Fundamentally it’s the KH’s libido that dictates the whole experience - thoughts

I agree.

 

Certainly should be !

 

My wife has a low sex drive. Think that helps in that she likes me caged so I can't pester her for sex or head. I am lucky in she enjoys teasing me regularly. I'm getting conditioned to even when I get out is something she enjoys for me get off like taking care of myself while she paddles me. We still have sex here and there but it's solely when she wants it now. So her low sex drive works in my favor in a way as she wants to be my kh because it benefits her so much.

 

of course. Its supposed to be about them. we just have to wait till they want and feel the need

 

An interesting perspective, and whilst I agree with most of it, my experience is a tad different. My wife teases and/or edges the heck out of me at least every other day while I am locked, but typically requests, or expects, an ‘o’ about twice a week (we are in our 60s - which might count for some of it).

 

Mrs Edge has a lower libido than I do. But we've made this work because of, not in spite of that. Being locked keeps my own libido up for when she's ready.

 

I will agree -- if your KH has a high libido it can make things more fun. It's way worse when your wife has a very low libido. The cage is on, and she sees no need for teasing or to have an orgasm herself.

 

There is no doubt about your position on this matter. My wife prefers to cuddle during the week and only have complete interactions on the weekends. More in the summer than the winter months and not uncommon to skip a weekend during the cold months.

 

This is one I still struggle with sometimes.

 

Absolutely true.
Her libido rules over everything, can frustrate and please in both ways.
My wife never has been too sexdriven. Except maybe in her early to late twenties.

 

My first thought: "If only it was that simple."

 

Of course My libido rules over everything. Chastity is all about Me, right? Toys and oral go only so far. There are times when I want him full on because there's just no substitute in the end. Of course, there are times when it's "be strong, Cecilia" when I have him in chastity as part of disciplining him when he disobeys me.

So if I gotta' have it, that cage is coming off. It might go right back on afterward but that's also my decision.

 

I am one of the lucky ones, my Wife has a very high sex drive and always has, and it definitely makes chastity much more fun and frustrating for me.
And yes, everything about our sex life is decided by what she wants. There are rare times that she doesn’t want to have an orgasm for a day or two, and when that would happen pre chastity, I’d get pouty or bug her to at least make me cum. Now I just cuddle her and caress her till she falls asleep in my arms.
She’s happy, and has told me she never wants to live the old way again. I really don’t ever want to go back either, I feel better this way and know I treat even better this way.

 

My fist thought is, "it takes two to tango". Both partners libido's are factors, perhaps the KH's one is a bigger factor when the other is caged. In my case, my wife has no libido to speak of, so I self lock as a way to find meaning in my situation. She likes seeing me caged, but has no further interest.

 

This is how it is with my wife. Both of our sex drives are high but usually matched, we're in our late 40s. As we got serious about chastity within the last year, everything is now on her terms. She is very engaged and we both keep it fun with playtime of some sort every weekend.

I'm unlocked when she wants full-on sex and am always ready to go. The rest of the time is teasing, denial or maybe a ruin for me and cuddling, oral & toys for her.

I do think that the longer she teases & denies me, the more she craves sex even if I don't last as long due to all the build-up.

 

I'm one of those whose wife has one or more O's nearly every day ... but her libido is relatively low. How so? She almost never experiences spontaneous desire, but she enjoys having orgasms and is responsive. For use, the daily O's are basically a ritual: every evening we cuddle a bit, and then she either kisses me and says "good night" (which means "no oral tonight"), or signals I should assume the position (kneeling beside her side of the bed). In the morning, if I'm here when she awakes, I bring her coffee and then stand by the side of her bed and see what she indicates. So the offer is always there, and she generally accepts the offer either morning or evening (sometimes, but rarely both).

But she hardly ever initiates any teasing or other sexual play. Once she gets started, she enjoys it very much, but if we didn't have routines, or I didn't initiate, I think we'd be having almost no activity at all.

 

My wife's sex drive has waned in the past couple years, thats kinda why I approached her about chastity play. I figured with her lower sex drive than mine that she could control when we have sex and it would kinda balance things out.
Well funny thing happened, she wants sex now more than she has in years. Go figure.

 

Very true. Except for some lucky nymphos, women in general have considerably lower libido.

 

yes, absolutely! over the 6 months i've been with MsLL, i've adjusted my libido to match Hers and increased Her satisfaction by listening to what works and what doesn't for Her. Here's the results: She revealed to me how much She likes to have Her clitoris sucked! ok, i know, She sounds shy but i think She's overcome a lot of that because She feels "safe" with me despite being my keyholder (?). anyway, that being said I performed as directed, and we recently went from once-a-week pleasing sessions, to twice a week. She's so much more relaxed at night, and i feel so overjoyed that i can help her overcome her daily concerns and anxieties. not surprisingly, there are a few on-line references that describe different approaches to clitoris-sucking when you'd think it would be relatively simple, right, gentle reader? i'm gonna surprise Her next time!

 

My wife's libido is so low I think she's asexual. She has no interest in chastity whatever, she knows I wear a cage she just doesn't want me to tell her I am. So I sadly look at this as a forever solo endeavor. I use my imagination.

 

I feel your sorrow.

 

"Fundamentally it’s the KH’s libido that dictates the whole experience"

I disagree.

My KH loves chastiy, teases and sends me memes, loves the whole experience, but if I didn't respond to it or responded with indifference then she would lose interest and the whole thing would come to an end.

 

Statistically, most women have a responsive libido compared to most men who have a spontaneous libido. We think women have a lower libido compared to men but it's just different.

Responsive libidos have to be in the mood to engage in sex. They don't get aroused until they actually start to engage in sex. That's why emotions play such a big role for them in order to get in the mood.

Spontaneous libidos see something visually, hear or read something that's a trigger, or fantasize or remember sonething sexy and immediately get sroused.

My wife is definitely in the responsive category. I work hard to keep her emotionally charged through acts of love outside the bedroom. As a result, she's happy to physically tease me 4-5 days a week because she knows that keeps my hormones topped off and makes me feel loved. In the process of engaging in sexual intimacy by teasing me, she often gets aroused herself and wants her own pleasure.

So in our case, it's not the libido that dictates the pace in the bedroom. It's the commitment to intimacy & sacrificial love on both our parts. When one of us slips from that or gets sick, we suffer.

 

This sounds very generalizing to me.