Observations on Male Chastity as a Kink and Why This Does Not Work for Me/Us

[Marcus_Fappington]

As a newcomer to this kink I have studied English language material about it available online for the past 4 months or so. I've dabbled in it myself both solo and with my wife acting as keyholder. I'll summarize my observations and thoughts here.

1. Some men who engage in this have severe ED
2. Some men who engage in this have unusually small penises
3. Often it is cited as a way to cure "dead bedroom" syndrome (i.e. low sexuality in marriage)
4. Often it is cited as a way to get wives more engaged sexually in a marriage
5. Often it is cited as a way to get husbands to perform oral sex or more often
6. Often it is cited as a way to get husbands to give their wives more orgasms or more focus on female sexual pleasure
   
7. Some men who engage in this complain of little to no libido/sex drive in their wife
8. Cross over into other kinks beyond male chastity and femdom is extremely common
9. A large majority of women are uncomfortable with the whole thing, at first
10. Some men/women use this to control/prevent male masturbation

Further, I think it is self evident that it takes a certain level of sexual maturity in a man to engage in this sort of game. A younger man new to sex will typically want to have sex as often as possible and achieve orgasm as often as possible. This Male Chastity kink is something that comes later, probably correlated to reduced testosterone levels and libido. Often the men engaging in this are in their later years of life.

A lot of what I have noted above from my observations are put forth as enticements or benefits to the life style/kink. But if your relationship doesn't suffer from any of these issues then they are meaningless to you. So if you have a normal working penis and a normal healthy sex life with your wife the "problems" Male Chastity can solve don't exist in your life.

As for the female side of things. I have seen it reported that most women are put off by the whole thing at first but also most women can be talked into trying it to make their husband/man happy. It can become burdensome to manage the male's orgasms and penis. Most men expect more tease and denial than most women are able to provide due to other constraints (work, life, children, etc.). This is probably the biggest source of issues with this kink: men being demanding, trying to control it all from a supposed position of submission, and pushing the woman to do more than she is comfortable with.

So why doesn't it work for me and my wife? Well we don't have any of those problems I pointed out that are often held out as something Male Chastity life styles can help with (except masturbation). Aside from that my wife is submissive and not comfortable in a femdom role. She'd rather I train myself for quickie sex than she deny me or lock me up. So the whole dynamic doesn't really work for us. She has neither the time nor the inclination to engage in femdom, tease and denial, or any of it. Her solution to my libido is quickie sex - just get me to orgasm with PIV sex (my favorite) and she can get on with her day. I'm more than willing to provide as much oral sex and orgasms to her as she wants - in fact I perform oral sex and bring her to orgasm more than she actually wants. So there's no apparent sexual benefit for either of us in this kink.

Physiologically I can benefit from orgasm denial due to the increased energy to use on other tasks/hormonal changes. I will continue to practice self denial, sometimes self caging for masturbation control, and try to get my wife to engage as a keyholder sometimes but I see it more as an extended foreplay practice for less than a week than as something that would extend longer than that. Other than that male chastity and the cages are a tool she has in her wife toolbox should she need to correct me or fix some behavioral issue. But it doesn't seem like a life style for us, just a sex game and occasional corrective tool my wife can use.

 

[NowIveDoneIt]

So why doesn't it work for me and my wife? Well we don't have any of those problems I pointed out that are often held out as something Male Chastity life styles can help with (except masturbation).

Perhaps the problem is you are looking at MC as a means to solve a problem and absent a problem there is no point. Quite a few participate because they want to….

 

[knightly]

As a newcomer to this kink I have studied English language material about it available online for the past 4 months or so. I've dabbled in it myself both solo and with my wife acting as keyholder. I'll summarize my observations and thoughts here.

1. Some men who engage in this have severe ED
2. Some men who engage in this have unusually small penises
3. Often it is cited as a way to cure "dead bedroom" syndrome (i.e. low sexuality in marriage)
4. Often it is cited as a way to get wives more engaged sexually in a marriage
5. Often it is cited as a way to get husbands to perform oral sex or more often
6. Often it is cited as a way to get husbands to give their wives more orgasms or more focus on female sexual pleasure
   
7. Some men who engage in this complain of little to no libido/sex drive in their wife
8. Cross over into other kinks beyond male chastity and femdom is extremely common
9. A large majority of women are uncomfortable with the whole thing, at first
10. Some men/women use this to control/prevent male masturbation

Further, I think it is self evident that it takes a certain level of sexual maturity in a man to engage in this sort of game. A younger man new to sex will typically want to have sex as often as possible and achieve orgasm as often as possible. This Male Chastity kink is something that comes later, probably correlated to reduced testosterone levels and libido. Often the men engaging in this are in their later years of life.

A lot of what I have noted above from my observations are put forth as enticements or benefits to the life style/kink. But if your relationship doesn't suffer from any of these issues then they are meaningless to you. So if you have a normal working penis and a normal healthy sex life with your wife the "problems" Male Chastity can solve don't exist in your life.

As for the female side of things. I have seen it reported that most women are put off by the whole thing at first but also most women can be talked into trying it to make their husband/man happy. It can become burdensome to manage the male's orgasms and penis. Most men expect more tease and denial than most women are able to provide due to other constraints (work, life, children, etc.). This is probably the biggest source of issues with this kink: men being demanding, trying to control it all from a supposed position of submission, and pushing the woman to do more than she is comfortable with.

So why doesn't it work for me and my wife? Well we don't have any of those problems I pointed out that are often held out as something Male Chastity life styles can help with (except masturbation). Aside from that my wife is submissive and not comfortable in a femdom role. She'd rather I train myself for quickie sex than she deny me or lock me up. So the whole dynamic doesn't really work for us. She has neither the time nor the inclination to engage in femdom, tease and denial, or any of it. Her solution to my libido is quickie sex - just get me to orgasm with PIV sex (my favorite) and she can get on with her day. I'm more than willing to provide as much oral sex and orgasms to her as she wants - in fact I perform oral sex and bring her to orgasm more than she actually wants. So there's no apparent sexual benefit for either of us in this kink.

Physiologically I can benefit from orgasm denial due to the increased energy to use on other tasks/hormonal changes. I will continue to practice self denial, sometimes self caging for masturbation control, and try to get my wife to engage as a keyholder sometimes but I see it more as an extended foreplay practice for less than a week than as something that would extend longer than that. Other than that male chastity and the cages are a tool she has in her wife toolbox should she need to correct me or fix some behavioral issue. But it doesn't seem like a life style for us, just a sex game and occasional corrective tool my wife can use.

Good observations and self-awareness. I think many of the points you bring up are things others find more/less useful depending on their situation, too.

What brought you to exploring chastity in the first place? It's interesting to think about what drew you to it vs what you encountered exploring it.

I think it can be a part of an individual or couple's growth and exploration, depending on how they want to use it and what they want to use it for.

But, under many of these things, underlying issues need to be worked on. Improving communication, ones own sexual self mastery and self control, recovering from porn 'addiction', recovery from trauma, attuning to a woman and understanding her needs and desires, and helping her achieve them, maybe heal from her past wounds, etc. These are the big rocks to move, and chastity can be a part of that.

And the playful aspect, do it to make things interesting, change up the dynamic, etc.

Thanks for your thoughts!

 

[Nicoftime]

We had no issues. We had just started dating for a few months, and fooled around every single night.

I brought it up because I wanted her to know the real me, that I was sexually submissive, and wanted to try it. I would say she was hooked by week 2 and never looked back.

As far as this not being for everyone as a lifestyle…it certainly isn’t. If a couple started this and someone wasn’t on board with being denied or being in charge, it could lead to a lot of resentment. Chastity devices are tools and you can use them as needed. It’s perfectly acceptable to admit that hey, I’m just gonna use this as a short term foreplay toy. It can do that, and not be a lifestyle. You can self lock to keep yourself from touching yourself, not a lifestyle just a tool. It can be removed and roles reversed at anytime. One week locked and she’s the dominant one, one week unlocked and you are.

There aren’t any rules saying this has to be a lifestyle, it’s just a dick cage. What and how you use that is up to the couple.

 

[Lazlo Toth]

As a newcomer to this kink I have studied English language material about it available online for the past 4 months or so. I've dabbled in it myself both solo and with my wife acting as keyholder. I'll summarize my observations and thoughts here.

1. Some men who engage in this have severe ED
2. Some men who engage in this have unusually small penises
3. Often it is cited as a way to cure "dead bedroom" syndrome (i.e. low sexuality in marriage)
4. Often it is cited as a way to get wives more engaged sexually in a marriage
5. Often it is cited as a way to get husbands to perform oral sex or more often
6. Often it is cited as a way to get husbands to give their wives more orgasms or more focus on female sexual pleasure
   
7. Some men who engage in this complain of little to no libido/sex drive in their wife
8. Cross over into other kinks beyond male chastity and femdom is extremely common
9. A large majority of women are uncomfortable with the whole thing, at first
10. Some men/women use this to control/prevent male masturbation

Further, I think it is self evident that it takes a certain level of sexual maturity in a man to engage in this sort of game. A younger man new to sex will typically want to have sex as often as possible and achieve orgasm as often as possible. This Male Chastity kink is something that comes later, probably correlated to reduced testosterone levels and libido. Often the men engaging in this are in their later years of life.

A lot of what I have noted above from my observations are put forth as enticements or benefits to the life style/kink. But if your relationship doesn't suffer from any of these issues then they are meaningless to you. So if you have a normal working penis and a normal healthy sex life with your wife the "problems" Male Chastity can solve don't exist in your life.

As for the female side of things. I have seen it reported that most women are put off by the whole thing at first but also most women can be talked into trying it to make their husband/man happy. It can become burdensome to manage the male's orgasms and penis. Most men expect more tease and denial than most women are able to provide due to other constraints (work, life, children, etc.). This is probably the biggest source of issues with this kink: men being demanding, trying to control it all from a supposed position of submission, and pushing the woman to do more than she is comfortable with.

So why doesn't it work for me and my wife? Well we don't have any of those problems I pointed out that are often held out as something Male Chastity life styles can help with (except masturbation). Aside from that my wife is submissive and not comfortable in a femdom role. She'd rather I train myself for quickie sex than she deny me or lock me up. So the whole dynamic doesn't really work for us. She has neither the time nor the inclination to engage in femdom, tease and denial, or any of it. Her solution to my libido is quickie sex - just get me to orgasm with PIV sex (my favorite) and she can get on with her day. I'm more than willing to provide as much oral sex and orgasms to her as she wants - in fact I perform oral sex and bring her to orgasm more than she actually wants. So there's no apparent sexual benefit for either of us in this kink.

Physiologically I can benefit from orgasm denial due to the increased energy to use on other tasks/hormonal changes. I will continue to practice self denial, sometimes self caging for masturbation control, and try to get my wife to engage as a keyholder sometimes but I see it more as an extended foreplay practice for less than a week than as something that would extend longer than that. Other than that male chastity and the cages are a tool she has in her wife toolbox should she need to correct me or fix some behavioral issue. But it doesn't seem like a life style for us, just a sex game and occasional corrective tool my wife can use.

Excellent summary Marcus. You provably covered 99.99% of the cases. So I hope those taking exception don’t miss your point.

That said, perhaps instead of “chastity doesn’t work for me.”, I’d focus on your other statement: we use it as extended foreplay.

Perfectly legit use of the tool!

 

[Lazlo Toth]

Marcus,

You mentioned physiological benefit. Now that I think about it, that’s one of my biggest motivators. The energy and supposed improvements in longevity.

It’s possible that chastity really IS good for me!

 

[Deleted member 100175]

Interesting post & I agree with much of it, but what I been pleased & surprised about is the combination of both breadth & tolerance / acceptance across the MC community.

All other internet forums I've been on, and particularly the majority male ones, quickly divide into factions & splinter groups, even within a niche interest where everyone participating has *far* more in common with each other there than with any other 'normies' outside ...

We too only participate in what I call the shallow end, and don't have any / many of the issues described, but no-one has ever been the least snarky or made out "I'm not doing it properly", which both surprising and very cool.

 

[Tom Allen]

So why doesn't it work for me and my wife? Well we don't have any of those problems

Just a data point: Mrs Edge and I do not have any of those aforementioned issues, either. However, it works for us because while she tends to the vanilla side, she does like the idea of being in control of our sex life, and she likes that I'm always aroused for her, even during those periods when we don't have much time for intimacy.

 

[knightly]

Interesting post & I agree with much of it, but what I been pleased & surprised about is the combination of both breadth & tolerance / acceptance across the MC community.

All other internet forums I've been on, and particularly the majority male ones, quickly divide into factions & splinter groups, even within a niche interest where everyone participating has *far* more in common with each other there than with any other 'normies' outside ...

We too only participate in what I call the shallow end, and don't have any / many of the issues described, but no-one has ever been the least snarky or made out "I'm not doing it properly", which both surprising and very cool.

I think one of the most important elements of a successful chastity dynamic is having an open mind, consideration for the other participant(s), tolerance and open exploration and discussion. It breaks down if both participants aren't in agreement, and it excels when they are. Maybe this leads to kind of a self-evolving community. For those who can navigate their relationship to an open minded, collaborative, communicative and nurturing place also show up well here.

And that may mean, as @Marcus_Fappington describes, coming to the conclusion that it's not for them. In my own journey we frequently ask some of the same questions. And why not...same as asking "do I want potatoes AGAIN tonight" or "do I need to keep taking this medicine, I feel fine now".

 

[WWSUB]

As a newcomer to this kink I have studied English language material about it available online for the past 4 months or so. I've dabbled in it myself both solo and with my wife acting as keyholder. I'll summarize my observations and thoughts here.

1. Some men who engage in this have severe ED
2. Some men who engage in this have unusually small penises
3. Often it is cited as a way to cure "dead bedroom" syndrome (i.e. low sexuality in marriage)
4. Often it is cited as a way to get wives more engaged sexually in a marriage
5. Often it is cited as a way to get husbands to perform oral sex or more often
6. Often it is cited as a way to get husbands to give their wives more orgasms or more focus on female sexual pleasure
   
7. Some men who engage in this complain of little to no libido/sex drive in their wife
8. Cross over into other kinks beyond male chastity and femdom is extremely common
9. A large majority of women are uncomfortable with the whole thing, at first
10. Some men/women use this to control/prevent male masturbation

Further, I think it is self evident that it takes a certain level of sexual maturity in a man to engage in this sort of game. A younger man new to sex will typically want to have sex as often as possible and achieve orgasm as often as possible. This Male Chastity kink is something that comes later, probably correlated to reduced testosterone levels and libido. Often the men engaging in this are in their later years of life.

A lot of what I have noted above from my observations are put forth as enticements or benefits to the life style/kink. But if your relationship doesn't suffer from any of these issues then they are meaningless to you. So if you have a normal working penis and a normal healthy sex life with your wife the "problems" Male Chastity can solve don't exist in your life.

As for the female side of things. I have seen it reported that most women are put off by the whole thing at first but also most women can be talked into trying it to make their husband/man happy. It can become burdensome to manage the male's orgasms and penis. Most men expect more tease and denial than most women are able to provide due to other constraints (work, life, children, etc.). This is probably the biggest source of issues with this kink: men being demanding, trying to control it all from a supposed position of submission, and pushing the woman to do more than she is comfortable with.

So why doesn't it work for me and my wife? Well we don't have any of those problems I pointed out that are often held out as something Male Chastity life styles can help with (except masturbation). Aside from that my wife is submissive and not comfortable in a femdom role. She'd rather I train myself for quickie sex than she deny me or lock me up. So the whole dynamic doesn't really work for us. She has neither the time nor the inclination to engage in femdom, tease and denial, or any of it. Her solution to my libido is quickie sex - just get me to orgasm with PIV sex (my favorite) and she can get on with her day. I'm more than willing to provide as much oral sex and orgasms to her as she wants - in fact I perform oral sex and bring her to orgasm more than she actually wants. So there's no apparent sexual benefit for either of us in this kink.

Physiologically I can benefit from orgasm denial due to the increased energy to use on other tasks/hormonal changes. I will continue to practice self denial, sometimes self caging for masturbation control, and try to get my wife to engage as a keyholder sometimes but I see it more as an extended foreplay practice for less than a week than as something that would extend longer than that. Other than that male chastity and the cages are a tool she has in her wife toolbox should she need to correct me or fix some behavioral issue. But it doesn't seem like a life style for us, just a sex game and occasional corrective tool my wife can use.

So I definitely check mark a couple of those items listed (wife’s fluctuating but sometimes low sex drive, my masturbation control, my love for femdom). We used to have sex nearly everyday from when we first go together

 

[WWSUB]

As a newcomer to this kink I have studied English language material about it available online for the past 4 months or so. I've dabbled in it myself both solo and with my wife acting as keyholder. I'll summarize my observations and thoughts here.

1. Some men who engage in this have severe ED
2. Some men who engage in this have unusually small penises
3. Often it is cited as a way to cure "dead bedroom" syndrome (i.e. low sexuality in marriage)
4. Often it is cited as a way to get wives more engaged sexually in a marriage
5. Often it is cited as a way to get husbands to perform oral sex or more often
6. Often it is cited as a way to get husbands to give their wives more orgasms or more focus on female sexual pleasure
   
7. Some men who engage in this complain of little to no libido/sex drive in their wife
8. Cross over into other kinks beyond male chastity and femdom is extremely common
9. A large majority of women are uncomfortable with the whole thing, at first
10. Some men/women use this to control/prevent male masturbation

Further, I think it is self evident that it takes a certain level of sexual maturity in a man to engage in this sort of game. A younger man new to sex will typically want to have sex as often as possible and achieve orgasm as often as possible. This Male Chastity kink is something that comes later, probably correlated to reduced testosterone levels and libido. Often the men engaging in this are in their later years of life.

A lot of what I have noted above from my observations are put forth as enticements or benefits to the life style/kink. But if your relationship doesn't suffer from any of these issues then they are meaningless to you. So if you have a normal working penis and a normal healthy sex life with your wife the "problems" Male Chastity can solve don't exist in your life.

As for the female side of things. I have seen it reported that most women are put off by the whole thing at first but also most women can be talked into trying it to make their husband/man happy. It can become burdensome to manage the male's orgasms and penis. Most men expect more tease and denial than most women are able to provide due to other constraints (work, life, children, etc.). This is probably the biggest source of issues with this kink: men being demanding, trying to control it all from a supposed position of submission, and pushing the woman to do more than she is comfortable with.

So why doesn't it work for me and my wife? Well we don't have any of those problems I pointed out that are often held out as something Male Chastity life styles can help with (except masturbation). Aside from that my wife is submissive and not comfortable in a femdom role. She'd rather I train myself for quickie sex than she deny me or lock me up. So the whole dynamic doesn't really work for us. She has neither the time nor the inclination to engage in femdom, tease and denial, or any of it. Her solution to my libido is quickie sex - just get me to orgasm with PIV sex (my favorite) and she can get on with her day. I'm more than willing to provide as much oral sex and orgasms to her as she wants - in fact I perform oral sex and bring her to orgasm more than she actually wants. So there's no apparent sexual benefit for either of us in this kink.

Physiologically I can benefit from orgasm denial due to the increased energy to use on other tasks/hormonal changes. I will continue to practice self denial, sometimes self caging for masturbation control, and try to get my wife to engage as a keyholder sometimes but I see it more as an extended foreplay practice for less than a week than as something that would extend longer than that. Other than that male chastity and the cages are a tool she has in her wife toolbox should she need to correct me or fix some behavioral issue. But it doesn't seem like a life style for us, just a sex game and occasional corrective tool my wife can use.

So I definitely check mark a couple of those items listed (wife’s fluctuating but sometimes low sex drive, my masturbation control, my love for femdom). We used to have sex nearly everyday from when we first go together up to about 7 or 8 years into our relationship. Then there was a major drop off of sex after that and then we had a child and there was an even more major drop off. She had a really rough birth that tore her pretty bad plus she developed anxiety. I introduced chastity to her about a year after our first child was born. She was weird about it at first but after much discussion and a book about male chastity she was eager to try.

Through chastity and trying to be more attentive to my wife’s needs I realized there was a lot more going on with my wife that I needed to attend to. I wish at the time I would’ve been more mature and realized who I needed to be for her at that time. I unfortunately tried to focus more on kink and sex in the beginning Instead of our communication and overall relationship. Once I understood that and dropped my wants, I started truly attending to her wants and needs and that was a game changer for us.

Our sex life isn’t what is was years ago earlier on in our relationship in terms of frequency. However my wife and I are more emotionally connected than ever and although our sexual frequency isn’t as often it is always intimate, passionate and hot regardless of what we do. Her sex drive is definitely back, but her desire for sex is heavily dependent upon what is going on in our lives. If she feels at all anxious, sex is on the back burner and I know she needs me in other more important ways.

Ultimately I think chastity is for anyone who has an appeal towards it. It doesn’t have to be a lifestyle it can easily be for the weekend just like others here have said. It starts out as a game for all of us and the first rule of the game is to figure out the rules to YOUR game. It’s not easy and it takes time and self exploration if you want to travel down the chastity lifestyle path. But whether you plan on bringing the cage out of the toy box for a weekend or try to make a lifestyle out of it just have fun with it and challenge yourself to be the best you.

 

[Mistress ComDom]

As a newcomer to this kink I have studied English language material about it available online for the past 4 months or so. I've dabbled in it myself both solo and with my wife acting as keyholder. I'll summarize my observations and thoughts here.

1. Some men who engage in this have severe ED
2. Some men who engage in this have unusually small penises
3. Often it is cited as a way to cure "dead bedroom" syndrome (i.e. low sexuality in marriage)
4. Often it is cited as a way to get wives more engaged sexually in a marriage
5. Often it is cited as a way to get husbands to perform oral sex or more often
6. Often it is cited as a way to get husbands to give their wives more orgasms or more focus on female sexual pleasure
   
7. Some men who engage in this complain of little to no libido/sex drive in their wife
8. Cross over into other kinks beyond male chastity and femdom is extremely common
9. A large majority of women are uncomfortable with the whole thing, at first
10. Some men/women use this to control/prevent male masturbation

Further, I think it is self evident that it takes a certain level of sexual maturity in a man to engage in this sort of game. A younger man new to sex will typically want to have sex as often as possible and achieve orgasm as often as possible. This Male Chastity kink is something that comes later, probably correlated to reduced testosterone levels and libido. Often the men engaging in this are in their later years of life.

A lot of what I have noted above from my observations are put forth as enticements or benefits to the life style/kink. But if your relationship doesn't suffer from any of these issues then they are meaningless to you. So if you have a normal working penis and a normal healthy sex life with your wife the "problems" Male Chastity can solve don't exist in your life.

As for the female side of things. I have seen it reported that most women are put off by the whole thing at first but also most women can be talked into trying it to make their husband/man happy. It can become burdensome to manage the male's orgasms and penis. Most men expect more tease and denial than most women are able to provide due to other constraints (work, life, children, etc.). This is probably the biggest source of issues with this kink: men being demanding, trying to control it all from a supposed position of submission, and pushing the woman to do more than she is comfortable with.

So why doesn't it work for me and my wife? Well we don't have any of those problems I pointed out that are often held out as something Male Chastity life styles can help with (except masturbation). Aside from that my wife is submissive and not comfortable in a femdom role. She'd rather I train myself for quickie sex than she deny me or lock me up. So the whole dynamic doesn't really work for us. She has neither the time nor the inclination to engage in femdom, tease and denial, or any of it. Her solution to my libido is quickie sex - just get me to orgasm with PIV sex (my favorite) and she can get on with her day. I'm more than willing to provide as much oral sex and orgasms to her as she wants - in fact I perform oral sex and bring her to orgasm more than she actually wants. So there's no apparent sexual benefit for either of us in this kink.

Physiologically I can benefit from orgasm denial due to the increased energy to use on other tasks/hormonal changes. I will continue to practice self denial, sometimes self caging for masturbation control, and try to get my wife to engage as a keyholder sometimes but I see it more as an extended foreplay practice for less than a week than as something that would extend longer than that. Other than that male chastity and the cages are a tool she has in her wife toolbox should she need to correct me or fix some behavioral issue. But it doesn't seem like a life style for us, just a sex game and occasional corrective tool my wife can use.

Most of the list above don't apply to me or my husband either. We do it because it was his fantasy (so that part applies) and at first I didn't get it but now I do. To me it is way less work to keep him locked and tease him than to have PIV all the time. I do enjoy PIV, but he would obviously want it daily and I don't have time for that. I think if your wife knew the power she could hold she would be more into it. It took me a little while to figure it out.

 

[knightly]

Through chastity and trying to be more attentive to my wife’s needs I realized there was a lot more going on with my wife that I needed to attend to. I wish at the time I would’ve been more mature and realized who I needed to be for her at that time. I unfortunately tried to focus more on kink and sex in the beginning Instead of our communication and overall relationship. Once I understood that and dropped my wants, I started truly attending to her wants and needs and that was a game changer for us.

Our sex life isn’t what is was years ago earlier on in our relationship in terms of frequency. However my wife and I are more emotionally connected than ever and although our sexual frequency isn’t as often it is always intimate, passionate and hot regardless of what we do. Her sex drive is definitely back, but her desire for sex is heavily dependent upon what is going on in our lives. If she feels at all anxious, sex is on the back burner and I know she needs me in other more important ways.

I so agree and have experienced the same. My wife's interest in sex is fundamentally tied to how I show up in our relationship. Understanding her needs, her perspective, being strong, supportive, communicative, vulnerable, present, real, making her feel safe. If I can hit the right combination of a few of those, even a little bit, it's game time! Now that I understand it all better, it's fun to strive on getting better. And that drives her to get better.

 

[Headtrip]

@Marcus_Fappington , excellent observations. I am sure your rules apply often, but not always, and we are another exception. Shortly after dating my wife (then GF) and I set about to making up for lost times. Bunnies would have had a hard time keeping up with us. I'm just average but made up for it with lots of foreplay and oral sex. So if anything I would have to add to your list "11. Some couples use this to spice up an already healthy sexual relationship and take it to new levels."

That might not be for you and your wife, especially if she isn't very turned on about EMC. And that is perfectly OK. For us, however, it has taken our relationship to a whole new level and I feel more in love today than the very first time. Its complicated, and involves more than just hormones, but it works for us.

 

[LockedTower]

"Some men", "Often", "A large majority"... by what basis do you make these extremely vague claims of scale? How much is "some" exactly?

 

[cagedfellow]

I did start exploring chastity when I was 19 in 1998, got my first cage at 30. I'm about 6,2 inches long when erect and my libido is about two to three cum shot a day if I'm not protected. I don't get why you try to push stereotypes.

 

[Maitresse Sabrina]

Well said, Mistress ComDom!
What about male chastity not as a kink (and why this might work for you)?

 

[Marcus_Fappington]

I never said I didn't like it, just that it wasn't working for us.

Well, I guess she's feeling playful because she told me last night she wants me back in my cage for another training session and locked me up this morning before she left for work. I figured she'd come around eventually after our last failed session. I wrote up the situation elsewhere but I'll copy-paste it here as well.

Here we are, 5 weeks later. And she's come around exactly as I thought she would. We had sex 3 times yesterday and I guess she had her fill of orgasms because throughout the day she started talking about putting me back in my cage. To "play the game." And was sort of asking me for my consent. But I told her exactly how I realized it had to be after the last failure: if she wants, when she wants, how she wants, by her rules, for as long as she wants, and no contract. She thought about it for a little bit then smiled (we were in bed) and said, "I want you back in your cage, your training has lapsed and you need me in control." She must have been scheming and preparing this for some time because when she got to work this morning she copy-pasted a message to me which involved several tasks she wants me to work on, including learning a difficult foreign language with an explicit threat of extended days in chastity for every WORD I fail to memorize per day (this could actually turn into permanent chastity).

The message went:

As for the other thing...
Now that I have control over you, I would like to send you some tasks for the day and the week.

In order to please me this week, I will send you some things I wish to see happen.

Since it's still a regular working week, your training will be closely connected with everyday life.
...
[tasks]
...

For every word you don't know you might get an extra day of caging. Hope that gets you motivated.

Hope you have a good day my love and hope your training goes well.
---
Happy and excited to be back in tbh.

 

[Jay Sub]

I never said I didn't like it, just that it wasn't working for us.

Well, I guess she's feeling playful because she told me last night she wants me back in my cage for another training session and locked me up this morning before she left for work. I figured she'd come around eventually after our last failed session. I wrote up the situation elsewhere but I'll copy-paste it here as well.

Here we are, 5 weeks later. And she's come around exactly as I thought she would. We had sex 3 times yesterday and I guess she had her fill of orgasms because throughout the day she started talking about putting me back in my cage. To "play the game." And was sort of asking me for my consent. But I told her exactly how I realized it had to be after the last failure: if she wants, when she wants, how she wants, by her rules, for as long as she wants, and no contract. She thought about it for a little bit then smiled (we were in bed) and said, "I want you back in your cage, your training has lapsed and you need me in control." She must have been scheming and preparing this for some time because when she got to work this morning she copy-pasted a message to me which involved several tasks she wants me to work on, including learning a difficult foreign language with an explicit threat of extended days in chastity for every WORD I fail to memorize per day (this could actually turn into permanent chastity).

The message went:

As for the other thing...
Now that I have control over you, I would like to send you some tasks for the day and the week.

In order to please me this week, I will send you some things I wish to see happen.

Since it's still a regular working week, your training will be closely connected with everyday life.
...
[tasks]
...

For every word you don't know you might get an extra day of caging. Hope that gets you motivated.

Hope you have a good day my love and hope your training goes well.
---
Happy and excited to be back in tbh.

I've a feeling you'll look back on the start of this thread and wonder what the fuck happened... And not regret a thing as she tells you "One more month Marcus... Just because"

 

[Queens servant73]

This place is great, wonderful variety of beginnings of male chastity journeys to read about. I’d say your list hits quite a few common threads I’ve read about here but obviously it’s different for everyone, whether it’s how it started or how they decide to use it and continue chastity play or lifestyle.

For us, we had sex daily for most of our 28 year marriage, tried quite a bit of kinky things over the years but my Wife just wasn’t very submissive, she’d fight back too much when I’d dominate her when we’d play with light bdsm stuff
So one day I saw cock cages and figured maybe we try swapping dominance….it took about a year and half of her adjusting to it and getting comfortable being in charge, but damn, once that switch was finally fully flipped, the last two years have been eye opening. She happily tells me we’re never going back to the way it was, the long
sex-a-thons, me getting to have multiple orgasms per day, hell, just not wearing the cage for a few days seems to be so last year now! But, seeing my best friend the woman I’d do anything for, be so happy and knowing even though I always made sure I treated her like a queen before, that I’m an even better husband now, I wouldn’t go back either. She keeps everything interesting even when it’s not time for the kink, I’ve never felt locked and forgotten in the 4 years of this so far.

In your case, don’t be surprised if it clicks for your Wife one day too lol, you may read this thread a couple years from now and be wondering wtf happened to your freedom too!

 

[Marcus_Fappington]

She says I talk to her more nicely and differently when I'm caged than when I'm not. She says it's not like I'm an asshole all the time when I'm not caged but I'm just way nicer and speak to her even in a different tone when she has be caged. I told her yes, many women find benefits to this life style. She said she's starting to see that.

Otherwise, since she asked, I told her my thoughts on the matter. I have mixed feelings. I'm not a naturally submissive man, actually the opposite. So I don't think I'm in for this long term, but told her maybe she can train me to love it. So it's a mix of pleasure and agony at the moment. I really do enjoy sex with my keyholder and it's hard to imagine giving that up. But the focus this time around is on her, what she wants, her pleasure. It's all up to her. I told her it's clear to both of us that she's going to have a lot more sex with me than she wants if I'm uncaged because I can't stop myself from fucking her .

I couldn't really sleep last night, too horny. We don't cage over night so my dick was hard all night which made it difficult to sleep at all. If I wasn't so afraid of penis injuries due to erections in a cage maybe I'd try wearing overnight. I cheated a bit and stroked myself a little and so I had to tell her about that in the morning which she wasn't happy about. Only day 3 and I'm cheating? Yea I can see why most people don't uncage daily or overnight. Temptation starts to run high.

Date night tonight so I'm hopeful that will lead to something but we'll see. She's a giving/caring keyholder but she's as much in training as I am right now. She still struggles with the idea of spanking me, but she has done it before and I've made it clear I like it.

 

[IB-Chaste]

Exception here too. I would say that my wife and I had intercourse easily 3-4 times a week. Probably more. Through chastity our sex life and everyday life have been enhanced in so many ways.

I would suggest that the list misses a key point. It wasn’t the conclusion I expected to draw myself on this adventure, but the real change through all this is that of my wife. She hasn’t changed. She’s the same person, but a better version of herself.

“Hey honey, I’m going to lock my penis up and it will make your life so much better”, said no one ever. That’s what happened. Who knew??

 

[Marcus_Fappington]

Day 3 back under her power. I failed at a couple of tasks. She found the bed unmade and sent me a picture with a message, "you just earned yourself an extra day." Oof, I have my excuses but I didn't make them. No sense arguing. Accept your punishment and learn.

Even so, date night. Dinner and a movie. Rarely do we get to do this with the kids and work. On the drive to the mall she realized I was still caged and said she meant to unlock me before our date. I said it was okay, and that if we're going to do this we might as well embrace it. Own it. She smiled and liked that. I was very self conscious about wearing the Holy Trainer v5 (small) under my clothing in public. I know some women really stare at men's crotches in public. So self conscious I am pretty sure at least 2 women noticed and I thought I heard one make a comment about it. Could be my imagination. Had some discomfort and had to head to the toilet a couple of times to make adjustments.

It was late when we got home so we went straight to bed. By the time she made it to the bedroom I was completely naked standing there waiting in my cage. She decided to strip down to her bra and panties and tease me a bit before uncaging my semi-erect penis. She said she had a great time on our date and as a reward I would get to be inside her pussy, which she knows is my favorite thing in the entire world. I asked if I would be allowed to cum and she said yes she wants to feel me fill her up. She laid down on the bed and I got on top of her and asked her if she wanted to make it fun. She thought I meant an orgasm for her, which would take 20 to 40 minutes to get her off as we've well established by this point, and I knew she didn't want because she had only about 6 hours to sleep before she had to wake up this morning. I told her I meant she could give me a time limit to cum as a game, but she declined. So we just had very vanilla and relatively short sex with me finishing and her not (she's never ever had a vaginal orgasm in her life). She loves that caging for a short time makes me rock hard and ready to go at a moment's notice with no pills, no cock ring, just my desire for her.

Obviously I'm not complaining but you see my KH is very giving and generous, but at the same time I am working hard to please her in every area of her life from completing the tasks she assigns me, to providing emotional support, doing chores and helping her anyway I can etc.

Today, locked of course, working from home. She's gone at work. She said she wishes she had today off because she woke up feeling very happy and rested and wanted to spend more time with me. But she has tomorrow off for a 3 day weekend so that'll be nice. She indicated I might be released Sunday, but we have no rules, no safe word, no contract, no time limit. It's all up to her.

 

[Marcus_Fappington]

Ah but it's not all fun and games. She sent me a voice message saying she's going to quiz me on my language skills learning and every word I don't know is another day caged. So that's 10 verbs, 10 adjectives, 20 nouns from flash cards, and the alphabet. Among other tasks. I am pretty sure I'll make it. I'm certainly motivated...

 

[Marcus_Fappington]

I'm passing all her tasks and language learning tests so far. Amazing what a motivated learner is capable of!

She definitely "gets it." She sees this is good for me and good for her. She said as much this morning, "you need someone controlling you, keeping you in your cage", by which she meant keeping me within a set of parameters, keeping me focused, under control....not wild and undisciplined. I told her it's exciting and interesting for me to see how she develops as a keyholder over time as well. To see how she's changing. The trainer is herself being trained simultaneously. Teacher is student as well. It's all very fun, sexy, hot, intriguing, good for our relationship, good for our lives in general.