HELP!!! Wife/KH lost intrest because I topped from the bottom

tottally agree, just what I was going to saw.

 

All right! In that case, for the sake of validity and civility, let us ask the question right: You haven’t said whether this is a sometimes kink, or are you heading toward an FLR, sissification and cuckolding. (Cause, you know, it ain’t chastity unless it is about sissies ~ D/s & female led relationships and cuckolding!)

 

Well, if chastity and FLR are one and the same thing, as is now repeatedly implied on this site, where did they bother having 2 separate terms about it?

 

Read my words again, it's not a matter of "like" or "dislike", it's just that I object to the POV pushing equating chastity with FLR. Interestingly, FLR dedicated sites hardly seem to mention chastity—Most of that stuff seems to be male fantasy, anyway; the only one I saw with chastity rules was so obviously "single-handedly" written by a guy, I had to laugh—, so why this bias here? You are this site owner, why did you call it chastity mansion and not FLR mansion?!

 

Are either of these what you're getting at with your recent comments:

1. You are in favor of a female-led experience in chastity, but the Internet is filled with male-constructed fantasies?
2. You accomplish your chastity outside of a Female Led Relationship?

Number 1, I am complete agreement with. And, for whatever it's worth, the real-life Female-constructed version of all the things many subs hold dear are far and away better than the Jerry Springer versionof things that circulate online.

Number 2, fetish and kink are two separate entities. I think this is where some clarification is deserved. A fetish is where the part stands for the whole, so it can be experienced alone. Kink requires two people and a connection. Personally, I view FLR (at whatever level) as necessary to experience chastity as kink (a connection, a relationship), however, chastity can be experienced as a fetish as well. They're just very different experiences.

xo
nancy

 

Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this is starting to sound like a Monty Python sketch. This is hopeless. I give up.

 

Dude... Did you even notice the presence of the word "or" in all that mess. The word "or" is a little different than the word "and".

I mean, I hate to get into pedantic bullshit, but the original post that you are still bitching about included the word "or". What proselytizing can you find there? Seems like you are dragging an argument from another thread into this one.

 

You've endlessly commented about this topic, and when presented with a thoughtful and honest question, you draw the line. I was just trying to find some commonground. Maybe you would be happier if you focused on the things so many of U/us have in common on this site. Regardless, I hop you can find whatever it is that you're looking for.

 

This pretty well sums up your historical value contribution to this community. In all of your time here, you have not asked one substantive question or offered a relationship story while answering questions from others. You have contributed very little of value. You criticize, harangue, snipe, and offer expertise in areas you likely don’t have experience in. You love to call out others as phonies if they seem to have an interesting life.

Move on and be in peace.

 

"interesting life", when did I hear that last? Ah, yes, from some dude posing as Lady Jane Mistress. "interesting life" seems to be codeword for "fantasy world" here. Every time, I heard it, someone was making up some story. I indeed only contribute from real life experience because I fail to the value of fantasy experience. But if Dirtwork guy think he'll get insight from that, much good may it do him! But if L-u-c-y likes it that way, good for her, then.

 

@Dirtwork guy , back to the OP, my recommendation would be that you self lock (as She suggested) and leave it on save for medical purposes. Leave the keys in an obvious location. Don't take it off even it is not fun or doesnt suit you. Let the cage do its magic.

Im hoping that after some weeks she will embrace what she sees in you this way - along with the keys.

Just my $0.02...

 

Headtrip is correct put the keys in the open help around the house keep your mouth shut about the device. Till she notices the difference. It took mine a month but you still can't talk about the cage they get tired of hearing about your predicament very fast. Let her make all the moves you stay locked.

 

This is actually a perfect idea. I would just add to it that you should make it clear that you still consider the keys to be hers to take, should she choose to do so.

But you have to be disciplined. It sounds like you pissed her off originally due to a lack of discipline. Now it will be even harder because the key will be easily accessible.

Also, just act as if she has the keys. You just happen to know where they are. They are not yours to use. Treat her like a queen. Her word is law. Don't dare to touch her keys.

Hold strong. You don't need to cum. You need to earn back your keyholder. If she really liked it, she will gravitate back to the role if you can demonstrate that you can also play the role.

Somewhere above, a keyholder mentioned that begging is part of the deal. That may be true, but as a new keyholder is finding her confidence, a wannabe sub should be helping her to become dominant by treating her as dominant. She needs some help to become what you hope for her to become. Eventually, she will be able to shut down any begging, but for now, you should try not to beg or to use the keys at all.

I'm not sure if you need to ask for permission to clean yourself. That may be crossing a line since she declined to be keyholder. But I do think that you should let her know that you intend to clean up, and give her the chance to tell you no. But absolutely no wanking!

That's my advice.

 

On second thoughts, this may not be enough. Think about it: she is all done with keyholding and doesn’t want to hold the keys anymore because “you talked your way out of being locked.” She was really getting into it but now she feels like she wasn’t ever in control. All right. The question is: how much keyholding was she really doing? In other words, it looks like she had a little of an unreasonable expectation about keyholding, like all she had to do was hold the keys, and you were going to be all good without the need for any enforcement from her. In other words, she no longer wants to be a keyholder because she failed at it. And so did you. But that’s alright! There are no failures, just learning opportunities! The cage does its magic… to a point. In reality, there are times when we struggle. Do you think leaving the keys in an obvious location, and letting the cage “do its magic” will help? Isn’t it more or less how trouble hit last time? So, we stumble, we get weak, and we can't go it alone. That’s why keyholders come in. I think that aside from wearing the cage, you need to talk to her and explain that we are indeed fallible, and that wearing a cage doesn’t make us invulnerable. When reality hits, a keyholder’s role is to remotivate us—using cajoling, stubbornness, threats, whatever, to help us get over the other side of the hill during those moments of weakness when the fun suddenly is a little less fun. I’d explain this honestly to her. She has to be unafraid to say no and to put her foot down when the going gets tough. Promise her in return that you’ll do your best not to let her down, but you’ll need her to be unwavering next time you have another hard time. The first time will the hardest, for both of you. You’ll both learn from his, and it’ll boost her self-esteem, and your respect for her. You both fell off the bandwagon, you need to jump back on together.

 

Wow this thread got hijacked.

Back to the orinigal topic - one thing u might not be aware of is u might be topping from the bottom many times and you're not aware of it. She called u on it and maybe just got fed up.

It is off putting for any woman to be "given" control then u try to manipulate her to do as u want. Ur set up sounds confusing too. I think u need to scale down a bit and do short sessions of chastity/control with her to find out what she likes and not just do things u like.

If she's vanilla u have to understand that its alot of work thats not enjoyable on her end.

My advice, apologize for topping from the bottom. Ask her what she likes and slowly explore things that both of u enjoy.

A few people mentioned knowing the difference between FLR and kinky sessions. I think for u, try the short sessions first and see what things ur wife likes. If u honor that, u might be on the way to FLR as she designs it.

Its never FLR if only u design it - its classic topping from the bottom. Theres nothing wrong with topping from the bottom. U just need service tops. Most submissive vanilla women can warm up to being service tops u just need to give them clear instructions and do it baby steps.

 

It's so good to see the experts back!
#covfefe

 

Maybe she tossed the key in the lake

 

Sounds like she may be giving you a second chance. This is your opportunity to be patient and learn to truly follow her lead.