Chastity and Anger Management

Mistress Watchful

Mistress Watchful

Dont believe the hype ;oP
May 11, 2008
5,287
898
113
Basingstoke
www.mistressammonite.com
I'm having a flip-out. I'm sure we're all getting the feeling Ms Watchful is a little bit of a stresshead these days, but I need to get this under control!

How does a Mistress combine chastity with every day life when she occasionally gets mad at her pet for not noticing things and not doing things? (I won't go into detail, but I have been waiting patiently for pet to clean something only to be told that he never realised it was dirty... I accused him of being blind... etc, etc!)

Obviously if we are talking about caning, spanking and other punishments, I would never do them when I was angry. But if he is wearing a chastity device 24/7, how do I *not* use it against him?

This is something I'm quite worried about, but other Mistresses and their subs must have come across it... please don't tell me other Mistresses never get angry or hormonal or tired!
 
  • Like
Reactions: MyDB
Mistress Watchful,

Sure, there is the topic of "anger managment" on your part......but, perhaps more importantly, there is "Mistress management" on the part of your Pet. In other words, HE should understand that he needs to be on the alert for items as you describe. We chaste men must always be sensitive to your needs--even if just whimsical!

I say, go ahead and allow your anger to result in an extended lock-up. Both your anger--and the lock-up--will come to pass. It's all part of growing together as a couple.

David
 
Dear Mistress Watchful,

don't worry, every Lady and Mistress has Her bad days, whatever the reason is, and there are and have been lots of troubles between my Mistress and me. We simply both had to learn to handle it.
The first rule my Mistress follows is to not use corporal punishment when being mad or cross with someone (it must not be me).
What W/we do is to get out of our ways and handle things much more cautious. Over the years we learned to read emotions from even little hints.

but I have been waiting patiently for pet to clean something only to be told that he never realised it was dirty... I accused him of being blind...
Click to expand...

Let's face it Mistress, Your pet might have a sissy fetish, but inside he still a man and looks upon things differently than Woman do. When a Woman sees a dirty spot She simple cleans it up and that's it. Men don't, may be it has got something to do with genes :ooh:.

I don't know if it might work in your relationship but why not assign a certain area (bathroom etc.) to him. He would be responsible for keeping it spotless without being asked at al times. Men need clear rules in particular when crossing the line between their feminine and masculine side forth and back.
When he doesn't do his chores and your are angry so You do not need to deal with it straight away. Give him demerits and add them up such as four demerits are 6 of the cane. It is up to You when You deal with Yor pet's mistakes. Make him carry a book when being at home in which he must write down all demerits and mistakes.

Hope this helps at least a little bit.

*curtsey*

maid katrin
 
Yes thank you, both of you, it does help.

I like the idea of demerits, and totalling them up, it somehow takes the "edge" off it.

The male/female thing and noticing mess, socks on the floor, and HOW TO PUT A DAMN TOILET ROLL ON A HOLDER (what is it with men and that... it's not rocket science!) I understand, it is genetic I'm sure!

The thing I am upset about is that pet has not been "trained" and that's my fault. He came straight from the womb to me really, he could cook a pizza but I don't think he'd ever done any housework before he left his mother's domain. It is up to me to train him, and I worry that I won't be good enough. :sad:

I will try breaking these things down to smaller areas and chores, and maybe get him to take notes while I train him. I did intend to do these things when he's locked up. Train him to do one thing every so often and build up from there.

To be honest, I've lost the housewife knack. This house is too big and has too much stuff and too many children, and if I can't cope with my years of knowledge, how will pet ever manage? :ooh:

The ideas are there, and I know its down to me to train him and this is no quick process. *Sigh* I'll get there eventually!
 
Mistress Watchful said:
...It is up to me to train him, and I worry that I won't be good enough. :sad: ... *Sigh* I'll get there eventually!
Click to expand...

Dear Mistress Watchful,

it is not necessary to train him the basics yourself. Have You ever heard of MAM (The Muir Academy for Maids)?
May be You should consider sending Your pet over for a training.
If you want to know more please send a PM.

*curtsey*

maid katrin
 
Its very easy to become overwhelmed in a large house full of children and a grown pet too, but you really must break this down into smaller portions. Including the children and what they contribute to all this. My children are all grown and gone now but I remember those days! To tell You the truth, I miss it at times! Anyway, I would assign a room to Your pet as has been mentioned earlier, have him spend a week on it, first cleaning it thourghly and then throughout the week kepping it maintained. Then the next week, add another room, while still maintaining the first one, and so on....
I cant remember how old your other children are, I know one is a baby so she wont be helping LOL, but the others, no matter how young can do something to help. Its certainly never too early to teach them small tasks, even a toddler can pick up thier toys and put them away. You have too much on You Mistress Watchfull, you need to delegate this work out!! Look at it as a future investment, You want Your kids to be trained properly and nows a good time to start, so they dont end up like Your pet.
I got lucky with My pet, his Dad taught the brothers to do everything from sewing to cooking, and even cleaning, but I do still have to get after him once in a while. Men have some sort of brain fade when it comes to putting stuff away after using it, I'm sure thats genetic LOL
As for a punishment, if he missed something while cleaning I would have him sit in front of what ever it was on his knees with his hands behind his back to look at it for whatever time You deem neccasary for him to get it in his head to not forget it again. Those kinds of punishments You can give out whether you are mad or not.
Anyway, hope that helps, just My thoughts on the subject from someone who has been there and done that.
Mistress Michelle
 
maid katrin... I went to the site and had a feeling of deja vu! I remember looking at that site and lusting over being a school girl at the academy years ago. Good to know they are still going strong. I found a link there I will discuss in another post.

Mistress Michelle... Thank you SO much. I know I always say it but it means a lot to me when you post. You are where I want to be, and I'm pleased you think I can get there.

I will take all the advice to heart and try it out. I agree with getting the children on board, they are more than old enough (10, 11, 12).

I think the frustrating thing is I just want more time to get into a relaxed state and have more sex! I don't want to be run ragged 24/7 but I don't mind a 50/50 share.

I am a perfectionist (although far from perfect myself) and always have the feeling I should just *do it myself* and get it done the right way first time.

I'm my own worst enemy.
 
Dearest Mistress Watchful

They say that men are from Mars and Women from Venus... but that's all nonsense... i figure women are really from Uranus and men from Pluto... and like men, Pluto is so far out there in space, they haven't a clue that's going on (gosh, we're not even a planet anymore):squigglemouth:

It's not that i'm bad... it's all those "oops" i make... that always finds me on my hands and knees trying desperately to get back into my Mistress' good graces. Using the humorous euphemism as "muff diving" you see it was no accident i was given the name as... "muffy". i wasn't too keen on the name at first... but now i consider it a term of endearment and take pride on being Her accomplished cunnilingist.

My Wife always says 1st rule... "NEVER let the sissy maid cum... until ALL the housework is done!!!" There are others, but i re-ee-ally can't remember 'em all. Mistress says training a DOG is much easier cuz they're much smarter... Positive Reinforement helps...

One has to get their priorities in order... There's nuttin' better than hearing your Mistress call your sissy name in the throes of sexual passion... Hope that helps!?!
 
Dear Mistress Watchful,
Your plight is a tough one - I'm a perfectionist too. Thank you for being so open and honest. Here's my 2c to help you spend yours with more choices:

When you use phrases like:
It is up to me to train him, and I worry that I won't be good enough.
Click to expand...
it's so painful, I winced. You are a real person, (I'm assuming this from your pictures, although we've never met!), you therefore do your best in a real way. I.e. it is the best you can do, with the experience, knowledge and skills, you have at that instant. As we progress, we all hope we grow wiser. We learn - we improve. We are NEVER not good enough. <standing with one hand on hip, while wagging disapproving finger with other hand. (Very brave stance in front of a Domme:wink:)>

Something maid katrin said struck a cord:
Over the years we learned to read emotions from even little hints.
Click to expand...
I'm hopeless at reading hints. Couldn't do it to save my life, let alone make life easier for someone I love, even when I want to. I susspect your pet has some of this handycap. Do you believe in Star Signs? Doen't matter if you don't. Either way, I recommend a book by Linda Goodman called Love Signs.

Love Signs describes the interaction between two different Star Signs, on three levels:
1. Friends
2. Male-Female
3. Female-Male
The point here is - communication. I've found this an excellent check list / discussion point to have a conversation about HOW we communicate. How do we approach a problem, a joy, another person? We are all so close to the WAY we do things, we miss the HOW. It's too familiar, we know no other way. Knowing ourselves a little better, even if we aren't how the book describes - we think about it, will improve the way we can know others and interact with them. - Especially those we want to.

I've probably opened a can of worms here, mentioning Star Signs. My point is they make good short-hand to describe emotions and styles. Never treat them like a religion. Never get trapped by them.

The most important question in relationships is: WHY? Sadly, most of the time we have trouble answering this question about ourselves, let alone someone else. This is how I use Star Signs.

Every success
ptathuk
 
Mistress Watchful said:
He came straight from the womb to me really, he could cook a pizza but I don't think he'd ever done any housework before he left his mother's domain. It is up to me to train him, and I worry that I won't be good enough. :sad:
Click to expand...

MW you hit the nail on the head...You have an adult child in your house. But you are not his mom. Stop playing that role. Charlotte is an adult. Therefore, Charlotte needs to train himself if he wants to be dominated and treated like a sissy. He needs to put you first and ease your burdens physically and mentally.

Not that I have this figured out myself. My KH made me read the below on submission vs. regression. It made me cringe but I can't deny its truth. (The worst part is in another section she suggests punishing sub's by taking away their chastity device!! OMG what could be worse!)

The below is taken from Ms. Rika's most excellent website msrika.com:

I recently received an email from a man who was inquiring as to whether he might be able to submit to me. As is WAY too often the case, he gave his list of demands couched in the form of service to me. I've written a lot about pseudo subs who really just want to be taken on their terms. I've always stressed the importance of making the Domme's life easier rather than harder and that attempting to mold the woman to your fantasy is a
lot of work for her. As you might imagine, I usually dismiss these letters
out of hand.

Something about this writer, however, made me believe that he really didn't understand the message his unwritten words were sending. As I answered this letter, I found myself trying to help him get in touch with what he really wanted in a relationship and what his projected message was delivering. It was in writing the response that I was hit with an interesting realization. I'm sure I'm not the first to think of this, and I probably should have realized it before, but it struck me nevertheless.

These guys aren't really selfish; they've simply confused Regression
with Submission!

What does this type of submissive say they want?

They want to obey the wishes of the ultimate beautiful woman - the Goddess Giver

They want to be told what to do, how to act, what is or isn't appropriate behavior

They want to be "Trained"

They want to be punished if they fail to obey

They want to be subordinate to a woman who loves them

They want to be so in love with a woman that they have no resistance to her ultimate will

They want to give up rights to their pleasure and have it in the hands of the woman they unconditionally adore

They want to be swept off their feet and held helplessly (figuratively and often literally)


Who provides all of this in our vanilla lives? Our Mothers!!!

Now, I realize that half of the readers just stopped reading. But if you honestly break it down, this is what this type of desire is about. It isn't about submission, it's about regressing back to their childhood, when decisions were easy and few, the stress of life was removed, and all their pleasure was in the hands of another whom they unconditionally loved and trusted. The well stated fact that men go to pro dommes to "escape" the pressures of reality support this. All of the bondage required in these scenes adds a physical realism to their helplessness. Helplessness,
which they no longer could feel, after growing bigger and stronger than their mothers.

So now I understand why some women can deal with these types of requests and I can't stand it! To a degree, many of the dominant women out there maybe feel very satisfied with this type of relationship. It may fulfill a need. Personally, I feel (I have two younger children) motherhood is a hard job! It's a lot of work (even with a live-in sub who helps me considerably). The LAST thing I want is a big dependent child. I've written about how I focus my subs on making my life easier, not harder.

This is why I'm so keen on service-oriented submission. As I've defined it in other articles, submission to me is about doing FOR me, not about what I do TO the sub. It's domme-centric. I insist the sub work to please me, to strive to anticipate my needs, and to be an INDEPENDENT thinker who's sole intent is my pleasure. I don't want him to be an 'id-driven' child who awaits orders or tries to find loopholes in the house rules, or worse who disobeys to gain attention. I want him to be a man, who's secure in his desire and intelligent enough to think for himself to provide the self discipline required to serve without the threat of punishment. I'm not a vessel for his stress relief (unless I choose to be).
 
Maid muffy, your post made me smile a lot
"NEVER let the sissy maid cum... until ALL the housework is done!!!"
Click to expand...
I want this printed on a t-shirt, lol!

Ptathuk -
We are NEVER not good enough
Click to expand...
That is very true, and some days I can handle it and reiterate it to pet when hes upset about not being perfect, and some days I cant handle it and I dont want to hear it!

As for Linda Goodman I used to be into astrology a long time ago. I have read her books and she is amazing. I may have to buy one again, because as you said, even if you dont believe in astrology, it can be a great conversation starter and make you see things you didnt notice before. Thank you.

O2cum That was so accurate I nearly threw up. Does it mean there is no hope? Does it mean I *do* need to take on the Madonna role? (Because Im definitely more popstar than virgin mother!) Or maybe I do need to put it on the back burner until the children have flown the nest? That thought would mortify dear pet, along with the suggestion of chastity removal (hes like a puppy at the window waiting for the post these days if I didnt let him have it in the first place he would cry for weeks!)

He is so selfish in that childlike way, where he is unaware like a toddler me me me and mine mine mine, they dont realise how painful it can be for the other parties involved.

The over-riding, terrifying fact is, I dont think I want him to help!!! I feel like I created this mess in the house before he moved in, and he is not responsible for clearing it up. The stuff is mine and the kids. And as I keep writing I realise that I dont want him to run around after me I want to run around after him. And what if I was wrong to let him convince me to try and be a Domme? What if I only did it to please him? What if all this is based on a huge lie to myself?

What if I cant be Mistress Watchful and thats us over and done with?
 
MistressWatchful,
you should really talk to my Mistress! we are in a very similar boat as you. We have two small children at home, and life gets insanely busy. Flipping out and getting angry is understandable. From my perspective i strive for continuous improvement. But i do realize that life does get in the way sometimes so i strive to improve. i really do like Mistress Michelle's view on taking it one room at a time. Thats what we do, and our house for the most part is spotless and my Mistress is very happy and has less stress as a result.
 
training pets

Dolly read somewhere that pets are happiest when they are trained. Probably this is because they know what they are supposed to do and how to react. And, also they know they will be rewarded (sometimes--not all the time, as Pavlov showed) when they do the right thing, and punished when they don't.

Pet owners are also happiest when their pets are trained. Their pets stay out of trouble, obey commands properly, and are happier, which also makes the owner happier too.

Pets cannot always train themselves, nor can pet owners always properly train their pets. They may lack the skill, the time, or be too emotionally involved. Hence, they send them to obedience school where training is objective, thorough, and competent. Sometimes, pet owners also need to be trained as part of the process so they know how to properly treat their newly trained pet.

What does this have to do with training men? Men are often pre-trained early on to believe that others will take care of them, look after them, pick up after them, make their bed, wash their clothes, cook their dinner, etc. When a man sees an empty toilet roll he thinks, "Someone needs to change this toilet roll." Such men are not properly trained. After proper training, the thinking changes to, "I need to change this toilet roll." (Men who go into military service are often re-trained to better take care of themselves and their surroundings--make their bed, wash and iron their clothes, shine their shoes, etc.)

This applies to other things in life as well. Upon seeing trash on the ground one can think, "What idiot threw this here," or, "Someone needs to clean up this mess." And, of course, walk on by without doing anything. But, after training you learn that to complain about something takes almost as much energy as just fixing it. For example, dolly saw an overturned trash can this morning on her walk with trash strewn about. Dolly could have walked past it and said, "Why doesn't someone clean up this mess?" Or, dolly could simply step in and clean it up, which is what dolly did. (Not to say that dolly is well trained--far from it--but dolly understands that training also can begin from within.)

Maid Katrin's idea of sending charlotte to an academy like Muir is an excellent one! It would help charlotte understand how to think differently and as a result, both owner and pet would be happier!

Maid Katrin is also right about men's abilities. Sometimes, men don't see what women see--dust, dirt, and clutter, for example. And, when women get upset at them, like a confused untrained pet, they don't understand why. From the man's point of view he wonders: Does she expect me to read her mind?

This point of view obviously needs to be changed, in a way that is closer to women, especially in a FemDom relationship. Dolly believes that sissy training and feminization helps to put a man into the proper frame of mind to think differently. And, of course, chastity is a big motivator!

Just some rambling thoughts on this interesting topic!

Curtsey,:kiss:
dollyanne
 
Thank you dolly, a well written and educated post as ever.

I do see potential in charlotte, and she does work very hard most of the time. I know she's not perfect, but neither am I! She is also still young, so also has not had time to develop the home-skills that others (through leaving home, studying away, etc) have been able to acquire.

It is (as usual) a case of time and patience. :bigsmile:
 
Hope you don't mind some more cents added to the 2 I already posted. You mentioned:

... I want to run around after him. And what if I was wrong to let him convince me to try and be a Domme? What if I only did it to please him? What if all this is based on a huge lie to myself?

What if I cant be Mistress Watchful and thats us over and done with?
Click to expand...

This sounds like 'burn-out'. Being domme and in control is a responsibility and draining. Enormous effort goes into inventing the moments that give your pet his down time (sub-space). On a tangent - you mentioned you used to love being a sub. I may have added 2 + 2 and got 57 (hill of Heinz beans), but I can't help wonder... when do you get your down time?

Looking again at your original post for this thread, it sounds like you snapped - just in the moment. Is this a sign of fatigue? Do you feel like you are looking forward to your annual holiday - you know - itchy feet, can't wait, etc.? How would you feel about a Switch? For how long? You're the Domme, pick something that makes you relaxed again.

The last sentance above is really worrying. I can only assume that with kids around, your marriage is based on more than the D/s side. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but your 'Traditional Wife', 'Mother', and 'Home-maker' roles seem to be in conflict with 'Mistress Watchful'. Sounds like you need a good talking to, from you. :tongue: Maybe not as crazy as it sounds, if I've read this right.

If you recognise the principle: 'Inside every extrovert there's an introvert trying to crawl back in'. We are a multitude of inner voices, (role-players). Let some of your inner voices have their say. Be at peace with yourself, FIRST. I imagine that only then you will be at peace with everyone else around you. (Anger Management:smile:)

Again, I wish you success
ptathuk
 
Yes, you are right... looking back we'd just had baby's first birthday (stressing about it being perfect) followed by half term (house full of screaming kids) and the constant guilt that I promised everyone once I finished University the house wouldn't be quite so disorganised and I wouldn't be quite so stressed.... but nothing has changed.

Hell yes I'm looking forward to my holiday in the sun (8 weeks from tomorrow!) all-inclusive holiday with nothing to do but play with my kids and sit by the pool, and I know that I will be horny as heck because after 2 days of doing nothing I'll be climbing the walls!

I do wish I could take time out, but that's very difficult when you feel you should be doing something (tidying, organising, etc, etc). I have a salon appointment today, and hair appointment on Saturday so maybe that will give me a break.
 
Mistress Watchful said:
And what if I was wrong to let him convince me to try and be a Domme? What if I only did it to please him? What if all this is based on a huge lie to myself?

What if I cant be Mistress Watchful and thats us over and done with?
Click to expand...

Mistress Watchful,

I think the thing to remember is that he convinced you that he WANTED to be dominated. That pleases him, obviously. At the same time, you WANT to please HIM. I think you're feeling conflicted because you are feeling that dominating him is NOT pleasing him. Well, sometimes you have to consider the long run, and the moment. He may not be pleased in the moment that you are dominating him about some domestic non-sexy chore... but is it fulfilling his greater long-term need? If it is, you ARE giving him exactly what he wants while dominating him. It's a win-win, you just have to take the long view.

As for not wanting to saddle him with messes you created before he joined your life, well, he DID choose to join your life. He DOES want to be dominated. If you force him to help do those things you feel guilty about, perhaps, just perhaps, you should consider that he's getting what he craves.

Regarding punishments and rewards... well, from a chastity perspective, what better punishment than not being allowed release? "Well, Charlotte, I was going to let you cum tonight, but I specifically remember asking you to do that chore three times. It's not done.... some come here, and put that tongue to use. Maybe if you want to use that over-grown clit of yours, you'll remember your chores next time? Maybe next week dear, now come here! NOW!"

Again, he may HATE that moment... but is it what he wants long term? Probably yes. So, you're actually pleasing him. You're giving him exactly what he wants. If you can put that spin on it, in your head, then perhaps you can lay back, let him work his tongue while he moans in frustration, and think to yourself "I love him, and I'm giving him just what he wants and needs... and this doesn't feel half-bad to me either!" ;-)
 
mike... you are right in putting that spin onto things.

The night I made him sleep on the floor, with a collar and leash on, wrapped in a dog blanket, because he didn't do something I asked made me feel a little guilty... in the morning, he admitted it was the horniest thing I've ever done!

Maybe a "fake it till you make it" approach is required.

He is showing very willing today, trying to help with housework, looking after baby, running to get my favourite coffee whilst I was in the salon...

Thanks for your comments. :smile:
 
Your little pet is SO, SO LUCKY to have You looking after him and training him Beautiful and Commanding Mistress Watchful
 
toto wonders whether that day might come when Mistress stops trying so hard and just decides that that is the way it is going to be once and for all...????
8> ll ll ll ll
 
Mistress Watchful,
From a couple of posts ago... If he doesn't see how lucky he is soon, do you:
A) Keep giving him a slap, until he does, OR
B) Stand over him when he begs for a spanking and say, "No"?

ptathuk
P.S. Sorry couldn't help myself :wink:
 
You're not gonna' believe this, but the latest research shows that putting a guy into a chastity device does not teach him how to clean a toilet. :squigglemouth:
Strangely, couples still need to communicate regarding the nuts and bolts of life, regardless of the normalcy or kinkyness of their sex lives.
Isn't that just bizarre? :neutral:
 
Would you please try to keep your tone within these boards on a more positive note?

I have so far found your comments sharp and unhelpful.

Maybe you were trying to be sarcastic or make a joke, but it's not coming across that way in your posts.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom