A new man's journal, from the beginning

[HerDevotedOne1980]

Welcome to my mind.... I've only discovered chastity within the last 2 months. I came across it by happenstance and found it intriguing, and recognized it as a way to control my habit of self pleasure as well as introducing a new element of spice to my marraige. As many will likely agree, I am finding this to be an emotional, exciting, frustrating, aggravating, and wonderfully challenging experience. I need to journal this new journey so that I can look back on it as I progress, and also so I don't bug my poor wife to death and turn her off of the idea.

I have told my wife my plans and she was initially supportive but uninterested in participating actively. She just doesn't see the purpose, but I understand completely, as male/female libido is often mismatched and how could she understand the overwhelming drive to get off that I have? I'm just glad she didn't react badly and say hell no! I would love for her to become my KH and enforce this eventually, as I am learning that I have a mildly submissive streak. If she says yes, I'll be OVER THE MOON happy. If she says no, I'll continue alone and not blame her in the least.

But dear God I hope she says yes.

I've started with a knockoff cb6000s, and have quickly discovered what so many others have.... that darn ring HURTS. Barely able to wear it for a few hours before the pain begins, and overnight is an impossibility. I have kept at it, and upgraded to a real CB6000S, and the difference in comfort is incredible.

I self locked for over a month to get used to it, and recently managed to make it thru one night.... then 2... and then 3! I plan to stay locked as long as i can with nightly removal for showers and then right back on! I know some stay locked for the shower, but this design is difficult to clean, and I'm a clean freak.

I hope that this journal helps people like me that are starting out and working with a reluctant wife.

 

[atxmtb]

Welcome to my mind.... I've only discovered chastity within the last 2 months. I came across it by happenstance and found it intriguing, and recognized it as a way to control my habit of self pleasure as well as introducing a new element of spice to my marraige. As many will likely agree, I am finding this to be an emotional, exciting, frustrating, aggravating, and wonderfully challenging experience. I need to journal this new journey so that I can look back on it as I progress, and also so I don't bug my poor wife to death and turn her off of the idea.

I have told my wife my plans and she was initially supportive but uninterested in participating actively. She just doesn't see the purpose, but I understand completely, as male/female libido is often mismatched and how could she understand the overwhelming drive to get off that I have? I'm just glad she didn't react badly and say hell no! I would love for her to become my KH and enforce this eventually, as I am learning that I have a mildly submissive streak. If she says yes, I'll be OVER THE MOON happy. If she says no, I'll continue alone and not blame her in the least.

But dear God I hope she says yes.

I've started with a knockoff cb6000s, and have quickly discovered what so many others have.... that darn ring HURTS. Barely able to wear it for a few hours before the pain begins, and overnight is an impossibility. I have kept at it, and upgraded to a real CB6000S, and the difference in comfort is incredible.

I self locked for over a month to get used to it, and recently managed to make it thru one night.... then 2... and then 3! I plan to stay locked as long as i can with nightly removal for showers and then right back on! I know some stay locked for the shower, but this design is difficult to clean, and I'm a clean freak.

I hope that this journal helps people like me that are starting out and working with a reluctant wife.

Welcome to the club. Seriously, there are different relationship dynamics with chastity. There are some FLR (female led relationships) D/S (dom/submissive), M/S (master/slave), and then "guy wants some growth and kink, girl is luke warm". I, and many folks on this site are in the later. My wife is ok with it, but it's not her thing. She's happy to just get fucked. I've got no problem with that, but I don't want my life to revolve around jerking-off and watching porn until the next time we fuck. Still, she's like, that's a your thing. She likes me to be in control sexually. That's who she married. I get it.

The challenge for you (because it's certainly my challenge), is I'm doing this to be a better husband. I want to consider her needs a bit more than I have been. But given that she's not dominant, she doesn't express her needs much. Either that, or her needs are really as simple as, "just fuck me". I'm like, "But you could ask me to do anything. Don't you want me to eat your pussy every morning and evening for the rest of our lives?". Really, she's like, "no, just fuck me. Once a week is fine".

But she does hold my keys. And I've been locked for 5 weeks but have been out to play, literally, like once a week. But I haven't been jerking off and I have been so much more compliant, helpful, loving, and yes, super super horny throughout.

I'm learning to understand this. Chastity is great. The focus on her is great. My challenge is I'm so focused on chastity that it's distracting. Hence why I'm on this site right now responding to you. The place that I've got to get to, and you will too, unless you're already there, is that chastity is nothing new. I need to understand that my cock being locked is not that special or erotic. It is simply a state of being and not sexual at all. Only then will I begin to see the real benefits.

Hope things work out for you and your wife. It really is a great journey and this is a great site with a lot of helpful people. Enjoy

 

[HerDevotedOne1980]

I'm learning to understand this. Chastity is great. The focus on her is great. My challenge is I'm so focused on chastity that it's distracting.

Indeed! The struggle is very very real at this point. While I am finally to the point where I can comfortably wear my device 24/7 with minimal notice that it's there..... when I do notice, it is extremely difficult to not fixate. I don't expect my wife to suddenly become a ravenous sex fiend (though I wouldn't mind!) So I have to practice some deep breathing!

Now for a journal entry....

As of this week my wife has decided to actively hold the key, and we have secured an emergency key. It is night and day not having access to the key whenever i want, and it makes the distraction much worse. She is still in a bit of a gray area on this. It's not necessarily exciting to her, more of a novelty that she is doing to humor me and because she admires my desire to refrain from masturbation.

She has definitely noticed a change in my attitude and is enjoying the non sexual attention and the fact that I have a lot more energy, which isnresulting in a lot more puttering around the house doing housework and playing with the kids.

Don't get me wrong, I've always been active around the house and engaged with the kids... but for the last two weeks not a dish has been washed nor a sock folded by anyone but me. I'm truly not trying to show out, or barter for sex, I just can't sit still or my mind starts to fixate on my confinement and since I can't do anything about that, the energy has to go SOMEWHERE.

I am a bit frustrated. I'm a physical touch guy, and my wife isn't. This has always been a gap for us since it's not her love language, but I find myself absolutely craving touch, or tease, or anything. I'm hoping that as we continue down this road, she becomes more bought in to the idea of keyholding and starts to "play the game" a bit, but time will tell. For now I'm holding out.

It's been 2 days since we were last together, so I'm nervous about the next couple of days. I know the frustration will start to build, so it's time to practice deep breathing and keep a check on my frustration level instead of becoming a passive aggressive grumpy ass and bugging her.

To be honest.... I'm hoping she keeps me locked but uses me to get off. Nothing hotter nor more comforting than being desired by your partner, am I right?

 

[LesterBallard]

Good luck. I think you need to have a long discussion with your wife

 

[HerDevotedOne1980]

Good luck. I think you need to have a long discussion with your wife

Very true. We have had plenty of discussions so far, and plan to continue. As seems to be normal though, I'm in the run phase, and she's in the walk phase. I'd prefer to give her time to get comfortable on her own rather than push her. The goal is to be locked by her, but if this is something that she truly has no interest in, I don't want her to do it just to humor me, I'll self lock.

 

[HerDevotedOne1980]

Had a surprisingly easy night of sleep. I suppose that my equipment is getting used to the equipment

Woke up around 1am with a pinch, thought it was ball burn but quickly learned that it was a roll of skin. Snuck out without waking my lady and applied a dab of A+D (God bless Tom Allen) and rearranged. Sweet relief! And sweet sleep!

As usual I was up before the sun and the family, and there was no return to sleep because my love was laying in bed looking like a snack, which made things a bit....tight. So I'm going to straighten up the house a bit, as I'm noticing that I'm starting to get the day 3-5 slump. Gotta stay positive and avoid the grumpiness!

 

[bondinchas]

... As seems to be normal though, I'm in the run phase, and she's in the walk phase. I'd prefer to give her time to get comfortable on her own rather than push her. ...

Plenty of patience and now, stop discussing it too much, just DO it.
She'll take a little time to see the benefits, as you have to show a track record of providing them, but when she does...

 

[madams-sissysub]

Thanks for sharing.

 

[Woodys Locked Up]

Take this time to demonstrate that you can be physically intimate by cuddling, caressing, giving foot and / or back rubs, holding hands, hugging, sleeping naked together, etc with absolutely NO expectation for sex. Be patient! If she allows you to tease her sexually, get her off manually, orally or with a toy. But keep your penis out of it. Do that dailly for 3 months and she will be a changed woman. If she feels too guilty, ask her to play with your other erogenous zones until you moan. And then thank her for teasing you. Tell her you wasted too many years playing with yourself and want to be re-wired to crave her touch and her pleasure alone because she's the most incredible creature on earth.

 

[HerDevotedOne1980]

Take this time to demonstrate that you can be physically intimate by cuddling, caressing, giving foot and / or back rubs, holding hands, hugging, sleeping naked together, etc with absolutely NO expectation for sex. Be patient! If she allows you to tease her sexually, get her off manually, orally or with a toy. But keep your penis out of it. Do that dailly for 3 months and she will be a changed woman. If she feels too guilty, ask her to play with your other erogenous zones until you moan. And then thank her for teasing you. Tell her you wasted too many years playing with yourself and want to be re-wired to crave her touch and her pleasure alone because she's the most incredible creature on earth.

Thanks for the advice! I'm definitely keeping my needs on the back burner as much as possible and have let her know that I'm at her service whenever she would like without a need for me to get any. Her love language is quality time and not physical touch, so im working on ensuring she gets that as much as possible. She struggles to take me up on the offer because of the typical belief that sex requires a man to finish, and she greatly enjoys PIV, which of course makes me happy that I satisfy her. We may get to the point of focusing on her for long term, we may not, I'm leaving it up to her.

Though she did make me very happy last night. I told her it was time for a weekly thorough cleaning, so she handed me the key and told me "you may leave it off for a little bit". I thought I might Crack my jaw smiling, because that's the first time she's acted in a more controlling manner! I'll leave the rest to the imagination, but lets say she took what she wanted and told me I'd been a very good boy all weekend.

I'm back to day zero this morning, but I might be the happiest I've ever been about reseting the clock!

As for equipment, I'm considering going down a size in the ring. What one was snug now allows a bit of sliding and I'd like to eliminate that. Other than that no issues to report, I'm to the point where I barely notice I'm wearing it unless I get excited, which is awesome.

 

[Rectrix]

My challenge is I'm so focused on chastity that it's distracting. Hence why I'm on this site right now responding to you. The place that I've got to get to, and you will too, unless you're already there, is that chastity is nothing new. I need to understand that my cock being locked is not that special or erotic. It is simply a state of being and not sexual at all. Only then will I begin to see the real benefits.

Good luck with that. I'm seven years in and it's still at the core of my consciousness. It *is* special and erotic, it's definitional for me as I evolve to see and accept myself as an erection-free submissive beta husband.

 

[Woodys Locked Up]

Her love language is quality time and not physical touch, so im working on ensuring she gets that as much as possible.

The more my wife felt loved because of daily Words of Affirmation and a lot of Acts of Service, the more she began to appreciate Gifts, Physical Touch and Quality Time. It's as if those rose to the surface and she now desires all of them.

 

[HerDevotedOne1980]

The more my wife felt loved because of daily Words of Affirmation and a lot of Acts of Service, the more she began to appreciate Gifts, Physical Touch and Quality Time. It's as if those rose to the surface and she now desires all of them.

Great to hear!

 

[atxmtb]

The more my wife felt loved because of daily Words of Affirmation and a lot of Acts of Service, the more she began to appreciate Gifts, Physical Touch and Quality Time. It's as if those rose to the surface and she now desires all of them.

You have those "Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service" in caps. Are there particular text you use or is it your own stuff. We have our own, so I'm not looking necesarily, but I was just curious about whether there's official stuff.

 

[Woodys Locked Up]

You have those "Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service" in caps. Are there particular text you use or is it your own stuff. We have our own, so I'm not looking necesarily, but I was just curious about whether there's official stuff.

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is the book. The 5 are:

• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Quality Time
• Gifts
• Physical Touch

 

[HerDevotedOne1980]

Well My Lady leaves today for a work trip and will not be returning until Thursday. As we parted ways this morning she asked if she should leave the key, to which I replied that it was her key and up to her, since I have access to an emergency key. Still not sure what she decided. I offered to pack her a toy for her trip so she could get off if needed, but she declined, as she may have a roommate and would feel awkward.

On a personal note, 2 days since unlock and release, but my CB6000S is fitting comfortable as usual and I'm mostly forgetting I have it on unless my mind turns to her. Noticed some grumpiness this morning on the way to the gym, but hit it hard and worked it out of my system instead of getting stuck in my head. I'm still trying to figure out how to work through the 3-5 day slump that chastity brings to me without it spilling out into my attitude. The gym is good but I can't work out 24/7!

Looking forward to Friday. My Lady promised a date this week, and that's the only day we might have a gap in the schedule to spend time together. I'd plan it, but she prefers to manage nights out and to be honest, I stress myself out trying to figure out something. It will also be interesting to see if she remembers, as we have a tendency to forget to take time for ourselves in the hustle of work and kids and various other things we do.

I know this. She will return to a clean house and tired kids!

 

[HerDevotedOne1980]

Well.... three days in and had to emergency unlock last night since my lady is out of town. Not ideal, but the dog decided that my balls would be a great landing pad, and I'd never been a fan of CBT, so I'm free until the pain subsides

Now the true struggle with no wife around and no device to keep me honest. Willpower don't fail me now!

 

[BavarianWoman]

Well.... three days in and had to emergency unlock last night since my lady is out of town. Not ideal, but the dog decided that my balls would be a great landing pad, and I'd never been a fan of CBT, so I'm free until the pain subsides

Now the true struggle with no wife around and no device to keep me honest. Willpower don't fail me now!

Great chance to show either your involvement or your inablitiy.

 

[HerDevotedOne1980]

Ladies and gents we have progress! So after my emergency unlock, I informed my lady the next morning and she agreed it was much needed and not a big deal. Turns out I was sore for a couple of days but I managed to stay strong uncaged while she was out of town!

Now I've been doubting her level of interest, so when she got back she had laid her key down and left it. I put it in a drawer so small hand wouldn't find it, no big deal.

Fast forward to last night and talking random things, and I mentioned that I still had the emergency key and planned to continue to self lock since this didn't seem to be something that was very interesting to her. She told me she was looking for her key and wanted me back in the cage as soon as the pain subsided from the dog mishap. I was truly shocked! She was disappointed I was uncaged? I had no idea that she had gained interest, so we had a very open discussion about what this means to her and to me, and I'm happily caged and have no key.

We agree that our communication has been lacking, but I explained I was not trying to bug her about chastity and be needy. She appreciated it, but told me that she needed feedback and we will discuss when we need to.

I know we are fumbling through this, and it doesn't make for an interesting read, but to be honest I couldn't be happier.

Frankly, I'm Journaling in order to keep my thoughts in order, have somewhere to dump some of the thoughts that chastity brings, and to honestly share the journey as it happens for us. If you read it, I hope you enjoy the look into a clumsy but loving and mainly boring vanilla-ish couples' journey into chastity.

 

[bondinchas]

... I know we are fumbling through this, and it doesn't make for an interesting read, but to be honest I couldn't be happier. ...

It is an interesting read.

We may all be on different courses going to different places, but we all travel a similar road. Most couples doing male chastity start by making many of the same mistakes. Not communicating properly; Assuming that their partner is or isn't thinking about what they're thinking or feeling; Not knowing at all what their partner is thinking. Over thinking and worrying about it instead of just doing what feels good and enjoying it.

Everyone's sex life is different, no two couples are the same, but we are the same in that we're all likely to make those same mistakes if we're not able to learn the easy way from other's experiences, or the hard way from our own.

My wife and I have been doing male chastity for around a decade now. Writing this post has made me think...
We're never too old or experienced to learn some more. Maybe it's time I myself had a chat with my wife about exactly what she gets out of having me locked up. I know some of physical practical things about it that she enjoys and prefers, we're both very happy with it as a lifestyle and a central part of our sex life, but we've never really discussed how she feels about it, whether, when or how she gets aroused by it, and what triggers it for her. In many ways, we weren't able to discuss it in that sort of detail before, as we didn't have our own experiences or our own feelings from having done it to base a discussion on.
To be able to change for the better, life has to be a continual learning process.

 

[HerDevotedOne1980]

To be able to change for the better, life has to be a continual learning process.

Very well said, and i appreciate your insight. I think if I had to choose one impact of this so far that i appreciate, it's the increased communication, which is making us both learn more about the other and our drives.

 

[HerDevotedOne1980]

Well the clock on days since unlock and release got reset last night, and I'm not complaining. My Ladys' new toy showed up and she wanted to test it out, and since she loves the combination of toys and PIV, I got called off the bench to give her what she needed. Yall these orgasms ofter being locked are different, whoo boy. It's only been 4 days since the last time, but you would think it had been a month! I couldn't do much after but lay my head on her, smile, and enjoy the closeness.

Had a great discussion with My Lady this morning after the gym. She mentioned how much of a help it has been to have me come by the house and get the kids pointed towards school instead of heading to work after I work out. She also mentioned that she feels bad that I've been doing everything around the house while she relaxes and enjoys her evenings. My only reply was that I have always loved doing things for her and spending time with her, I'm just doing more than usual lately. I explained that it can be incredibly hard to sit still when the cage gets tight, and so I channel that energy into serving her and taking care of housework. I promised if I ever get burnt out I'll tag her in so that she doesn't have to feel guilty, but for now, she should enjoy the spoiling and appreciate that chastity is the cause of it. That may seem manipulative, but to me it's just clear communication. I have always done my share of the work I'm our home, as I don't believe housework is the realm of the woman, nor that me washing dishes or vacuuming or any other housework is "helping". It's just work that needs to be done and it should be shared. But since she got engaged in keyholding for me, my focus has been through the roof, and I've knocked out everything around the house for a solid three weeks. The change is the cage and her possession of the key, and I want to ensure she realizes that.

I'm very happy that she's happy. I'm thrilled that she's noticing a change and that it pleases her and shows her the benefits of holding the keys. I'm also blown away with how verbally appreciative she has been recently. She says thank you, tells me she appreciates the work I'm doing, and smiles more when I catch her eye. There is little that is more important to me than making my wife feel loved, and while I've always felt that I've done a good job of that, I feel that lately she's feeling both loved and adored.

So today I'm booking an appointment for a weekend pedicure and massage for her in the near future. And maybe some flowers around lunchtime lol

 

[HerDevotedOne1980]

It's been a while, but work trips and then catching up after the trip got in the way.

So after a week long trip, My Lady asked me as soon as she got home if I had used the emergency key while I was gone or if I was still locked. I informed her that I stayed strong and showed her the key still taped as it was when I left, and she told me that was the only right answer. She told me in no uncertain terms that she wanted me locked at all times and unlocking would be at her discretion. Suuuuper happy to hear it and I told her so.

Fast forward a few days to let her period stop, and it was time for an unlock. Has anyone else noticed that you become more dominant minded the longer you are locked? I definitely have noticed that I am attentive and service oriented while locked, but my mind is planning wonderfully pleasurable things to do to her once she hands me the key. I went so far as to tell her on Tuesday that if she wasn't ready to be tied to the bed and pleasured until she forgot her name, she might want to keep the key

I'll not share the details, but i made My Lady very very happy that night. For a sex life that was great before chastity play, ill say that its even better now, which is saying something. Since I'd been locked for over 10 days, she allowed me to sleep cage free, but expected me to be re caged the next morning after the gym, which I did no problem. Super happy to report the progress, it's a slow journey but we are moving forward together and I couldn't be happier.

On the domestic front, I don't think she's had to do a stitch of laundry or touch a dish for over a month, which bothers me not at all, but i can tell she is still trying to be comfortable with it and not feel lazy or that she's taking advantage. We talked last night, and I told her that my stance remains the same, when the cage gets tight, my mind goes to her, and since I can't bring up unlocking per our agreement, I turn to serving. This is my choice, makes me happy, and doesn't make her lazy. I shared that I would prefer her to state what she needs and let me get it, rather than asking me if I could do something. I explained that I think this will help her adjust her mindset from discomfort to acceptance that she is actually filling a need for me, and therefore is actually doing something, not being lazy and having me do all the work. She said she would consider it, which is good enough for me.

Baby steps! But good steps regardless! Now if you've made it this far some of what I've written might read like topping from the bottom, and I expect that by some definitions it is, but to be honest, that's kind of the dynamic we have. She is not interested in an FLR, nor being a domme, but is interested in chastity and performing her side of things. So for us, this is just feedback from me to her that she can either take or leave, while I love her holding the key, self locking is always an option if she does not fully embrace it so that she doesn't feel like she's failing or not that interested in what my hopes are for her to evolve into as we explore this.

So if you're reading this to get insight on this type of journey and how you can explore chastity in your relationship and it resonates, I'm glad you're reading. But keep in mind that expecting change from your partner isn't fair. You can communicate, you can express your hopes and feelings and desires. But you cannot get in your feelings if your partner doesn't turn into a kink dispenser for you and check all the fantasy boxes that we men tend to create.

 

[HerDevotedOne1980]

Well not so much to report since the last entry. My Lady is still holding the key though she has not yet really gotten into teasing like I hope she will. Going to have to have a discussion around that, as locked and forgotten sucks really bad and day 3 or 4 makes for a very grumpy boy. However we have sex every couple of days, 4 at the longest here recently, so it's hard to complain!

We did receive our new lock from tobehis, silver mini round version, and I absolutely love it, and she loves her new key. She now wearing it on a necklace as it's much more eye catching than the master lock key she was holding. Seeing it hang there is amazing and makes my mind go a bit fuzzy lol

A recent and highly unpleasant development is that my balls seem to have decided that chastity is only fun if the challenge is to slip out. Twice now, in the shower and once in the gym, I've had one slip out, which was incredibly painful and not recommended. I'm going to have to see if I can modify this cb6000 because I'm on the smallest pin they have and the base ring is perfect.

Anyone have thoughts on this? I'm toying with a custom MM cage... have the test rings, just hesitant about that price tag until I know if my wife is going to be an enthusiastic participant in this or not.

 

[atxmtb]

A recent and highly unpleasant development is that my balls seem to have decided that chastity is only fun if the challenge is to slip out. Twice now, in the shower and once in the gym, I've had one slip out, which was incredibly painful and not recommended. I'm going to have to see if I can modify this cb6000 because I'm on the smallest pin they have and the base ring is perfect.

Anyone have thoughts on this? I'm toying with a custom MM cage... have the test rings, just hesitant about that price tag until I know if my wife is going to be an enthusiastic participant in this or not.

I've got a similar issue wrt a ball slipping through. Always the same one (the smaller one). Because my balls aren't identical, I can't really size the ring gap right. But I take the opinion what can slip through in one direction, can be cajoled back the other direction. And I can although it is not as simple as I'd like it to be. I believe it happens during night time erections (or more precisely, after the erection). The erection stretches out the ballsack. Then when the erection goes away, the sack is still pretty tight so there's a lot of incentive for the ball to slip through. One way to stop it is to keep my erections from streching out my sack. I believe I have a solution and thats to strap the cage tight against my body. It keeps an erection in check too.