It’s not kinky right now, so…

I really hope she gets well soon.

 

we only play in the shallow-end (so far) and our method started out by locking up Sunday night or Monday morning & waiting for the weekend (thankfully she loves PIV )

worked really well for both of us until we had a major row one Thursday night which turned into a 3-day silent treatment / tears / the lot

took the OP approach above & toughed it out longer for the first time. when we finally got to kissing & making-up she simply said "well - if you can do 11-nights then there's no reason you'll not be able to do a fortnight ..."

 

I'm with you on all this. We had a long month of January with me starting a new job, getting covid, then her getting Covid from me... it was a long slog. She basically forgot about my cage and never told me to take it off. Even though I felt like total crap for two weeks with covid, I never complained and just soldiered through with the cage on and waited for it all to end. then, when I started feeling better she was still sick so I transitioned to a caregiver and continued to wait. The cage helped me maintain focused on our dynamic through all this. Even though there was no hint of anything sexual happening at any time, service was still possible in its purest sense by maintaining focus on the wellbeing of my wife and Domme. I tried to focus on her and do what I could to make her happy, even if just by graciously accepting her help while she was the caregiver and supporting me through my illness.

Another bonus of this episode is I smashed my record for my longest continual lockup ever, reaching a full month for the first time. Always good to stay focused on the bright side of things.

 

Well said Nicoftime!

We need to stay locked. Even when no one’s looking.

 

I’ve said this in other posts, I believe the bigger issue to living the chastity “lifestyle” isn’t “when will my wife be the hardcore Domme I crave”, the bigger issue is, will I the penis holder actually shut my mouth, relax and truly and honestly give up complete and total control of the little brain that drives our every decision.
Once we can give up those last little threads of trying to control her decisions and manipulate scenarios etc, then at least in my personal case, I saw my Wife blossom into a far better keyholder than my fantasy was!
Because she’s made it her way, I actually feel out of control of my situation and it’s freeing and amazing!
Now, if she locked me and forgot me, I’d have issues with that and I don’t know how I’d respond. But we communicated through this whole 4 year journey, and continue to about wants and needs and expectations.
I just know it’s now her way I have to follow lol, but I dominated her for 28 years, so I have time owed to her.

 

Thanks Nic. Your usual sensible advice. I've been working on this too. Emotional sexual maturity through use of chastity. I would self-sooth and that doesn't address the issues. I used to really miss those anger wanks, which are mostly replaced with thoughtful refection and pride at still making it through the tough times without. It is self-fulfilling and satisfying in the end but without the guilt and detrimental effects to the relationship

 

"Good! Well at least I know I'm not getting out tonight. I can focus on enjoying being denied." I sometimes think after an argument.

If she's really pissed off with me it's like having a drop. I can't get aroused even if I've been 20 days without. Very effective deterrent.

 

Have to say that after our first year we had a falling out and a break. When I put it back on and handed her the key, it never came up in an argument again. Airport and MRI (or an unlikely sore spot) are the only reasons to remove it apart from play.

 

Great posts @Nicoftime

I struggled with being selfish in this lifestyle and there was a lot of focus on what I wanted versus my wife’s wants in the beginning. Thank god she’s a patient woman and I finally had an epiphany a couple years into us starting down this path that put me on the right track. There were still a lot of bumps down the road from there as life happens and priorities change, you just have to navigate as shit happens and realize life is ever changing, just make the best of it.

Im just glad that I finally found I could truly hand control over to my wife and say I know you know what’s best for me. I think I’ve taken longer than some to figure things out but I’m glad to have learned and know what I know now. I have never seen my wife happier and more content with our relationship.

 

This is great, thanks Nicoftime. I think this quote is the money shot:

That's it for me, too.

I've been caged through a few illnesses and a few of my wife's. The only "illness" related time I ever asked to be uncaged was when I threw my back out, and that was just because movement was difficult and the cage made it nearly impossible to find any comfortable position. Other than that, the cage stays on until she has a reason to take it off. We do need to be more reliable about locking it back on sooner rather than later though.

 

What?! It doesn't go straight back on? Lol.

 

Very well said @Nicoftime . That's how I'm trying to look at it, I made the decision to give my mistress ownership of my sexual organs and pleasure and that's it no matter what. Unless she bores of it which seems very unlikely now, we are in the lifestyle, no turning back at least not in a solo decision by me. The times I just want to somehow cheat and cum on my own, for what would probably be less than a minute of relief I can say to myself it's just the cage playing tricks on me. It's turning into a pretty handcore chastity lifestyle for me but I never attached conditions when I gave my gift so that's just too bad. I think she's really seeing the advantages of having a completely chaste slave and in a way I'm getting used to it. Time spent in chastity during non-sexual times serves to reinforce our roles in the relationship and if she decides that's a good thing then it is a good thing for me too as I have no other choice except to rain on her parade and why would I do that?

 

Right? I mean, it's supposed to, but she doesn't always insist, and right after an orgasm, I'm not always proactive about it myself.

 

I used to remind her, now she reminds me. I think I've gone to sleep once after sex without in a year. Certainly helps Snap me back to reality. I love that she cares.

 

.
I couldn't agree more!

 

This is a great reminder! I gave my wife ownership of my sexuality when I gave her the key. I used those words! Not only did she tell me she didn't want me pleasuring myself any longer, she told me she didn't want me teasing myself sexually in any way and she didn't want me to touch myself except for cleaning. Since I lack self-control and need this cage, I'm responsible for the hygiene.

It's quite selfish if you give your spouse a gift so you can use / play with it.

A gift that brings the recipient no benefits has no value. Why should a KH play with her toys if it doesn't result in her partner's increased attentiveness, love, service, improved behavior, etc? It really puts the onus on us as gift givers to give a high quality gift, not some cheap substitute that loses it's luster or usefulness.

 

Yes....my cock is my wifes too, not mine any more

 

@Nicoftime Thank-you very much for your moving and inspirational initial post here. I'm more grateful than you can know.

 

Best thing you said. "Stay calm and stay caged" my thoughts exactly.

 

I love this post, thanks for posting and I hope your wife gets better soon.
I always enjoy reading your posts

 

@Nicoftime, Thank you for sharing your thoughts, so openly. These kinds of events, that impact us and our partners, are very difficult.

We have been using chastity and a FLR for five years, pretty much full time. I guess that qualifies as lifestyle.

Pre-chastity, our marriage was in trouble. We were deeply in love, but could not connect sexually. How we got to this point is another story. But, I can say once we opened up about sex, and could talk freely, the secrets fell, we grew, and connected on a level that saved our relationship.

Because of the intense connections these kinds of relationships can develop, the impact of events like you are experiencing, that interrupt our activities and demonstrations of love, are not easily dismissed. They can be very hard to live through.

You seem to be rationalizing and handling your situation as well as possible. And I would guess, from your writings, at a level you may not have imagined before. Please continue sharing if it helps.