Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders

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lauren1fem

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Nov 14, 2008
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by: Lucy Fairbourne

As the title suggests this book is aimed at a soon to be female keyholder of a would-be chastity-belted male. It is well-suited to a newbie keyholder or someone who may have been surprised by receiving the book from someone as a "gift". It presumes the reader has obtained the book for several reasons, but the principal one is that a male interested in chastity has sprung this idea on his SO in hopes of acquiring her as his keyholder. This aspect may be the book's greatest asset.

Introducing a kink like chastity into a relationship is made easier by the writer's style and matter-of-fact approach to the female keyholder reader. It's also a quick read and gives one a taste of the lifestyle without getting too bogged down in the detail.

There are a few sections that may be a bit contrived. The author suggests that you create a diary to track yours/his sexual frustration & horniness level before going out and buying a device. During this time the chaste male would have to use the honor system which could be problematic.

There is a good overview of various product types without naming manufacturers or endorsing any particular make/model. If you knew nothing about chastity belts this might be informative or set your mind at ease with the whole concept.

Final Analysis: If you are a husband hoping to get your wife or SO to be your keyholder this book is for you/her! (Note: To date I haven't got the guts yet to spring this on my wife, but this book along with a brief request to "read it and then let's talk" is what I would use to introduce the idea to her).
 
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I think this book is very good. I read it in 1 sitting as did my wife.

1 rule of the author's I dont like though is after cumming being locked straght back up. :-(

rich.:balls:
 
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Dollyanne agrees with lauren's assessment that this book is a good introduction for the inexperienced spouse who is trying to figure out why on earth her man would want to be locked up in a chastity device, and if he was, what would SHE get out of it?

The answer the author gives for the former is "delayed gratification" and for the latter, "perpetual courtship." Things like chores, massages, attentiveness, erotic heat, masturbation control, and infidelity control are mentioned as part of the latter. These are dealt with in a gentle way for the spouse who is worried her husband might be thinking about cheating on her, is more interested in the chastity device than her, or has joined the ranks of the perverted sicko minority.

The section on chastity devices seems a little weak to dollyanne and glosses over the kinds of problems and expense it could entail. It implies that the husband and wife develop the criteria for the chastity device together, sort of as a joint project. This may be a bit unrealistic in many cases, as the man probably already has a chastity device ready to spring on her!

Dollyanne is of the opinion that a low-cost, low-risk approach would likely appeal to most skeptical spouses. Sort of the "camel's head in the tent" strategy. To get approval show them the camel's head, but not the multi-humped monstrosity attached to it!

The author does suggest starting with a voluntary chastity program without a device during which time the husband would keep a diary.

Dollyanne thinks that some kind of device should be used for this, even if it is nothing more than a ribbon or something. Dolly did this in a way with her hair scrunchies, pretending she was in chastity while getting used to having something attached to the base of her penis and the idea of not touching herself or masturbating to porn. Ideally, of course, the spouse would attach it and also get used to the idea of "controlling" her husband's sexuality.

The diary is probably overkill--how many men would faithfully keep a diary with their feelings? Maybe it would work for some, though. Dollyanne kept a diary of sorts through her blog, but something as simple as marking a calendar would probably work also.

Section II on "Living with the Device" offers some practical tips on cleaning, locking, and keeping an emergency key, and Section III on "Erotic Play" gives tips on releasing, keyholding, and chastity games to play. And there is a reference section with links to web sites for more information.

All of this is probably written with the right amount of detail, just enough to give a simplistic view of what it would be like to have your man in a chastity device. Of course, presumably at this point, there is no chastity device! So, the most important thing is the earlier argument for why one should be tried.

All in all, this is a nice little book, and should be a reasonably gentle introduction to chastity for most spouses. Since it's written by a woman for women it takes some of the "this is a perverted activity" edge off the chastity idea.

So, would this book work for dollyanne's spouse? Probably not. For dollyanne's spouse, the focus on bringing more "erotic heat" into the relationship as a benefit of chastity is probably not the right approach. She would likely want to see more practical benefits such as doing certain chores, or more importantly, providing motivation to complete certain projects she had in mind. She might buy into the idea of chastity if she were convinced that it re-channeled dollyanne's sexual energy into the activities she wanted. She would be skeptical of course, so it would be up to dollyanne to show results.

The romantic and erotic play part, which occupies a lot of the book, would not apply to dollyanne's situation for reasons that are personal and not in dollyanne's or her spouse's control. Without going into detail, suffice it to say that this part of the book would be wasted on dollyanne's spouse. For this reason, dollyanne suspects that even if her spouse read the book, which she doubts she would, it would not give her a strong enough reason to try chastity. Dollyanne wishes the book were more balanced in this aspect, giving equal weight to non-romantic benefits as well.

Dollyanne is probably unique in this regard, as most couples would probably greatly benefit from the romantic enhancement of the relationship.

Of course, there is the problem of what do you do when you want to have sex and your husband is locked up? Especially if the idea is to keep him locked up for some extended period of time until his energy is built up. Not all women are comfortable with the idea of oral sex, or God forbid, cuckolding, so this aspect of chastity is problematic. The book does not really deal adequately with this in dollyanne's opinion. So it's a little Pollyanna in that respect.

The empowerment of the spouse as a benefit might not appeal either if the spouse thinks of herself as a submissive, or at least someone who wants to be an equal. Many wives, for various reasons, have no desire to be dominant in the relationship, and that is true of dollyanne's spouse. For some, though, this might have great appeal. Being dominant or assertive enough to get what you want is a plus, but most women, in dollyanne's view, do not see themselves becoming flaming dominatrices wielding whips and strap-ons.

So, the bottom line for dollyanne is that would be a nice introduction to chastity for most couples, but probably not for dollyanne and her spouse. Nevertheless, dollyanne is leaving the book around to see if her spouse reads it and if she does, then what she thought of it. If that should happen, dollyanne will report back. But, until that happens, the Antarctic ice shelf will probably melt and break off and threaten massive flooding of coastal areas around the world, and dollyanne will be up to her chastity device in ice water! (Kinda the opposite of Hell freezing over!)

Curtsies and Huggs,:manga_bath:
dollyanne
 
:sex005:Thanks for the fantastic book review Dollyanne, I’ve seen this book for sale at a few websites, in fact I ordered it about a year ago, but unfortunately (or fortunately) they were out of stock (which I took as an omen to leave well enough alone). I’m quite glad Mistress Watchful gave me this link, because not only did I thoroughly enjoyed your review and insights, I totally agree with you about many wives not having the desire to be dominant in a relationship. I know my wife will never be the leather clad whip wielding dominatrix of my fantasies, but then again I don’t really want her to be. I’ve been encouraging my wife to become my key-holder for a number of years & she’s finely expressed interest in doing it. At this point I think the main obstacle is she’s afraid of doing some thing wrong. I suspect that most women when considering keeping their husband locked in a chastity device have similar fears. What I’m hoping for is for her to want me spend time hugging & kissing her rather than sitting in front of the computer with one hand on the keyboard & the other wrapped around, you know what. I’d willing to not cum for months in order to spend just mere a weeks worth of nights with my arms wrapped around her. I have a feeling that book could do more harm than good. Using information from the internet helped me get her to “the talking about it stage”, so I’ll stick with it & maybe just maybe I’ll get her to the trying it stage. Thanks again.
Sincerely, play2fore69
 
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AWESOME Book.. just bought it for Mistress.K

I actually meant to read the intro to make sure it was a good representation.. I read the whole thing before Mistress got home...

AWESOME

gabby :cat:
 
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I couldn't agree more, this a fantastic book and an awesome way to introduce your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/FB to chastity!

I bought this for my wife last year after broaching the subject of chastity and ordering a CB6000 and I have rarely been out of it since.....:anim_39:
 
I like this book very much. Bought it to my girlfreind with the hope of her becoming my Mistress.

It did have a positive effect and she is now my Mistress.

I recommend this book for anyone with similar ideas.
 
Amazon...

TheKahuna said:
Is there a "Table of Contents" or a chapter title list?
Click to expand...
Go to Amazon.com and search for the title or just "Male Chastity". You can drill down to that book. If you hover over the book cover you can see the Table of Contents and other information about the book that might interest you.
 
I bought this book just after ordering my hub's first chastity device, an Eros steel cage and found it to be the only book out there dealing with the subject of chastity in a helpful, newbie way. I suppose we've been unusual in that it was I that started us off but initially, it was just play. It's a bit daunting for any woman to get her head round 24/7 lock up and I know it took me a while to come to terms with it as voluntary deprivation of your own genitalia (in my mind) has no female equivalent. I enjoyed reading the book but it is only a brief intro. It doesn't go into any of the psychological aspects of why men would choose to be chaste - given that society tells us that the cock is all powerful and it is received wisdom that a man's best friend is his cock. Merely handing the book over to a nervous would-be key holder wouldn't be enough in my view to get you where you want to be. Think of it as stage two in a long term operation if you will.

Would-be subs need to spend some time and effort carefully explaining to their wife / Mistress etc the relationship between cock control and re focusing on her needs because believe me - the concept of being controlled by your bits is alien to the female psyche. I imagine that possibly the first reaction for many women being proudly shown their husband's willy waving about (or not) in a CB 6000 after 15 years of marriage would be to go running for the hills shouting "Pervert!".

Dont rely on the book to start the conversation off. The loving husband needs to put some serious thought into doing this and understanding how to communicate across the gender divide. Once you get that across, the perpetual courtship, loving attention and renewed romance that she gets out of your chastity sells itself and you may find yourself with more than you bargained for!


And for God's sake, whatever you do, don't buy her anything by Elise Sutton......(just a personal view :-))
 
My spouse and I are just starting down this path and agree that it will take a great deal of patience and encouragement for her to acclimate to my need to be chaste and to become a willing keyholder. I have seen reviews of this book and will probably order it. It sounds like it may have some good information.
 
Celtic Queen said:
I bought this book just after ordering my hub's first chastity device, an Eros steel cage and found it to be the only book out there dealing with the subject of chastity in a helpful, newbie way. I suppose we've been unusual in that it was I that started us off but initially, it was just play. It's a bit daunting for any woman to get her head round 24/7 lock up and I know it took me a while to come to terms with it as voluntary deprivation of your own genitalia (in my mind) has no female equivalent. I enjoyed reading the book but it is only a brief intro. It doesn't go into any of the psychological aspects of why men would choose to be chaste - given that society tells us that the cock is all powerful and it is received wisdom that a man's best friend is his cock. Merely handing the book over to a nervous would-be key holder wouldn't be enough in my view to get you where you want to be. Think of it as stage two in a long term operation if you will.


Would-be subs need to spend some time and effort carefully explaining to their wife / Mistress etc the relationship between cock control and re focusing on her needs because believe me - the concept of being controlled by your bits is alien to the female psyche. I imagine that possibly the first reaction for many women being proudly shown their husband's willy waving about (or not) in a CB 6000 after 15 years of marriage would be to go running for the hills shouting "Pervert!".


Dont rely on the book to start the conversation off. The loving husband needs to put some serious thought into doing this and understanding how to communicate across the gender divide. Once you get that across, the perpetual courtship, loving attention and renewed romance that she gets out of your chastity sells itself and you may find yourself with more than you bargained for!



And for God's sake, whatever you do, don't buy her anything by Elise Sutton......(just a personal view :-))
Click to expand...

CQ - Male chastity was *your* idea in your relationship? That is interesting... have you posted somewhere how you got your start? I would love to hear it...

Also - I'm curious why you think Elise Sutton isn't good for a beginner? Too much on the femdom side of things? Or something else?

Thanks in advance!
 
I'm new here, so I apologize for the necrothread, but I have been thinking about getting this for my wife. We recently started chastity play, and I think she likes it but doesn't realize how much she can benefit from locking me up. I'm trying not to go crazy overboard, like I do with most things, which would scare her away I think. I did bring the book up to her, and all she said was "its almost 200 pages long? I don't have time for that!"

I'm going to wait a while before buying it for her, but I do think she would get more from this experience if she at least glanced through a book instead of just hearing it from me.
 
Me and my GF are looking into these books but she read the introduction and was a bit put off by the way it has been written, in that it appears to be playing into the male fantasy more than trying to look at it from a "new KH" perspective i.e. "if you are worried your man will cheat, this will help you control him". firstly my GF is very strong in her views about gender stereotypes and if this book is very "he and she" she probably won't like it. Also, although I know everyone has different reasons for chastity, by far the most resounding thing I have taken from CM is that the real posts generally describe a loving and trusting relationship between two people who are experimenting and finding out what makes each other tick. I know when i started this three months ago I had all types of ideas in my head of what I wanted her to do, most of which she did not do and I am glad she did not. What we have found is a much more fulfilling and communicative relationship, which is saying something because I don't think we had a lack of communication before we started this.

My question is, is it possible for a female who is very gender stereotype conscious to relate to this book or does it mostly pander to what the "man" wants out of the relationship. i.e. tease and denial is not just fun for the man but is a big turn of for her as well. etc etc.

Would love to hear some opinions of people who have read this book. Thanks :oops::oops:
 
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Ok, 36 minutes later, it has been read...

I liked the re-enforcement on how this is a gift to the male... and not punishment

I was surprised at how often she emphasized how you could not remain in chastity for very long and how no true scientific research had been done on the effects of long term chastity on the body.
 
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