Mental Stages of Chastity

You might be waiting a while , this is an awesome discussion. Sorry to be making so many comments at once, but I just found this thread, and the OP and comments are just great.

 

@MsTara, you seem to be at a point that I consider extremely exciting. It's interesting and commendable that you recognize that he might not really get what it means to have you totally take charge. From my perspective, if I accept the key holder taking charge, and find out it's more than I bargained for, that in itself is extremely exciting. I see the period of denial, wishing I hadn't done it, resentment, all of that as a stage that is both hated and loved. Hated because I realize it's harder than I thought it would be, and loved because it emphasizes her control in an exciting way. I think that I would gradually get through that stage to the next one.

 

Aww ... link doesn't work

 

Agreed. It doesn't have to deny her anything that she wants, it just guarantees that it's all on her terms: if, when, and how she desires.

 

From dictionary.com

the state or practice of refraining from extramarital, or especially from all, sexual intercourse.​

From Merriam-Webster:

1: the quality or state of being chaste: such as
a: abstention from unlawful sexual intercourse
b: abstention from all sexual intercourse
​

Given the above, I can't quite agree with your definition of chastity. But frankly, it doesn't matter, because who cares whether a particular circumstance is actually called chastity or not? All that matters is that the dominant key holder has control, gets what she wants, and denies what she wants to deny.

It's true that the divergence in people's understanding of the word chastity can create confusion when discussing such things, and it would be nice if we all agreed to one definition, but I don't see that happening. So maybe we need to be content with just recognizing belts and cages as chastity devices, and then discussing the intentions and issues without worrying about whether the sub's state is actually defined as chastity or not.

 

That looks to me like a very narrow, and IMO, incorrect view. I'm not saying it's incorrect for you, but that it's incorrect to generalize in this way. Maybe you don't mean it that way, but I feel the need to respond.

• First, many devices are designed so that the locks can't be accessed by bolt cutters. So throw that argument away.

• Second, even though no belt or device currently available is 100% inescapable, they can certainly be made so that escaping is so difficult that the wearer won't want to go through the process. Getting help from a locksmith or metalwork expert, or going to an ER might be more than the s/wearer is willing to venture, for reasons of practicality and privacy. It's not about making it 100% inescapable, it's about making escape unpleasant enough that it's worse than staying locked.

• Third, security doesn't even need to go as far as described in the second point above. It only needs to mean making UNDETECTED escape extremely difficult as described above. If you need to destroy a lock or damage the device to get out, then the D/KH will know, and that can be enough for enforcement.

• Fourth, addressing the "what is the point of chastity if you are going to cheat? I was always amused at those who were so concerned with pullout and device security" and "Chastity is a promise, enforced by one and accepted by another." For many, the point of a chastity device is CONTROL - taking the choice away from the sub/wearer and putting it in the hands of the dominant/keyholder. So if it's not secure (meaning difficult enough to escape without the D/KH knowing, that it won't be attempted), it's useless. Frankly, I am always amazed by the lack of understanding in those who ask "Why would you want to escape?" The obvious answer is WE DON'T. We want to KNOW that we CAN'T. That's what makes it exciting.

I totally understand what chastity means to you, and you are welcome to practice your version of it to your heart's content. I also have no problem with you condoning your way of thinking of chastity as much as you like. Seriously, more power to you. However, I'm seeing an implication that there's something wrong with other people's versions. Maybe that's not how you meant it, but I think a clarification of the "other position" was in order.

 

Responding to the OP, but didn't want to post the whole quote:

Thank you so much for posting this, it's amazing. I apologize again for the "serial posting." This is a topic near and dear to my heart, and it took me a while to catch up on all the prior comments.

One thought that comes to mind is whether it's typical for the "encaged" to go back and forth between stages, and maybe even re-cycle through several or all of them. I would imagine that it's not only possible, but even likely at some times. I even think it might make things more exciting if the D/KH manipulates things to ensure that it happens.

I definitely think that stage 2 desperation and stage 3 resentment could easily send one back into the stage 1 thrill stage. In fact, that's one of the things that makes the whole concept arousing and exciting - that I'm desperate, and don't want what's happening, but it's exciting me precisely BECAUSE of that. Really pretty mind-fucking.

I also feel that there's something missing between 3 and 4. Perhaps a stage 3.5 Resignation, where despite the desperation and resentment, I'd start to believe that, since I'm trapped in the situation, I have to start getting used to it. That could easily bounce me right back to stage 1, if I think about it much. This really is mind-blowing.

I could even imagine stage 5 being exciting in a perverse way. My original thought was that having fully accepted being encaged, and no longer wanting to be released, there really wouldn't be any excitement to it any more. Yet, again, the mind creeps into it, and I think that the awareness of what had happened, that she had brought me to the point of actually wanting to be encaged, would be arousing in itself. A strange thought.

 

What are the mental stages you go through when you are locked up?
Forgive the details @Miss Veronica ...

On one hand I want to keep it short, but on the other, you seem to be one who learns from clinical details - so here are mine. PM me if you want more of these sorts of details.

1. Thrill.
Its been 30 years of Tease & Denial / Honor System Chastity for me - through 1 mistress and 2 wives. Actual 'encagement' [what an amazing word, mV!] has only been for about a year. The entire journey of my discipline defeating my desires has been a thrill of sorts. But, in your context, the everyday routine has lost 'thrill' aspect. It still shows up for things out of the routine.

2. Desperation.
That IS an aspect encagement has introduced.
Under the honor system, I might have gotten desperate enough to give in to my desires 5-6 times a year. While I thought I did pretty well, she did not. A Lori's put an end to that.
We had talked about options beforehand ... I was looking for a way to make masturbation inconvenient, not impossible. 'Inconvenience' was not ever something she entertained - me masturbating was cheating, pure and simple.
I am reminded the time I wait (usually 1-2 weeks but sometimes a month or two) is occasionally the result of me not waiting for her in the past. She isn't angry about it, its more she like to see my desperation win over my discipline and me not be able to do anything about it. And, I must say, its a wild ride that SRS (Sperm Retention Syndrome) cant take someone on!

3. Resentment.
I cant say that I have ever had developed any resentment about this. We have such a loving relationship, and we talk honestly about things regularly. We process concerns as they come up so nothing festers.

4. Peaceful acceptance.
Very much so! And each orgasm resets the clock.
The longest I have gone in between is 4 months.
6 weeks is about the usual 'long period'.
For me, the first full week is one of wanting because the pleasurable feeling is recent.
The 2nd week is harder because I am really missing the pleasurable feeling!
The 3rd week is getting easier. The 4th is where the peace sets in.

5. Fear of Release.
After 2 months is when I start reaching the point I don't want to reset my clock. Of course I have waves of desire - that stuff cant be turned off! At least -I- cant turn it off.

6. Abandonment.
I am in & out of the cage daily so this is not a stage I experience. My Lori's goes on when I get home from work and is on for the evening & night. It comes off when I head back out to work. There is no opportunity for me to 'play' at work - its only at home that I can be tempted.

Are there any other stages you have noticed ...
"Please, No!" or "Resistance" is what I might call it.
There are times where I am let out for a week or more. I am allowed to have as many orgasms as I can achieve in that timeframe - all in her presence of course. Where the "Please, No!" comes in is that after a week like that, I know that the "Desperation" stage is going to be 10 times worse! My desires will have been shifted into overdrive & I'll have zero discipline. In that context, I really don't want that Lori's device put on me!

 

It is… in French. Do you know the language?

 

@El Guapo, yes! This is what I was thinking of when I mentioned re-cycling. If she wants to, she can create the circumstances that involuntarily take you back to a period of resistance and desperation. Giving you a taste of freedom until you start to want it again, then taking it away. It reminds me of a captor letting a prisoner think that escape is imminent, only to find out that it was a set-up, just toying with him.

 

With TTTWD different partners usually means different dynamics, each of which have their own merits and avenues to explore. Those explorations can be with the same partner or at a later date with a different one. Upon reflection obviously some things work better with some partners than others thats just the way it is and whether or not chastity play/lifestyle is involved in or not.

 

Please forgive me... I am ex-military and thought I had a good grasp of acronyms, but TTTWD escapes me. I have tried old threads and Google, without results. Would someone be so kind as to define and explain? Thanks in advance!

 

I dont practice my version of chastity as you put it. I have just been kept in chastity for 16 years. There is no version, just chastity. But as I pointed out and am correct about, there is no escape proof chastity belt of you possess either bolt cutters or snips that can cut steel like on a belted model. My point was and still is that if you want to escape chastity you can so it isnt the device that entraps you alone, it is the keyholder enforcing the device and your willingness to accept it.

My own excitement comes from knowing I cannot touch myself or cum and knowing my Mistress/wife is giving and receiving pleasure from masculine men while denying me that same pleasure. I never would try to escape because I could no matter what device I have on, and I have had them all, so chastity is simply something that is enforced and expected by my Mistress, and accepted by me.

I appreciate you attempting to dissect my opinion with your own but in the end they are simply our own opinions. I never in any way implied that you were wrong or that anything you are doing is wrong. I simply pointed out that it amused me that so many in chastity are so obsessed with security when as I stated there is no completely fool proof device. That's all.

 

TTTWD
This Thing That We Do.

I can't recall which site I got that from but it was a chastity site I used to frequent before I signed up for CM

I likeit because it has a general meaning related to CM, excludes nothing we have mentioned on CM and potentially may have its own individual interpretations as and if desired.

Not all that we do within the entirety of the sight appeals to everyone and calling it TTTWD I think gets around that and without questioning either actions or the dynamics of relationships.

 

It was Yorkie's site. whether or not she called herself Mistress Yorkie I don't recall

and I have vague conflicting memories about what happened to the site.
brought to a close or joined another...

but I am reasonably sure it was Yorkie that put me onto CM

 

Its not an obsession with security. Something is either secure or its not.
For me being locked would be unnecessary I know and My Lady knows I would not cheat...after all in our case what would be the point of that?

What we both enjoy is the very much enhanced headfuck for me and percieved as my predicament over which she has total control which is created by me being 'unable to cheat'.

Which I can't without damaging the cage and or the locks to such an exetnt as what i had done would be immediately noticable. That is what we believe defines security in relation to being locked in relation to male chastity.

So I that sense the security we have ensures and mutally assures us that I can not cheat.

 

Wow, that's a blast from the past! A quick web search only turns up dog related items.

 

And I'm amused by your failure to recognize that a device can be constructively secure, meaning inescapable without extreme difficulty and/or detection. It's not merely opinions that differ, it's recognition of the facts.

 

WIITWD (what it is that we do) is a pretty widely used abbreviation. I hadn't seen TTTWD before, but was able to extrapolate its meaning from WIITWD.

 

I thought of it as a take on the Mafia expression "This thing of ours" (which is a rough translation of La Cosa Nostra used by the Italian-American Mafia).

 

@SissyBridget66, sorry for appearing confrontational, it's not my intent. It just seems to me that you're not understanding what people mean when they talk about making a chastity device "inescapable." I believe that you're setting the bar way too high.

Of course no device is 100% foolproof, so absolutely secure that there's no possible way in the world that anyone could ever get out without the key. But that's not the standard, not what people are really shooting for. The goal is only to make escape without detection impracticable under the wearer's present circumstances - to require actions so extreme that the wearer will consider them worse than staying in the belt.

For an analogy, think of an NBA team. Is it amusing to see them spending so much effort playing defense, when it's impossible to prevent an opposing team from scoring for the entire game? Of course not, because that's not the objective; it's setting the bar too high. All they need to do is keep the opponents' score lower than theirs. A chastity device doesn't need to be absolutely physically inescapable; it only needs to be secure enough to make the wearer feel trapped, to make him consider the means of escape worse than the alternative.

For some, a chastity device is nothing more than a symbol, or an appliance that provides a physical sensation as a reminder of one's promise. Good for them. But to others, it's a form of intimate bondage, so there is a requisite level of security, a threshold below which it's just no good. That threshold varies by person, but it's typically not absolute, despite the word "inescapable" being used.

 

Yes, but you need control to teach and punish. So whether you're doing it just to emphasize the control, or for justice and teaching, the message of control still comes across.