The Chastity Lifestyle-How did I get myself into this!!

M

Mistress Wyndee

Member
Dec 9, 2008
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Good morning all! I have been thinking a lot about this lifestyle and what it means to me and my pet. He introduced me to the bdsm lifestyle about 4 years ago. We were just dating at the time, but he told me of his sexual interests. I had heard of this lifestyle but did not know anyone who was actually involved in it. I just thought it was a phase that people go through. However, it's not. My pet and I got married this past June and we have been actively trying to live the bdsm lifestyle. I have been struggling with it. One of the main problems that I have is the fact that I have no sex drive. It doesn't matter to me whether or not we have any sexual relations. I believe it is in part due to the medications that I am on. I have tried to make myself to be interested, but it is hard. I have even bought and taken pills to up my libido. However, nothing seems to work. I know that I am neglecting my role as a domme, but what else can I do. I want to be the domme that my pet is ultimately wanting and at times I can be, but to just come up with a scene is hard to do. If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions for me, I would greatly appreciate it.

Well I have to go to work now. So there's nothing else to say for now. Hopefully I will have something later on.

Take care and talk to y'all soon.
 
Mistress Wyndee, may i humbly suggest that You try reading some journal entries or fiction. that may give You some ideas and/or get You into the mood. Mistress and i love role playing, W/we recently played O/our "pick up" game where O/one of U/us picks the O/other up in a bar. Mistress even has several wigs to help with the illusion.
 
Mistress Wyndee hang in there. Just know that he wants you to want it too. He needs you to enjoy it as much as he does. Don't give up and make sure he is supporting you in your quest to become the woman of his naughty dreams!!! I am learning that myself at the moment.

I wish you the best.
 
First off I would suggest taking up the issue of sexual drive with your doctor. Perhaps, you already have. Second, the brain is the most important sex organ. When a person just doesn't feel sexual, then something within the relationship is needed to change to alter the mood. Don't feel alone about this though - it is really quite common - especially for couples in long term relationships. And it is quite possible for a person to be essentially asexual - very little sexual desire - and yet, have a meaningful, productive life and relationship.

I agree with John - try reading some of the entries here - with an open mind and see if anything sparks an interest. It might be helpful to think about times in the past when you have been sexually stimulated - what were you doing then - what worked then? One last suggestion - exercise, even walking, does help.
 
Hiya, It's really great that you're TRYING to give your pet what he needs. I sympathize with this situation a lot. My wife is very vanilla, has no libido, and really no interest in helping me enjoy my BDSM needs. The fact that you are really interested in helping your pet realize his fantasies is a very precious thing. He's very lucky.

Presuming you're willing to try a BDSM lifestyle, but you're not interested in sex, I think you need to ask yourself what YOU want out of it. For example, maybe his fantasy is that he's locked up in a CB most of the time, and giving you oral sex, but you aren't interested in oral sex. Well, maybe YOU like foot massages, for example. Perhaps the arrangement would be that he has to satisfy you with daily foot massages to earn his release.

When it comes time for his release, that doesn't necessarily involve sex FOR YOU either. If he is to be allowed an orgasm, I'm sure he'd like your participation, but who's to say that involves you having sex? Again, an example. He's been a good boy all week. You are choosing to grant him an orgasm. You tie him to the bed, with one hand free. Tell him he has 30 seconds to cum, and no more. Then start a stopwatch and as he tries to masturbate, distract him. Tickle his feet. Squirt him with a water pistol. Whatever. Have fun with it. If he doesn't make it in 30 seconds, lock him up for another week! That's just an example, but it could both be a lot of fun, and still scratch his itch for Domination.

I just replied to another blog in a similar way yesterday. I think people are too hung up on the "cookie cutter Domme/sub" fantasies. With the vision of the sub wearing a CB, and giving constant oral sex to the insatiable Domme. I would argue that that is the exception rather than the rule. I'd suggest to you that you should build YOUR vision for a BDSM lifestyle. Make it YOURS. What turns YOU on? What turns HIM on? What can you negotiate in between?

I think it's wonderful that you're willing to try this for him... but if you let yourself be bullied by preconceived notions of your role that are really no fun for you, it's not going to work. Make it yours. Make it fun and/or satisfying. I think that's the right recipe!

Best of luck!
mikecb
 
Dear Mistress Wyndee!
mikecb is right! Just relax and let your pet do the work. You can let him earn his release in ways that makes YOU feel good! And don't forget to have fun.
Do not think about "lifestyle", that sounds sooo complicated. Make him do whatever YOU like, even if it is obviously not sexrelated to you, it may make your pet feel submissive (and frustrated).
A good laugh, some jokes and a little teasing solves many problems.
 
Having been a Dom in the past for most of my adult life I am all to aware of the pressures associated with that "role". However as Mike and the others have said give it time and find YOUR needs through this.

You may find like we did, that the more involved you get here the more inspired you may become. Keep in mind that as the Domme you call the shots not him. Therefore if sex is really not a motivating factor for you then figure out what is, showered with gifts, unplanned romantic dinners etc. You may find as this behavior starts so will your those urges that currently lay dormant. Most importantly, just keep the lines of communication open!
 
Makes me think of nude pedicures and full body massage. Nothing like trying to sneak peaks and caresses while in the service of my Lady...............:innocent0002:
 
Thank you all for your advice. You have given me a lot to think about. I like being the domme. I never thought of myself that way until I got with my husband. I was always considered the "sub" because the male in my relationship was the domme. I did mention to my pet about going to an adult store to see if there were any toys that I could get that might help me along my journey. I don't know if the lack of sexual desire is caused from the medications or just that I do not have the right tools to get me along the way. I can tell you that the last session that my pet and I had I did have a lot of fun. I didn't think it would be fun torturing him and playing with him the way that I did, but it really was a blast. But even that hasn't helped me with my libido. Not to mention that the pressures of the upcoming holiday doesn't help matters. I have been making candy for the last 5 days. Does it ever end...lol. Plus I'm a cashier at Walmart having to deal with customers all day long. By the time I get off of work, the only thing I want to do is relax or play my game. I am really tired after a long day on my feet.

I do think, however, that I should consult my doctor about my libido problem. Maybe she has some advice to give me that would really help me out.

Well I will let you all know how it goes. It probably won't be until next week before I can go see my doctor because of my work schedule, but I will definitely keep you all posted.

Take care for now and I'll catch up with y'all later.
 
Thanks cks for the wishes and thanks for stopping by. Well there's nothing to talk about really right now except that I am almost finished with the candy that I have been making for Christmas for my family. I have only been working on it for about 5 days now. So that stress is almost over. Maybe I can finally put that behind me and focus on my relationship with my pet and my sexual drive problem. One thing that is really puzzling to me is the fact that I am only 33 years old and having a problem sexually. I thought that only happened to older people. Well I guess I was wrong. Have any of you other Mistresses/Goddesses had this problem before and if so what did you do to rectify the situation?

Well nothing else to report for now. Take care and I'll catch up with y'all later.

Night :)
 
Miss Wyndee. You mentioned that you are a cashier, and all you want to do is get off your feet and play your game. Well, in my mind's eye, i pictured you at your desk, playing your game, with your sub under your desk in shackles, plugged, blind, and licking ever so gently between rubs of your tired soles.

Then again, i'm SURE you wouldn't want THAT would you?? LOL

If you can only remember one thing, remember this... it's about YOU, not him. And just because it's about you, don't feel that you would somehow become selfish in your own desires and forget about his own needs. It's in our nature to be used, and from what i can tell from your writings, it's in YOUR nature to give. So, don't fret about what HIS needs are, just think about what YOU want, and everything should fall into place exactly as it should.

Good luck with your doctor's visit. Please do keep us posted on how things turn out for you and yours.

brianna :)
 
It is hard but Brianna is right. It is has been hard for me to wrap my head around it being all about me as well. It is good you are gonna go to the doctor hopefully she can help you around the sexual desire issues.

And hopefully once this stressful time of year is over you will be in a better frame of mind. I have been a sub for so long it is hard to change thought processes but it comes with time. I hope that you see this as a way to be able to take some of the load off of yourself. If anything it is about sharing which it sounds as if you well on your way with. He is lucky to have you and for you to be willing to explore. Sometimes it is hard to share these things.
So head up it will all work out, just even considering it is the hardest step I think.

Happy holidays.:xmas-tree-070:
 
Thanks for the insight. Yes this has been a struggle for me, but I am keeping an open mind and not dismissing anything at the moment. With time and experimenting I am sure that I will find what works for us and what doesn't. All I know is that my lack of sexual drive is NOT working for us, especially ME. I do realize that this is about me and not him. I have caught onto that so far, but like you said I have been a sub for so long that it is difficult to change the mind set. I want to do the right thing for the both of us and I want to enjoy myself in the meantime. But it just seems that I get to one point and then I can't think of anything else to do so I stop. I always make sure that I get my orgasm before I do anything for him.

The thought of him being shackled under my desk and pleasuring me almost makes me drool, but I unfortunately don't let myself get that way. I am the type of person that really doesn't get too excited over things. I think it is due to the fact that I have been hurt and let down so much that I just don't get my hopes up too high and it is hard for me to let anyone in because of it. It has taken a lot for me to trust my pet. He had to EARN it!! It took nearly 5 years for him to earn it, but now that he has he better never do anything to break that trust because it will be a long time before I would trust him again. But it has been good so far and I don't think that anything would happen any time soon for that trust to be broken. Without trust in a relationship, especially a Domme/sub relationship, there is not a relationship.

Thanks again for all of your guy's advice and thoughts. I look forward to reading some more.
 
Take it slow and easy.No one jumps off a diving board without knowing how deep the bottom is.Your doing all this candy making etc... Is your sub doing the dirty dishes? putting them in wrappings?If this is your thing then have your sub do other tasks that will make it better for you.My Ms.M. dose baking but I just stir the batter.And I'm sent away to clean her boots,shoes,or what ever ..........You on TOP NOW let it be knowen!
 
One thing that may relieve some of the stress of work and house combined is to have your pet help with the house chores. Since it s in service to you, he should be able to eroticize the act of doing dishes, laundry and such.

Miss J and I have come to the agreemant that whenever I am home from work, I am to do the dishes, fold the laundry (I'm hoping to learn how to better sort for wash and put them where they go- not hard for me and wife's clothes, but I have three daughters and it's hard to distinguish who wears what!), and take care of the dog.

This takes a few things out of her daily to-do list, which in turn gives her more energy to play after the girls are in bed.
:fighting0074:

I would recommend the book by Mark Remond called Worshipping Your Wife. It put a lot of things into perspective for me. It'snot a kink book, but he does discuss "holding out" on sex with your partner. If he reads it and takes it to heart, be prepared for him to fall in love with you all over again. It's kind of a weird read (almost like an infomercial), but I just took what I wanted from it and so far it is changing my relatonship with Miss J for the better.

:party0002: Be safe and good luck!!
 
One thing that is really puzzling to me is the fact that I am only 33 years old and having a problem sexually. I thought that only happened to older people. Well I guess I was wrong. Have any of you other Mistresses/Goddesses had this problem before and if so what did you do to rectify the situation?
Click to expand...

I'm 35 and have been having really weird sexual and mood swings since having baby #4!

It might be hormones or it might just be a heck of a lot of stress in your life.

I never feel sexy when I'm stressed, but as soon as I relax I start to feel horny again.
 
Thank you Mistress Watchful for your insight. I know it's been awhile since I have been on, but a lot has happened since the last time I was on. The first major thing that has happened is that I was fired from my job this past Saturday. I was a little concerned at first at what my pet would say, but he was great. He only said that that was life. He was really supportive. I am extremely proud of him for that. I am completely over it now and just think that it is their loss not mine. I'll find another job in time, but for now I'm taking it easy. Of course things have been a little stressful with the upcoming holiday, but I have all of that under control.

For the really important thing. I told y'all that I would keep you posted on my libido issue. I went to the doctor today because I have been sick the last 4 days and not getting any sleep, so I finally broke down and went to the doctor. While I was there, I discussed the libido issue. I found out that it was one of the medications that I am on. She is taking me off of that medicine and putting me on something else. I can't start it until next month, but hopefully it will help.

Unfortunately there has not been any kind of "play" between pet and me. He has been sick since last week and then I then I got sick Monday so neither one of us has really felt up to "playing". The really funny part of it is that I actually feel a little horny, but my body is just so weak from the illness that I just am not able to muster up any energy to do anything.

So there isn't anything new to report. Maybe soon :) Take care and I'll catch up will y'all later.
 
I have been sitting in bed next to my pet reading the threads on the forums. The more I read the more I understand and the more I am enjoying this lifestyle. I love the fact that I have my pet's most important toy locked up in a device where he can't get to it. When we first started talking about chastity, it didn't take me long to agree to it. The reason why I really didn't hesitate was because I liked the idea that having him locked up would make him think about me more because I had the only key that would give him release. Not only that, but I knew with him being locked up I knew that there was no way that he would be able to touch himself mush less being able to get himself to cum.

it would totally be in my control when and if he would be able to cum. I guess I lived a sheltered life because I didn't think about people masturbating. I know that I didn't do it. It just wasn't something that came to mind for me. I asked my pet one time after reading an article somewhere that said that ALL men masturbate and if they said that they don't then they are lying if he masturbated. His answer of course was yes. I then asked him how many times did he masturbate. And he asked me daily or weekly. I then asked him if he masturbated daily and his response actually shocked me. He told me at least once a day sometimes more. I was in utter shock. I don't know why my reaction was such, but it was. I bet it has been hard on him going from doing that to not doing it at all.

There was a time here just last month that I let him out of his cb for a couple of weeks. At first it was because he had asked me about a week before if he was good if he could be out of it for a night. At the time I had said no, but after lots of thought I reconsidered and let him out the following week. At first it was just going to be for a night and a day and he was going to go back in it. Well i don't know why, but I didn't put him back in it the next evening. Then another day passed and another and another. I guess you can say I just lost a little interest. Well then I realized his attitude toward me was changing. Before I realized it, a month passed by. I had the device next to my side of the bed. One day it disappeared. I asked my pet where it was and he said it was put up. I asked him where and he wouldn't tell me. It ticked me off a little bit, but what could I do. Well the next night I told him that I wanted the device. He asked me why and I simply told him that I wanted to put it back on him.

Well I took a shower and got a washcloth with soap and water and washed him up for some play time. One clue that I give to let him know that he is going to have an orgasm is to make sure that I have a towel where I can get to it to clean up afterwards. Well I had him service me with his tongue and he gave me 4 wonderful orgasms. I laid back on the bed for a little bit and then decided it was time for a smoke. After that I asked for the device and put it back on him. I decided to tease his mind with the towel. He didn't get to cum that night. And he asked me if I was just messing with his mind with the towel and I said yes. What makes it even worse is the fact that I had him get the towel...lol. I can be bad sometimes, but it sure was fun on my part. But I am enjoying this lifestyle and I hope that I can continue this way for a long time.

I know that I need to invest in a better device because he is currently wearing a CB6000. I want to purchase a metal device and keep the cb6000 for any time that we are going to travel or go through metal detectors. I am fearful of dealing with Ms Lori with the horror stories y'all have told about your dealings with her and the fact of having to send it back for resizing after waiting months for it to arrive to begin with. Is there anywhere else to get a good quality metal device other than her?

Well that's about it for now. Until later take care all.
 
Well it is 6 hours later and I am still feeling sick. The odd thing is that I am still feeling a bit horny. Why is that!?! It is quite confusing to me. On the days that I am feeling fine, I have no sex drive at all. But I get sick and I want to have sex, but my body is just not up to it. Now I know that during that time of the month woman tend to feel horny because of the hormones going through their body and I am getting close to starting mine. I wonder if that has something to do with it or not. Well anyways there is nothing really to report as of right now. I am proud of my pet. He has finally gotten enough nerve to post and introduction in the foyer. Please take the time to welcome him to the group. I have been trying to get him to post an introduction now for a little while. I think it's ironic that he introduces me to this site and I have gone full throttle while he is in the bystanders. Well anyways thanks for listening and stopping by. Sorry I don't have much to report. Maybe one of these days...lol

Take care for now.
 
Mistress Wyndee,

When considering an upgrade from a cbxxxx device, I think the first thing to decide is whether Locked4Love can wear a full belt most of the time, or whether you need to continue with a non-waistband device. If you're not going to use a waistband, then I think you need to seriously consider going out and getting your pet a PA or Frenum piercing immediately. The trapped ball devices are notoriously "iffy" about providing real protection. Once you can lock a device through a well-healed piercing, you'll be well on your way to guaranteeing that Your toy will be ONLY used by YOU.

Regarding devices, there are numerous full belt manufacturers. LockedInSteel is the only one I'm aware of in the states. For tubes, Lori is domestic, but you've seen the concerns people have had about turnaround time and general demeanor. My own experience was that she was very enjoyable to work with right until she got my money, at which point she was rather curt, and somewhat less responsive, though still "good enough".

Depending on how generously your pet is endowed, you may go with one of the more standard sized stainless steel tubes from some of the other vendors. Steelworxx looks pretty good. They have an optional "Fixing" attachment, which secures to a PA or Frenum piercing for maximum security. If your pet is more modestly appointed, you may still need a custom device.

Hope that helps, and keep us posted!
mikecb
 
Well 3 hours later and pet is being really playful. He has flashed me with his locked penis a few times now. He doesn't know how much it turns me on to see him all locked up and helpless. I guess it's just the fact of knowing that I am the only one who can take him out of his cage. But why take him out when he is more fun with it on!?! He's been locked up now since November 28th and that was his last orgasm also. It's about time for him to have another release. He has been a good pet and deserves it. Maybe we will have some play time before the son gets home from school. Well I will talk to y'all later. Take care.
 
Please keep him chaste. He needs it more than you know. Keep him locked and he will be the happiest sole in the land. Tease him until he begs... And then some more. I wish I was him.
 
Thank you Mike for your advice. We have discussed a full belt cb. I believe that we are heading in that direction. We have decided to make one of our own out of different material to see if he can wear one full time before making the obligation to purchase one. But I like the way that the belts completely hide the penis and the testicles. That is the way that I want to go, but my pet's comfort is important to me.

As far as dealing with Ms Lori, I'd rather not just to be frank. I don't like dealing with curt people and I have read too many horror stories dealing with her. So if we end up having to go with an unbelted cb device it will be from some other vendor.

As far as a piercing goes, he already has a pa piercing. However, the piercing is too close to the tip of the penis to support a heavy device. We also discussed that last night. He mentioned that he would have to get re-pierced. So that may be something that we may have to look into in the future.

Now for the fun part. I mentioned in my last post that my pet has been a good boy and deserved a release. We had a wonderful session. Of course he serviced me first and gave me 4 wonderful orgasms. Then I tied him to the bed by his hands and his feet, blindfolded him, and gagged him. i then took off his cb device. I flogged him for a little while and then connected him to the tens unit. With us both being sick it was a wonder that we were able to perform at all...lol

After I disconnected him from the tens unit, I gave him his orgasm and the session was over. I know it sounds kind of dull and normal, but it was fun for us. Now he is good to go for about another 2 weeks or so.

Well that's all i have to report for now. Talk to y'all later.

Take Care. :hugs:
 
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