As the title says, sometimes I wish I didn't like penetration by my guy so much. Not only the penetration part, but also him finishing in me specifically. Nothing beats it to me, as such it has made long lock-up times difficult. When we are making love, and we get the timing just right, we can finish together and it feels SO amazing. Our longest has been 10 days and we have been doing Chastity for a year now. I love the day to day Chastity - knowing he is going to work locked in his cage and talking to other women and men and that he KNOWS that nobody else has a clue. I can send him little random texts about what I want him to do to me or me to do to him and then he will usually send me a pic of him in the restroom straining in his cage a few minutes later. As the buildup progresses, the need to f**k and feel a real cock instead of a dildo gets more intense. Sex just does not feel complete for me unless I have him finish during intercourse. I am ALWAYS left satisfied, don't get me wrong, but him cumming just makes it all the much better. Sometimes I will be able to let him out during a lockup and have sex without him finishing, then just locking him back up afterward, but it does not happen often since I like it when he finishes. He doesn't have any weird post-orgasm blues, and does not become an asshole afterwards. The only thing that happens is that he isn't as frisky or touchy-feely for about a day after. We had a quickie last night - he came very quickly since he had been locked up a week and we didn't have much playtime since we have both been sick lately. Tonight, I gave him the opportunity to "switch" for the night. Like the old times when we first met and he was Dominant and I was submissive. I used to LOVE pain, restraint and degradation. So I wanted to see if that was still there for either of us. During our sexytimes, he fu**ed me hard, but there was no degradation, pain or restraint. The most he did was give me a couple of little spanks, some light hair pulling, covered my mouth a couple of times and had me on my back with my head and torso hanging off the side of the bed. There was no pain, restraint or degradation. I didn't feel any different during the spanking, hair pulling or mouth covering this time. I used to react to that very strongly and wanted more. Both him not taking FULL advantage of my permission to take control and me not reacting like I used to to the little control he did take tells me that the year of Chastity has had its effect. And I am okay with that since we are both closer now than ever before. Sorry a little off topic of the post, but thought it was relevant to our situation.
I suppose the real question is 'Are you having fun?' If the answer to that is positive from both of you then who gives a monkeys what anybody else thinks? If that conversation leads to a 'it would be more fun if we did x/y ...' then that is the basis for a longer heart to heart about what you both want..... However I can only congratulate you both @Thatgirl and @Thatguyontheinternet because of your comment "we are both closer now than ever before.". Surely that is the most important part of that entire description?
I couldn't agree more! Since we haven't spent more then 5 days locked our. Past few moths of been more or less me teasing him and denying him. And doing a small amount of behaviour training. It's kinda of been the trial and error phase befor things get real. And that will be any day. But I to have a hard time resisting the real thing. And becuase he does have so much freedom there are time he still take the opportunity to bend me over, pull my hair or gently put his hand around my neck. Use me like he use to. He is not allowed to finish in me, because 3kids is enough to thank you. Birth control turns me terribly emotional and Scaredy pants won't go get the snip snip! Anyways it will be interesting to see what happens when we actually lock up. Becuase I do love the real thing.
Interesting conundrum. As mentioned above, if you are having fun then you are doing it right in my opinion. I'm sure some men in here are very jealous lol.
My wife certainly feels much as you do - nothing works quite as well for her as the real thing with my cumming inside her to finish. Interestingly, there was a thread on the lovehoney forum on the topic and by a big majority the ladies decided that their favourite place for their OH to cum was inside them. Sarah Jameson blogged about this 'problem' and found that a strapon dildo was 'good enough' and again this is trrue of my wife who enjoys my using the strapon on her and does cum very strongly from it but says that the lack of me finishing inside her makes it somehow less satisfying overall. I would agree with the others - if it's fun it's right!
I think you will find this is true of a lot of women. My wife is no exception. My wife enjoys the control and the tease of my chastity, but has always looked happiest right after I left her a "special treat". I've thought about getting a custom hypnosis recording done for her that makes her dislike it, but I would need to have that like "replaced" or I would not feel right about it.
@Thatgirl and I have talked a lot about this. Though I've been known to virulently defend her against (real or perceived) slights against her regarding the way she has managed our Chastity journey - specifically her total lack of desire for feminization and her above described preference for PIV through to completion, other alternatives and various ways to satiate her need has been an ongoing exploration nonetheless. I don't ever see us engaging in super long lock ups. I don't think either of us want that, and I don't think many of the ancillary goals of very long lock ups are applicable to us. That said, I would be lying if I didn't admit that there are certain times she releases me that I am just a tiny bit disappointed. Certainly never enough to turn her down of course. But on my end it can sometimes be difficult, particularly when she has declared "you're not getting out until X number of days" and then demands my services well before that time. When she declares a lock up duration I gear myself up emotionally. I start to think of and plan the ways I can make the time as enjoyable and satisfying for her as possible. And then if she releases me 3 days into it, that all sort of goes out the window. I mean it's all fun and light with us, so this is certainly a "problem" worth having! But I do think it can be counterproductive when she makes specific pronouncements and then doesn't follow through. Because despite my best efforts that sort of thing has ramifications for how seriously I take all other "threats" ("don't do this, or this will happen") or demands she puts on me during the course of our Chastity experience in general. I try to keep it separate in my mind but it's not easy. I think that's why @Thatgirl and I are always curious how others with a true love of PIV to completion reconsile that desire with their love of Chastity as a whole. And something that @Thatgirl touched on briefly stands out as perhaps more significant in my mind. Nights like tonight, where she gives me carte blanche to take her like "the old days" are not terribly common. But it's undeniable that I seem to have a MUCH harder time taking it to the levels I once defaulted too. I don't come close to talking to her the way I did, to being as rough and faux mean and objectifying as i used to. There was a time when my focus was on making sure i kept a close eye on her eyes and face to make sure the pain I was causing or the breathing that I was effecting were remaining safe and leading to more powerful orgasms for her rather than true discomfort. Now? Nowhere close. I could have taken her that way tonight, but it just wasn't there. I couldn't muster it up and she wasn't necessarily responding like she once did anyway. And while that was notable to her, it has been downright shocking to me. Not only has she grown to crave that degree of physical force less, I seem to have truly been conditioned away from it myself! I never thought our Chastity play would lead to these changes! As long as she's getting exactly what she wants then I'm 100% all in. I just never expected that what I wanted or lusted for might fundamentally shift too.
You could always purchase and then make one of those "clone a willy" moulding kits and then at least the dildo you used to satisfy yourself would be of your partners own penis locked underneath the cage but as others have stated the fact is there is no right or wrong way in this as long as you are both enjoying the experience then all is well.
@Thatgirl and @Thatguyontheinternet don't panic what feels right for you is right. When we started Mistress would lock me up and sometimes unlock me the same day as the whole lockup made her demand more.. But then we discovered strapons, penis extenders and numbing cream and the most important one self control so that if Mistress really need her cock she could buy I was not allowed to cum. But believe me I don't always get it right . If it works out isn't broke so don't fix it just because it's not what others do. Hugs Lucy x
It certainly is a nice problem to have. About 3 or 4 times we have started and I wasn't supposed to finish, and after warning her, she told me to keep going. I of course loved it, but had mentally geared up to stop. I know for a fact she would like to have piv more often, and although I'm small, she can cum, and enjoys when I do as well. What I have come to understand is that although she chooses to "Miss out" on one aspect of sex, because she prefers the horned up touchy attentive sex we get from me not cumming. She can decide to have piv sex and have me finish every night if she wanted, she just likes the effects of chastity MORE than the other. It seems both of your desires have changed to some degree. What's that phrase? You can never go home again. Some of our activities have certainly brought us closer, but they also changed us. I have serious doubts she would feel comfortable with me being forceful now. She doesn't want me uncaged without her, and has no intention of ever letting me masterbate again. All of which she was perfectly fine with before chastity. I myself might be able to go through the motions of being a top, but wouldnt feel comfy doing it, even though I thought of myself as being capable of switching. So glad you two are on the mend!
@Thatgirl Just throwing a random thought out there but I guess if the topic is more about keeping your guy submissive but still allowing PIV to completion I suppose you can up the stakes a bit for him. I don't know if you guys are into this but everytime you want PIV and you're willing to let him go to completion, why don't you make it a rule that he has to eat the cream pie. I can imagine a more submissive act if you're going to allow him to cum. Make it his choice if he wants to cum and therefore also chooses to clean up afterwards if he wants to go that far. Or maybe just make him do cleanup to see what kind of reaction you get. At least in my opinion I see it as a win win scenario to a degree... Just a thought...
OK ... I will start by saying this just popped in my head as I read the thread ... and I'm not even sure it is an idea worth mentioning but her it is anyways ... Chasity and sex in general is as much a physical act as it is an emotional / mental one and because of that most people add some sort of "role playing" when having sex ... and well chastity is definitely a mental act attached to a physical one. So I propose that @Thatguyontheinternet must "fake" an orgasm when ever @Thatgirl allows PIV ... Yep you heard right ... the whole "I'm cumming" and everything that goes with the way @Thatguyontheinternet acts when truly having an orgasm ... obviously this is 110% for @Thatgirl to get the complete emotional feeling that she desires when having PIV ... but boy o boy think of the head game that is being played out ... you have to fake an Orgasm and at the same time hold back from actually having one. Since my KH also feels much the same as @Thatgirl I'm going to bring it up to her and see what she says.
My wife is very similar. She likes it when we have PIV sex. She has always had multiple orgasms that way so she is typically very satisfied when we have sex. There are times though where oral is enough for her. She had told me a couple of times though that I can't cum when I'm inside her.
It's usually the male that introduces chastity to a relationship and they often fantasize about long, lengthy periods of abstinence but chastity in FLR is primary for the females pleasure. If you love penetration then have it when you want it. The males fetishes are secondary I'm afraid and if that upsets any members on here then so be it.
My Wife can tell when I have an orgasm during piv, and I am sure @Thatgirl will be able to tell when her husband orgasms as well. There is no male fake orgasm. Also my entire approach to chastity is this is about honesty. If I was trying to fake an orgasm my Wife wouldknow and it would damage everything we have built up over the past year. I discovered that my Wife always knew when I orgasmed when she told me that when we orgasm together it is much, much better than when only she does. I asked how much and she said about 60%. I was stunned when she said it was that much better.
I would say if you enjoy PIV sex with his orgasm then just enjoy that while also knowing he will most likely be less interested in pleasing you post orgasm. Sadly there is no inbetween, the hormones in his body cannot be changed.
I completely agree. It's about giving up control. If she wants penetration and for me to cum, then that is what she gets. I am happy to be of service to my wife.
I have to say I am envious of your relationship. I have drawn the line on the chastity stuff. My married life has always been sex deficient and I don't want to give my wife an opportunity to limit me even more. That being said, you seem to have a wonderful balance.
Well if your wife could not "tell" you faked it I would be concerned ... however ... There is a fake male orgasm ... just like there is a fake woman orgasm ... the question is can the other person tell the difference ... meaning other then cum / fluid after the act ... the orgasm is not the feeling of fluid blasting everywhere during PIV, it is the triggers of the physical body. Every man has experienced being on the edge and then the woman orgasms, the her contracting sends him over the edge, not the rush of fluid. A woman is not having an orgasm because of some blast of male fluid, she is reaching a heightened sense from the physical things happening (extremely hard penis / spasms / loss of his control / emotion sense of being wanted / emotional sense of pleasing her partner). Also I in no way implied to deceive / fool / lie / trick ... in fact I implied just to opposite I stated that she tell you to fake it and to make it believable. This suggestion comes from my youthful days of sex multiple times a day to "orgasm". We all know that the "first orgasm" has a lot of fluid with it ... the second no so much and by the third in a short period of time really nothing as far as fluid. But achieving orgasm the third time of PIV despite there being little to no ejaculate still has a very positive effect for the woman. So if you can replicate everything involved in the male orgasm (except the ejaculate) I think you could have a fun game of PIV playtime that fits the chastity lifestyle. Hell women have fake orgasm for the male ego, why not turn the tables on men and "require" the same ... seems it would fit very well for a couple that the man cross-dresses etc.
Years ago I faked an orgasm, I knew it wasn't going to happen and I had been at it awhile. I could tell she was done awhile ago but wanted me to get there. I didn't want to make her feel bad so I faked it. Used confirms back then so just had to take off discreetly, not an issue since it's the yucky part. I made a big show of it and she thought that I had a super powerful O. She said I could feel you throbbing...it was just me flexing it. She felt good and I didn't cum...no biggie.
If you like it do it, my wife loves to hear me cum. But I always have to lick her clean afterwards, which also Leeds to more orgasms for her. We a still kinda new, but still like to switch it up, taking turns with the bandage, which gives me a chance to produce many orgasms. That's what I'm used for and what I'm good for. I can't produce as many orgasms when she is free, because she can't take it and gets away. She says no more and begs me to stop, but when she is bound she has to keep cumming.
Intercourse is a distant memory for us. To make a long story short, the jist of it is that after many years of me being a sexual submissive, intercourse and giving me oral were seen as submissive acts by my wife and her live in girlfriend. So I know how long periods of time can change you from a dominant stud to as submissive sex slave who gets his pleasure by being submissive to his women. When we stopped BDSM play for several reasons, Chastity fit in perfectly to keep me sexually submissive. Like you we struggle at times because I am very dominant in my life and profession while my wife likes being being the submissive one in our marriage and bed. After 4 years of chastity lock up with a few orgasms a year, we are not as devoted to it as we once were. We now deny me an orgasm for two or three months and then take a break from chastity until we feel like doing it again. We also take a break due to medical reasons because we are senior citizens and prone to medical problems all too often. However when it comes to penetration, we have done without it for about 20 years or more, so it is not something we miss anymore. Plus with our age and limited mobility along with medical problems, intercourse would be difficult to perform as we like it. Doctor gave us a few positions that would not hurt my wife, but they are not positions we would enjoy. It would be intercourse just for the sake of having it, so we do not bother with that anymore. Oral and a vibrator have taken the place of penetration and my wife is having great orgasms again like she did when we first got married. She says that they may even be better but she cannot remember that far back to really know.