Mental Stages of Chastity

Yeah. All chastity requires a loss of control (to some degree). It doesn't require long term denial. The people who act like it does are just another flavor of idiots who think their way of doing chastity is the wrong way.

 

I was here last year also when wife and I were discussing me being caged then... things were being arranged when we had another fall out and everything regarding this stopped... we have since been making progress and of course now things are back ‘on track’ and the chastity is back on... literally... so yeah... I guess I am new here... again! ;-)
And enjoying the idea of keeping this ‘blogged’ and journaled!
Thanks again for your contributions to it Lady Veronica!

 

And I meant MISS Veronica, not Lady!!
See... mind is addled already!!

 

Never having been locked I can only say that this sounds plausible to me.
What I find most interesting is the abandonment stage: there is an industry standard line which is obligatory in gambling advertising in the UK to discourage excessive gambling “when the fun stops, stop”. Its premise is that the person retains control and freedom to choose to stop gambling even as they get more and more sucked in.

That’s not the case in stages1-5 in your list (the males are encaged!), but at stage 6, the male could say “got the chastity T shirt, no need to get another” and not agree to be encaged again. If he does agree to be encaged again, and again, and again, is there a “meta” version of your 6 stages where eventually at the nth stage 6 he should say : “the fun has stopped, so I’ll stop”? Effectively this would be a challenge to the FLR/KH, and would put the relationship at risk if encaging is a condition insisted upon by the KH, unless encaging is in fact the safest way of getting someone to truly change their mind, in which case no challenge from the male will be forthcoming. One thinks of the Stockholm syndrome.

In which case, is it rather the other way around: unlocked but chastity fantasists like me are the hostages to our sexual urges and need for orgasm, and are therefore males who should be deciding “the fun (of orgasm) has stopped, so I should stop (& get locked)”?

 

TTTWD is an individual and different experience for everyone involved. I think each time one is denied the experience also varies also. It does for me and I imagine it would for any other person being denied and or anyone in the role of KH.

This time for me is certainly different. It's my KH 's first period of denying anyone. To date she has never let me orgasm. Being locked is for me the state I want to be in. This is already my longest period of denial to date. I find each time I am denied that I want to be denied for a little longer than last time. I'd feel a little cheated if were to get close to the previous duration and not extend beyond it. It appears my Lady is of the same mind. She told me that when or perhaps if she decides to end this denial period that my next one will be severely longer. Rather than be very daunted by this which I would have when I first started doing this I find the idea very hot. I am enjoying all the sensations of long term denial and the changes I feel are happening within me and the dynamic of our relationship.

I don't seem to get the 2nd and 3rd Stages Miss Veronica's mentioned but I think 4 and 5 have kicked in. Stage 6 is unlikely as even when I am let out for maintainance I have to each time promise to go back in as quickly as possible unless I'm told different.

 

I think there's another sage which I'm not sure where it sits in the list.
It's one that we are going through right now and its about whether this is just a light hearted fun game or if he actually wants me to be dominant and take control of his dick.

I imagine there are lots out there who started this with their partner as a sort of fore play type activity and for some that remains so. For other it has obviously moved into a real situation where the female partner has actually taken control of his dick.

We are at this cross roads - he thinks he wants me to totally take charge, but I don't think that he really gets what that would mean. Although I'm trying to be clear about that.

Just recently we have had a few discussions about where this is going for us as we've been using chastity for some years. Over that time the dynamic has changed but now he needs to make the choice.

So if the sub has decided that he does really want his KH to take charge for real does stages 1 - 6 still apply?
Does acceptance come earlier as that's what he's signed up for?

As to sex when he's caged. We have a great selection of strap ons , which stay hard - lol

 

I may have missed you making the distinction in other posts -- if so, I apologize -- but it seems that you equate orgasm denial for the man with PIV denial for the partner? For many of us they seem to be quite distinct in our relationships with our KHs. My KH loves PIV and at this point has given no indication that she is willing to give that up, nor to expect anything less than the multiple orgasms from it (usually with simultaneous sanding) that she's always gotten. But she is becoming comfortable with instructing me not to orgasm when we have uncaged sex, so far as long as three weeks at a time.

 

Ms V, I think I understand what you're going for, and I'm going to suggest that you may be trying to pigeonhole some aspects of the kink, and doing so in such a way that will ultimately be even less helpful in understanding it.

First, understand that what we call "chastity" around here was virtually unheard of prior to the early 2000s. Unlike "femdom," which goes back a couple of centuries, and became more publicly known (in terms of common tropes or images) since post WWII, thanks to Betty Page, pulp magazines, and GQ, male chastity is a culturally new phenomena, the spread of which probably would not have happened without a combination of the internet, alternative media/cable TV, and Frank & Doris Miller. Prior to the invention of the CB2000 in the late 1990s, chastity devices were home build affairs, or exceptionally expensive propositions. In fact, "chastity' using devices prior to this period was mainly a male dom/ fem sub kink (I'm going to ignore the historical gay BDSM subculture aspects).

The "Stages of Chastity" model may apply in some instances, but chastity is not a single kink; there are various internal scripts by the participants which led them to this. You've written elsewhere that chastity seems to be a way to normalize a drop-off in sexual desire; that would be a subset of those who practice this. Likewise, other subsets might be those men who go through these stages do so within a relationship that could cause such stages. Some of the "encaged" (I'm liking the use of this term now) are in FLRs, or are acting within a femdom relationship. Others are acting within a more vanilla relationship with various degrees of sexual contact. Some use it to enhance feelings of femininity (e.g., hiding their penis to appear more feminine). Some for humiliation (e.g., "my penis is too tiny to be of any use"). Some couples simply enjoy short term play; a weekend, a few days, a week or two - not because of normalizing sexual infrequency, but to enhance the arousal, anticipating the enjoyable time when things get released.

Even the experienced men going through this will experience different emotions depending on what else is going on in their lives, and in their relationships. My wife and I are fairly experienced here, but each time things are different, and things change even during the course of our play.

Instead of thinking of the emotional aspects as something that happens in stages, it might be more helpful to think of the the device, itself, as a tool which may facilitate emotional aspects depending on what else is happening within your relationship.

 

I've said this before: The cruelest thing you can do for some of the long-term guys is to make them have an orgasm a few days short of their previous record. Or lock them up on January 1, and make them come on December 27th.

 

I understand your sentiment, but I think that MistressS intended "mission completed" to mean only that she'd have gotten her sub where she wanted him, not that she could completely ignore his chastity from that point onward.

 

Great question and probably a different experience for each and every one of us with some similarities too. For me the beginning was just WOW...not being able to touch myself for pleasure and not having access to the key. I spent much of my previous life before chastity rubbing my cock through my pants as I worked or drive or did anything and masturbating almost daily. So it was INTENSE. The crazy thing is it is still just as intense 16 years later. I think that is the most amazing part about full time chastity. That it never loses it's edge. Of course it started out as somewhat uncomfortable with that break in adjustment period we all went through. Then it just became normal t have it on. For me the only time I am out of chastity is when I shower daily. I am on the honor system when showering and was made to promise not to touch myself inappropriately and I take that promise seriously. I mean what is the point of chastity if you are going to cheat? I was always amused at those who were so concerned with pullout and device security. Lets face it NO device is 100% secure if it has a lock on it because there are things called bolt cutters available. Chastity is a promise, enforced by one and accepted by another.

The stages for me are constant. Total acceptance at most times. I go through my days at work not thinking about it too much but it also is never far from my mind. Then those mundane times are replaced by incredibly intense sexual feelings...I wont call them frustrations so much as they are just feelings for me. Feelings that can literally drive me crazy with lust and an eagerness to serve. Sometimes I will be watching Mistress with a man or participating with my mouth to enhance the pleasure of both of them and my loins just catch fire. It is a feeling akin to how your loins feel right before you orgasm. A tremendous build up and close to a climax but it never happens. I just keeps building until I want to scream. I have also had this happen when out of town for work and start getting text messaged pictures or phone calls from Mistress as she is fucking some man.

You touched on something that was so true when you talked about the value or an orgasm. When I used to be allowed to masturbate that was so true. After going so long in between orgasms I would start to view them as sacred. I would become protective of them and never did Mistress make me jack off on her feet or ass before making me lick it up when it was the right time for me. I dont know if the right time even existed. I would be made to cum and then I would get sullen and depressed which is totally unlike me. I am usually so eager to serve and so submissive to her. She hated the after result of me cumming so the times in between became longer and longer until finally she saw me cum using the Aneros toy and there was no letdown. Why I dont know. I am able to cum using the toy and experience a powerful orgasm with ejaculation while caged. But no letdown so for the past 6 years there has been no pleasure to my cock. And honestly I truly think of myself as a sissy and a sissy's cock is not something my Mistress would ever want to please or be pleased by.

But for the record, not a day goes by, often not an hour, where I am not aching to touch my cock and to cum like I used to. But at the same time I absolutely do not want to touch myself or cum like a man any longer. It is a complete contradiction of feelings and emotions that make no sense to anyone other than those like myself who have been kept in full time chastity for so long. We in full time chastity cannot explain such an irrational stance or feeling. It is simply what it is. You cannot have both but still do. And that is why I have always called full time permanent chastity "Delicious Torture". And I would not want it any other way. I cannot imagine my life without cuckolding, being a sissy, and being in chastity. It is heaven and so perfect.

 

That might be a bit of an overgeneralization or even a slight mischaracterization. Personally, I'm a sucker for control, not punishment. I could be wrong, but I think there are a lot of others in the same camp. Punishment certainly plays a role, but only because it demonstrates that she really has control of him, and sort of rubs the sub's face in it. So, suckers for punishment only indirectly.

 

Thanks for this description. It's one of the exciting aspects of enforced chastity, the idea that you get yourself into a lot more than you were looking for at the start. You know, the "be careful what you wish for" idea. It's exciting to me either from your "present me's" acceptance or your "past me's" perspective.

 

His tongue isn't caged, is it? . Have you considered the strap-on gag dildoes, or the ones that go over or above his caged penis? They seem to be very popular these days.

 

I agree totally. The key holder in control, deciding how she wants do things, is what matters, and what makes it exciting.

 

So well said! Punishment for me doesnt happen too often any longer because I am so well trained now. Chastity as you said is about control on one end and giving yourself up to your Master or Mistress on the other end. It is a literal 24/7 leash and collar which constantly reminds us in chastity that we are owned and happily so. Kept pets who serve and love serving. It never gets old. It never gets boring and never stops being the single most intense thing to feel every day. Chastity to me is perfection in defining our roles and the roles of those we serve.