Wannabe
- Thread starter Byrdie
- Start date
No, he even showed me pictures of cheap cages he was thinking of getting from Amazon.
Last night he told me he was taking an Uber home. Turns out, his previous card died and he was planning to buy and pick up one from an ad today, but according to a screenshot he sent me the person sold it to someone eLee just as he was hopping in the Uber.
The language he used about the seller, a woman, gave me as much pause as his insistence that I had to mirror his emotions on command (confidence they we were going to click and go shopping and immediately become his key holder and and and …) and did not appreciate my “this is me, that is you” boundary setting statement.
I initially thought the car thing was just an excuse to wiggle out of the munch until I remembered his statement about the Uber last night.
But now between his gender-based insult about the car seller (said twice to me in pretty rapid succession) and his poor emotional boundaries, I think I dodged a bullet.
Yikes....by the second .."and..." I was already embarrassed for this guy. Gotta be more chill then that
Yeah who cares what gender the seller of the vehicle is, but when one is sexist...I guess...then....idk
Hang in there
i swear, every time this sort of thing happens I think, "Maybe there's a reason that people this age are still single."
Then I remind myself that I'm this age and still single.
And then I sulk at my inner voice.
Then I remind myself that I'm this age and still single.
And then I sulk at my inner voice.
Birdie, what is your desired length of time to cage a guy? Is it just something like a day to a week or is long term?
Depends on who I’m with. A newbie? To start, probably the duration of a date: anywhere from a few hours the majority of the day.
Someone more experienced? Starting at a few days at a time to get my newbie self used to the concept, or perhaps a little over the downtime between dates?
Depending on success, I could see ramping up to whatever sweet spot seems to get us the most benefit and least drawbacks. If he eventually wanted to do a Loctober-type marathon, I’d be willing to try it; if not, I’d be fine.
If he really wanted to go for super-long durations in the future, I’d experiment with basing his release date on a combination of our past chastity experiences and when having his demeanor shift would be a positive: asking for a raise, dealing with unwanted attention, etc. Whenever being aggressive or sullen or whatever slump reactions he has would be a positive.
All of this peppered with points of when I’d want to play with him while he’s unlocked.
Feel for you Miss @Byrdie, his loss not yours.
Aww, how sweet!
The silly part is that I’m getting so used to these situations degrading quickly that I’m not even mad. I’ve been more annoyed by missing a bus that left early.
These situations are very educational in regards to paying attention to
(and even yellow and orange flags) because when there’s one (such as boundary setting) there are others (such as misogyny).
You sound like a fun gal/domme....Depends on who I’m with. A newbie? To start, probably the duration of a date: anywhere from a few hours the majority of the day.
Someone more experienced? Starting at a few days at a time to get my newbie self used to the concept, or perhaps a little over the downtime between dates?
Depending on success, I could see ramping up to whatever sweet spot seems to get us the most benefit and least drawbacks. If he eventually wanted to do a Loctober-type marathon, I’d be willing to try it; if not, I’d be fine.
If he really wanted to go for super-long durations in the future, I’d experiment with basing his release date on a combination of our past chastity experiences and when having his demeanor shift would be a positive: asking for a raise, dealing with unwanted attention, etc. Whenever being aggressive or sullen or whatever slump reactions he has would be a positive.
All of this peppered with points of when I’d want to play with him while he’s unlocked.
Again, that likely depends on the person.
For over a week now I’m completely crushing on someone in both another time zone and another country based ¾ on how he talks to me and ¼ on this photos.
*fans self*
On the one hand, it’s a little frustrating. On the other hand, it’s educational to note the difference in how I feel about interacting with Crush Object as opposed to interacting with Car Dude.
I am almost never excited about meet and greets because the point is to figure out if we’re going to click. I’m not prone to putting the cart before the horse.
But then a stranger sends me messages that drive me to distraction and I wish I could feel like this with someone local and available.
Pity that Crush Object has a cat or else I’d likely be eyeing airfares. (I’m REALLY allergic and nobody’s that cute.)
*fans self*
On the one hand, it’s a little frustrating. On the other hand, it’s educational to note the difference in how I feel about interacting with Crush Object as opposed to interacting with Car Dude.
I am almost never excited about meet and greets because the point is to figure out if we’re going to click. I’m not prone to putting the cart before the horse.
But then a stranger sends me messages that drive me to distraction and I wish I could feel like this with someone local and available.
Pity that Crush Object has a cat or else I’d likely be eyeing airfares. (I’m REALLY allergic and nobody’s that cute.)
Have you done online only relationships before? Maybe this is just a "gap relationship" till you find that next one in person.
I'm not big on online play and have historically had trouble taking online relationships seriously outside of flirtations. I'm spoiled by the Seattle scene, though I suppose that anything is possible.
Well, at least I didn't say "never". I'm still in almost daily contact with the Canuck, and we have plans to meet next month.
So of course I got diagnosed with a "nasty upper respiratory infection" today that should hopefully clear up in 10 - 14 days. (Yes, I tested negative for both COVID and influenza.)
Oh, and said Canuck has absolutely no interest in chastity. There's a local guy who does, of course - he and the Canuck have even been in contact.
Attachments
So, things with the Canuck went nuclear over planning to meet. He even deleted his profile on the adult site we'd met on. He picked a fight with me in text on Wednesday and we haven't spoken since.
So. Um. Yeah.
And now, the good news: I'm a keyholder!
The local guy is someone who I've been talking to a bit both before and during my flirtation with the Canuck. We initially couldn't meet up due to wildly incompatible schedules. My schedule changed in late January, so I reached out to let him know both about that and my focus on the Canuck. He was very kind and wished me well.
About a month later he reached out about maybe just meeting up for coffee and he hashed it out: he had thought that I wouldn't be interested in meeting. Local guy, who I'll call Drummer, continues to have a challenging schedule. However, this weekend went wacky for both of us so we managed to attend the last Bawdy Storytelling event at the Century Ballroom in Seattle (they need to find another venue, as it's closing this year) with a friend.
As negotiated, Drummer handed me his keys just as soon as got seated. If, by the end of the night, I decided it wouldn't work out I could hand them back: no hard feelings. However, as I've was the only person he'd encountered for a while who'd not only responded to his messages on said site, but wasn't weirded out by his circumstances.
We went to my place after the Bawdy after-party and I separated the two keys. One went into my standard keyring, the other went into a tray of big square ice cubes. I'd gotten one started before Bawdy that was filled halfway. I put the key on top of the half-cube, poured more water on top of it, and stuck it back in the freezer. It won't take much to get to if it's needed, and I'll know where the spare is.
However, the Drummer wants to try for an even smaller cage because:
Interesting guy. He's stated that he's not at all bothered by the fact that I was all swoony over the Canuck, that he's coming in as the rebound relationship, etc. We'll see how it goes.
In the meantime, 16 years after joining this site I am a 1ˢᵗ time keyholder!
Oh, and said Canuck has absolutely no interest in chastity. There's a local guy who does, of course - he and the Canuck have even been in contact.
The local guy is someone who I've been talking to a bit both before and during my flirtation with the Canuck. We initially couldn't meet up due to wildly incompatible schedules. My schedule changed in late January, so I reached out to let him know both about that and my focus on the Canuck. He was very kind and wished me well.
About a month later he reached out about maybe just meeting up for coffee and he hashed it out: he had thought that I wouldn't be interested in meeting. Local guy, who I'll call Drummer, continues to have a challenging schedule. However, this weekend went wacky for both of us so we managed to attend the last Bawdy Storytelling event at the Century Ballroom in Seattle (they need to find another venue, as it's closing this year) with a friend.
As negotiated, Drummer handed me his keys just as soon as got seated. If, by the end of the night, I decided it wouldn't work out I could hand them back: no hard feelings. However, as I've was the only person he'd encountered for a while who'd not only responded to his messages on said site, but wasn't weirded out by his circumstances.
We went to my place after the Bawdy after-party and I separated the two keys. One went into my standard keyring, the other went into a tray of big square ice cubes. I'd gotten one started before Bawdy that was filled halfway. I put the key on top of the half-cube, poured more water on top of it, and stuck it back in the freezer. It won't take much to get to if it's needed, and I'll know where the spare is.
However, the Drummer wants to try for an even smaller cage because:
- sometimes he's not at all aware of his default cage, which was fine when he didn't have a keyholder.
- at other times, he's aware that it's not ... seated properly or whatever the term is. I guess it's currently easier for him to slip out of than he'd like.
- “Miss Vera’s Finishing School for Boys Who Want to be Girls” - as follow up to his question on how to walk in heels
- “Male Bondage” - a yummy photo book of just that. Drummer's bi, adores bondage from all sides, and can’t jack-off while flipping through it. Heh.
- “To Love, To Obey, To Serve: Diary of an Old Guard Slave” by V.M. Johnson - Vi Johnson’s published slave diaries. Given how he’s described himself and his ideas about his position in relationships, I want to hear his take on her memoir.
Interesting guy. He's stated that he's not at all bothered by the fact that I was all swoony over the Canuck, that he's coming in as the rebound relationship, etc. We'll see how it goes.
In the meantime, 16 years after joining this site I am a 1ˢᵗ time keyholder!
Aww! Thank you!
So far, so good. He brought over a couple of smaller cages, and I picked the prettiest one of the two. The lock on it is basically a luggage lock - I think I already have keys that could open it - but I melted the 1ˢᵗ key's ice cube and froze a half layer for the 2ⁿᵈ anyway.
We'd already discussed some of my philosophy of key holding: I even copy and pasted some of the stuff I link to in my signature here and he was quite enthusiastic, claiming I "get it" so I assume there's hope for compatible chastity goals. On our 2ⁿᵈ date, I made certain to lean against him as I bent over to stretch and wiggled a little, asking if that's the sort of thing he was looking for. I swear, the grin on that man's face.
I also confirmed that the way we planned for future scenes was enough to keep him feeling the way he wants to in chastity, and he confided it is. I don't seem to have to do anything particularly special except see if I can get more interested in rope bondage (I never did get into shibari) but he's done enough self-tying that he's willing to teach. He's quite aware of my general lack of interest, so we're seeing if dating someone who is so into it gets me at least up to a passable level.
Oh, and he already had sheer panties, so ... score!
Basically, applying what I already believe / have learned / preach seems to be enough for now.
Congratulations to you! Finding someone compatible is no easy task. Hope all will go well.