How to deal with sub drop post orgasm.

Sympathize with the long distance… couple of things have helped us …

Ruined orgasms … and
Immediate recaging
Semen cleanup
Full submission (nothing held back)

good luck !

 

Yes… we adopted ruined orgasms (we call them partial!) during Locktober last year… that and 24/7 caging has been a massive game changer…. Lots of good info on ruined O’s shared by @MsPamela on her blog on here.

 

I agree with the others that you should re-examine if he is securly chaste. If you are confident in that aspect, here are some additional considerations...

The sub-drop is a broad concept that affects people differently. It refers primarily to the loss of constant state of arrousal that men experience caused by physical changes in hormone levels. Not only does this loss of aurosal manifest differently from man to man, but the intensity of the hormones is also individualistic. So it hits some people harder than others. Really hard. If that's the case, you should be aware of this physical reality in your sub.

As for the loss of arousal... I'll tough on 3 major ways it impacts men, but this is a simplistic overview and the reality is usually a combination. But there is often a category that is most pronounced:

1. If a man is doing something they kind of don't want to do, arrousal will make them quite willing. A temporary loss of that aurosal will naturally make them no longer willing. If that's the case, consider an experiment where you don't lock him up right away. You could avoid tasks that are better suited for when his arousal level is up again, and replace them with sexy talk, text, and pictures. The goal is to reinforce his craving for chastity play so it becomes something he ALSO wants to do when he's not aroused. If he was local, the number one way to reduce sub is drop is with relentless edging and denial. It drastically and quickly increases arousal. For a long distance relationship, you might consider giving an orgasm early enough so time will permit an edging and denial session before you part. Bottom line, is getting the arrousal back as fast as possible is key.

2. For others, a loss of constant arousal simply makes things not so sexy anymore. So dirty talk and sexy chastity play don't have much influence. To test that, consider exploring more ruined orgasms (which helps maintain arousal levels). He would likely benefit from knowing why they are ruined as desire for future full orgasms is a type of reality-based motivation that a man could benefit from when they aren't influenced by sexy games and are instead thinking very logically. This works especially well for men good at delayed gratification. Also, if his behavior is especially egregious, and he falls in this category of non-sex based focus, tell him he may be in the cage longer because you might delay your next meetup at the least as long (or twice as long) as his sub-drop last. Note that men who primarily fall in this category will not eliminate sub-drop this way. They'll just logically decide to fake it and do as they are told because it's advantageous to do so in the long run. After a few days when the hormones balance out, they'll actually feel the sub energy again. (This is the category I mostly fall into, so I know it well).

3. The last major category in my mind is that the constant arousal state makes them very aware and focused on you, but without it, they simply forget. Like it's just out-of-mind. It's sort of like if I ask you right now what State you were born in. You'd know and remember and be able to answer me, but before I asked the question, that info never even crossed your mind. And so it is post-orgasm. My wife is beautiful. I'm reminded of it constantly and tell her pretty much every time I think it (which is often). Until I cum. Then I got shit to do at work. And got to cut the grass, and without the constant state of arousal, I just sort of forgot. It never came to my mind any more than you're place of birth came to yours before I asked you the question. For a solution, you'd think it's just a matter of giving reminders. But that won't really work. (Especially if this is in anyway in combination with the first category I listed). If my wife asked if she was beautiful, I would say, of course. But being reminded to do what isn't on my mind isn't a real solution and doesn't feel real to the sub. The real way in my opinion and experience is to remove the other distractions, usually by allowing time to address them. With those distractions and stress reduced, thoughts will naturally return to sex-play. If he was local, I have more tips to consider, but with a remote relationship, you may just have to face the reality that he's got his own daily independent life that will take priority for a few days. That's okay, I think, if it is mutually understood. But if you try to connect at the chastity-play level during this period, you may feel more distant and like it isn't working and that's bad. You could try making his sub-tasks more geared toward the crap he already has to do... So during the sub-drop, a task could be to get that work or household project done today instead of tomorrow... Even if he was going to anyway. It'll reinforce the dom-sub relationship during this temporary window. I think it's part of the doms "role" to understand the needs of the sub, and during the post-cum period, you are becoming aware of non-sex related needs of your sub that have his temporary attention. So consider using those needs and responsibilities as part of the sub relationship head-on so you don't end up avoiding those needs. You can give them to him in a dominant way and take your focus back! You'll essentially be dominant over his every day stuff to add rather than those things taking his focus away from you, you can essentially move yourself into that aspect of his daily life.

I humbly hope this helps you both.

 

Just thinking we have used number plastic breakable tags, instead of keys and a lock for a period. Maybe that would work on long distance rather than your sub having a key?
Photo / video evidence could be set to you, on demand and at your request

 

Perhaps you can discuss with the sub the only way he gets to expel semen is when you supervise. Since you are apart and allow him release when apart, explain that when you allow, he must ask permission from You and You will supervise via video chat. In addition, explain these will not be full powerful ejaculating orgasms for him but he is to ruin them. Masturbating under your supervision and when he is close too orgasm, hands off... Ruining it and his cum will run dribble out. No orgasm, merely ruined but relief of pressure on prostate and balls.
He is then to relive on camera for you. All of this is done under your supervision.
And of course, if you two reach that point, you could supervise or not and explain his only release while away is via milking his prostate. Merely to express semen while locked.

 

I should add that Prostate Orgasm while still in cage is a great way to release but get no drop

 

So for me, honestly I enjoy being kept orgasm free, I always crave my wife and am much better at satisfying her needs. Since my wife enjoys the control side of out dynamic I recently suggested estim as a way to have control over my nocturnal emissions. She seems interested and I’ve ordered the supplies needed however we haven’t used them yet. I’m hoping that it gives no more drop than the nocturnal emissions so she keeps her good boy and gains an additional layer of control.

 

We discussed reserving full orgasms for when we are together ...while it is always the decision of my Lady to permit me to release, it does appear that a Full O is only with her since Locktober. Only 1 or 2 exceptions since then, and the drop was noticeable.

To be honest, and to put a slightly different spin on this, the drop is equally dissapointing for the sub. The release is amazing but the cost is enormous, having lost an amazing whole body feeling of edginess, and obsession .... the feeling of complete dedication and full submission. The feeling that one would actually agree to any challenge or activity if it were what my Lady wanted. That is lost. and it feels ike you are suddenly lost without a compass.

The speedy lock up... (minutes) .. in the smallest cage, and the forced submission of cleanup are both great to speed up the re-building of the sub-head-space..... at least for me. In fact, after almost a year of swallowing all semen that isnt inside my Lady, I associate the taste and the texture of cleanup with the feeling of submission and consequently its a great help getting me back.

Maybe allowing a self induced 'riun' and then cleanup and swift lockup (video recording or live 'video') would help you both.

 

Excellent point.
You crave the orgasm so wholly in the moments leading up to it, yet you’re often left questioning whether it was worth it afterwards.
Balancing the removal of orgasms and maintaining positive frustrations is the real challenge for any keyholder.

 

Do you think the drop is that he has orgasmed? Almost sounds like that to me. And the solution is to never allow him to cum. I know, what fun is that. But the issue is real. If you need his attention, he cannot be released.

 

Im struggling to understand what’s going on here because it’s so different from any relationship I ever had. Unless I’m really missing a chunk of what you said, it sounds like much of the time he isn’t nearly as needy as you’d expect a submissive male to be. It’s completely foreign to my experience that a dominant woman would be asking her sub to message more, let alone that he wouldn’t obey! I’d expect a sub to be constantly messaging and for you to be rationing your responses to keep him on his toes.
How did you and he get into this?

 

You need to stop giving orgasms, its really that simple.
DO you know how to ruin an orgasm? That will drain him, it will also avoid sub drop.
Then you can do other things like feed him what he produces.

 

All these replies about forbidding orgasms and cum eating etc presume that this guy is like the rest of us. But he doesn’t sound that way at all. If he isn’t obedient when he IS at liberty, what makes you think he’d comply with more restrictions?

 

It has all the signs of him using the key when not with you. Probably why it is mentioned by various people. Is his key in an app controlled qui whatever thing where you can tell if he's used it or not. Or is just hope and wishful thinking?

 

Ok, thanks for answering that. I suppose how I understand it, based only on what you’ve shared, is that you meet up for kink sessions and these are mutually rewarding. Then in between times he gets the “subdrop”. What I’m not grasping is why you can’t just leave him to work through this “sub drop” and come crawling back when he’s needing you again (and maybe make him pay dearly for any aloofness he’s shown between times). The part where he’s being distant and you’re wanting more interaction seems problematic to the dynamic because there it seems like it’s reversed: you’re wanting, he’s withholding.
Why does he need a key at all? Is it because the cage in question is too enclosing to be worn 24/7/365 and still be hygienic? If so just make him invest in a more effective cage. As for this “emergencies” thing that comes up, I’m not sure what they might be. But as others have said, you can lock a cage with a numbered tag and be 100% sure he’s not cheating. Then in the unlikely case that an “emergency” occurs the emergency team can simply snap it off.

 

An alternative point of view might be to give him some post orgasmic attention - maybe wash his cock and cage and let him know how proud you are of his obedience and control - and how that turns you on. Maybe call him the day after and have some sexy talk to let him know you are thinking of him in his cage...