Clearly locked

I am new to chastity, experimented for a couple weeks and bought a Holy Trainer V2 (clear). Would like to post my story/journal here, so I am going to throw a few of my writings up from the last couple weeks:

26 Aug 2016:

So I wanted to ask why I am having the feelings that I have... just a bit confused (but so excited at the same time.) I never thought chastity would interest me, and honestly I don't know what triggered it a couple weeks ago... I have always felt submissive in nature, but my wife and I don't practice BDSM. Maybe we would since we talked about it years ago, but then having kids kind of got in the way. Anyhow, since as long as I can remember (20+ years?) I had probably pleasured myself at least once a day or two. Whatever I read or saw that got me thinking about chastity, I made myself a home-made device with a prescription bottle and electrical tape, and wore it for two days. My mood and emotion toward everything, including my wife increased immediately and we had great sex. I put back on the homemade belt and hadn't touched myself for over a week. In fact, after only another day or two, I was having dreams of owning a real device, and after some research settled on a Holy Trainer v2. I told my wife that I was spending some money, but didn't tell her on what. Well, I got it and hadn't 't taken it off in 48 hours. In fact, I also bought a TetherSpout that should be here tomorrow, and that intrigues me. As another person pointed out, the feelings and emotions that this brings can be surprising.

I am going to wait a few more days before introducing my desires to my wife (she is recovering from a quick-onset illness) but I can't come to terms with if what I am feeling is "normal." Although many say that the fantasy of chastity doesn't usually work this way, I can say for certain that I am happier, paying more attention to my wife, and more. Although my sexual drive/desires are on a high (remember it's been over a week now since my last orgasm) I don't necessarily want to be let out! I don't really know why, but I want the feelings I am having to continue and not be altered by having an orgasm. Is that normal? Most people seem to say that desire is overwhelming.

 

29 Aug 2016:

Ok! So we got home from a road trip and I told my wife all about it.

TL;DR: "I'll hold your keys for you."

It was an awkward conversation although I tried to not make it that way. She could tell I was stressed out. When it comes to not starting too fast, well I am and was self-locked for five days, and didn't want to pretend anything.

So I stayed that way and started off telling her that had decided to change some things. I haven't had an orgasm in almost two weeks, since we last had sex. She was proud! "Ahhh," oh. Now what. I told her that I wanted to masterbate less and concentrate on her. She asked how much I did that, something we have never discussed. Her draw dropped when I stated at least every two days. Almost got slapped.

Ok, so i said remember how I told you about my money I was going to spend? "Yes". Well I needed some help to make this happen. Look of confusion. I told her I couldn't do it myself and needed some assistance. I pointed and she was thoroughly confused. "Like a chastity belt?" Exactly! She moved her hands down to feel and it was like a shock and awe campaign. "But???!!"

She was frightened and didn't want me to take off my boxers. She asked to see a photo in the internet. "Ok, that's not so bad."

Buy she was confused why I didn't just stop and use willpower if that was my goal. Her thoughts turned to this as an addiction cure or something. While in a way it is, I know it's more than that. It's a constant reminder. It's giving up control.

I told her at various points that I didn't want to push this on her and we could go slow. Experiment. She was OK but slightly confused. I am not sure she realized there was a lock involved. I handed her the keys and she said "Noooooooo!!". I don't want to be responsible for that.

She specifically stated that she wants me to orgasm when we have sex, and inferred that now she has to decide when that happens. I told her that I can still initiate and yes, she has to say it's OK, but that happens anyway. I said that I may not always want to have an orgasm when we have sex, and she didn't take that. I told her she could decide.

A bit more consoling and some talk about the hormones involved, she said something that made my ears ring. "I'll hold your keys for you."

To her is was just plain English. I don't think she has ever heard the word Keyholder. She wants to read a bit for herself. She might keep a key on her person.

I am locked and she has the keys. When I woke up this morning they were not on the nightstand either where they were placed when we went to sleep.

I am very happy and I love her.

 

02 Sep 2016:

So things don't always go as planned. After my wife being on board, I felt a slight relapse in her thought process. This is probably normal in many circumstances, and I will heed all previous and new advice about taking it slow.

She did a bit of reading about the subject during the last day or two and we had a very nice evening. She even told me how she really noticed the slight changes in my behavior, increased intimacy, and ability to react to negative situations without getting angered. Yea! I do feel so energized and happy.

Then, a small letdown. I asked for the keys to clean the Holy Trainer thoroughly and she told me they were in the nightstand. I had a hunch that she had placed them there, but didn't want to snoop or know.

I used this as an opportunity to make an emergency key envelope. We even discussed obtaining and using some plastic locks in the future for this purpose. We then took the second key and she signed the closure.

I asked to be let out for cleaning and did so.

We then talked a bit and that's where I could tell she was let down too. She revealed that although she likes my new behavior, she wished it could happen without the chastity device. I tried to explain, but she doesn't really get it. She admitted that she doesn't want to "have to" hide the key (or keep it on her person) because it feels like I shouldn't need to be locked to not pleasure myself. She rarely, if ever, does so herself. So there is almost a level of disappointment not with anything to do with chastity, just my past behavior. (I think it was fairly normal.)

So, I told her that I would like to continue because it's important to me. I feel alive and think about her all day. It's not that I want to have an orgasm all day, but the energy is driving. In fact, I mentioned the conundrum that although my body is aching to have sex with her, my mind doesn't want to actually have an orgasm to stay where it is now. But, I told her if that's what she wants, that's what she gets.

We talked about it again after I got home from work and she is ready to continue, just isn't as excited about it as me.

Just proceeding slowly. I am not going to force anything. She did let me lock back up. And said we might not have sex for a little bit... some of the things she had said the last couple of days are coincidence or perhaps subconsciously liking it. We'll see what happens.

 

1

 

Alright caught up to the present! So, still feeling great. We had a weekend with family so although I was constantly aware of my situation, and my wife was still getting extra attention, there was no focus on the chastity between us. I knew there would be no sex so I hunkered down. It was almost three weeks since my last orgasm, so I can't keep it off my mind. Each night I was waking up almost hourly from erections, not painful, almost pleasurably uncomfortable though.

The TetherSpout came out last week for a day when I was last unlocked and then I put it back in. I have toyed with pushing it in until hidden, using the vinyl cap (it looks the same width as the flange on the spout, but I can't seem to put it in all the way. Perhaps there is slight swelling as Tether describes on his website. Anyway, I really am experimenting to make sure it is comfortable and I can get used to it. Whether it will be an ornament or we use it to totally lock me in, we'll see. Over the weekend it was fun to change out the end. Wearing the 1" ring and magnetic ball under swim shorts is exciting. The way it jingles slightly is an erotic reminder of my situation. And the occasional pinch. (Ouch!) I actually put one of the extra rubber retainers on the ouside of the tip, between the cage which dramatically reduced any pinching and looks kind of cool. I may get in trouble for keeping this a secret later, but this is too much at once for my wife, so it's just for my experimentation right now....

Last night, we settled down to watch TV and I asked when I might be unlocked. She toyed with me a bit and I thought maybe last night. We went to bed and I pleasured her. Wasn't sure if I would be unlocked at all, but was reminded that her mindset is that I need to be involved, she doesn't like to only have the focus on her, and it was probably time anyway. She is still not carrying her key, so it wasn't immediately accessible, but she knew the emergency key was so she made me retrieve it and unlock.

The only problem is that the TetherSpout was still installed. I have heard differing accounts of penetrative sex with one installed, and I didn't want to take that chance yet. But in the heat of the moment, I hadn't removed it. It was out of view, with floss leading out because I thought I would have to unlock and wash before sex. That didn't happen, and my wife was already on top of me, reaching down to put me inside of her. I resisted, but before I knew it we were together. Also, being so sensitive from three weeks of chastity, I knew I couldn't last long. I wanted to use a condom with numbing gel, but she said no. Nothing was going as planned, and I wanted her!

The TetherSpout didn't hurt, and I could tell it was locked deep due to the erection, but it didn't take long before I started to have an orgasm. Due to my apprehension, I think I actually gave myself a ruined orgasm. I told me wife I needed a minute, went to the bathroom, and removed the TetherSpout in under a minute. (Last time it took 10 minutes, because I didn't follow zorglub's instructions exactly and pushed the retained in deep instead of onto the removal spout.)

My wife was waiting for me when I returned and we finished off. She came, but I did not again and couldn't stay hard. Whether my orgasm was ruined or not, I have no idea. Sure seemed like it, but I don't know what "counts" as far as the hormone release of prolactin.

I figured my wife would have no further interest in the chastity part for now (or me?) but she said, OK, lock it back up! Wow. Not even a night off? Is she beginning to like this or doing it because I want to. We'll have to see how it progresses.

The TetherSpout is out, and I am going to leave it out for awhile. I had a couple drops of blood a few times from irritation at the tip, but it went away almost immediately. Just in case, I will rest things.

 

So it's been a couple weeks and I wanted to update. Lots of life stuff has come up and there has been a little less focus on "us". BUT, I have been locked throughout and only unlocked for one session of sex with my wife. But, I screwed up in my effort to take it slow.

I should have remembered the last post I mentioned about the TetherSpout. This time, I was locked for awhile and don't have a key. Things are different than before when I could experiment... but I did anyway. I tried to put in the TetherSpout while caged, and was successful. But I knew getting it out while locked was impossible. So, I was going to tell her about it.

One night's opportunity passed, then another. But she was on her period so I would be okay. The next night, she wanted sex. Oh no.

So, again, I interrupted it and retreated to the bathroom to take out the spout. When I got back, she was asleep. I screwed up. So, the next day, unlocked, I showed her. She was a bit appalled, as I said before she is quite vanilla and although tattoos are OK (I don't have one, but have been told I should get one) this was not something she liked. She told me to take it out, and was concerned about what it could do to me.

I feel better because now I am not withholding anything. We will have to see what the future holds for the TetherSpout, but she locked me back up the same day and it's been 11 days without an orgasm and after a few days of recovery, I can't think about anything else than serving her.

She really wants PIV when we have sex, and I have a very hard time controlling orgasm, so I spent days working on kegal exercises, and we plan to try the condom/lidocaine next time we have sex and I am unlocked. Maybe tonight.

I so want to please her, but want to be able to control my orgasms. I hope that I can.

 

Also, I really am loving my Holy Trainer V2. I sleep on my stomach and it's becoming a part of me. I almost don't notice it anymore and don't wake up at night with erections. This is good and bad. I like sleeping through the night, but like knowing that my device is there. This is all probably normal. In some ways, I can see moving to a metal device in the future, especially a custom made Steelworx or something that cost $2K+. But in others, I love what I have and don't have any problems that others report. I wash daily with a squirt bottle + shampoo, and have no problems with smell or cleanliness. I completely fill the tube when flaccid, so it seems there is no room for moisture/growth. We will see how things continue in the future.

 

Quick update... not too much going on but I have been locked for 28 days now with no release. This includes some work travel with two trips through airport security. Was totally prepared to additional screening with "body jewelry" but had no problems. Actually had keys in pocked first time, so not too sure why I was worried.

I hope to have some fun soon, but that is not for me to decide.

 

Another update.... I wish I had more excitement to report on but it's been busy with work and home life. I am still locked... since the last post was out another time or two for sex.

On that... one time I felt like Superman. No numbing cream or anything, and I kept going and going and going. It was almost surreal. I thought maybe due to the pent up desires, the testosterone, and maybe handling the daily contact with my cage. So great, we had great foreplay and then lasting sex. She came, and I didn't.

But the next time I came too fast and it was like before. Oh well. After that, a week or two ago, she didn't lock me back up right away and went to work in the AM. I was unlocked and left to my own devices. I didn't masturbate, but walked around in the AM hard and, at first felt free again. It felt nice for a change, first time really in a few months like this. But then I really wanted my cage back on. It felt unnatural without it. And so, back on it goes.

I love chastity.

I am still interested in my TetherSpout, and I ordered the steel retainers to perhaps move on with that.

 

Hmmm..... so needing a release, but the holidays and family around has precluded most sensual contact between we and my wife. I have been wearing the Tetherspout since I got the steel retainers, with no problems. I figured out a way to take it out and in while still being locked, so I have checked it twice since insertion with no corrosion or problems. I love it. I am not using it right now for extra secure locking, but just an extra part of me. I usually keep in deeply inserted, with a vinyl cap on it that I drilled hole into. This allows me to have sex with it in with no harm to me or my wife. Since it seems to naturally migrate toward the tip, I also keep a silicone plug inserted to seal everything from the outside. It is interesting to have to remove this plug every time I need to urinate.

On another note, I thought the 50mm ring size of the HTv2 was correct, but I have been wearing it now for four months and I find that my balls can slip out sometimes. I have a new smaller ring on order and should get in in two days. I heard that this was common, and although I have not released myself when this happens, it is unnerving. I don't like it. Only once did both balls come out and I was not happy. I hope the new ring (two sizes smaller).

I love wearing my device and can't see living without it. It works for now, and hopefully more with the new ring, but I wonder how long before I invest in a steel device.

 

New 40mm ring (two sizes down)... MUCH BETTER. I knew when I purchased the original that the ring might have been too big, but it did work. I was also advised by some that in time I might want a smaller ring.

When I first realized this, I purchased a $12 ebay knock-off in 45mm, to test, and I can say that the knockoffs are NOT the same material resin an much more flexible. Even so, the spacing between the tube and ring was about the same.

So I bought a official 40mm ring and am very happy. At least for now, there is no way I am coming out of this. The nighttime erections are going to take some getting used to again... I am waking up every night!

 

So... not so clearly locked anymore. Not clear. Heavy metal. I posted in another thread but have moved to a stainless steel Chinese version of the Htv2. I really was willing to spend $350+ on a custom device, but I REALLY love the shape/design of the Holy Triainer. I bought a chinese knockoff from DHGate of the HTv2 for $30, and I don't feel bad about it because I spent my money on the genuine version. The OEM manufacturers don't make a steel version, so here I am now:

http://imgur.com/cpfVaIB

It is HEAVY! Almost 3/4 pound. And I had to go back up to a 50mm ring too. Spent a week in the 40mm and my balls were blue. Only problem with 50mm ring is that it's good during day, but at night i push out of it a bit. Never have come out but need re-adjustment sometimes in the AM. There is no give to this solid device. I am in love with it.

Might be looking to integrate the tetherspout again in the future, but for now I am not using it due to KH desires.

 

I like the weight. Body gets used to
It. I barely notice it now. I did use my original HTv2 lock due to reputation of the knock-off locks reliability.

 

Sound like a smaller ring is needed. I moved back up a size because it's so restrictive. But the only time it slides down is in the morning sometimes after strong night erections. I am now in for a few weeks nonstop and my body has fully adapted. Again, it weighs 3/4 lb but now feels like a feather.

 

My body is adapting. While I want to move to the smaller ring, I am so comfortable. I love being trapped in this heavy steel device. I want to be let out, but don't want to be at the same time.