Subs cross-dressing/household chores.

Mistress Kate

Mistress Kate

Senior Member
Nov 4, 2008
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I'm very much still learning in the keyholder role and, although I'm getting much more comfortable with the domination of my partner, I'm struggling to get my head round the cross-dressing & sissyfying that I keep reading about.

The desire to be locked in chastity was my partner's but he has never mentioned anything beyond that & the tease & denial routine which I think I am getting better at all the time. I just wondered where the whole cross-dressing & household chores stuff comes from. Is it from the subs themselves or from the keyholder partners ?

Although I have to keep reminding myself that I am in charge and therefore, in theory, anything I say goes, I'm not at all sure how he would react if I suggested such ideas - nor whether I would actually get much out of seeing him like that. Presumably it's about either the control or humiliation of the sub rather than kicks for the mistress ?
 
IMHO if your sub has not shown a propensity to cross dress you need to proceed slowly. Perhaps a discussion of the subject might be in order? Show him some pictures off the net and see how he reacts. He has taken a big leap of faith to turn over control to you, be careful not to destroy that trust by pushing him too far, too fast.

Also, your comment about if you would like that is important too ... if having a sissy hubby would destroy your respect for him you might want to not even go there. This IS about you, correct???
 
Mistres Kate,
You bring up a good subject to discuss.

For me, corss dressing is about removing, changing or reassigning my identity. It's less to do with humiliation and more to do with taking me away from a comfort zone. It's hard to describe the feeling of getting out of the shower in the morning only to find clothing i would never wear set out waiting for me and having no choice but to wear it... wherever my Dominant wishes me to wear it. Part of it is a feeling of defeat, and another part of it is a feeling of pride knowing i'm making my Dominant happy.

It's hard for me to see cross dressing as a humiliation as that may imply humiliation on all of womankind. Unless of course, it's to be dressed in apparels a woman would only be made wear as a humiliation. Furthermore, apparels such as a maids uniform can only imply one thing... the person dressed in it is to be of service to others. Period.

Corss dressing is also a good means for showing a male exactly what all a female goes through to be pretty. It should raise his appreciation to levels he never knew before.

Hope this explains things a bit. This is just my persnoal take on this subject. I'm sure it has different meanings to others here. Nobody's right or wrong on a subject like this.
 
Mistress Kate said:
... I just wondered where the whole cross-dressing & household chores stuff comes from. Is it from the subs themselves or from the keyholder partners ? ...
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Dear Mistress Kate,

i feel a bit confused as i have taken from Your post that neither You nor Your sub are into crossdressing/feminization and i wonder why You want to involve it in Y/your partnership. Of course, if You feel curious You always can try it out and see if it gives anything to You.

Usually both the Domme and the sub have a certain desire to feminize or to be feminized - even though this is not a rule.

Feminization can be both, an additional humiliation and a relief from the hard everyday life of a male sub. Some of us even feel much more feminine than masculine and the Femdom partnership is a place to express those feelings. You see, life is so complex that is hard to say what suits Y/you best.

As a suggestion for You - in case You are curious - is to use a pair of panties as a start and see what he reacts like.

*curtsey*

maid katrin
 
I would think sissyfication would have to start wit the sub having some desire to cross dress, at least this was the case with me. This doesn’t mean that cross dressing can not be a part of play time. It may be fun for you if you want to humiliate your sub.

You could make him wear panties around the house or even better make him wear stocking under his normal clothes when you go shopping. Cross dressing can simply be an extension of humiliation play. Humiliation play is good for testing boundaries, as your sub can’t question it if it’s just another form of play.

If on the other hand you’re sub takes a liking to dressing then you may find he will want to move towards being a sissy. I found that the desire to become a sissy gets stronger the more you do it. I began dressing in woman’s clothing before I was in chastity so for me it’s only natural that I would want to be a sissy slave.
 
Ohhh.... huge can of worms!

This is SO complicated, and I can only give you my perspective.

When pet introduced me to chastity there was no hint of anything about cross-dressing. We had been to Rocky Horror earlier in the year (my idea, I love it) and I dressed him up in the red corset and he had a wig, make up and heels... we did a little photo session and he was VERY comfortable, but I just thought he was having a laugh (how naive of me!) Looking back, there was more than a twinkle in his eye.

It was when I joined a chastity web site and saw all these pretty frilly girlie maids that I started to investigate sissies and cross-dressing.

I've seen the big pink, lacy, OTT outfits online before, and thought (no offence sissies!) WHY ON EARTH would a man want to wear a big poofy dress?! I understand if someone is having gender issues and wants to become a woman, they might cross-dress to pass... but what's with the big frilly stuff?!

I was not interested in having a sissy, and (I thought) pet didn't want to cross-dress, so I took a tip from that site and made him wear women's panties at the weekend to humiliate him and encourage his submission.

All too soon it became obvious that actually this WASN'T humiliating for him. He began to admit further fantasies about dressing as a girl (more slutty than a maid) and Charlotte was born.

This is when I started to get worried.

We went through a period of very rapid Charlotte development. Charlotte needed clothes, breasts, make up, shoes.... on and on. Every time we went shopping I would ask pet's opinion on an outfit and he would say "for you or Charlotte?" and it all got very overwhelming.

I think around this time we had our separation (not linked at all... I don't think) and so everything slowed down.

Once we were back together, we put D/s on hold, and chastity and obviously Charlotte.

I do miss Charlotte. And I would also love a sissy maid, prancing around serving tea, giving me foot rubs, etc.

So after that lengthy ramble, I would say this is something that develops over time if you want it to. I thought sissy maids were a bit silly (sorry again girls!) but now I fully embrace the idea, because they're pretty to look at, and work really hard!

Maybe you could test the water with weekend "punishment panties". The pinker, silkier and frillier the better! If the idea is embraced, you can develop it further. If the idea is rejected, you can just reserve them for punishment!

Hope this helps. :animal0008:
 
Thanks for your thoughts on this - it has helped. I can't say this route holds any great appeal for me but, as I'm still not too sure yet quite where he is relative to where he thought he wanted to be, I was intrigued to try to understand if he was likely to have a secret craving for this but didn't feel able to mention it.

The Rocky Horror show could actually provide my answer though, Mistress Watchful. I had forgotten that, a few years back he had refused to go as he wasn't prepared to dress for it - even though two couples of our friends were up for it.
 
Mistress Kate,

I have been able to get so many messages over to my Mistress who is my wife. I am in chastity all the time and get very regular canings etc. But I yearn to be forced to wear panties and I do in private when she is out but I have never had the occasion to let her know. I feel she would be repulsed by it and so I am scared to let it out. It may be the same for your sub. He yearns for it but cant admit it to you for fear of being refused. The man inside does not want to lose the woman he loves over an issue like this.
 
Crossdressing, Forced Feminization and Gender Dysphoria. These are quite different things and a subby can be one or more or none of these.

Crossdressing - done for sexual excitement almost exlusively. Generally those who engage in this do not feel they are truly feminine nor want to be - it is a sexual kink.

Forced Feminization - applied by a Superior to humiliate and enforce behavior modification in a subby. The degree to which it is applied depends mostly on the Superior's wishes and the need of the subby to suffer humiliations.

Gender Dysphoria or transgender - a person that identifies in a gender role different from their biological gender. A transgendered individual may or may not have sub tendencies.

These are general guidelines - they are not specific. Many subbies fall in between the different definitions. I personally enjoy subbys of any of these categories. I think they are especially cute in frills or dressed to the nines in the most outrageous of slut clothes. To Me - they are all gurls.

Feminization and chastity are intertwined. Once a male has been locked up - they have no sexual utility except in the traditional female gender role - a penetratee or a provider of oral skills. Besides, doesn't a locked up sub male look pretty in panties?

Now all you sissy gurly things - don't get angry if My definitions don't fit you exactly - they seldom apply to any specific individual. Variety is the spice of life. Be yourself or be whatever your Superior decides you are.

As to Mistress Kate's specfic question - if you do not prefer a sissy subby - then don't go there. But as Mistress Watchful says - they can be so cute and it does seem to grow on you...
 
excellent replies, I have crossdressing tendancies, well i love it, and forced fem is a major fantasy. My wife was( is) really vanilla and does things to please me, she is getting better, and doesn't rely on me to "show her the way" so much. I introduced her to Chasity play, and she now loves the extra attention i give her, and i gently scouted around with the idea of me crossdressing,it's true, that after many years you think you know how someone will react, but you don't. I would think that this would apply to either side, whether a mistress is trying something she fancies, or, thinks their slave will fancy, or vice versa. My Mistress loves the feeling of my stockings and shaved legs sliding accross her stockings when we're snuggled up at night,well. hen I'm allowed to , tread carefully, I'm sure a bit at a time , and lots of honest chat, you'll get to a palce where both are happy.
Miss D nothing to get angry over, never seen it put better....
 
This is all quite interesting to me.

I've tried crossdressing, but it just makes me feel stupid, and I get very little out of it in the way of sexual excitement.

BUT

I still get very excited by the thought of being forcibly feminized...that's a great turn on.

However I can't get over the idea that if I tell my wife, then she would be doing it for me, rather than forcing me, which would kind of defeat the point. More like Topping from the Bottom, which I have never found particularly satisfying.

So the question is how can I get her to force me to do this "for real" without telling her,because if I do I'll just feel stupid??
 
Snufflepig said:
However I can't get over the idea that if I tell my wife, then she would be doing it for me, rather than forcing me, which would kind of defeat the point. More like Topping from the Bottom, which I have never found particularly satisfying.
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Ah that old chestnut. Being a sub can be hard work sometime and our Masters and Mistresses always complaining that they have it hard :tongue:.

Im going to get some much flack for that I can just feel it :sex020:

My best advice is sit back and enjoy the ride. If a Dom wants to dress there sub up in frilly dresses then so be it. After all the sub should have no say and will probably enjoy the humiliation.

If on the other hand a sub has a strong desire to dress in womans clothing then its best that the sub is open and honest, it may end up eating away at you and create problems later on.

I have done a lot of things that I thought I would never have done in the past and loved every second. Humiliation for me is a massive turn on but the dressing for me is more about confidence and feeling good about myself.

Everyone is different and will eventual find there own paths. Sissficition is one of many paths in which a sub dome relationship can go down, I used to be a dog at one point with a hood, lead and dog bowl and now Im trying to be the best sissy I can be.

I would say though that without the Internet I probably wouldnt have heard of any of this stuff, which may be a topic for a later post when I get some inspiration.
 
Mistress Kate said:
Although I have to keep reminding myself that I am in charge and therefore, in theory, anything I say goes, I'm not at all sure how he would react if I suggested such ideas - nor whether I would actually get much out of seeing him like that. Presumably it's about either the control or humiliation of the sub rather than kicks for the mistress ?
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Mistress Kate,

Some (many?) dominent women do enjoy feminizizing their man/slave/sissy. My Mistress, for instance, goes bananas when she sees me in panties, stockings, dress... We got me a pretty sissy maid dress to allow me to serve her more formally, but she has trouble retraining herself from ripping it off of me when I wear it.

Not many subs desire feminization, although I think it goes along well with the emasculating loss of control of your own orgasms. In any case, many men do have a certain reverence for the magical taboo of panties. Try having him wear a pair of yours after a teasing and denial session. Or to work. You might find it amusing.

Chris
 
Snuffle pig:

So the question is how can I get her to force me to do this "for real" without telling her,because if I do I'll just feel stupid??
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Have you tried filling in a BDSM checklist?

That is the checklist pet and I used to break the ice early in our D/s relationship. It is very helpful and gave me insights.

You will notice on the list is "forced feminization" and you can say how you feel about it.

It's in the middle of a long list. Maybe she will see it and go "ahhhhhhhhhh!" or maybe she will never notice it.

You will have let her know, but in a round-about way.

Maybe that would help. :animal0008:
 
My two cents worth for Mistress Kate: I think that by refusing to go to the show dressed in womens lingerie your sub showed you that he would feel humiliated if seen dressed in public. This may mean that in private it could be a secret desire. You definitely should try him out with panties or some other minor item just to test the waters. Go slow and don't be afraid that he might end up being a full-on sissy. After all the sooner you know the better.
I say for all young couples, experiment and find out everything about each other before you tumble too far in love. It's so sad to see people 10 years into relationships not being able to find the words to tell their significant other critical things about themselves and suffering in silence for years being denied fulfillment of their strongest desires.
 
Thanks for suggestions. Last week I did add the wearing of my underwear to the list of potential punishments for failure to perform/misdemeanours. When he saw it had been added there was little reaction either way - so we shall see. I'm going to do it next time he needs punishing just out of curiosity because I don't think it's really going to do anything for me - other than perhaps be fun. I've got an unexpected situation developing (see new thread) that might require punishment sooner than I expected.
 
You don't have to wait for a special moment to put him in your panties Mistress Kate. You might like the view... Household chores, especially, are so much more meaningful to a subby in panties and a frilly little apron...
 
Miss D said:
You don't have to wait for a special moment to put him in your panties Mistress Kate. You might like the view... Household chores, especially, are so much more meaningful to a subby in panties and a frilly little apron...
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This is sooo true, Miss D! When dollyanne gets dressed in her panties, top, and see-through "work" skirt (she doesn't yet have a proper maid's outfit), dolly feels like a domestic maid and really wants to do a proper job. And yes, the view, with dollyanne draped over the edge of the tub scrubbing, with her pantied rear-end sticking up must be quite a sight! Dollyanne actually feels vulnerable, but sexy at the same time, when doing this!

Curtsey,:animal0008:
dollyanne
 
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