Caged Wolf? How an Alpha became the Omega...

Also, i am back in my jailbird again, made a self-adjustment to the base ring gap (bent the lock pin slightly) for more gap. After 12 hours it seems to be much better, will be locked until Mistress Wolf directs removal or it starts to chaff. If it chaffs then i will leave the for sale post up.

 

And i'm out of the Jailbird again.. i wore a different style underwear today, that hold everything tighter, and started feeling the pinch/chaff shortly after getting to work. Jeans were a little tighter too... Maybe....

 

17 days and was finally allowed to pleasure Mistress Wolf again! Was not in trouble or anything, just life issues, both sick, etc. Still getting over the crud, but last night was pretty awesome! Even though i was allowed to finish i've been semi-hard all night, and still am, Cialis is a wonderful aid...

We have started messaging with a new Man-friend, nothing serious yet as the site we are using had issues with it's IM system, but hoping to get Mistress Wolf chatting with him soon.

 

Spent the day with Mistress Wolf yesterday, woke up with my back hurting so off to the Chiropractor, then out for lunch and some shopping, then out again for dinner before settling in at home for the evening. Throughout the day there was quite a bit of touching and some groping being done, was feeling pretty teased all day. Was allowed to spend some time online seeking possible candidates for Her to chat with.

At 10pm, normally bedtime, i asked if She would like to seduce me, She replied "isn't it bed time?"... "yes Mistress," BUT when She came in the bedroom She closed the door, which is a sign for "Nakee fun time"! Once undressed and in bed Mistress proceeded to fondle me, and once She had my attention, threw the covers back and started giving me the most awesome oral! Maybe it's just been a while (and it has), but What She did really, really felt great! She had me so close to the edge within a minute or two of starting, and held me there from that point on...
Finally, after what seemed like 10-15 minute of feeling like the next touch or swirl would push me over the edge i started getting a little soft, not done, just s refractory thing, so i asked Mistress Wolf if i may return the favor. She scooted over tot he edge of the bed so i could kneel on the floor for better position. i quickly had Mistress moaning and squirming, but i am also learning to bring Her right up to the point of release and then hold Her there, as She had done to me, except bring Her through numerous little releases but not quite giving Her enough for total release.

As i continued to lick, and tease She asked me to insert a finger. i took that opportunity to change things up a little, stopped the oral and just caressed and lightly breathed on Her until She was twitching and groaning, then i slid my finger slowly in and resumed my tongue work. This whole time i was rock hard, still so close to the edge i could feel every one of Mistress's little O's reaching out and teasing me... Suddenly I had the visual image of Mistress being satisfied by a Man-friend while i licked and sucked on them both, so i added that thought and tried to perform as i would in that situation, licking from my hand and finger (His cock and balls), up through Her lovely folds to Her Clitoris, playing there, then back to Him again, using my tongue to enter her as his cock stroked in and out also. (So want this to happen again, have done it once before years ago)

After another 5 minutes or so i finally took Her totally over the edge, into a no hold barred, body shaking massive orgasm. Mistress Wolf jerkily reached down and touched my head, pushing slightly to signal to me to stop. i gently kissed Her thighs, then Her stomach, before moving up to softly kiss each breast and telling Her thank you. After She had caught Her breath again i could tell by Her satisfied look She was totally satisfied, but asked to make sure "Are you finished Mistress?" Her reply a shaky "Oh, yes... ". I replied "sweet, no relief for me, as it should be!"

SO, there i was kneeling by the bed, still between Mistress Wolf's legs, Her property standing at attention with two cockrings right behind the glans like a collar, one tiny little drop of cum glistening right at the slit, KNOWING without a doubt that i had done things right, that THIS felt so right. i was not upset or hurt, but was actually so happy and proud, honored to be allowed and privileged to serve Mistress Wolf like this, to satisfy Her needs and pleasure, without any relief or release for myself. i am so happy to be able to serve Her!

 

Mistress Wolf has definitely taken control. i got out of sorts Friday when nothing happened at lunch (i was leaving right after work to go down to Dad's for the weekend), and She stepped up and set me straight on the way things are now. Reminded me of several of my own comments, putting them into context and clarity. things went well over the weekend with lots of text and phone conversation to get me back on track again.

Got home this evening, showered (Dad smokes), and took Mistress Wolf and Little One out to dinner. Got home swept, unloaded the truck, cleaned the kitchen and washed dishes that were left for me, and started a load of laundry. When i asked if i should take one of my Cialis tablets Mistress Replied "Eh, I don't know...". My reply "Yes Dear, i understand." Five days since last permitted to pleasure Her,....

 

Last night was pretty awesome after all, even with a couple of things going on that had my mind occupied.

After Little One went to bed Mistress Asked me if i was up for some playtime, i simply replied "It is up to you Mistress". and away we went..
Once in bed She started fondling me, and quickly had me at full staff. Once there Mistress simply said "Somebody showed, wrap it so we can play!", so i quickly grabbed a condom, removed one of my cockrings, rolled the other to the base and put on the Extended Play delay filled condom.

Back in bed, i laid on my side again so i could touch Her, She continued to fondle me, then suddenly said "Roll over onto your back, I've been thinking about this since last week!". As soon as I was on my back Mistress Wolf straddled me, so I gently rubbed myself against her clitoris for a moment before She slid Herself down on me. Mistress peaked a couple of times, and on the 2nd or 3rd one brought me right to the edge, actually just past the edge, and i had to fight so very hard to keep from having a total release.

Man, what a mind bending feeling to orgasm, but not orgasm... my body and mind are telling me to let it go, but i still fought it, feeling little spasms of pleasure that bordered on pain as I stifled it, ruining the orgasm. Then, once i was back under control having Mistress continue. i got slightly soft but was able to go on. After a few more minutes of cowgirl, Mistress Wolf said "I want something different, I'm thinking doggie style." i asked "kneeling or bent over the bed" (our mattress is quite tall), She replied "Bent over the bed.". After re-positioning Mistress had another 3-4 big sheet bunching, back arching O's before telling me "Too much, too intense! I feel it everywhere!", so i helped her roll over and continued again, giving her another O. As She was reaching the peak Mistress ordered roughly "This time you better come!". I was not even close yet, so replied "i'm not there yet, please hang on Mistress!". I was still numb, but with a few hard, deep thrusts i found a spot that i could feel and quickly worked that spot until i was on the edge and asked "Now Mistress?". She replied "God yes, NOW!" and we both went over the edge together.

Mistress Wolf was pleased, and commented "Sometimes I need to feel you come as I do, it makes it so much more intense,", so apparently i performed well... lol. After showering and getting back in bed again Mistress Wolf told me a few things about Her thoughts on making us a permanent 3-some, that She felt we would meet the new Him after after New Years, that the time until then would let us keep fine tuning our relationship so we are ready when it happens, and that She was glad i called and texted over the weekend as much as i did to keep Her informed and involved as i dealt with some issues that surfaced Friday and Saturday. i honestly don't think i could have made it through the weekend away from Her without being in touch....

Time to wake Mistress Wolf, and start getting ready for the day... but have to say, i love Mistress Wolf more every day, as She ramps up Her power and control, and becomes stronger and more confident, Her beauty shine brighter beckoning me to give myself to her totally. All She wants is for me to have faith and to trust Her, to let Her lead.... We are close to being there!

 

@Jasmic68
Thank you, and stick with it! The joy of the one day of contentment (you'll understand when you get there) is worth every thing else....

To quote the song "What a long, strange trip it's been.." and it still goes on. As you read on you'll see issues come up, failures, melt-downs, etc. This is not a game here, it IS my life, and it is changing daily it seems. i do still struggle sometimes, normally when my mind takes off down some rabbit hole. All i have to do is go to Mistress Wolf (or call/text) and tell her what is going on in my head, and She will help me thru the issue and reground me. Reminding myself it is about HER, not me helps also.

Our relationship has come so far since the change, and continues to evolve. The biggest piece of advise I can give is "Communication!" Keep the lines open, talk as often as you can, even just about the mundane daily things.

Don't push Her, but ask Her "Is the relationship the way YOU want it?" "Am i how YOU want me to be?" This is about Honoring and serving HER, so make sure it is what She wants and how She wants it. Mistress Wolf has grown and is really starting to come into Her new power, and that is part of why things continue to change. We finally had a long talk several weeks ago where i asked and TRULY listened to what She wanted, and things are going so much better than even the best times before.

My other recommendation is this:
Start your own Journal here, keep it up regularly, document the good and the ugly, the highs and lows, your thoughts and feeling, Her actions and reactions. Just keep it honest, don't fluff it up to look like something it's not. Your journey might be the one someone else needs to see to help them along. It also gives YOU a chance to go back, look at how things were and see how far you have BOTH come.

 

Jasmic68,
Funny that we were posting on each others journals at the same time...Even more so that you were reading about the "getting for themselves" part. because, as I posted on your journal, this became a tripping point for me again last night. i pushed her and got bent out of shape because She still does a lot for Herself when i would gladly do it. Things actually got pretty ugly for a bit, but we continued to talk through them and guess what.... Mistress Wolf gets what She wants... I'll continue to ask if there is anything i can do for Her, but if She chooses to do things for Herself that is Her option.

She also told me i have been clingy, and moody lately, which i will admit i have been. There is a lot going on here and my desires to be a more submissive sub don't help. She still doesn't want a total sub, but a submissive partner, someone there for Her but still who I am. My problem is finding the balance between the two that works for both of us.

Time to wake Mistress Wolf and get things going for the day here.

 

Today is going much better, the sun is out, the vibe at home at lunch is much calmer and pleasant. right now i am good with asking if there is anything i may do for Her, and accept Her answer at face value... Either She chooses to have me do things for Her, or She chooses to do them Herself. SHE is the Boss, the Mistress of the House. i am but Hers to use as She sees fit.

She steps up a notch, and i step back again.

 

THAT was a rough day, and about mid-point of a bad summer... things seem to be making the turn now thankfully!

 

Jasmic,
Thank you for taking the time and effort to read through this whole convoluted trip, i hope there are things that you can take away from it and maybe even help you from making some of the same mistakes.

Most of the problems we/i have had have been created or compounded by me; pushing too hard, not listening to Mistress Wolf, and making bad choices (the August issue). Being able to go back and look at what was happening, and how things have progressed, etc has been helpful to me, especially when i start feeling like nothing has changed that much. I can go back and look and see just how far we have come, and what changed to move us forward.

If this lifestyle works out for you i would highly suggest some sort of Submission ceremony to formally acknowledge the transfer of power and the commitment to each other and the responsibilities each role brings. Making the shift to FLR or D/s with the original promises to Mistress Wolf was good, but the Submission Ceremony in front of our close friends brought it to another level, made it very clear just how real and unbreakable the promise is.



Also, even though Mistress Wolf may not always allow me to do things for Her specifically, last night She was in good form. There were numerous times throughout the evening that She would comment about things She wanted done, saying "X needs to be done." rather than "Would you do X please?". Though most of is was not specifically for Her, after my little spat/temper tantrum Wednesday i understand it IS a privilege to be tasked by Her at all, and i am honored to be allowed that privilege.

i am slowly understanding the truth and reality of what "it is all about Her and what SHE wants" means. To truly submit to Her will means so much more than i realized, but the new connection and openness of our relationship is SO worth it.

 

Good day yesterday, took 1/2 day off and spent it with Mistress Wolf, then dropped Little One with friends and took Mistress out for the evening. Had a nice dinner, went to a bookstore (one of Mistress's favorite places to go), then to an adult shop for a couple of items, before going to the Mall and walking around, picking up a few Christmas presents while there. The whole evening i kept telling myself to remember it isn't about getting sex, but about being there with and for Mistress Wolf. It was fun, and very enjoyable just being with Her and talking, etc.

Once home we relaxed, i was allowed to check a couple of things online, and Mistress caught an episode of one of Her shows on TV. i went to use the bathroom, and while washing my hands after looked in the mirror and told myself "Don't worry if nothing happens, it's been a great evening". As I was back on the computer checking one site Mistress came over and told me "I was thinking about some "Nakee Fun", but I'm getting stiff now, so..."...

My heat and mood dropped, even though i had already told myself not to expect anything, not a huge drop, but still noticeable to Mistress Wolf, not depressed, more melancholy. Mostly because it hit me that "this is my life in her hands".

I am doing better this morning and have talked to Mistress about last night, explaining the difference a few days have made, but that, yes, it was still a little disappointing that nothing happened. I'm coping, and doing better at it. i will find it in myself to fully accept these changes in the relationship, in giving Mistress true control over everything, and in accepting that it is my own fault (the August website incident) that set this new direction in motion.

i Love Mistress Wolf with all my heart and soul, and would not have it any other way if this is what and how She wants it to go.

It is what i wished for, for Her to take control, to set the rules, it just hasn't quite gone as i imagined it would...

 

Shortly after posting the above update, Mistress Wolf walked by and i politely asked if She would like to go play (Little one was still over at our friends house), and She said "Yes"... !!!

Took things slowly and just enjoyed being with Her until She told me "Wrap it, but no spray!", things got going from there. i had expressed my desire to not be allowed to finish, but ultimately Mistress Wolf pushed me over the edge and permitted me to finish, bring Her to a major climax to finish off.

It has been a really good day and weekend so far, lots of quality time together, some learning opportunities that also brought up discussion, and all in a much better place than even a week ago.

i am one very lucky wolf, just have to continue to learn to be as Mistress Wolf wants me...

 

Had a really good weekend, lots of time with Mistress Wolf. Only problems over the weekend:

1. I woke Mistress early Sunday instead of letting Her sleep until She woke on Her own.

2. This morning Mistress roughly complained about not being allowed to wake up alone... i have been sitting with Her in the mornings, just to be near Her, and the dog also piles up on the bed in the mornings. Apparently that is no more...

Work today is aggravating, Boss is really getting to me, co-workers who work harder to get out of work than it would take to just do their job, scheduled repairs put off for Boss's family vehicles instead, then he got upset when I found additional problems on the car... Too many texts from friends wanting things, etc.... stress is up again, probably based around going to my dad's for the holiday... Mistress really doesn't want to go, and honestly, neither do i, but we need to...

Other than the stress and the morning schedule change things are very good, Mistress Wolf has been happy, i've been in a really good place, and things are moving along well.

Love Mistress Wolf, and look forward to seeing how things continue to grow and change.

 

On the way home from work tonight I had a revelation about my mood today, and in the recent past. Each time Mistress Wolf steps up Her control, such as the new "Wake me and leave me alone to wake up" rule, it does 3 things:

1. It increases Mistress's power and control, which is a very good thing!
2. It decreases my power and transfers that much more control TO Mistress Wolf, as should happen.
3. It seems to increase the separation between us, the status level, not the distance, but it also seems to take away contact and intimacy at the same time.

#3 is where i have problems, i think it is much like separation anxiety, though She is still right there, i feel the loss of the moments that mean so much to me, like just lying with Mistress on the bed in the morning as She wakes up to the day. Not saying much, if anything, just being with Her and being able to lean against Her. This is the 3rd time a change in Her power and control has done this, and each time i felt distanced and depressed, wondering if i was going to be able to go on.

Realizing this today gives me power to fight the feeling of depression, to fight back with myself and stay committed to Mistress Wolf, and to replace it with happiness that Mistress Wolf has taken another step on Her path. My mood changed almost as soon as i understood what was going on, and has continued to improve even more since i talked with Her and explained what i had learned. Mistress Wolf did tell me She was sorry i was having problems with it, but i believe She is glad i dug in and seem to have found out why it was affecting me the way it has. She has also been touching me more today, and at lunchtime and when i got home allowed me to rest my head on Her Shoulder while She gently rubbed my head.

 

Thanks @Jasmic68 and @Lucy,
It's all good and part of the relearning curve at this point. Things really have changed, small almost imperceptible changes at times, but changes still. Each one has a cause and an effect, sometimes it's just "cause She says so", and the effect seems to be a shift in the closeness and intimacy. It's still there, and deeper is some ways (my devotion to Her), but i am also left feeling slightly disconnected.

Maybe that is a part of it to? As i allow myself to fall deeper in with Mistress Wolf maybe it's not that there is less intimacy, but that my desire, my need, to know She is there for me, to be touched and reassured that it's all good gets stronger as well? Does the shift in power make me more dependent, more focused on pleasing Her in all aspects of life?

When i stop and really think back several years (it's kind of foggy, but..) We are more open about our feelings, I am probably getting the same amount or possibly a little more contact than before the switch. There seems to be less physical intimacy (sex) right now, but in reality the bond is stronger...

Something to talk to Mistress Wolf about, i suppose... just not until She is awake and ready to talk....