Observations on Male Chastity as a Kink and Why This Does Not Work for Me/Us

Perhaps the problem is you are looking at MC as a means to solve a problem and absent a problem there is no point. Quite a few participate because they want to….

 

Good observations and self-awareness. I think many of the points you bring up are things others find more/less useful depending on their situation, too.

What brought you to exploring chastity in the first place? It's interesting to think about what drew you to it vs what you encountered exploring it.

I think it can be a part of an individual or couple's growth and exploration, depending on how they want to use it and what they want to use it for.

But, under many of these things, underlying issues need to be worked on. Improving communication, ones own sexual self mastery and self control, recovering from porn 'addiction', recovery from trauma, attuning to a woman and understanding her needs and desires, and helping her achieve them, maybe heal from her past wounds, etc. These are the big rocks to move, and chastity can be a part of that.

And the playful aspect, do it to make things interesting, change up the dynamic, etc.

Thanks for your thoughts!

 

We had no issues. We had just started dating for a few months, and fooled around every single night.

I brought it up because I wanted her to know the real me, that I was sexually submissive, and wanted to try it. I would say she was hooked by week 2 and never looked back.

As far as this not being for everyone as a lifestyle…it certainly isn’t. If a couple started this and someone wasn’t on board with being denied or being in charge, it could lead to a lot of resentment. Chastity devices are tools and you can use them as needed. It’s perfectly acceptable to admit that hey, I’m just gonna use this as a short term foreplay toy. It can do that, and not be a lifestyle. You can self lock to keep yourself from touching yourself, not a lifestyle just a tool. It can be removed and roles reversed at anytime. One week locked and she’s the dominant one, one week unlocked and you are.

There aren’t any rules saying this has to be a lifestyle, it’s just a dick cage. What and how you use that is up to the couple.

 

Excellent summary Marcus. You provably covered 99.99% of the cases. So I hope those taking exception don’t miss your point.

That said, perhaps instead of “chastity doesn’t work for me.”, I’d focus on your other statement: we use it as extended foreplay.

Perfectly legit use of the tool!

 

Marcus,

You mentioned physiological benefit. Now that I think about it, that’s one of my biggest motivators. The energy and supposed improvements in longevity.

It’s possible that chastity really IS good for me!

 

Interesting post & I agree with much of it, but what I been pleased & surprised about is the combination of both breadth & tolerance / acceptance across the MC community.

All other internet forums I've been on, and particularly the majority male ones, quickly divide into factions & splinter groups, even within a niche interest where everyone participating has *far* more in common with each other there than with any other 'normies' outside ...

We too only participate in what I call the shallow end, and don't have any / many of the issues described, but no-one has ever been the least snarky or made out "I'm not doing it properly", which both surprising and very cool.

 

Just a data point: Mrs Edge and I do not have any of those aforementioned issues, either. However, it works for us because while she tends to the vanilla side, she does like the idea of being in control of our sex life, and she likes that I'm always aroused for her, even during those periods when we don't have much time for intimacy.

 

I think one of the most important elements of a successful chastity dynamic is having an open mind, consideration for the other participant(s), tolerance and open exploration and discussion. It breaks down if both participants aren't in agreement, and it excels when they are. Maybe this leads to kind of a self-evolving community. For those who can navigate their relationship to an open minded, collaborative, communicative and nurturing place also show up well here.

And that may mean, as @Marcus_Fappington describes, coming to the conclusion that it's not for them. In my own journey we frequently ask some of the same questions. And why not...same as asking "do I want potatoes AGAIN tonight" or "do I need to keep taking this medicine, I feel fine now".

 

So I definitely check mark a couple of those items listed (wife’s fluctuating but sometimes low sex drive, my masturbation control, my love for femdom). We used to have sex nearly everyday from when we first go together

 

So I definitely check mark a couple of those items listed (wife’s fluctuating but sometimes low sex drive, my masturbation control, my love for femdom). We used to have sex nearly everyday from when we first go together up to about 7 or 8 years into our relationship. Then there was a major drop off of sex after that and then we had a child and there was an even more major drop off. She had a really rough birth that tore her pretty bad plus she developed anxiety. I introduced chastity to her about a year after our first child was born. She was weird about it at first but after much discussion and a book about male chastity she was eager to try.

Through chastity and trying to be more attentive to my wife’s needs I realized there was a lot more going on with my wife that I needed to attend to. I wish at the time I would’ve been more mature and realized who I needed to be for her at that time. I unfortunately tried to focus more on kink and sex in the beginning Instead of our communication and overall relationship. Once I understood that and dropped my wants, I started truly attending to her wants and needs and that was a game changer for us.

Our sex life isn’t what is was years ago earlier on in our relationship in terms of frequency. However my wife and I are more emotionally connected than ever and although our sexual frequency isn’t as often it is always intimate, passionate and hot regardless of what we do. Her sex drive is definitely back, but her desire for sex is heavily dependent upon what is going on in our lives. If she feels at all anxious, sex is on the back burner and I know she needs me in other more important ways.

Ultimately I think chastity is for anyone who has an appeal towards it. It doesn’t have to be a lifestyle it can easily be for the weekend just like others here have said. It starts out as a game for all of us and the first rule of the game is to figure out the rules to YOUR game. It’s not easy and it takes time and self exploration if you want to travel down the chastity lifestyle path. But whether you plan on bringing the cage out of the toy box for a weekend or try to make a lifestyle out of it just have fun with it and challenge yourself to be the best you.

 

Most of the list above don't apply to me or my husband either. We do it because it was his fantasy (so that part applies) and at first I didn't get it but now I do. To me it is way less work to keep him locked and tease him than to have PIV all the time. I do enjoy PIV, but he would obviously want it daily and I don't have time for that. I think if your wife knew the power she could hold she would be more into it. It took me a little while to figure it out.

 

I so agree and have experienced the same. My wife's interest in sex is fundamentally tied to how I show up in our relationship. Understanding her needs, her perspective, being strong, supportive, communicative, vulnerable, present, real, making her feel safe. If I can hit the right combination of a few of those, even a little bit, it's game time! Now that I understand it all better, it's fun to strive on getting better. And that drives her to get better.

 

@Marcus_Fappington , excellent observations. I am sure your rules apply often, but not always, and we are another exception. Shortly after dating my wife (then GF) and I set about to making up for lost times. Bunnies would have had a hard time keeping up with us. I'm just average but made up for it with lots of foreplay and oral sex. So if anything I would have to add to your list "11. Some couples use this to spice up an already healthy sexual relationship and take it to new levels."

That might not be for you and your wife, especially if she isn't very turned on about EMC. And that is perfectly OK. For us, however, it has taken our relationship to a whole new level and I feel more in love today than the very first time. Its complicated, and involves more than just hormones, but it works for us.

 

"Some men", "Often", "A large majority"... by what basis do you make these extremely vague claims of scale? How much is "some" exactly?

 

I did start exploring chastity when I was 19 in 1998, got my first cage at 30. I'm about 6,2 inches long when erect and my libido is about two to three cum shot a day if I'm not protected. I don't get why you try to push stereotypes.

 

Well said, Mistress ComDom!
What about male chastity not as a kink (and why this might work for you)?

 

I've a feeling you'll look back on the start of this thread and wonder what the fuck happened... And not regret a thing as she tells you "One more month Marcus... Just because"

 

This place is great, wonderful variety of beginnings of male chastity journeys to read about. I’d say your list hits quite a few common threads I’ve read about here but obviously it’s different for everyone, whether it’s how it started or how they decide to use it and continue chastity play or lifestyle.

For us, we had sex daily for most of our 28 year marriage, tried quite a bit of kinky things over the years but my Wife just wasn’t very submissive, she’d fight back too much when I’d dominate her when we’d play with light bdsm stuff
So one day I saw cock cages and figured maybe we try swapping dominance….it took about a year and half of her adjusting to it and getting comfortable being in charge, but damn, once that switch was finally fully flipped, the last two years have been eye opening. She happily tells me we’re never going back to the way it was, the long
sex-a-thons, me getting to have multiple orgasms per day, hell, just not wearing the cage for a few days seems to be so last year now! But, seeing my best friend the woman I’d do anything for, be so happy and knowing even though I always made sure I treated her like a queen before, that I’m an even better husband now, I wouldn’t go back either. She keeps everything interesting even when it’s not time for the kink, I’ve never felt locked and forgotten in the 4 years of this so far.

In your case, don’t be surprised if it clicks for your Wife one day too lol, you may read this thread a couple years from now and be wondering wtf happened to your freedom too!

 

Exception here too. I would say that my wife and I had intercourse easily 3-4 times a week. Probably more. Through chastity our sex life and everyday life have been enhanced in so many ways.

I would suggest that the list misses a key point. It wasn’t the conclusion I expected to draw myself on this adventure, but the real change through all this is that of my wife. She hasn’t changed. She’s the same person, but a better version of herself.

“Hey honey, I’m going to lock my penis up and it will make your life so much better”, said no one ever. That’s what happened. Who knew??