I am a very alpha male but like to be sexually submissive. Once out of the bedroom I go back to being the alpha dog. It is just my nature. Keep in mind that online porn is BS. Having been in BDSM and other fetishes for over 47 years, I never met anyone who was a 24/7 submissive to the extent of being ordered around every hour of every day.
I submit. I am not dominated. The sub holds all the power because you cannot dominate a sub without their permission or you are committing a crime. Also, the sub can stop the action by using his password. So don't be fooled into thinking the stuff you read about online is real. The sub holds the power and the dom can only do what the sub allows the dom to do. If a man goes to a pro domme, she will ask him all sorts of question so that she can give him the experience he wants. I have been even asked what kind of whip did I want used on me, etc..
Your problem is that your man has not submitted to you. He only wants what he jerked off to online and if you veer from that, he is not interested. Also not interested if not happening during sex. My wife has beaten my butt until it was covered in welts and bruises. I think I posted pictures. She denies me orgasms for 4 months and takes on more time but still she had not gotten me to submit outside of the sex arena. I am not submissive, I only like to take on that role during sex and a lot of men are like that, even some who post otherwise. Lots of men live their fetish lives online. They write about the things they wish were done to them that their wives or girlfriend will not do. This is very common. I ran a sex related internet site for a few years and most of the women are men for gosh sake. There was a core of real fetish players but the majority of others were just living their sex lives online.
Talk to him. Nothing will work better than to hand him the keys back and tell him that if he refuses to submit to him under your terms, you do not want to play his games anymore. That is the most effective way to handle a male. Threaten to take away what he wants you to do. If I demand an orgasm from my wife when she does not want to give me one, she will hand me the keys and tell me to lock up when I am finished, as she leaves the room. Guess what, I never unlocked myself to make me cum. Hope this helps. I have "trained" a few women to be Mistresses since most girls are not born with leather boots and a whip. My wife found it difficult to dominate me in bed and then be the submissive one outside of bed. Plus she did not want to see be me submissive because she married me as an ex Jock and combat vet who was once a gang member with the scars to prove it. I was tough like her dad and she liked that. So she brought in her girlfriend to dominate me, which she did for over 30 years. That worked out much better because her girlfriend had no problem sexually torturing me at all. However, I found her worthy to submit to. I do not submit to any woman who wants to dominate me.
Good luck and try what I suggested. It usually works and if he does take the keys back then you have your answer, The great majority of men love the fantasy of being dominated but after a few weeks of the reality, they do not want to play by anyone's rules but theirs. If that is the case, chalk it up to a fetish tried and find another. We tried just about every fetish out there. Some we kept and others we just tried and tired of or just were not as good in reality as they were in our minds. That is the way it goes. You cannot dominate a man who refuses to submit to you under your terms.