A very intriguing thing has been brought to my attention by my Wife/Keyholder. While talking with each other about how this latest lock up is going, she pointed out that she sees changes in my behavior already. When I pressed for specifics, she simply smiled in a very seductive way and teasingly pointed out she wasn't going to tell me. What I found intriguing is that it's only been 2 weeks. I've gone as long as 90 days before and generally am not really aware of any changes in myself until about 6 weeks in. I have no reason to doubt that she sees something in my behavior and I am certain she will share her insights when it suits her. But... The whole incident brings to my mind two questions for the Keyholders out there: How quickly do you notice changes in the behavior of those you lock up? What kinds of behavior changes do you see occur earliest?
I don't think there's any hard and fast rule. Personally I notice changes pretty swiftly, in the space of a few days but my KH says it's much quicker. Self-awareness is, by definition, highly subjective. Some years back I was put onto anti-depressants for a while and I can honestly say I felt no different at all apart from a few annoying physical side effects. My KH was astonished, they had had a significant effect from where she was standing. Trust your KH!
Being in a rather unique position several behavioral tendancies have surfaced from when I told DC his device would not be removed. It is equivalent to the stages of grief hypothesized and introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. He simply has gone through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance, Kübler-Ross' 1969 book On Death and Dying, which I read when needing to deal with terminally ill patients and my parents. The newness of his device delayed the initial stage of denial for the first few weeks. During this time, he was jovial, well mannered, pleasantly, happy and compliant. The announcement was made and I could sense his disbelief. There was a tad transition to angry, although well hidden, when I had him go to the store to buy JB Weld to secure his device. I then had him find a nail punch and hammer. All the implements for securing his device were placed on the kitchen table awaiting the moment of truth. I wanted him to savor the moment. When I removed them he questioned me. This was delayed by a few comments from friends here at CM. And I thank you, you know who you are. The decision to delay the sealing of his device was made. It was then, bargaining started. I call this the "what if" stage. He asked, "if I'm really good and obey you and keep the house spotless could I be released for my birthday or our anniversary?" He seemed depressed for the next week after I told him I would think about it in two years. He had a priceless look on his face. I went over and gave him a passionate enduring kiss. The last two days, when arriving home after long nights at work I've noticed a gradual acceptance to the fact I'm actually not going to unlock him, ever. I'm sure these stages will flux throughout the next few months and become firm when he is not released for Christmas, the New Year, his birthday, and especially our anniversary. I don't anticipate any difficult but you never know. This is still very new to both of us. Mistress L
Goodness, I can't explain it but I feel sorry for DC's predicament. That sad, it sounds as though he is coming to terms with it. I hope it works out. Good luck to you both
Wow Mistress L, you have certainly let DC know how things will be proceeding. While some couples seem to be to negotiate their way through the process, you are really what timid, shy, tentative submissives need. A dominant who tells, and does not ask. I totally respect your methods. You remind me of Mistress Suzan's gf/mentor, Mistress Trish, who is similar to you. I'm afarid to even initiate a conversation with her, as I never know what will set her off. That said, she was very valuable to both Mistress Suzan, and myself, when my submissive training was started. She was like visiting a pro domme for couples training. Best wishes for you and DC on your journey.
FYI, dsinbraces, there has never been a time when my husband and I have not talked things out thoroughly, except when raising our children, when decisions had to be made quickly. We have spent years negotiating and communicating, then compromising to best meet the needs of our family. When we became empty nesters my husband expressed the desire to try a female led lifestyle. I was not sure what that actually meant, but I love my husband dearly and wanted him to be happy so I did some investigating and researched what it would mean for our daily lives. I must admit I was reluctant at first. But I considered all of it with an open mind. I've read the literature, both kink bias and more real life. We discussed this again and we both agreed to give it a try. I told him at this time, we would give it a few months and review it at that time. It was working and again we agreed to continue with a few modifications. The major issue was, if this was to work, I would make the final decisions in all cases and he would cheerfully oblige and obey me, no matter if he disagreed. It was then, that we discussed the issue of our personal intimacy and his habit of masturbation. He openly admitted he was doing this to an extreme. It was affecting our sex lives. This was when we decided to try male chastity for the next year. During this year, we want it to work and not just play around. I gave up quickly on the plastic devices and realized stainless steel was the answer. Recently, after a long struggle with all kinds of hassle with belts, cock cages and locking things, not to mention the keys I had finally had enough. I want our lives to be simple with me in control regulating and establishing the rules and protocols for a practical and effective FLR. To this end, he is permanently locked in the chastity tube I had custom made for him. I consider it a gift of love, nothing more, nothing less. I made sure it is comfortable, hygienic and secure. He has always had a kink for locks, keys, chains and female domination. And to this I made a personal sacrifice, but with a multitude of concessions. We can still have satisfying lives with personal gratification. My decision is binding and paramount for our relationship, one that he wanted, and I agreed to. He has been given many opportunities to opt out. We are still both very much in love and I would go to the end of the earth for this man. This is the life we live. It works for us, and may not work for others. In closing, I have no desire whatsoever to take on another lover. One man is enough to live with and keep a happy home.
Mistress L, thank you so much for letting us all see a better glimpse of the dynamic that you and your "subsand" share. This insight gives me much hope that what begins as a fantasy can truly become a real life, rooted in trust and love! Thanks again!
I'm new to the chastity scene but I'm an older woman, divorced. My kids are raised. I think when you get older in a marriage and the man wants a female led relationship eventually it does come to this. I think he will love you even more for this gift your giving him.
His chastity tube was made by Ms Lori Lancer at chastitytube.com. http://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?gallery/albums/dcs-chastity.336/ Or at FL in his pictures https://fetlife.com/users/287431/pictures
MistressL, I've read your posts on Fetlife and can understand why you chose permanent chastity for your husband. You stated that you both discussed this at length but his posts seem to indicate shock and disbelief at this new development, so I'm wondering if this is was a consensual decision and what sort of input did your husband have. Also, why not go gradually, 3 months, 6 months, a year, etc. to make it easier for him. Thank you.
Thanks for the photo links. I know it's possible to cum wearing almost anything but part of my kick is that I can not get out if wanted too (without tools etc) nor could I get myself off without a lot of effort. I really would not get on with that particular tube of Lori's or as far as I can see any of them. Far too much access for me and far too much exposure. I might be denied a full erection but they would not delay me at all if I wanted to make myself cum. During some strict lockdowns I have been denied all contact with and even the sight of myself out of the tube. After a while that's a real head fuck.
dboy, postulate the possibility of his shock and disbelief for the reality of the situation rather than the actual occurrence, hence a child can understand if he takes a cookie he will be spanked, but until his bottom is red and burning with pain the word spank is an impending subsequential premonition. filtee, until you've spent a long respirate in one of these devices please refrain from simple subjective conjecture, especially when speaking from an inconsequential echelon of sublimated male toys.