New and Still Unsure… But Loving It So Far!

[SecretlySubmissive]

Hello.

I am a 28 year old man who has only very recently come to terms with the fact that his natural sexuality is submissive after a long time of foolishly pretending otherwise, when in fact I’ve had fantasies of submitting to women literally as long as I can remember, before I even had any idea what sex was.

Even when I finally recently embraced this part of myself, I was still unsure about chastity. It didn’t make any intuitive sense how something designed to deny pleasure could somehow enhance pleasure, or how these things that looked so uncomfortable could in fact be comfortable.

I’m glad to say I was wrong. I finally get it now. Miss is only locking me up for the Friday-Sunday weekend (or so I think…) to start and after just two days I can already see there’s no going back. Indeed before locking me she warned me I might be “going down a road there’s no coming back from.” She was right as always, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’ve been constantly frustrated yet aroused this whole time and it just hits the spot perfectly. And more importantly, it allows me to focus entirely on her pleasure and what she wants, and that is all that actually matters of course. If I am so lucky as to ever be granted pleasure again, it will just be all the better and more special now. So everybody wins.

It was also humbling to realize just how small I am when being sized up for a cage. I got tubes for both the HT-v5 “Nano” and “Nub.” I was literally too small to fit in the Nano without far too much breathing room. Even the Nub had a bit of room, but that disappears most of the day as I am constantly at least slightly aroused and struggling in vain against the cage.

In any case, Miss says I look perfect in the Nub and that I was “meant to be caged.” Given how well and quickly I have adjusted to caged life (tbh I enjoy struggling to get erections and don’t find it uncomfortable like many seem to), she is again likely right as always.

That all said, I am still not 100% certain I want to dive in headfirst into this lifestyle. I worry going too long-term could defeat the point if it kills that constant aroused-yet-frustrated sensation, and some of the other things people here and elsewhere have said simply sound way too extreme to me. No PIV or orgasms ever? I don’t think I could do that, at least not at this stage in my life. I mean after all it’s only been 2 days and the rush so far could wear off once the novelty does, so I can’t commit with certainty quite yet.

But for now I’m willing to do whatever Miss wants and see where that takes me. I’m along for the ride and have a feeling chastity is going to be a big part of my life and sex (or lack thereof) going forward in one way or another. So I decided to join after lurking for a while.

 

[LesterBallard]

Hello and welcome. Good luck with it

 

[MissyB]

Welcome. I hope you enjoy our community.

 

[madams-sissysub]

Hi there and welcome to the mansion!

 

[Slutty Susan]

Welcome to the mansion.

 

[denied_one]

Hello.

I am a 28 year old man who has only very recently come to terms with the fact that his natural sexuality is submissive after a long time of foolishly pretending otherwise, when in fact I’ve had fantasies of submitting to women literally as long as I can remember, before I even had any idea what sex was.

Even when I finally recently embraced this part of myself, I was still unsure about chastity. It didn’t make any intuitive sense how something designed to deny pleasure could somehow enhance pleasure, or how these things that looked so uncomfortable could in fact be comfortable.

I’m glad to say I was wrong. I finally get it now. Miss is only locking me up for the Friday-Sunday weekend (or so I think…) to start and after just two days I can already see there’s no going back. Indeed before locking me she warned me I might be “going down a road there’s no coming back from.” She was right as always, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’ve been constantly frustrated yet aroused this whole time and it just hits the spot perfectly. And more importantly, it allows me to focus entirely on her pleasure and what she wants, and that is all that actually matters of course. If I am so lucky as to ever be granted pleasure again, it will just be all the better and more special now. So everybody wins.

It was also humbling to realize just how small I am when being sized up for a cage. I got tubes for both the HT-v5 “Nano” and “Nub.” I was literally too small to fit in the Nano without far too much breathing room. Even the Nub had a bit of room, but that disappears most of the day as I am constantly at least slightly aroused and struggling in vain against the cage.

In any case, Miss says I look perfect in the Nub and that I was “meant to be caged.” Given how well and quickly I have adjusted to caged life (tbh I enjoy struggling to get erections and don’t find it uncomfortable like many seem to), she is again likely right as always.

That all said, I am still not 100% certain I want to dive in headfirst into this lifestyle. I worry going too long-term could defeat the point if it kills that constant aroused-yet-frustrated sensation, and some of the other things people here and elsewhere have said simply sound way too extreme to me. No PIV or orgasms ever? I don’t think I could do that, at least not at this stage in my life. I mean after all it’s only been 2 days and the rush so far could wear off once the novelty does, so I can’t commit with certainty quite yet.

But for now I’m willing to do whatever Miss wants and see where that takes me. I’m along for the ride and have a feeling chastity is going to be a big part of my life and sex (or lack thereof) going forward in one way or another. So I decided to join after lurking for a while.

First off welcome!

She already literally warned you, you could be going down a road there is no coming back on

You are wearing a cage now as you "mull it over" each day you wear it to "mull it over" is a day She see's acceptance out of you. WEARING the cage is not the time to "try to think things out clearly" if you even still can. Cos tbh my dude, you sound "gone" as it is now and are now dealing with the apprehension that you will battle until you are broken for Her, like a wild stallion

Good luck man, She ain't going back....

 

[TangoSub]

Welcome to CM fellow HTv5-Nub'er. Good luck on your journey.

 

[SecretlySubmissive]

First off welcome!

She already literally warned you, you could be going down a road there is no coming back on

You are wearing a cage now as you "mull it over" each day you wear it to "mull it over" is a day She see's acceptance out of you. WEARING the cage is not the time to "try to think things out clearly" if you even still can. Cos tbh my dude, you sound "gone" as it is now and are now dealing with the apprehension that you will battle until you are broken for Her, like a wild stallion

Good luck man, She ain't going back....

Ugh… I’m afraid you might be right. This was initially supposed to just be a thing for occasional play like mixed with edging or a plug, or as a punishment on the off chance I did violate my mental chastity I already was practicing for her. But she locked me up all day on Friday. She did let me take it off for the first night, but made me sleep in it last night which actually was fine. Now I’m being told I’ll just have to wait and see if I will even be unlocked tomorrow much less tonight. She won’t give me an idea of when I can expect release at all! She also won’t give me an idea of when I might be able to play again even in the cage. She keeps teasing and hinting at doing it, hinting at a ruined orgasm even and at this point I’d take it. But nothing yet. Clearly this has escalated pretty quickly already. Maybe it was a mistake to admit to her that so far I’ve liked and adjusted to it a lot more than I expected. Then she told me she’s glad and we’re going to have a lot of fun with this going forward… I hope she meant that in a good way!

 

[denied_one]

Ugh… I’m afraid you might be right. This was initially supposed to just be a thing for occasional play like mixed with edging or a plug, or as a punishment on the off chance I did violate my mental chastity I already was practicing for her. But she locked me up all day on Friday. She did let me take it off for the first night, but made me sleep in it last night which actually was fine. Now I’m being told I’ll just have to wait and see if I will even be unlocked tomorrow much less tonight. She won’t give me an idea of when I can expect release at all! She also won’t give me an idea of when I might be able to play again even in the cage. She keeps teasing and hinting at doing it, hinting at a ruined orgasm even and at this point I’d take it. But nothing yet. Clearly this has escalated pretty quickly already. Maybe it was a mistake to admit to her that so far I’ve liked and adjusted to it a lot more than I expected. Then she told me she’s glad and we’re going to have a lot of fun with this going forward… I hope she meant that in a good way!

Quit freakin out.

A. Why was it a "mistake" to admit to her that you have liked it and adjusted to it quicker? Since when is intimacy with ones spouse a mistake

B. Why wouldn't she mean we are going to have a lot of fun with this going forward in anything BUT a good way.

Do you not want to be in chastity for your Wife?

You will be fine. Enjoy the ride!! I am. I am a slow learner too, so don't worry

 

[SecretlySubmissive]

Quit freakin out.

A. Why was it a "mistake" to admit to her that you have liked it and adjusted to it quicker? Since when is intimacy with ones spouse a mistake

B. Why wouldn't she mean we are going to have a lot of fun with this going forward in anything BUT a good way.

Do you not want to be in chastity for your Wife?

You will be fine. Enjoy the ride!! I am. I am a slow learner too, so don't worry

I’m not really freaking out. I was kinda speaking in jest when I said things like it was a “mistake,” sorry if that wasn’t clear. It would be a mistake if the goal was actually to avoid chastity but in truth I am liking it and am excited. Doesn’t mean there isn’t also a bit of fear but to me fear and arousal can be intertwined which is where I think a lot of the appeal comes from in the first place.

But no, I don’t actually regret being honest with her and obviously she meant saying the thing about a lot of fun positively, but my point was simply that it seems she likes it too which means for better or worse it looks like I might be getting more than I bargained for sooner than I expected. Again not opposed to that necessarily, in fact there’s a bit of thrill that things are moving as fast as they are. Just trying to process it all.

The important thing to me is that I do what pleases Miss (who is not my wife at the moment, just my partner) so if she wants me in chastity I’ll be in chastity. I’m perfectly OK with that, and in fact have been practicing mental chastity with her our entire relationship, in the sense that I receive no pleasure without her permission. I’ve never felt any real temptation to violate that so the physical chastity is more of an extension of that and symbol than anything to actually make me stop cheating as I wasn’t anyway.

Anyway, I trust her completely. She hasn’t let me down so far, I still get regular sex we both enjoy and we’ve been exploring a lot together which may be part of why I feel no temptation to cheat on my chastity even without the cage. I’m sure she knows what’s best for me so I’m not actually worried, and I’ve thought about this a lot for a while and theoretically at least I think it’s great, and it’s encouraging that it’s working well so far. It’s just as with any significant change or new experience, there’s kind of a rush of different thoughts and feelings. But I know she would never make me do anything I’m not comfortable with or can’t handle and that if for some reason things did go bad and I had to tell her to stop this or any kink, she would do so with no issues. So definitely not truly freaking out. Just getting used to the idea.

 

[denied_one]

See? You got this! More importantly, She's got you!!

 

[SecretlySubmissive]

See? You got this! More importantly, She's got you!!

You’re absolutely right about that!

But in any case, looks like I’m locked again for the night at least. When she told me that she said it’s because I’ve been doing so well like it’s a reward lol. But wouldn’t say if I’m still getting out tomorrow or not. And she’s also dropped hints that whenever I do get out, I might be ruined. Or that she might make me cum in the cage first which apparently is kinda like ruining. Considering how heightened my arousal has been the past few days and how pent up I am now, the prospect of not getting full release any time soon is terrifying… But again, that kinda makes it more arousing at the same time!

 

[boo]

sounds like she is well educated on the matter

 

[SecretlySubmissive]

sounds like she is well educated on the matter

She really is. I’m not her first sub so she has a lot more experience with all this than me. I’ve been learning so much from her. And she’s been taking things at my pace and seems to always know how to anticipate my needs without me even having to say a word. She’s great.

I know a lot of guys have to beg their vanilla wives/partners to try this sort of stuff so I feel quite lucky to have someone who was into it from the start and has been helping me explore from a place of experience. If anything she’s been encouraging me to do more that I was first reluctant to and introducing me to new things and pushing me out of my comfort zone, but always gently. I told her at first I didn’t want to do physical chastity but I brought it up myself eventually after changing my mind, which very pleasantly surprised her.

 

[denied_one]

She really is. I’m not her first sub so she has a lot more experience with all this than me. I’ve been learning so much from her. And she’s been taking things at my pace and seems to always know how to anticipate my needs without me even having to say a word. She’s great.

I know a lot of guys have to beg their vanilla wives/partners to try this sort of stuff so I feel quite lucky to have someone who was into it from the start and has been helping me explore from a place of experience. If anything she’s been encouraging me to do more that I was first reluctant to and introducing me to new things and pushing me out of my comfort zone, but always gently. I told her at first I didn’t want to do physical chastity but I brought it up myself eventually after changing my mind, which very pleasantly surprised her.

Well there ya go, you are in great hands.

My KH-Wife @MrsLockNkey was always open and willing to participate in our chastity. But over the past 5 years or so has really ramped up our activity. And since January of this year has, completely stepped into Her role as KH for me and while I struggle, i couldn't be more grateful to Her for not only being so willing to play, but being so willing to take up the responsibility of taking up my chastity keys. i cherish Her as my life partner and my KH

We are lucky indeed!

 

[boo]

She really is. I’m not her first sub so she has a lot more experience with all this than me. I’ve been learning so much from her. And she’s been taking things at my pace and seems to always know how to anticipate my needs without me even having to say a word. She’s great.



You are a young man I an old one. I've never found a meaningful Domme. Keep in mind there are about a zillion subs for every Domme much less one that loves you. I like it here but it's easy to get the idea women are just waiting around to be introduced to kink. Sure there are success stories here, but finding a woman who actually likes this is rare in my opinion. If i were to guess you're headed for a life of slavery, my very best advice is to go willingly or regret it the rest of your life. Just sayin

I know a lot of guys have to beg their vanilla wives/partners to try this sort of stuff so I feel quite lucky to have someone who was into it from the start and has been helping me explore from a place of experience. If anything she’s been encouraging me to do more that I was first reluctant to and introducing me to new things and pushing me out of my comfort zone, but always gently. I told her at first I didn’t want to do physical chastity but I brought it up myself eventually after changing my mind, which very pleasantly surprised her.

 

[denied_one]

Fuckin A right! Go willingly or else! No other choice. If you know women.

 

[SecretlySubmissive]

You are a young man I an old one. I've never found a meaningful Domme. Keep in mind there are about a zillion subs for every Domme much less one that loves you. I like it here but it's easy to get the idea women are just waiting around to be introduced to kink. Sure there are success stories here, but finding a woman who actually likes this is rare in my opinion. If i were to guess you're headed for a life of slavery, my very best advice is to go willingly or regret it the rest of your life. Just sayin

I’m sorry that you’ve never found what you’re looking for, and you are likely right that male subs outnumber Dommes, even if both are rare relative to the reverse for each gender. That said, in my experience younger women today are more likely to be interested in or at least open to this kind of thing than women of previous generations might have been. It’s still far from the case that most are actively interested in it or primarily dominant, true, but as society in general becomes more open-minded about sexuality and everything else, and traditional gender roles are challenged more and more, there is less stigma surrounding kink in general and particularly those that directly challenge the old norms more. And in fact women in particular seem more open to subverting or abandoning the old norms. In fact I just saw a poll the other day that said nearly 30% of Gen Z women claim to be some form of LGBTQ. Now that’s not my thing, and isn’t the same as kink, but still goes to show more open-mindedness and tolerance towards taboo or unconventional elements of sexuality among the younger generation (and actually I’m a bit older than them), especially women. So maybe there is hope for the future. That might not bring you much solace now but it’s something I hope.

As for your advice, well “slavery” is a strong word! But I feel happier than ever as her sub. We don’t exactly have a full-time 24/7 FLR but it almost makes no difference as I pretty much always defer to her anyway simply because I trust her and respect her judgment so much. I’m open to pretty much whatever comes and am willing to go along with it as long as it works. Whether that means more of the same, going down a slippery slope into more of an actual FLR dynamic, or even more vanilla actually than it has been so far (hey sometimes you just wanna cuddle on the couch or make love as equal partners, or at least I do), I’m confident that we’ll be able to work out something that works for us.

 

[ChazTD]

Welcome. Looks like you have found a keeper.

 

[HouseboyForHer]

The thread bothers me for one reason. Posters seem to believe that you and your lady friend are destined for a life of strict D/s - even using the word "slave".

We're all used to the "nurture vs. nature" debate and I think most here would agree that some keyholders have a good deal of natural domme wired into them while others learn, agree to try, fake it, learn some more, agree some more, and perhaps get into it more then either partner thought they would. And of course some KHs just don't measure up to their partners' hopes and fantasies and the whole attempt at the lifestyle crashes and burns. Or the concept is rejected out of hand, and the fantasy is unrequited for as long as the relationship endures.

My point: a successful long-term relationship is about two people growing and growing together. Two trees that grow together become intertwined, and neither grows as it would in a clearing by itself. Both have to bend and change. Alternately, a tree plus a vine wrapped around it is not two trees growing together. Making a relationship work is hard work, requiring sacrifice of some things that each partner thought were non-negotiable. Its up to the partners together to create a lifestyle that works for both (even if, paradoxically, it seems to "trap" the submissive in a "miserable life of slavery").

One of the most-used words around here is "communication" and with good reason. While it's a hot fantasy to be trapped, completely against one's will, into a life of slavish servitude and complete sexual denial, it's not reality for many of us. We all need what really works in a loving, two-way (or n-way) relationship. Some of that will be kink, God willing. How much is for the two of you to decide!

As for your advice, well “slavery” is a strong word! But I feel happier than ever as her sub. We don’t exactly have a full-time 24/7 FLR but it almost makes no difference as I pretty much always defer to her anyway simply because I trust her and respect her judgment so much. I’m open to pretty much whatever comes and am willing to go along with it as long as it works. Whether that means more of the same, going down a slippery slope into more of an actual FLR dynamic, or even more vanilla actually than it has been so far (hey sometimes you just wanna cuddle on the couch or make love as equal partners, or at least I do), I’m confident that we’ll be able to work out something that works for us.

It sounds like you've got a head start on a lot of us - congratulations! I'd urge you to be proactive and intentional in discussing what works (rather than "go along with it as long as it works"). The latter is risky because it's so often a shock to the one partner when the other says, "this isn't working for me" all of a sudden. Better to "talk early, talk often" IMHO.

Peace, everyone!

 

[Rectrix]

She really is. I’m not her first sub so she has a lot more experience with all this than me. I’ve been learning so much from her. And she’s been taking things at my pace and seems to always know how to anticipate my needs without me even having to say a word. She’s great.

I know a lot of guys have to beg their vanilla wives/partners to try this sort of stuff so I feel quite lucky to have someone who was into it from the start and has been helping me explore from a place of experience. If anything she’s been encouraging me to do more that I was first reluctant to and introducing me to new things and pushing me out of my comfort zone, but always gently. I told her at first I didn’t want to do physical chastity but I brought it up myself eventually after changing my mind, which very pleasantly surprised her.

You're submissive. She's experienced as a top-oriented female and she's chosen to accept your submission and lead you. You're very lucky that you're both open to your respective orientations. Stop over-thinking this and let her lead, thank her and serve her. If it feels right stop arguing with yourself.

 

[SubBill1959]

HouseBoyForHer hit the nail on the head. Enjoy the growing together and realize that you have something that many of us wish we had! Nourish what you have.

 

[SecretlySubmissive]

You're submissive. She's experienced as a top-oriented female and she's chosen to accept your submission and lead you. You're very lucky that you're both open to your respective orientations. Stop over-thinking this and let her lead, thank her and serve her. If it feels right stop arguing with yourself.

I don’t think I am overthinking it or arguing with myself? It’s going great so far. Just want to make sure it stays that way. Diving all-in headfirst into fantasy or a whole new lifestyle right away may be thrilling, but it can have potential perils if you ignore the practical implications and don’t plan for things. So far I think we’re both very satisfied with what we’ve been doing and the pace we’re moving at.

And we do communicate well and often. It’s one of the greatest strengths of our relationship and why I really do think she’s a keeper. We seem to “get” each other intuitively in a way I’ve never really experienced before. It certainly doesn’t hurt that our interests and inclinations complement each other well and I’m finally more open with and accepting of mine.

Appreciate the advice and insight of posters here.