Well, I've been reading the CM Forum for some weeks now and with the new year I wanted to get on board. My name is Suse, although in real life (i.e. not online) I go by my given name. I am 36 years old, married and have two young children. My relation with Suse has been a pretty long one and I have to admit that I neglected her for many years. Back in the 90s, in my first High School year, I had to write an essay about a young girl called Suse. While most of my classmates did not identify with her I finished the essay from her perspective. I was called Suse by students and teachers alike from this day one until I left school. Being a teenie boy called Suse it could have been offensive for me to some extend but it never felt like it. Inside of me I wished to be a woman since I was a litte child. Not on everyday base and as my adult life has shown even not for many years, but deep down, burried somehow and connected exclusivley to (sexual) fantasies my feminie part kept being with me until now. During the earlier days of the relation with my wife we played a lot. The kinky side was fun and crossdressing was a part of it as well as playing with a CB6000 I bouhgt some ten years ago. But life got in the way with our first child born in a severe medical state and we where living on and off the hostpital for the next two years. Although this time had been the foundation for a very strong emotional relation between us it left it marks on both of us. While our child grew up and a second one was born a couple of years later, we almost lost hold on our relation. My wife got herself into an unhealthy work-study-life balance I got myself into frustrating cycles of porn watching and other consumable addictions. I wanted to get out of it but I did not know how. Over the years I had developed 4 options to deal with the situation, eliminating on by on. Breaking off, never was a real option for me but counceling might have been necessary at some point. Cheating on my wife might have been easier, especially as I am away regullary for some weeks due to my job. But I never did and I learned I never would. Going on with our life was somewhat the most obvious solution but for whatever reasons two years ago I stumbled over long term chastity and started reading, thinking, and watching my own habits related to my sexual drive. In the last summer I spoke about my feeling that I wanted to be chasted, but my wife just asked for some time "to think about". And suddenly, I would say my subconsius took over in last November. I stopped watching porn, I stopped jerking off and when I realized that my drive was getting higher I took the cage out of the drawer and started wearing it. Days later, I confessed everything to my wife and while she did not want to take the keys she was willing to give it a try on basis of trust and a developing female led relation. The last month has been intesense and very interesting for me. Using the cage wasn't working out, as my CB6000 broke, the Birdlocked I bought afterwards wasn't nearly as comfortable and the steel device I got later my wife didn't like at all. So, mental chastity it was even with a cage, as I always had the keys. After 6 weeks into orgasm control we talked about our feelings and we both agree that this decision safed our relation and gave us room to exlpore ourselfs again. I learned that my chastity is my commitment for our relation and I actually don't need her (still wish though) to hold the keys. And while she enjoyed the pleasures of a FLR I sorted out my desires from bare fantasies. Finally, yesterday, I told my wife that I want her to go shopping for some nice female clothings for myself, to help me with make up and style and to go out with me as a woman in near future. She said yes, "it was about time"! And while I realized that I don't need a cage to prevent masturbating I now know, that a good fitting cage will get myself more feminine. I am really happy that my wife supports me on this journey and I am looking forward to a new year. You can call me Suse now ...
Welcome to CM, Suse! THanks for telling us about your journey. I applaud your perseverance and personal integrity, but most importantly, I admire the communication that you have with your wife! Happy to have you on board. Please join in the conversation and chatting!
Many thanks for sharing your story. it has been a long and bumpy road. Great to know that you have found your way to keep your relationship flourising. I am a sissy as well and love go shopping together with my wife. However, unlike you still masturbating as my cage is not on 24/7. Need to be caged in order not to wank. Have to admit that you have enormous mental strength not to masturbate without being locked. BR, Cucko
Thank you very much @all of you for your warm welcome. I do hope to contribute to CM and I am glad that I found this site... For the next days I unfortunately have to concentrate on work and will be very busy but I guess next week I'll be back more regulary. All the best suse