I told her ...and now...?

O

obeywan

Member
Dec 10, 2018
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Spain
Hello all,
Let me make some brief introduction about my progress and way to introduce chastity device to my wife that I really love..
We are a normal couple living more or less ordinary life, but after 10 years, I started to feel that we need something to put some fresh air in the relation...well the sexual part that was almost non existen. I can say that I'm a person that is more interested in experimenting and was atracted by more "kinky" stuff since a very long time, but my wife is very vanilla and RATIONAL person (I will explain it later why I put that in uppercase letters) and not much interested in sexy talks.

So how it started.
Almost 2 years ago I discovered the chastity and it completely cought my atention so then the next step is quite clear... first I was questioning and speaking to myself : "That is stupid , why you should buy it, look at you are a normal person...so why.." The curiosity and excitement won :)
I bought the CB6000s as I'm not the guy with "big ego" and started to try it now and then ,especially when my wife was on the business trip or with her family.

It really started to atract me. But what I started to realize is that I was living with my wife somehow in paralel world where out sexual desire doesn't meet. Along with that I got used to masturbate, sometimes quite a lot, to compensate my needs.

And one day decided that I have to do something with this and to tell my wife. The problem is that at the same time the image of my vanilla and rational thinking wife crossed my mind and I thought ..No way, she will freak out.

The time past and I was facing the same task..To have to tell her. But it must be something aproached step by step and really well prepared.

That days I started to look for the information where I discovered by the way CM ...Many many thanks!!!!

My wife was always asking me to write her letters, that is something that really don't like and it costs me a lot.
I took the courage and in september, last year, I wrote her a letter.
Making a small resume: I explained her that I love her very much and that I want to make our relations better and stronger and that realized how stupid and selfish are men ( sorry guys) taking a lot of things for granted and I apologized that I was masturbating myslef lately a lot not paying much attention to her and I wanted to change it.
So I proposed to her a "game" that I will not be able to have orgasm unless she gives me permition while she can enjoy everything she wants and as well I mentioned that there is game called Locktober if she wants to try.

Then one day when we were having a dinner together I gave her the letter. ( it was the end of september 2019)

I will continue asap
 
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Look forward to read about your continuing story....

Letters can definitely help and be of support during the discussion. I did not “gave the letters”, but I used them to guide our discussion. I recognised as well that writing them brought quite some understanding at myself as well. My Love was initially totally shocked after our first discussion about my confession. However, soon she encouraged me to start talking about it, as she became happy to learn about my deep desire.

Now, 14 months later, we can discuss everything, no letters needed anymore.
 
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Letters can be a nice bridge to more personal and intimate conversations. I like how you can craft just the right wording to express yourself. In speaking, I often struggle to present my thoughts exactly as i imagine them. Letters allow you to write, think, edit and revise, so the end product is better. However, nothing replaces one on one conversations, and as long as you include those as well, then I think your journey will continue in the direction that suits both of you the best. Good luck and enjoy.
 
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..So I continue.
I decided to write a letter by hand, not just typing on computer and printing it And then put it inside a red envelope and give it a touch with my drawing.
When She saw it, she was really impressed and asked me if I want her to read it now, but I sad that it's up to her. Finally she took put it on her night table.
During next days I was seeing the letter in the same position until the moment when She sudenly told me that she has read my letter.

She told me that like it very much and that she felt that it was very sincere letter.
But she didn't understand why should I need her permition to have orgasm , that I'm free to do what I want and she is no one to tell me.
Although I mentioned her that after I having a full orgasm I temporarily lose interest as I got what I wanted.

The time pases and nothing changed and somehow I thought that I should forget about all the idea , but anyway I decided to make an experiment for myself without telling her and go without orgasm 2 weeks, I know it maybe sounds funny number for you, but I knew it's not gona be si easy for me.

I don't know if to call it Woman sixth sense, but after few days She started to behave more flirty and having some comments like..."Someone seems to be excited down there" and pointing to my crotch.

When I told her that I'm doing a experiment about how long can I hold on, She had this small smile on her face and said that it's interesting.

That was a really fresh impulse for me to keep trying.
 
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This all seems to be a better start than most of us do. I just caution continued patience. You are probably right not to start with talking about cages. Keep talking about orgasm control. Don't move to the next step until she is participating and enjoying this part. This can take months or longer (especially in a relationship where you are both used to infrequent sex anyway).

Make sure she understands that the goal of this game, your goal, is actually increasing sexual activity between the two of you. Lots of women jump to the idea that you have lost interest in them and want fewer orgasms because of that. You want more, but you also understand that good things are worth waiting for and you want to experience waiting for her where until now you used your hand to substitute for her. Rather than eating cheap chocolate every day, you wish to savor fine chocolate less frequently. Eating lousy chocolate every day will ruin your palate for the better stuff. She is fine chocolate, and you want her help to build your appetite for her. Part of building that appetite is being allowed to see and smell the chocolate, maybe even taste it a tiny bit, but you only get to satisfy your need when the chocolate is ready.

Maybe the chocolate analogy is weird. Make an analogy that makes sense. Just make sure she understands that you want to be frisky with her way more often, even if you rarely actually have sex (and even if you are not allowed orgasm during sex).

The cage would seem weird to her now. Best to leave it until later.

Good luck!
 
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Faustik said:
Hello Jemina, we can talk freely with no problem. I thought it more like symbolic way to do something for her, that she look for and she knows that it osts me a lot to do. ...And by the way I found possitive that I have more time to better express my self.
Click to expand...

ok then and if She likes to have letters its nice then. please I only sayed what I did cos I thougt letters was for folks a long way away.
 
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tecolote said:
This all seems to be a better start than most of us do. I just caution continued patience. You are probably right not to start with talking about cages. Keep talking about orgasm control. Don't move to the next step until she is participating and enjoying this part. This can take months or longer (especially in a relationship where you are both used to infrequent sex anyway).

Make sure she understands that the goal of this game, your goal, is actually increasing sexual activity between the two of you. Lots of women jump to the idea that you have lost interest in them and want fewer orgasms because of that. You want more, but you also understand that good things are worth waiting for and you want to experience waiting for her where until now you used your hand to substitute for her. Rather than eating cheap chocolate every day, you wish to savor fine chocolate less frequently. Eating lousy chocolate every day will ruin your palate for the better stuff. She is fine chocolate, and you want her help to build your appetite for her. Part of building that appetite is being allowed to see and smell the chocolate, maybe even taste it a tiny bit, but you only get to satisfy your need when the chocolate is ready.

Maybe the chocolate analogy is weird. Make an analogy that makes sense. Just make sure she understands that you want to be frisky with her way more often, even if you rarely actually have sex (and even if you are not allowed orgasm during sex).

The cage would seem weird to her now. Best to leave it until later.

Good luck!
Click to expand...

Hi Tecolote and many thanks for your opinion!! Your idea with the chocolate sounds good.
I want to finish as soon as possible my recapitulation of what happend up to this past weekend when I told her briefly about chasity cage and ask here all of you for helping me with ideas to continúe.
 
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Faustik said:
I want to finish as soon as possible my recapitulation of what happend up to this past weekend when I told her briefly about chasity cage and ask here all of you for helping me with ideas to continúe.
Click to expand...

Ahhh. Well you better hurry and tell us, or you'll get more outdated advice.
 
Ok...so while I was continuing with my small two week experiment ( middle of October 2019, just for keeping timeline:) I noticed that she was a little bit interested cause she was asking every third day how I'm going, so was telling her about my growing feeling of my needs to orgasm and almost by the end of second week I started to feel my prostate quite sensible so I let her know. But when final day came, nothing happend from her side and I didn't want to bother her with news like: Hey today is my final day! , so I waited like two more days and nothing, so I just enjoyed my own masturbation time if no one cares.

(...today when I think about it I was quite selfish, first because during the experiment I was just concentrated on my own feelings and horniness and second I was expecting that on my final day I would recieve a prize in form of sex for being "good boy" two weeks. Again selfish and stupid, because even after that I felt a bit of resentment towards her)

After that nothing special happend, even She stopped asking.
Then we made some changes in our lifes, moving to different country and She quiting her job to start her own, so during that months we were quite ocupied, and me always wanting sex, but I was trying not to be pushy. When we settled and things calm down our rare sex moment occur during which She for the first time ever started to tease and deny, very little but Yes! and later she asked me if I want her to finish me or if I want to go without orgasm...I was in heaven and I told her that it's up to her. ...she rewarded me with orgasm.

I thought that it's gona be a new beggining for everything.
But with all the new things happening around, moving to different place and more stress with new job, it all disappear and back to few ocassional vanilla sex.
Than Christmas was coming, when she flew to see her family , meanwhile I started my again with more regular masturbation, then during january, february again very few vanilla sex and then Bonus! ...Covid time.

I think that almost everyone was thinking that we would have more time for each other, being forced to stay at home, but actually we started training quarantine time since we moved because we work from home now.
Nothing improved and me wanking more, till one day.

And we are arriving to 1st od May 2020.
That day while she was working in the other room I just felt the urgency to relax myself, so I went to the bathroom and start to masturbate, and there was the switchning moment for me, cause while I was rewarding myself I was hearing her speaking on the telephone and working.
After I finished me I felt soooo bad and quilty that I decided that this can't happen any more.
 
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I decided to write a new letter and as well to trace the plan, because my Lovely wife is very rational, with amazing analyst skills and really inteligent... so I was trying to anticipate the situation when I'm gona tell her about chastity.
And I got to the point that the best solution is to be just as sincere as possible.

I started to write her a new letter:

First I told her how much I miss her, miss the intimacy with her, miss the moments giving her pleasure and forget about all the world when I'm with her!
Then I wrote that i've read again my old letter cause i started to wank lately a lot and to be precise, last time in the bathroom a that felt really bad for that and I realized at that moment that I would change that one small wanking pleasure for giving Her hundreds of orgasms to her.
So I proposed her to start again the experiment at her pace and that I wolud like to try one toy, related with locktober that I've mentioned in the fisrt letter.

Than I told her that Iwolud like to share with her some articles to read them, with open mind and in the moment when she will feel relaxed. And inmediately ensure her that probaly after that a big sign BUT WHY , will appear in front of her eyes.
So anticipating a little bit before we speak I tried to formulate my answers to that Why, and wrote them down in the letter..:
1. I want to make our relation stronger and enjoy better sex and explore new sensations
2. The toy doesn'tt mean that I don't like sex with you, it's precisely the opossite and changing some things she will enjoy more.
3.I want to focus more on her and please her and not distractme and go back to wanking me.
4.For me symbolize giving up her somthing very intimate personal and it somehow excites me thinking that I submit her my posibility to have orgasm.

Again I wrote that letter by hand and after that sent her the email with these links:
https://evolvingyourman.com/2019/09/06/what-is-locktober/

https://evolvingyourman.com/2019/11/24/chastity-manifesto-tumbelina/

You can imagene how nervous I was in the moment of clicking the button Send...
I sent the email and gave her the letter on 8th May , it took me a week rethinking and rewriting everything.


...and what was happening during that week meanwhile I was elaborating that essay..?
 
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Thanks for expressing your thoughts Faustik and I totally understand your reason for the letters.

For me my Wife does hold the key but mainly to please me I feel and over the years we have played with chasity she is beginning to seeing the benifits, Trust, devotion and closeness that it brings to her. However verbally expressing our thoughts feels awkward, firstly propably my shyness and verbal communication skill together where I feel I am the one who pushes the subject and I dont want to push it too far and make her feel uncomfortable. Also I get the impression that its not the topic of conversation at the fore front of her mind. Therefore I find it easier and I also get more response from her if I put my feelings and thoughts in writing, letter or text etc.

At the moment I am on my Longest continues lockup with my Wife holding the key for over 4 weeks and a letter on her pillow at night or text have kept this connection going, so breaking new new gound and hopefully Chastity will become more intergrated in our relationship as I do love the feeling, security ,connection and honesty it brings. However more importantly my Wife sees and feels the biggest benifits as it should be as its not about me its about Her!!

Enjoying your thoughts , Thank you.
 
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...and what was happening during that week meanwhile I was elaborating that essay without her knowing..?

Human mind is absolutely wonderful piece of art, it somehow transmit our inner thoughts and feelings without telling anything...or call it Mindset speaker :)

What happend then?
The day a started to form my new letter I told my self as well that there is not gona be wanking. It was the first weekend of this may and I was speaking to myself every free moment I had even at night and curiously I started to pay more attention to my love and get more things done in the flat. Suddenly on monday she started to be more closer, nothing special just this feeling. Maybe it was a mix of excitement and horniness but I was like semihard all the time. Then on tuesday ,while I was preparing breakfast she looked at my crotch and told me ...Are we gona do next experiment , putting the counter from 0 ? At this moment I was totally out of my body, there were like 5 months without anything like this and now when I need to concentrate to writing my letter she says this. Somehow I managed this responding with ..hmmm we will see. I started to be motivated like machine, next day I was finishing all my work very quickly to have time to think and at the same time I was increasing my atention to my wife, nothing sexual, just helping her doing things, even without telling me and households.
That afternoon when I was washing dishes she appeared behind noticing again i'm semihard she pressed me to the kitchendrobe and touching my nipples. when I looked at her she just told ..Keep working I'm just passing by to take a plate. ...I was speechless.
The tension started to increase, on thursday during the breakfast she looked again at my semihard crotch and started to stroke it.
Than there came two more crazy moments when she told me on thursday afternoon : " What the hell is happening with you, you look concentrated, you're getting your job done, all households done and you transmit peace:" ..I responed: "Really." ...I actually haven't noticed anything as I was so focused on that letter.
She then just added: " My nice housemaid, if you want to do everything, i will retire myself"...my heart was beating like crazy.
Friday, we had a free day, so we woke up later, me preparing breakfast while she was in the bathroom. As we were speaking and I didn't hear her well I went to the bathroom and saw her naked after the shower. I got really hard and she noticed. She started to slowly press against me with bottom while speaking about normal stuff, while I started to kiss her on her back . She was really enjoying it and told me that when we come back in the afternoon she will have another shower and we want me to do the same...I was flying.
That plan screwed up because finally we spent more time out with our friends.
But I wasn't able to think clearly. jeje

Saturday..I gave her the letter in morning and she was happy to recieved another one, well designed, and put it on her work table. I saw it there all the time with no signs of opening.

Then sunday came and she felt really bad, so after the breakfast she went directly to bed. I was saying to my self ..Why now?? ..She was sleeping almost till 3 pm, so I came and laid down next to her to have nap as well.....don't what happend but in 5 minutes we were without cloths and both so horny that a I decided to use a new toy for her, a magic wand, that I meant to show her together with chastity, but I wanted to please her so much that I forgot about it. she was surprised a few seconds about the present but wanted to continue. What a toy , I can't count even the number of her orgasms.
Than came her turn and she started to use her new toy on me.
In one moment she told that she want me inside her. I don't know what happend, maybe overexcitement but sudenly I went flacid and wasn't able to do anything., so after a small pause she started give me impressive T&D that resulted in huge never ever seen ruined orgasm. She was looking quite surprised what happend. Then she went for a minute to bathroom and when came back she saw me still hard not getting that , and I told her that I'm still not done, so she started again stroking me which resulted in total Blackout for me... I was out of my body.

The best week of 2020!..maybe even of last 5 years.


What happend then and we are arriving to the present.
We were sitting on our terrace in the evening and suddenly she said that she had read the letter and asked me if I can make her a resume of the email, because she didn't have time . I was so out of my body and mind , I felt like a monkey that can count only 2+2, that the first thing that came out of my mounth was: When did you read the letter...and she responded that it is not my business. ( true:))
She asked me again for the resume of the email with two links.
At first I was telling her, that it's better she read it when she'll have time, but she insisted, so I said:

It's kind of a toy that helps to intensify sex and relation... she said: A whip? I said ,noo.. it's a cage that close up a man penis the prevent him from his pleasure til you want.
At that moment Her face changed, I could imagine the sign above her head, like ¨"WTF?" and she told me , changing her attitude back from the relaxed one to her RATIONAL selfcontroled state, responding, I think you' re enough inteligent and enough will to hold you. And it's strange to put all the trust and responsibility into some cage.

Fuck I was without words, not able to say anything.

She continued, asking, what it is made of? ...I said could be plastic or metal
She: It must be heavy......me: No, not so much."
She : but how do attach it down there , it must hurt, it must by kind of a belt ,like the medieval one, and with locker. it's strange ...but if you want want I will lock you, I don't care ( more like your problem).

Fuck again, I was so relaxed and out of my mind,as I haven't been for a long time, That at that moment it was the last think I was thinking about, to make her lock me.

The moment when I thought , I have to show her now the chasttiy I have, just crossed my mind and I said to myself noooo ,don't do it .

Conversation ended with wine watching horizont.


And the week started with me much less interested, as I'm still "relaxed" and she is back her "normal" rational state of mind, that has nothing to do with the last week.



...and NOW.....WHAT????
 
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Should waint till she read the email with link and says something? ..or maybe she woun't read it.

Show her my cage, CB6000s, that is not sou much esthetic and not so comfortable at night and after some days.

Buy a new one, thinking about HT V3 Pink, that is the olor she likes.



...I don't want to wait to much time,to let the chance past.

Thanks to all of you for any opinion and help!!!
 
My vanilla wife hates saying she is controlling my penis. She thinks it is horrible and a turn off. Just try changing the wording a little to fit her rational thinking. You are asking her to manage your orgasms for you because you are not good at it. Make it similar to things that either of you take the lead on in your relationship.
 
I’d suggest that you find a good metal device that you can wear without issues. The last thing you want is problems with a cage once she is ok with it. Plastic is nice for its light weight but is too hard to clean most of them without taking off. If you really want plastic though I’d highly recommend the ones made by a member here. Cheaper than any CB6000 with way higher comfort and quality. Also, I’d order an extra base ring a little smaller than first one because you often need a smaller ring after wearing one and getting used to it.

https://www.shapeways.com/shops/josielynn-s-body-jewellery
 
Wow, the time flies so fast... I see that my last update was almost two years ago!!!
To make a quick resume of happend and what not happend during that time.

So, almost 2 and half years ago I wrote Her by hand( I underline by hand, because nowadays I almost write everthing on PC :) few letters expressing my feelings about our sexlife and things I want to try (you can check my earlier posts). and at that moment it ended basically with no real interest about chasity from her side. But our sex got a little bit of spark after that ....but ...after some time went back to same spot...0.

Whay happend since then..
In march 2020 started the famous era of Covid and although we were spending almost all the time at home, like everyone, we both dind't really take advantage for spending more time with intimacy. Sometimes I still thinking why,...and basically for me the response is the Routine ...

Then one day in may 2021, I was visiting my parents and she stayed at home. When I came back, I don't remember exactly how the conversation started but she took me to our bedroom, we made love like we haven't seen each other for long time, even though I was out just for a weekend. After when we were chilin she started to speak about sex toys, that I bought and if a have any for myself. ..Alarm started to sound in my head. First I said no ...like no ..that it was just the magic wand I bought her. But in few minutes I knew that she knew.
(I think that she found the cage cleaning the wardrobe during the weekend) So I took the deep breath and said the if she remember when we were talking about the chastity cage...and that I bought it together with her magicwand but finally didn´t have enough courage to show it to her. ...she said why not and told me to show it to her. ..There was a moment of silence, I was processing what is happening. I went to the wardrobe and took it out. She took to her hands and started to check it asking how it works while we both were still naked.
As I was trying to explain it with my dry throat, she looked down on me starting to be semihard and she said: " Looks like someone is liking that." ....I was wordless.
The night ended with kisses more cuddling , TV and then we fell asleep.

Days were passing and she didn`t mention anything. another two, three weeks and nothing. And then one day, knowing that she is going out to meet her friends I took the courage and just before she left I put on the cage and gave her the keys just in the precise moment when she was leaving. As I know her, I knew that as she was in a hurry, I wouldn't have time to rationally think about it. She looked at me and asked me, what tje keys are for... I looked down ..and she immediately understood..... I was there with my heart beating 200% ... and she got a big smile. put the keys in her pocket , gave me a pasional kiss and quickly left. I was there, standing in the door, with my thoughts like on the rollercoaster, with my cock in the cage. Saying to myself what have I done.
Like 20 minutes later she sent me a foto showing me the keys and smiling . I was hard in my cage like a teenager. A problem started like after one hour when I was continuosly hard. I put on a smaller ring.
With all the pressure that I felt I intented to think about different stuff just to get more flacid.. Finally I managed it and felt relieved.
The real problem started when she came back at night,like 4 hours later. From the very first moment, when she entered I got hard. First she kissed me asking how I felt, I said fine even thought I felt quite a lot of pressure down there. Then she continued with her things, changing to pijamas, putting TV and asking me to massage her feet. I did as she wanted. No mention about cage. ..I was asking myself: Really? thats all, nothing to say , no play? The she said: "It's time to go to the bed." I was speechless, thinking: Okey, so it started quite straight. Shit.
Then entering our bedroom she asked me to show it to her before taking it off. I felt somehow relived, disappointed, excited ..everything. Mix of feelings and of course a started to get hard.
Now what happend. As she saw me down there pressing really hard with my balls with colors between red and blue she said to take it off immedeately! And then later in bed she told me she didn`t like the look at all and that she was worrying about hurting me. Even though I was trying to convinced her that everything is okey she was worried and al the magic was gone:(

So the apprenticeship is : Buy,buy and fit it first before showing her.

...I will continue with what happend 2 months later....
 
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Okey, so after that event with a good start but bad finish, nothing new related to chastity was happening and I was almost decided to give it up. Then few months later, during the summer, my wife went to see her parrents and the plan was that I will join her 2 weeks later. I was at home alone I started to masturbate again with no control till a moment when I felt bad and the idea of cage came back to my mind. I was decided that I want to stop masturbation and hold on till I join my wife and enjoy better the time with her.
It was like 10 day before joining my wife when I put the cage on. I did`t want to tell her anything for the moment knowing that she didn´t like the last the experience. My first 72h were as I decided that I will go 24/7 during that period. Even there were moments when I was thinking to take it off as I was hornier.
During that time I was speaking with my wife much more and we were sending each other a lot of messages. And she noticed that I was more attentive and communicative. Then like 5 days before leaving a told her that I'm wearing the cage. She was a little bit surprised and worried about my health down there but at the same time quite frisky.
I started to be more motivated again and hoping that maybe she is finally little bit on board. The days were passing and during that time she just sent few messages asking how I'm doing and if I still have the cage on. But never asking about more details, like if I`m sleeping with it on.
The last day when I was just about to go to the airport I decided to take it off as I was nervous about being discoverd by the scanner:) When I was about to arrive to the airport she sent me a message to wish me a good flight etc... and asking If I still had the cage on. I said : "No". She replied:" Good, imagine that they discover you with the scanner:)". I don't know why, but I got excited that she was somehow interested.

Later when I arrived to her house, we were like on a honeymoon again. But as the days were passing the magic started to vanish, ..well we were enjoing nights together and with full orgasms for me as she always wants me to finish. As I didn't want to be pushy the things about the cage etc. I was just enjoing what happend during the last few weeks.
 
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