I’ve always desired that super kinky type of chastity that you seen captions made for. That kind where the female is always in the mood and always wanting pleased and the male is denied until she sees fit. Although this does occur in some relationships it is a very impractical expectation for a relationship where the female wants her pleasure mainly from sex. Over the past few weeks I have had a good look in the mirror to see what practical chastity would look like in our marriage and if that’s what I really want or not.
Trying to push for this kinky agenda really only forces the denial on the female too and I have found that this is where a lot of the issues were created between my wife and me. She is very much a person who gets her sole pleasure from sex. Not oral, not play, not masturbation. She likes sex. In fact she has never masturbated since we have been married. Over the past few years when I was trying to get her to try chastity I was in effect telling her how we both should be granted our sexual pleasure and enjoyment (how I wanted) and it created a major disinterest with trying chastity. I wanted the things that come with this kinky chastity and thought a cage would magically drop that into our marriage. Call me dumb but this is what many people expect to happen to some extent whether they know they are or not.
I had all but given up on this desire to try chastity in marriage and then I saw a chance to use chastity to give her something that 100% benefited her and this is when I started to really understand why she was not interested before. I will spare the details so the post comments do not take a tangent, but we are not going to be able to have sex for a number of weeks here and I thought it might be a good time to ask her again.
Although she does not get upset or get on me about it, she dislikes the fact that I masturbate. She understands that it helps me not nag her for sex and allows me to fill my sexual cup that is quite a bit bigger than her’s, but it still bothers her. She never really told me, but thinking about it, why wouldn’t it bother her? (Ladies who are more vanilla please comment on your thoughts here).
So I brought up chastity again with her. She was not a fan of the idea because she doesn’t like the cage a whole lot, but I talked with her. I explained that I genuinely wanted to go without pleasure while she HAS to because I know it’s not easy (especially when your partner cannot and it’s outside of everyone’s control). She was interested in this. Not from a spiteful view (if I can’t you can’t) but she was genuinely happy that I considered she would feel neglected and left out for a few months and appreciated that I noticed this and offered this. I told her though that it would not be easy and that I should use the cage. She still was not a fan but accepted my idea simply to appeal to my wants and likely so I wouldn’t ask again and again as I had before.
So we did but a few days I had an issue where the smaller cage ring I was using rubbed and I needed to let it heal a few days and go back to my larger ring. Over the next few days I was good. I had a week or so without an O and did not want to reset the clock, but I really wanted to with her permission and help. She said no understanding that I wanted to and would have an O if I could, but only if it was with her (not just her to allow it, but it to be something for US to do). I could really see she was flattered that I turned the corner that my orgasms now were something that I saw was something for us to create and enjoy together.
Fast forward a few more days and I was all healed up and put my cage back on leaving the keys on her nightstand. I got some time to talk with her on the subject just to confirm how she felt about things. She said that she really appreciated that I’m doing my best to not please myself without her. She said she would be very upset if I dropped the ball on that (not a going to whip me upset going back to that kinky chastity but rather genuinely hurt that I was selfish). I then asked how she felt about the Cage. She was hesitant but just came out and said, “I’m not a fan of it, but it it helps you be accountable to not ‘cheat’ by pleasing yourself I am ok with it.”
I was shocked with her answer even though it was a completely logical response. She was totally ok with chastity that worked within our marriage. It did not change how she gets her pleasure, and it did not change how she enjoys our intimate time together. Chastity simply became to tool for US to use to help me be a better partner for her in a more intimate and emotional way. By denying myself with chastity I am making myself more of her’s so we share all of our sexual time and pleasure and am bringing more into our sexual relationship of what WE like and need vs taking it away or adding what I want. She will get pleasure how she wants and she will do so knowing that she is the only person who I share my sexual experiences and that she gets ALL of them. I do not know for certain if this will lead to more sex, but we both know that it will be better and more special for both of us. Who knows, it may lead to more things sexually for us, but I will let her add that in as she wants so they are things that WE want not what I want.
So if you are considering introducing chastity to your partner or asking your reluctant partner again, take a deep look and who it benefits. True chastity should benefit the KH not the locked partner. If this is not the case, odds are it is not going to work or be received well. I will say as boring as what chastity is looking like it means in our marriage, I find it so special and meaningful and I truly feel I am married to a queen. I’m locked and it pleases her in a way that is special for US. What more could I ask for?
A question to consider: If you were on a date with your KH wife who was wearing the key and the waitress saw it and asked what the key was for, would you feel proud to explain why and how it pleases you wife with your wife sitting right there?
Trying to push for this kinky agenda really only forces the denial on the female too and I have found that this is where a lot of the issues were created between my wife and me. She is very much a person who gets her sole pleasure from sex. Not oral, not play, not masturbation. She likes sex. In fact she has never masturbated since we have been married. Over the past few years when I was trying to get her to try chastity I was in effect telling her how we both should be granted our sexual pleasure and enjoyment (how I wanted) and it created a major disinterest with trying chastity. I wanted the things that come with this kinky chastity and thought a cage would magically drop that into our marriage. Call me dumb but this is what many people expect to happen to some extent whether they know they are or not.
I had all but given up on this desire to try chastity in marriage and then I saw a chance to use chastity to give her something that 100% benefited her and this is when I started to really understand why she was not interested before. I will spare the details so the post comments do not take a tangent, but we are not going to be able to have sex for a number of weeks here and I thought it might be a good time to ask her again.
Although she does not get upset or get on me about it, she dislikes the fact that I masturbate. She understands that it helps me not nag her for sex and allows me to fill my sexual cup that is quite a bit bigger than her’s, but it still bothers her. She never really told me, but thinking about it, why wouldn’t it bother her? (Ladies who are more vanilla please comment on your thoughts here).
So I brought up chastity again with her. She was not a fan of the idea because she doesn’t like the cage a whole lot, but I talked with her. I explained that I genuinely wanted to go without pleasure while she HAS to because I know it’s not easy (especially when your partner cannot and it’s outside of everyone’s control). She was interested in this. Not from a spiteful view (if I can’t you can’t) but she was genuinely happy that I considered she would feel neglected and left out for a few months and appreciated that I noticed this and offered this. I told her though that it would not be easy and that I should use the cage. She still was not a fan but accepted my idea simply to appeal to my wants and likely so I wouldn’t ask again and again as I had before.
So we did but a few days I had an issue where the smaller cage ring I was using rubbed and I needed to let it heal a few days and go back to my larger ring. Over the next few days I was good. I had a week or so without an O and did not want to reset the clock, but I really wanted to with her permission and help. She said no understanding that I wanted to and would have an O if I could, but only if it was with her (not just her to allow it, but it to be something for US to do). I could really see she was flattered that I turned the corner that my orgasms now were something that I saw was something for us to create and enjoy together.
Fast forward a few more days and I was all healed up and put my cage back on leaving the keys on her nightstand. I got some time to talk with her on the subject just to confirm how she felt about things. She said that she really appreciated that I’m doing my best to not please myself without her. She said she would be very upset if I dropped the ball on that (not a going to whip me upset going back to that kinky chastity but rather genuinely hurt that I was selfish). I then asked how she felt about the Cage. She was hesitant but just came out and said, “I’m not a fan of it, but it it helps you be accountable to not ‘cheat’ by pleasing yourself I am ok with it.”
I was shocked with her answer even though it was a completely logical response. She was totally ok with chastity that worked within our marriage. It did not change how she gets her pleasure, and it did not change how she enjoys our intimate time together. Chastity simply became to tool for US to use to help me be a better partner for her in a more intimate and emotional way. By denying myself with chastity I am making myself more of her’s so we share all of our sexual time and pleasure and am bringing more into our sexual relationship of what WE like and need vs taking it away or adding what I want. She will get pleasure how she wants and she will do so knowing that she is the only person who I share my sexual experiences and that she gets ALL of them. I do not know for certain if this will lead to more sex, but we both know that it will be better and more special for both of us. Who knows, it may lead to more things sexually for us, but I will let her add that in as she wants so they are things that WE want not what I want.
So if you are considering introducing chastity to your partner or asking your reluctant partner again, take a deep look and who it benefits. True chastity should benefit the KH not the locked partner. If this is not the case, odds are it is not going to work or be received well. I will say as boring as what chastity is looking like it means in our marriage, I find it so special and meaningful and I truly feel I am married to a queen. I’m locked and it pleases her in a way that is special for US. What more could I ask for?
A question to consider: If you were on a date with your KH wife who was wearing the key and the waitress saw it and asked what the key was for, would you feel proud to explain why and how it pleases you wife with your wife sitting right there?
