...Introduce it verrrrrrry slooooooowly.
She will need time to get her mind around the idea. Buy her a nice book that isn't full of other kinks, and leave her alone. Give her at least a month or two after you bring it up before you bring it up again. Hopefully she will ask you about it before you have to bring it up again, but she may want to pretend that you never said anything, and never speak of it again...
I completely agree with
@tecolote. I have been married for almost three decades to a wonderful woman for whom sex is an afterthought. She was a virgin when we met. While she's pretty vanilla, she orgasms more quickly, while I go down on her, if I slip a wet finger into her back-door. We've had infrequent anal intercourse, and while she didn't go down on me for what seemed like 20-years (at least 10, dammit!) she does that once in a while now, too. A few years ago, I kissed my way down her tummy after cumming in her, and she had a bombshell O as I cleaned her up. Guess who gets to do that more now?
But, it can be months between our sexual encounters! Even when we're together, and that's infrequent, as I live and work in another state.
I confronted her last spring, while on vacation together, because I have been having an orgasm every day since I was in my mid-teens. I said I was tired of being married for so long, still being madly in love with her (and her delicious body) and having to have most sex by myself. She could
not have
not known what I was doing, and seemed fine with the mismatch. I explained that I wanted to have more "us" time now, that all of the excuses of kid-raising, bill-paying and career development were now gone. I told her that I discovered male chastity while searching online for a solution for such grossly mismatched sex drives. During our discussion, I learned that post-menopausal intercourse hurts her, which I had suspected, but she finally admitted.
Over the course of the next few months I mentioned MC several times, and it was as if she didn't hear me at all. I tried to talk about it at Thanksgiving, but she shut-down. She gets too embarrassed to
talk about sex. We were raised so very differently. Around Christmastime, while in the hot tub, I brought it up again, and explained it a bit. She said, "...and you WANT this?!?" I explained that there is more to sex than intercourse. Yes, there are things she can do to make PIV better (she is seeing a doctor who is an expert in therapeutic hormonal treatments) but if she wants to cuddle, kiss and make out, it doesn't have to always lead to intercourse - especially if she has a key! I cannot recall her ever having an orgasm from intercourse, and that I am happy to bring her to a climax with my fingers, tongue or toys (if she would just
try them.) I explained that male chastity can be anything we want it to be. I have a big job, with a lot of responsibility, and if she would want to try being the alpha in the bedroom, I would like to try it too, as I think I am sexually submissive, but was afraid that she would lose respect for me as a man.
I let up on the chat quickly, because we covered way more ground than ever before, and I didn't want to hammer. Weeks passed. Nothing has been mentioned, other than, "I don't like to talk about that stuff." So I scoured this site and the Internet for a not too scary (kinky) website and/or book on the topic of male chastity. I finally selected Emily Masters'
Taming the Caged Beast.
http://brassiered.com/tamingthecagedbeast/index.html Thanks for the recco, but I cannot remember who here suggested it.
It's a quick read, and while you can read the entire book on her website, I bought and read the e-book. I then ordered a hardcopy paperback for my wife, but it didn't arrive in time for me to hand it to her in-person. So after a lovely (though apart) Valentines Day full of roses, chocolate-dipped strawberries and other treats sent to each other, I told her about the book in the envelope she had put on my desk last night, and that it was for her in recognition of "International Male Chastity Day." She asked, "That's a thing?" I said, "Sure! It's always the day after Valentines Day, where after a day of love, romance, passion and sweetness, the woman tells the man, 'Put that thing away. Lock it up.'" Her response, "Well then, you'd better put it away."
I told her that since it was hard for her to talk about it, she could read the book at her leisure, as time and interest permit. We could talk after Chapter 1, whenever she had questions, or not at all. I told her we could do some of it, just the things that interested her, or none at all. She can absorb it and ask questions over the phone, which might be easier than her struggle to do so face-to-face. I told her that other kinky things were mentioned in the book, but it was the best representation of what is in MC for the keyholder, and this book was more palatable than other books I had reviewed, and also many, many websites. I committed to letting her throw it away, and telling me that she had done so. I told her than I had almost taped a key into one of her Valentine's cards, but thought that it might be a bit much for her, so I elected not to.
Now comes the hard part: I promised not to bug her about it! I have been working at this for 10-months. I cannot think of how to go more slowly, gently, respectfully, and with less guarded hope, than the way I have done it. We've already talked on the phone twice since last night. Not a mention. I am dying to ask, "So did you open the book package on my desk?" but if I do, I lose, and I know it. Time will tell.
@Epicure3375, I will keep you and this website posted on how it goes from here. I wish you the very best in successful getting to where you both want to be as a couple!
My hope is that soon, we both should have been more careful about what we wished for!!
-- Ready to "Giveitup."