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Do Any Couples Use Short-Term Chastity?

Discussion in 'The Tower' started by bringback, Jul 28, 2010.

  1. Spike's Bitch
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    Spike's Bitch New Member

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    Mistress Spike keeps me locked up no more then a week. So far usually a ruined orgasm every 3 or 4 days. Though my last real orgasm is a few weeks ago. I cant even remeber when it was.

    It definitely is a mixed bag. I desperately want that orgasm so bad but i HATE how i feel after and have to restart. And i really have to fight my grumpyness for a few days after orgasm.

    So to be honest. I prefer that mistress has great orgasms and I only get ruined ones i think. I sometimes wonder if i am on the extreme side of how muh of a jerk i can be in the days right after orgasm. So if its up to me i prefer to avoid it.
  2. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    Hi Jimi. A universe of M & Ms - sounds interesting!

    Naturally, any agreement is so highly subjective that generalising is sometimes a bit pointless but I can absolutely say from my own perspective that I think my hub no less of a man for handing over control to me. As for taking other men into the bedroom, why would I just because I've locked him up ? I love my hub and feel no differently about him now than I did before - in fact, the refocus on me away from a more generalised "just want to get my rocks off" has meant that whilst there may not be as much penetrative sex as before, I would say he gets even more sexual "attention" because tease and denial is actually - to a wicked female mind - rather fun. The commitment required of chastity could be said to be a reaffirmation that the man in our lives really wants us - not just the more generalised sensation of orgasm.

    I think you are spot on when you say that orgasm diminishes the urge to please and when in "frustrated mode" my hub compares it to a low level, almost constant sexual tension for him. Orgasm is going to interfere with this and it is a balance that is specific couple to couple. The gain from denying my husband seems to switch over into moodiness at about the two week mark so that's as far as we go and the cycle then repeats itself. It is trial and error and you are absolutely right to be cynical about some of the "real life" stories out there. As I said to another poster - read widely and filter intelligently. I read Sarah's blog too and the way her and her husband operate wouldn't work for us. I also think that they've only just started to use a permanent device and things are going to evolve differently now for them as a result - regardless of what she says. I also find her agressively intolerant of any other form of chastity other than her own. That's all well and dandy over on her own site but I was rather appalled when she brought the fight over here recently but that's another story.....



    I think moving forward and using a device does change the dynamic and it's a necessary stage. Yes, you can take it off, yes, you can stop at any time but perhaps it's use is rather more symbolic and makes the commitment to chastity a little bit more real when you can't actually feel your own penis, let alone handle it. Something gets rewired in that male brain that may or may not be a permanent change (we'll wait and see, I've just put hub back into his CB6000 for a little while but most of the time, he isn't locked away.)

    I would say - try it. Don't get too influenced by all the bollocks out there about how previously loving and faithful wives are going to suddenly drag home random studs the minute their hub is locked away like demented pole cats. You know your wife better than anyone and you strike me as a thoughtful and communicative chap so sit down and discuss it, set the expectations and keep communicating.

    Ofcourse, I just want the M & M s :)


    BTW - if you have a link / more detail to the Canadian study, I'd be interested to read it.
  3. lockednloaded
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    lockednloaded Senior Member

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    Firstly, I must apologise as I have been MIA for a while (too many reasons to go into/bore you with here!).

    Anyway, this will sound strange, but we use long term and short term in that I now wear my CB 24/7 and only get released when my Wife wants my cock in her.

    Now, the short term part of this is fairly regular as we are trying for a baby (still), but the periods vary from a few days to a few weeks, but the longer term part is that regardless, I wear it 24/7, so no wanking for me at all.

    I'm not sure how that fits in with the original question to be honest, but I thought I'd post anyway!
  4. slave_nemo
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    slave_nemo slave to Mistress Ivey

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    "I guess on scenario is that my wife accepts the control and says "Good we don't need to do sex any more (Or with great reduction)" And worse I would get used to this and end up accepting it. Another concern is that the frequency and the tease become so great that I end up having premature ejaculation which I think happens to some men and then the wife finds conventional intercourse to be unsatisfying. "

    I understand the fear, but as for premature ejaculation... I thought the same thing, but there are many ways to prevent that. As for me, Mistress teased me for about an hour one time and then she mounted me. She was so "hot" by that time that I was not able to get enough friction to cum. She loved it.

    You can also have a ruined orgasm or be milked prior to conventional sex and you will last MUCH longer! Ruined orgasm and milking both leave you still excited (unlike a full orgasm) and you will last because it takes much more to cum (if you can at all).
  5. JackStrap
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    JackStrap Member

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    Almost "me too".

    I do wear PA5000 constantly, except for the night if we had sex in the evening. In the morning I put the device back on ", so no wanking for me at all""

    We are not (yet) trying to get a baby, but hopefully soon, when some human relation issues cool down. My beloved keyholder wants me inside her almost every day (night), and that's just wonderful from my viewpoint.

    So: I'm locked up unless my KH wants me inside her, which happens often, but not every day. This is good.

    Funny thing, however, is that I can't always get inside PA5000 in the morning, so I have to put on CB3000 or TheCurve. Later in the day I fit in. I definately like PA5000 more, as I do not even feel it on me. Other devices remind of themselves all the time, keeping me semistiff and dripping :)
  6. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Call me Mr Flip Flop. Last night I was backing away from the idea. Then I read your post and I had to take a deep breath. Hummmm. The point that you made that really struck home was "I wanted the focus on me and not just to get his rocks off" Argh... You hit home... THAT is what makes this interesting for me. I have a wife who truly loves me and I'm interested in being a better husband to her. I know that there are these general statements that men are pigs, they think only with their cock and so on. I don't accept that this is fact but there are some factors about how men are wired that make statements like this... Well its hard to admit.

    So - - I think its worth thinking more about (Again...) so if you hear a click and see a wave of M&Ms raining down...

    The link that interested me and is at...
    http://www.angelfire.com/id2/Hawaii/MaleCh.html
    Its not so much a study as a suggestion by a therapist on using Male Chastity to improve a relationship. Its less extreme *I think.

    I think the point you made about wearing a CB at some point being symbolic really (At least) makes sense to me. I mean part of my whole WTF about this was "Don't these guys know about hacksaws?" And for the men who get piercings I always understood they unscrewed and or there are wire / bolt cutters.

    Tease and denial hummm... so complex. I guess part of this is that anything given freely (Like Welfare) is not valued so much by the person getting it. If you have a relationship where no one ever says no or even not yet and its all "lets just get this over with" the result is not exactly a robust sexual relationship. What has always troubled me is the on going thread that a little of this sounded great. Even the rewiring of the whole sexual dynamics. Lets make the women's pleasure the point and explore what she is capable of (More then one orgasm etc) Then it turned into weeks which sounded like torture and then of course with the extreme months, year long hell we don't EVER need to let you climax because you way to attentive to me and I don't ever want to change that. BTW I do miss a good fuck so don't wait up I'm going to meet some guys for drinks. I guess the safety switch is the bolt cutter and a "Ok, we need to talk" Anyway, thanks for your reply. I think I understand better that this doesn't even have to get near that step and that yes, I'm reading too much of the extreme posts and believing they are real. ;-)


  7. Spike's Bitch
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    Spike's Bitch New Member

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    Just wanted to say I love your reply.
    Our marriage counseler confirms what you have said:

    "It takes a strong, confident, mature man/husband to allow his wife to take control in the household"

    That is pretty much all I needed to hear to just surrender to a female led relationship.
    Additionally:

    Submitting to your woman doesnt mean you cannot or wont stay a strong man outside of the home. If anything it has made me more at peace when out of the home and i think that results in looking more confident.

    As for the concern of your woman doing other men. I think the two are completely unrelated. But i understand your concern because when you google for female led relationships you often run into cuckold stories. That is just the internet. Porn stories are everywhere. Just ignore them. You and your wife will together define the boundaries of your new relationship.

    If you do ever CHOOSE to let her have sex with another man, that doesnt mean she will loose respect for you. My wife said the other day she respects me more because of it. Simply because I want her to have great experiences and it doesnt make me feel jealous or insecure. And that is only attractive to a woman.

    But I am sure if I asked my wife not to have sex with other men she would respect it and not be bothered by it.

    (ps i would never want to give up having sex with Mistress either so that is one of the rules we play by)

    Best of luck!
  8. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    That's a nice, accessible article actually without being too scary for the ladies. As I'd said before, Sarah's blog seems to gaining a lot of followers out there but it IS just one point of view in amongst many and her agressive intolerance I think would put some women off - particularly those giving a Female Led Relationship a try. As Spike's Bitch has said, ceding control in the household doesn't make you a henpecked, jelly spined wuss whatsoever. My hub is all alpha male but we now have a working conflict resolution mechanism domestically and he never feels that sex is done just to "oblige him".

    One point that hasn't really come out with this thread is the change in the intensity of the male orgasm when it is "rationed / managed" in this way. You can eat McD's everyday to sate your hunger but if you dine in a fabulous restaurant rarely - well, I shan't labour the analogy...
  9. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    [quote name='Spike's Bitch' date='31 July 2010 - 09:09 AM' timestamp='1280588968' post='51727']
    Just wanted to say I love your reply.
    Our marriage counseler confirms what you have said:

    "It takes a strong, confident, mature man/husband to allow his wife to take control in the household"

    That is pretty much all I needed to hear to just surrender to a female led relationship.
    Additionally:

    Submitting to your woman doesnt mean you cannot or wont stay a strong man outside of the home. If anything it has made me more at peace when out of the home and i think that results in looking more confident.

    As for the concern of your woman doing other men. I think the two are completely unrelated. But i understand your concern because when you google for female led relationships you often run into cuckold stories. That is just the internet. Porn stories are everywhere. Just ignore them. You and your wife will together define the boundaries of your new relationship.

    If you do ever CHOOSE to let her have sex with another man, that doesnt mean she will loose respect for you. My wife said the other day she respects me more because of it. Simply because I want her to have great experiences and it doesnt make me feel jealous or insecure. And that is only attractive to a woman.

    But I am sure if I asked my wife not to have sex with other men she would respect it and not be bothered by it.

    (ps i would never want to give up having sex with Mistress either so that is one of the rules we play by)

    Best of luck!
    [/quote]
    Thanks for the reply. I do appreciate it and I'm glad to hear from people who seem to be really doing this. *I hope? Anyway, I'm sure many people reading this are thinking how vanilla and weird my angle on this is.

    And Arg! I still can't believe I'm even moving in this direction. Its like I hear that click already and I really really am surprised about that. I guess - yes, the part that this is not at the bottom level a once you do it you can't say "Oh this is just too fucking weird" and bail out. No matter what the porn stuff says about un-removable chastity and dominant women.

    My brain is melting a bit about the point you made about your wife having sex with other men and you not "having to feel jealous or insecure" This really has me scratching my head. Is it the way we define our role as men (or husbands) is... that the problem? By that I mean if your wife / GF is having sex with another man is the problem that she is having sex or that the way that makes you look? ie your male ego? Hummm... Very difficult to put my brain around. I know that some people who practice this admit they find the whole idea "hot" but I keep asking myself why? I'm not saying its not hot but "how?" Is this (for you) a voyer sort of thing? Is it exciting or whatever to have this ubber hot sexual wife / SO?

    Anyway, sorry to drag all this out I really am curious whats going on in other peoples heads. Maybe its to rationalize it? I don't know at this point.
  10. Wench
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    Wench Owned by Mistress Freya

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    I love dining at a fine restaurant ;)

    I'm having the best orgasms of my life, writhing around on the bed, clutching the sheets, becoming suddenly religious. It's amusing that the best sex I've ever had is because of chastity.
  11. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Ha! I had to laugh because the tone of the article being not to scary was important for ME!!! I hate to tell you my reaction to some of the chastity porn stuff. My thoughts are WTF! Hopefully my wife won't stumble on this and make my life a living hell. Without insulting too many people some of the extreme stuff is not anything like I want to experience.

    I'm not sure where I am on the female led relationship. I'm not against it not sure if my wife would even entertain it even if I was all for it. I guess I'm neutral and will see (If I really DO go ahead on this) what happens.

    Conflict resolution, giving her a place to be more able to speak her needs? I'm really all for trying things to effect that. Sex. Well I know it seems oxymorinic to make sex and pleasure a big part of what (in the porn anyway) never happens but. I'm not really interested in a relationship that is not sexual (and mutual) I totally get what your saying about the difference between daily MacDonalds versus restaurant. And truth be told our sex life can be a bit of "Just lets get it over with" which it should (I think) never get to. Or at least rarely.

    Yeah, you read me SO well. I really AM worried that this would change my status to wimp. And I don't think its just male ego that says "Thats really not for me." Well... You gave me a great deal of good ideas and I appreciate your taking the time to share your experience.

    Argh! This is NOT easy.
  12. likes2blocked
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    likes2blocked New Member

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    I've been lurking here for a while, but this thread motivated me to go make myself a logon. There's lots of good points in the thread, but wanted to give my POV.

    It does seem that people go for longer and longer as they get more into it. The progression for me, which seems to be in common with some others, is that a day or two isn't anything serious. Once I'm locked for about 4 days, then there's a mental barrier that seems to be crossed. At that point, it seems to come home hard that this isn't a game to satisfy my kinks any longer. I've really given control to my wife, and if that's what the point is, then I need to pay attention. She likes to reinforce the point by making it go longer if I start whining, which is really topping from the bottom and doesn't work - for her to have fun with it, it needs to be about her.

    If short-term play is what's fun now, then by all means go for it. Best to start off slow - I don't care what you get, the damn things chafe until you get all the slightest rough bits sanded off (assuming plastic). As with almost anything, doing too much too fast results in discomfort and backing off. Unless you're married to a sadist (might be a fun fantasy, but not my idea of a nice reality), she's not going to want to hurt you in a real way (as opposed to spanking, etc).

    As to sex every week, my definition of sex includes any form of sexual attention, which may or may not end in orgasm. My wife seems to pay a lot more attention to sex when I'm locked - sometimes she's horny, but too tired to worry about me. If I'm locked, she has her fun, teases me a bit, laughs, and lets me just get hotter. Again, when its about her, she's happier with the situation. I do think that going really long periods can result in various malfunctions, and it might not be a good thing. Certainly, YMMV.

    While there are certainly people posting here and other places that really do this long-term, I think some of them are fantasy. I'm particularly suspicious of many of the cuckold stories. Fun fantasy while wanking, but probably not a thing to do in real-life for most people. Yes, I do know polymaorous arrangements exist with every variation one can think of, and if that's what you really do, and it works for you and you don't end up in divorce court, then by all means have fun (plenty of people land in divorce court without doing that, too). However, the point is that being locked doesn't inevitably lead down that road. If you're not already polyamorous or swinging to start with, playing with chastity probably won't send you that direction.

    Oh - a bit about me, since this is my first post here. We've been doing this off and on for quite a while - maybe 5-6 years. We could go months without any play, then she's off to something on a weekend, and I find the cage on the counter with instructions to put it on. We might play again for the next few months, just depends on her mood. I think the longest I've gone without any release was about 6 weeks - I was whining a lot, she kept extending it, then got to having fun with me by telling me to be silent, then pushing me until I made noise. Really fun! I used to post a fair bit on another site, which ended up getting reset and now isn't very active, but that was a while ago. I may go back to lurking, or I may keep posting - we'll see.
  13. Kingcodez
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    Kingcodez New Member

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    My wife and I do short term quite frequently.
    We use a CB6000, and my problem with it is the usual one, I get hard inside the cage and it pulls away, That's not so bad, the bad part is that I can't go flaccid, so as time progresses I turn bluer and bluer.
    Most of our games are without the cage, She'll make me put it on when if I'm home for the day, since I love looking at porn (she does too) and I simply can't resist myself from touching.

    Chastity for us is simply a game, it's a way for her to make me do things I don't enjoy, by offering a reward. (Chores, work, going places, ect).

    It's a lifestyle in the sense that we'll continue doing it for the rest of our lives. However we can't take it to the next level until we get a better device, such as a steel belt.
    We plan to buy her a belt too, we both are switches so to speak, I enjoy topping, and so does she, yet we both have the submissive side.

    I'm all for the female lead, but my reasoning is that I need a kick in the ass to get moving on something, since I prefer to let other people handle stuff.
    But for us it's more like a trade, I enjoy getting a back massage every night before bed, and she loves it when I pamper her (I do too) we enjoy making each other happy. She keeps her mind open to anything I wanna try, and I keep making her happy so she will do so.

    Yet on the other hand, I piss her off, a lot, mainly because I think it's funny, and I get lazy, and I make messes, so it's a good way for her to feel like she can change me. Which is true, but I think that'll only happen when I'm forced into chastity, and not when we're just playing.
  14. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    I have to thank everyone for posting. The last couple of posts made me think about this in a more serious way. I think the post about doing this on and off and the last one that talked about using it to be a bit better as a husband really strike home with me. I probably need that kick in the shorts myself and this I think would be a serious kick because I am a totally horny bastard... I don't know that I want to become submissive so much as I would enjoy my wife gaining a little more strength in our relationship. I spoke to a person who admitted his girlfriend was "a screamer" in bed. I thought to myself that any kind of communications would be a plus. But here then lays the problem. While I might well be (maybe?!) willing to lock up the cock and hand her the key would she have the slightest interest in using that edge?

    A few of the threads (Like MW and PET) show that a person who was not Dominant can become so. And there lays the other issue. What if this just goes out of control? Making it a temporary thing maybe the safety valve that I'm looking for but I think that even that is not perfect.
  15. slave_nemo
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    slave_nemo slave to Mistress Ivey

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    We all take the risk of getting killed every time we step off the curb or get behind the wheel of a car. But sometimes you just have to take the risk to get where you want to go. I used to think too much about things. Perhaps that's what you are doing now. Relax. Take a deep breath. Give it a shot (or two) and see how it goes. If it doesn't work out, then it wasn't for you, but if it does... It will have been worth the risk.
  16. likes2blocked
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    likes2blocked New Member

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    There is no such thing as perfect safety. You can die from sitting on the couch, and you can die from going out and being active. You just have to do what makes life fun, and see where it goes - within reason.

    As with anything, start slowly, talk about it, then keep going or back off. For example, bringing another person into a marriage on a sexual basis can be the point of no return. The consequences of that not going well could be life altering. That's worth thinking about.

    If being locked up doesn't work for your relationship, put it in a drawer until later, or toss it out. While I do enjoy my various kinks, none of that's worth changing my relationship over - if she didn't want to do this again, I'm not going to go find someone else. I think that's part of what I see clearly now that I didn't before - I want to yield myself to her, make her life as happy as I can. If she has fun teasing me, great. If not, then I need to respect what she wants. At the end of the day, that's really being submissive.

    I dunno why I'm in such an introspective mood at the moment, but I'll just go with it. The whole thing is a journey. When you do something, you never know what might eventually come from it. Know that you can't know the final outcome and just roll with it. I've read various posts from women who are really unsettled by this whole thing - we think about it, fantasize, plan things out, then one day it gets sprung on her. She has NO idea where this is going to lead, and neither do you. You can't know what she may or may not do once you send her down this path - if she likes it, what if she goes in a different direction than you'd thought? If she doesn't like it, then that's a problem. All this calls for small steps and a lot of communication.

    The other part of it is really surrendering control. I have a high pressure job, I'm used to making a lot of decisions, and I don't do much of anything lightly. If what you're doing is giving her control, then you need to accept that she gets to define how much control she wants, and what she wants to do with it. That's sure as hell scary, but I want to give her control because I trust her, love her, and want her to be happy. But we also have to be realistic about it - she can't take control of the finances, because she isn't good at it. That's something I need to do, or we'll both suffer. Just an example, and your specifics are likely different.

    Another aspect is that I've learned the hard way that what I fantasize about isn't always what I want to go live. When I was much younger, I let that run away with me, and it caused a lot of pain. So take small steps, see how it feels, talk about it, then take another step - whether that's forward or back. I'd also be prepared to play a bit, then give it a rest, then play a bit more. This gives you both time to decompress, and evaluate how you feel about what you did, and whether you'd like more.

    My $0.02...
  17. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    I'm not familiar with the PA5000. I'm still in decision mode but I've started to look at the (gulp) options. This may seem very basic and dumb but is not part of the idea of this to be "reminded" and left semistiff and dripping? Doesn't that add to the focus and ahh... motivation if that is your goal? I have some concerns about me properly fitting into one. Ack! I said it! Brain now melting...
  18. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Wow... thats a great post and I appreciate your taking the time to do it. I would be curious how many men are either doing male chastity in some form (or thinking about it) and are decision makers in work. Maybe this is a need for a vacation from that? You said "I want to give her control because I trust her, love her, and want her to be happy." I think that its part of what this is about for me. I want her to have a way to make me a better husband. To make her happier and all the rest. Submission and Domination are maybe the words that make it twingy for me. Maybe its the words or the mental pictures? I think women really "always" have had the control with sex. I mean when your dating you can seduce and wine and dine her but if your not a rapist she has to say "yes" Does that require handcuffs, whips and chains? Of course not. And while this is not what floats my boat I understand some people get off on that (or whatever?!)

    What happens in some relationships is that this automatic "yes" becomes a stamp. We are married so I'm obligated to fuck on demand. And when this happens I think like so many things that are free the value goes down.
    Maybe some part of this lifestyle is just the restoration of the yes, no decision and control going back to where it belongs? Where it goes beyond that is the part that still has some anxiety assoicated but as you said it really is a mutual decision and at some point either of you can still say "ok, this is not working or fun" and put it all away or toss it.

    I've been active on some groups that deal with people with different sex drives but if you take average people who both want sex you still have the issue that women directly after orgasm can still enjoy more sex and the vast majority of men are just spent and their drive and desire (And often mood) go to zero. So even in some basic sense maybe part of this lifestyle is to redefine sex as lots of male teasing and female orgasm(s) ending (maybe) with one male orgasm.

    That doesn't trouble me in the least btw. I think this is what they really mean by "ladies first"
  19. Wench
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    Wench Owned by Mistress Freya

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    I'm a decision maker at work, the submissive side of my personality doesn't usually get to come out and play, practicing a female led relationship at home is strangely refreshing.

    I've always had a "ladies first" approach to sex, I get a real kick out of giving my Wife orgasm after orgasm (she's looking over my shoulder and says she gets a kick out of it too). This may have been my submissive side sneaking out before I knew about such things. Giving her several orgasms first works well because she seems to get energised, were as I want to fall asleep immediately after I've cum.

    It's an interesting observation about women losing control when married, I certainly had an expectation that sex was available any time I wanted it after we married... I don't have that expectation anymore.

    Of course all this could be agreed without the need for enforced locked up chastity. But being locked up ensures there's no sneaking off to masturbate while she enjoys herself teasing you day after day, your focus on her just intensifies rather than you getting to "fall asleep". Being locked up is also a constant reminder of your submission to her and re-enforces that behaviour. At the end of the day sex is still sex, adding kinks is all about the mind fuck, and that's were there's a lot scope for added excitement :)
  20. mikecb
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    mikecb Moderator Staff Member

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    jimi,

    I'm a manager at work, and do decision making all the time. I fantasize about submission, but I'm a little to contrary to make a good submissive, I think. I prefer to think of myself as a masochist.

    I think you'll find a lot of CB wearers who are "alpha on the outside" but prefer to be submissive in the bedroom as a bit of a vacation from the real world.

    mikecb

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