital calendar, suck as when I have an orgasm.

 

It's been an interesting week in the Crunch household. Very busy and my wife/KH hasn't felt well, plus September is annually a rough month for us (her especially), for reasons I won't get into here. I approached the past few days with the assumption that I wouldn't be getting a release until we got through September. Unfortunately, the following month is Locktober, so it was easier just to assume I wasn't going to be allowed an orgasm for a long while.

Last night, however, she decided that I should cum since it had been so long (25 days). The rules were that I had to make myself cum, she wouldn't touch it, and I wasn't allowed to talk about her or even suggest that she join me in any way, or she would immediately lock it back up until she decided on the next time. The mental struggle was intense! Do I cum, or do I talk about her and not cum until further notice. Decisions, decisions. I chose to proceed, thinking it was a mental exercise to see how far I could go and still have the willpower to ask her if I could lick her, then get locked back up. The short answer is I didn't have the willpower.

I commented that I had started to wonder if she forgot about my locked up little pee-pee. She said she thinks of it often and that she loved keeping me locked up. She smacked my balls and head with a riding crop and told me that I should expect my time between orgasms to continue to get longer and longer, that there will be times I have to cum in my cage. and that I will sometimes have to eat it. She reminded me that I will be locked up for the rest of my life, but qualified it by saying, "unless there is some medical reason you can't be." Well, she is definitely thinking about it more than I know!

I asked her if she planned on giving me any ruined orgasms. She didn't know what that was, so I explained it. She said "like you've done to me a couple of times?" Um, yeah, guilty as charged...

Shortly after, it was over and I was back to lock up. Despite saying she wouldn't touch me, she did finally take over and give me a fantastic hand job until I came. Funny, she didn't make me swallow it because she said it was an unbelievable amount and I would probably drown. I wonder how long until the next time and how big the load will be...

 

It's been several days since I posted on here, primarily because there hasn't been much to post. Life is busy right now and it is September (see above) so things have been fairly mundane lately. Our attention has been elsewhere, which is good in some respects as I am not focused so much on the frustrations of being locked and denied.

I'm still amazed how "normal" it has become to have a metal cage continually attached and how I can now go long stretches forgetting it is even there. It would be easy to resign myself to the doldrums due to the current situation, but she makes well-placed comments to let me know she hasn't forgotten about it - she likes to remind me of the fact that she has it "protected," for example. Just subtle reminders...

One thing that surprised me was a remark she made about my "pussy." This was a new one and came out of nowhere. Over the weekend I was going through and picking out clothes to get rid of or donate to Goodwill. She told me I had way too many panties, so I shouldn't forget about my panty drawer. She could have left it go at that, but went on to say that I didn't need so many panties, because there's no way my pussy could get that cold? The comment even surprised her and she said she didn't know where it came from, but there were other references to my "pussy" over the long weekend. It is not uncommon at all for her to make reference to my little pee-pee, but this is a new spin.

Not sure where this is going, but very curious to see...

 

Agreed. It let's me know that she is still thinking about things, even when it may seem otherwise. It also makes me wish I could know her thoughts...but I'm not sure I want to know ;-)

 

It's been a long while since I updated this, so here goes:

In less than a week I will hit the one year mark since being told to "lock it up for a while" with no end in sight. It is becoming quite apparent that when she said she didn't see any reason I shouldn't just be locked up for the rest of my life, she wasn't kidding. She is slowly but surely learning how to be THE keyholder, and seems to revel in the fact that she is in charge of my sex.

September was, as usual, an emotional month for us. This year it led into October, then life got busy through the holiday season. There wasn't much activity save a couple teases and the very occasional orgasm. Near as I could tell, I was only allowed about 14-15 orgasms in 2023. This year she wants me to keep track of any full orgasms, ruined O's, and any O's while caged. This from the woman who didn't even know what a ruined orgasm was until recently! This should be interesting...

What else I find interesting is how "normal" it has become to wear a steel cage and how non-invasive it is, so to speak. I thought after a few months that I didn't notice it most of the time, but now, approaching a year, I almost never even think about it. It's just a normal part of me now - like my wedding ring or my wristwatch that I never take off. (Yes, I still wear a watch 24/7 - I almost never use it for the time. It is just normal for me now).

There have been times when I think she has forgotten my little peepee, all locked up. I don't need a lot of attention, but I do need occasionally for her to acknowledge that she has me locked up, whether a little tap on it, a mention of it, a tease, etc. That is enough to keep me going, but when life gets in the way or we go for long periods without any acknowledgment, I start to wonder... I want to say that I gave her complete control over it and she owns it, so if she wants to ignore it, that is her prerogative. But let's be real here. I need to know, somehow, that she hasn't forgotten. She has been much more attentive in recent times, which I appreciate. I am content serving her needs and making her feel good, but it is nice to know she is at least thinking about my situation.

On a side note, I found that a good friend of mine is also on this site. It is liberating to actually know someone IRL who is into this lifestyle. I am enjoying sharing details of our respective journeys with each other.

I look forward to making it a year, then beginning year 2.

 

He and I developed a friendship over other shared interests and eventually began confiding in each other about other aspects of our lives. We can talk frequently for a while, then not for some time, then pick up where we left off. We touched base again one day recently and the subject of chastity came up out of the blue. We discovered we were on similar paths and going through many of the same experiences. With so many chastity devices for sale on eBay, Amazon, etc., I'm assuming I know more men who are locked, at least at times. Wish there was a way to tell who, though...

 

Today is day 365 of what appears to be permanent lock up. It's hard to believe it's been a year. Tomorrow starts year 2. We expect to do quite a bit of travelling in the coming year, so I am considering a plastic mini or micro cage with one of the plastic barrel locks to wear through TSA. I much prefer my usual metal one to the few plastic ones I've tried, but it may be worth it for travel. I remember a few years ago we met up with some friends in Florida and went to a venue. On arrival, we found that they had full body scanners and I was locked in a very metal cage. Luckily I was able to get to a restroom and remove it before going through the gates. I wouldn't have worried too much about it if we hadn't been with vanilla friends.

I find it interesting that I would prefer to just remain locked than to remove the device for TSA and during the flights. It would give me a taste of freedom, but at this point I am conflicted if I would want that or not. At this point the physical aspect of being caged is no longer an issue and I rarely think about it or even realize I'm wearing a cage most of the time. The mental aspect of it is much more intriguing to me, as I find myself wanting things that wouldn't necessarily make sense to me a year ago, ie: teasing, ruined orgasms, serving, more teasing, etc. To clarify, year ago I wanted those things, but only if followed promptly (within a day or two) by a full on orgasm. Now I much more crave the attention and stimulation without the orgasm, or more specifically, the drop off afterwards. I find myself enjoying being on that perpetual edge that comes from wanting to cum but not wanting to cum.

As I said before, I have been logging orgasms this year and find that we are surprisingly ahead of last year's pace so far. Knowing that my wife's goal is to allow me fewer orgasms this year than last, I'm expecting some long dry spells at times to slow the pace. Since starting this journey, the longest I have gone has been 7 1/2 weeks (53 days). Wondering if we will break that record this year. Again with the mental aspect, I find myself wanting to break it and keep extending it. It doesn't always make sense to me, but reading other's experiences, it sounds like a natural progression of things.

 

I guess it's about time for an update to our journey. It seems like my wife/KH is starting to really understand and get the hang of things, so to speak. We are now over 13 months in and she has reiterated that she sees no reason why I shouldn't be caged the rest of my life.

Recently I had the day off and she had to work. She told me to write a story while she was gone, so of course I wrote about a husband in chastity and his wife/KH/mistress. It involved household chores, panties, and domestic discipline. While it wasn't done when she got home, I printed what I had and she read it in bed. Let's just say she obviously liked it! I asked her where I should take the story next and she suggested, "you should have her bring home a lover and make him sit in the corner in his cage and watch. Then make him clean them both up afterward." Considering that seems to be a fairly standard fantasy among a lot of people on here, I'm starting to wonder if she has been online doing research - perhaps even on here?

A week ago she had planned for some fun before bed. I didn't know what she intended but was looking forward to it. Unfortunately, she told me it would have to wait until Wednesday. I spent all day Wednesday anticipating our play time, wondering whether she would unlock me, whether she would allow me to cum, and not sure whether I even wanted to cum? It was difficult to not bring it up all day. Finally, in bed that evening, I waited patiently. We watched a show, chatted, etc. Then she said something that really put me off - it just hit me the wrong way, and I told her I wasn't in the mood anymore and went to get a drink. I say all this to say that she came downstairs and brought up the fact that I'm not allowed to tell her no and that I would need to be punished for it - and it would be a long weekend for me. When we finally went back upstairs, she called me into her room and ordered me to bend over her bed. Producing a wooded paddle, she proceeded to give me several whacks until she was satisfied with the bright red stripes, then told me to go to bed! I think she is finally starting get into this and relish her role and position!

 

Monday evening, after the previous post, we had some playtime. Some time before, though, I apologized to her for "being a little bitch" the other night. She said it was all taken care of with the paddling, but reminded me that I'm not to tell her no. She did offer a safe word in case I really needed to use it. We had joked about safe words in the past, but this is the first time we ever seriously talked about implementing one. She said she probably should have continued to punish me over the weekend, but that life got in the way. She told me that my little "attitude" issue had at first upset her, but then she became annoyed with me. Again, she reminded me that I am not allowed to tell her no.

Anyway, we ended up in bed both naked (except, of course, the cage) and she hinted that I might be able to cum and that she wanted PIV. I guess my tongue and fingers did well enough that it never got to PIV, but she did unlock me and allow me to cum (yay?). She said that I needed spanked much more often and that she was planning to be more diligent at it. Funny thing, after clean u we left the cage off for a while and she asked me if my "peepee" was "scared" to be out of its cage! She asked how it felt to be out of it, and I told her that I'm so used to it now that I usually don't even realize it's on but it does feel weird when I'm not wearing it.

As this progresses, it seems that she is becoming more sexual than she has been in quite a long time. While it is good for me, I am convinced that it is certainly good for her also.

 

My birthday was last week and is typical of my birthdays of late, there was no birthday sex. It was very much like any other day with the exception that my wife made sure I knew that I would be getting a birthday spanking this year, but not until the next day (we both had it off). During the day she kept dropping references to my impending spanking, and it was apparent that it would entail a full 56 whacks with one to grow on! I eagerly anticipated the "event" throughout the day. I say eagerly, but with reservations as she made it clear that she intended to leave some nice red stripes and welts when she was done.

That evening she called me into her room and ordered me to bend over the bed. She used her new favorite wooden paddle and started her assault on my ass. After several whacks, she asked if I had been counting. I had not. Since I hadn't, she said, she would have to start again and hear me count them out. She stopped at 12 and said that she had counted 10 before, and that we would stop there and finish up the rest another day with the remaining 35. Of course there was no release for me that night either, despite the fact I was straining against the cage. She did make a point to strike my balls a few times and run the paddled back and forth against them, which i found tortuously tantalizing.

Several days have gone by at this point and she has decided that tomorrow is the day to continue my birthday spanking. Since it has been so long, however, she intends to start over and do the full 56+. I had confessed to her that I was bad a couple days ago and lingered with the shower sprayer on my cage almost to the point of no return, and she brought that up as well, stating that I will need spanked for that too, as well as all the past birthdays we missed. She is clearly enjoying this dynamic, as she says she can drag out the spankings indefinitely for all kinds of transgressions. I am hoping that tomorrow after a sound spanking, I am allowed to service her with my tongue at least.

 

Time for an update. She was true to her word and I received an energetic birthday spanking the next night, as promised. She used her favorite paddle and left commentary on the red stripes and marks as they rose on my pasty white ass. I was on my knees on the bed with my head down in the comforter, which apparently left my caged balls in a vulnerable position and a stray swat landed squarely on my testicles, causing some intense pain. It was completely unintentional on her part, as she is very careful not to cause any permanent damage. After a short cooling off period to allow me to regroup, she resumed, counting silently. I had lost count at this point. Suddenly she stopped and I soon felt her hand caressing my balls and rubbing the area "down there." It was amazing and frustrating at the same time. She had me right on the verge for a while, but it just wasn't happening. She was behind me the whole time and couldn't see my facial expressions and what she was doing to me. I asked her if she was trying to make me cum in my cage. She then allowed me to wiggle just the tip of my finger through the bars of the cage and it was just enough to lightly touch the frenum. With her now tugging and pulling back and forth, this little bit of stimulation was enough to put me over the edge. It was an amazing, somewhat primal experience as there was no romance, no kissing, etc. It was a means to an end, and what an end it was! Of course she said she didn't get all my birthday whacks in, so we would have to start over again.

She has really taken to this domestic discipline and chastity lifestyle. I still don't think she realizes the power she has over me, but apparently she is learning. She said she likes spanking me, not only to keep me in line, but she also discovered it is a great stress reliever for her as well, so she intends to keep spanking me going forward. Add this to the fact she has already said she sees no reason I should not wear a cage for the rest of my life and it is kind of mind-blowing to think about. She is clearly having fun with this (which was a big hope of mine), so our journey will continue indefinitely.