What are YOU getting out of being caged?

[Lckdnpnk]

Exactly what do YOU get out of being caged? What did you expect to get compared to what you realize now? Is it improving your life and improving how you feel, how you love, how you work, how you live life?

For me, it is facilitating self discovery and helping my wife and I have more intimate and honest conversation….getting to know one another more deeply. I think it helps me slow down long enough in life to really feel and evaluate what is important. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

 

[SubDee]

The cage helps me to be more submissive outside of the bedroom.
I wake up and can’t wait to serve my KH/Wife. I make her life easier with all the little things I can do, the anticipation of Her needs and desires.
The cage has made Her more dominant and in control. She doesn’t feel like she has to give me sex just because I’m doing nice things for Her. Holding the key also gives her the confidence She needs to say what she wants, to demand my submission, and to correct me and discipline me when necessary.
These things don’t seem very consistent when there is a free swinging dick around.
The cage is a really big part of the driving force that makes the FLR possible. For me, the FLR is a lot harder if I’m not caged.
I am getting exactly what I expected out of it, to be honest. It makes me a better husband and a better submissive.
I am still a little bit surprised at how quickly She’s taken to her roll as the Leader.
Work life is much harder because I think of Her so frequently! Whatever it might be….I’m grateful if She let me rub her feet, I’m grateful if She let me watch her have an orgasm, I’m grateful if She dished out a punishment to correct me. I’m always thinking of Her with feelings of gratitude. I’m the luckiest guy on earth.
I do miss having orgasms though

 

[ChasteCel]

Exactly what do YOU get out of being caged?

It scratches an itch for me. I enjoy bondage, my wife not so much. I'd occasionally get her to tie me up pre-chastity, but she never really enjoyed it. And she didn't really enjoy the lengthy tease-and-denial I'd ask for during it.

Chastity is like 24/7 bondage for me. She *always* has me tied up. And I'm grateful for any teasing that she gives me. And, to be honest, without me masturbating all the time, we're intimate a *lot* more frequently than pre-chastity.

What did you expect to get compared to what you realize now?

I guess I was kind of hoping there would be more teasing leading to my wife becoming more dominant both in and out of the bedroom. That hasn't happened. I'm still extremely happy with how our relationship has evolved, and she has grown a little stronger and more strict. But any dream of her turning into a strict dominatrix isn't happening.

Is it improving your life and improving how you feel, how you love, how you work, how you live life?

A little less than a year into our chastity play, I was locked generally 24/7 and we went on vacation. Got unlocked, had fun, stayed unlock for the rest of the week. Came home and didn't put the cage back on. About a month later (after falling back into bad habits), she realized I was uncaged and was annoyed by it. She realized she *much* preferred the attention I gave her when caged, how I treated her, etc. I also think we tended to argue less. And we're intimate a lot more with me caged ... even if it means I don't get to orgasm nearly as often. I do think she really likes the fact that she can have as much pleasure as she wants without having to worry about me in return. And I love giving that pleasure.

 

[LockedScott]

I'm in a new-ish relationship. But for me/us....it keeps my masturbation in check. Actually it makes me more aware of my desire to masturbate and channel that to my girlfriend. She instantly bought into the kink of it and enjoys being in control when we're not together.

 

[IB-Chaste]

Exactly this…

helping my wife and I have more intimate and honest conversation….getting to know one another more deeply. I think it helps me slow down long enough in life to really feel and evaluate what is important. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

And this…

The cage helps me to be more submissive outside of the bedroom.
I wake up and can’t wait to serve my KH/Wife. I make her life easier with all the little things I can do, the anticipation of Her needs and desires.
The cage has made Her more dominant and in control. She doesn’t feel like she has to give me sex just because I’m doing nice things for Her. Holding the key also gives her the confidence She needs to say what she wants, to demand my submission, and to correct me and discipline me when necessary.
These things don’t seem very consistent when there is a free swinging dick around.
The cage is a really big part of the driving force that makes the FLR possible. For me, the FLR is a lot harder if I’m not caged.
I am getting exactly what I expected out of it, to be honest. It makes me a better husband and a better submissive.
I am still a little bit surprised at how quickly She’s taken to her roll as the Leader.

I expected it to be more dramatic. Like you forget that life has parts in between chastity… but mostly our sex life is far more exciting than before. Even with it occurring less frequently. I actually didn’t realise my wife could be this amazing in the bedroom if I just allowed her to take control. I actually think she exceeds my expectations on that front!

And generally I’m far more relaxed. I dont get stressed with irrelevant things like work. I don’t ever feel down anymore (unless she’s upset with me)…
Most importantly, my relationship has generally improved (it wasn’t a problem before though), I actually look forward just for my wife coming home from work.

 

[Lckdnpnk]

The cage helps me to be more submissive outside of the bedroom.
I wake up and can’t wait to serve my KH/Wife. I make her life easier with all the little things I can do, the anticipation of Her needs and desires.
The cage has made Her more dominant and in control. She doesn’t feel like she has to give me sex just because I’m doing nice things for Her. Holding the key also gives her the confidence She needs to say what she wants, to demand my submission, and to correct me and discipline me when necessary.
These things don’t seem very consistent when there is a free swinging dick around.
The cage is a really big part of the driving force that makes the FLR possible. For me, the FLR is a lot harder if I’m not caged.
I am getting exactly what I expected out of it, to be honest. It makes me a better husband and a better submissive.
I am still a little bit surprised at how quickly She’s taken to her roll as the Leader.
Work life is much harder because I think of Her so frequently! Whatever it might be….I’m grateful if She let me rub her feet, I’m grateful if She let me watch her have an orgasm, I’m grateful if She dished out a punishment to correct me. I’m always thinking of Her with feelings of gratitude. I’m the luckiest guy on earth.
I do miss having orgasms though

I relate to a lot of what you said here. Thank you for your thoughtful responses on each point! I’m hoping my wife starts really seeing the benefits as yours has and starts leaning into it more intentionally. We’re talking more about it now so I’m hopeful. Wish me luck!

 

[Lckdnpnk]

It scratches an itch for me. I enjoy bondage, my wife not so much. I'd occasionally get her to tie me up pre-chastity, but she never really enjoyed it. And she didn't really enjoy the lengthy tease-and-denial I'd ask for during it.

Chastity is like 24/7 bondage for me. She *always* has me tied up. And I'm grateful for any teasing that she gives me. And, to be honest, without me masturbating all the time, we're intimate a *lot* more frequently than pre-chastity.



I guess I was kind of hoping there would be more teasing leading to my wife becoming more dominant both in and out of the bedroom. That hasn't happened. I'm still extremely happy with how our relationship has evolved, and she has grown a little stronger and more strict. But any dream of her turning into a strict dominatrix isn't happening.

A little less than a year into our chastity play, I was locked generally 24/7 and we went on vacation. Got unlocked, had fun, stayed unlock for the rest of the week. Came home and didn't put the cage back on. About a month later (after falling back into bad habits), she realized I was uncaged and was annoyed by it. She realized she *much* preferred the attention I gave her when caged, how I treated her, etc. I also think we tended to argue less. And we're intimate a lot more with me caged ... even if it means I don't get to orgasm nearly as often. I do think she really likes the fact that she can have as much pleasure as she wants without having to worry about me in return. And I love giving that pleasure.

Like you, I really hoped for more tease and denial but my wife hasn’t taken to it as much as I’d like. I’ve always been interested in bondage as well but I’ve never had a partner interested in experimenting. I agree it is a little taste of bondage in the cage so it helps to satisfy that “itch” as you say. Thanks for your thoughtful responses!

 

[Disciplined Boyfriend]

Exactly what do YOU get out of being caged? What did you expect to get compared to what you realize now? Is it improving your life and improving how you feel, how you love, how you work, how you live life?

For me, it is facilitating self discovery and helping my wife and I have more intimate and honest conversation….getting to know one another more deeply. I think it helps me slow down long enough in life to really feel and evaluate what is important. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

I get a feeling of being dominated, controlled and owned. It does make me feel more submissive, but not to the extent that you and other have said.

We've always had full and frank, in depth, honest conversations since the night we met. In fact, sometimes on a weekend, that might be the only entertainment we have

A

 

[JaySaysYes]

The most insane horny feelings I have ever experienced, a new appreciation of erections, and the delicious feelings associated with how she is finding her groove in it.

It's certainly made our love/sex life much more interesting for both of us, and she loves it all.

 

[LockedScott]

I'm in a new-ish relationship. But for me/us....it keeps my masturbation in check. Actually it makes me more aware of my desire to masturbate and channel that to my girlfriend. She instantly bought into the kink of it and enjoys being in control when we're not together.

Adding to my own post. Being caged also enables some other things. She gets majorly turned on putting my caged dick in her pussy. It also got us talking about her pegging me. That led to me putting on her strap-on and then DP'ing her.
I view it as an amazing gateway

 

[SubSnuggler]

For me, chastity is all about my keyholder Wife. She wants that control and my submission, and I freely give it to her without conditions.

it makes me a better submissive, and makes me endlessly horny and frustrated, which seems to be her goal and frankly I also enjoy those outcomes.

 

[littleguy3]

Exactly what do YOU get out of being caged? What did you expect to get compared to what you realize now? Is it improving your life and improving how you feel, how you love, how you work, how you live life?

Self control and the best intimacy of the 43 years of our married life. We've never felt more in love. We never expected that. I hoped for purity and restored intimacy but never dreamed it could be so good!

 

[Thongkini]

I am a self locked person. I have tried multiple times to ask my partner to "play with me" and become a part of my chastity journey. Nope. She has no interest, desire or want of any part of chastity play and I will not ask again to prevent her from becoming resentful. That all said she does not mind that I lock myself most of the time and probably enjoys me pestering her less than before.

So what's in it for a self lock guy you ask? I have asked myself too and here are a few short answers, but tbh it still doesnt make total sense to me either.

I really wish my partner was into the whole lifestyle as I really enjoy the pent up horny feeling that goes along with long periods of denial and flirtation/teasing. I would love to be used to perform all means of sexual pleasure for/on her while being denied satisfaction for myself, but that is fantasy. When I first introduced my curiosity for chastity to her she often wore her leggings and thongs for me to see and it drove me wild seeing her dressed that way. When not locked we often had sex or she would grab me and play with me in the morning after waking up. This all played close enough into my fantasies to make it seem like a real chastity based relationship. Fast forward a couple years and we have menopause starting, lack of sex drive and her loss of confidence in her attractiveness. Sadly we essentially have no sex life, baggy sweats mostly and thongs only at the beach a few times a year for her to tan, I am on my own.

So, why still wear a device? Well turns out I like the feeling of something tight on my cock. I bought countless thongs and super tight boxer briefs previous to chastity because I love the feeling of tightness on my legs and groin/ass region. As I type this I am in my cd, wearing a thong and leggings, that is how tight I like things, except when working, this is my outfit. If I am bike riding or running I remove the cd but outfit is the same.

So you ask that can't be it can it? Nope. I also like feeling hormy and frustrated still, plus there is also the challenge of not masturbating and keeping that energy pent up for her when she may want sex every month or 2. If I see something arousing on tv, or online it helps the t and d feelings as I cannot get erect so that adds to the sexual frustration.

Another plus is when I wear the cd it helps me not be so handsy and not to hint at or make comments about our lack of sex life. It is a self imposed "restriction" but I know she doesn't like it when i get gropy or constantly remind her we havent had sex in a long while. She likes her back tickled and I do this for her without expectation of sexual reciprocation, she knows when I wear the device I am much better in that regard. That is probably why she mentions it when I don't wear it for a while even though she doesn't want to participate.

As has been mentioned by others I also like the subtle bondage aspect of not being able to grab it and play with myself combined with the discomfort and sometimes pain associated with attempted erections. Morning wood can be almost unbearable at times, I am a grower so it really tries with extra effort to get hard. The ensuing deflation and the endorphines that go along with the after effects are very very pleasurable, that alone can keep the chastity fires burning.

Yet another benefit, wearing a cd doesn't completely prevent but helps a little to decrease the depression that I fight off about the loss of our sex life as we were very active before. Mostly vanilla with only piv but we always used vibrators and sometimes cock rings of many shapes and sizes. A three hour session in the beggining of our relationship was not uncommon but now we haven't had 3 hours totalled up in 3 years.

Lastly, I still believe its healthy for men to release prostate fluids. I have read prostate massage is very healthy and benefitial to men in preventing cancers and infections. While locked I will perform a massage every couple weeks to release these fluids which can be pleasurable but not near as much as sex or being touched. Since I am locked the temptation to rub one out cannot be fullfilled even though I may get excited during my massage. This is something done on my own for my own health but keeps the desire for her burning within, even after releasing.

In order to not give in to temptations I lock my key with a timed lock, at the moment set to 40 hours. Often I don't have the timer going but right now I feel particularly weak that I may masturbate so to keep myself in denial, the lock is locked.

Thank you for reading my long post, I do love to write, it is very therapudic.

 

[Lckdnpnk]

Self control and the best intimacy of the 43 years of our married life. We've never felt more in love. We never expected that. I hoped for purity and restored intimacy but never dreamed it could be so good!

That’s where we’re are heading, my friend!

 

[knightly]

This is a great thread. I’ve been wondering, too, how important a cage is for the various aspects of the dynamic, which are very well summed up in the posts to this thread. Looking at some of the topics, here are some thoughts and questions to explore further. In my relationship, we don’t use a cage, but I am curious about what it brings to the table. We achieve increased intimacy, I have self control, we have a lovely dance of dominance and submission between us, we do lots of tease and denial and play time (for both of us), we have found paths to greater intimacy and connection, etc.

Follow my crazy logic and I’d love to get thoughts…

My hypothesis is that if presented in the right way, a cage could enhance the experience. And it could also be seen as a ‘weird’ thing that distracts from the potential connection. ie if it’s presented as a masturbation control method…could beg the question of “why are you doing that and not saving that energy for me already”? - which could totally derail the pursuit of greater intimacy. And if the environment exists in which to present a cage objectively, then that enhanced communication it is intended to provide will have already been achieved through the open and honest discussion. Which has the side benefit of making it easier to introduce and discuss openly. Chicken or the egg...cage first or trust and good communication first?


Summing up some of the topics from the thread:

Self discovery, probably tied to self control and change ones mindset around sex and male sexuality. I can see how a cage can certainly help with this, but having self control requires personal discipline and, well…self control already. Is the cage more symbolic and a powerful symbol? This is tied to masturbation control, where a cage highlights the attention paid to arousal and masturbation.

Improve intimacy - Is a cage needed for this or is it a change in mindset to focus more on her, letting her lead and allowing a feminine dynamic to dominate vs the masculine penis and goal-focused mindset?

Related to “intimate and honest conversation” - Does a cage facilitate open and honest conversation or can this occur regardless of the cage? Why is the cage a prerequisite?

Help with feeling submissive - submission is about wearing the cage for oneself, not their partner. Where submission is an inward focus of attention on the self (we want it for the powerful feeling the symbol invokes and the physical embracing feeling we get). I find it interesting to consider that submissive is an inward focus, whereas dominant is an outward focus of attention (courtesy of Kasia Urbaniak). Are we being submissive when caged to have our sexual intimacy needs met? And dominant when we are ‘serving’ our partner, which puts them in a submissive state to have their needs met in an inward focus (e.g. enjoying a back rub, having dishes washed, etc)? Are we being submissive when providing acts of service or are we letting our spouse enjoy submission to enjoy our service? And if we want to be truly subservient (submitting and serving) to someone, shouldn’t we be capable of doing that without a cage first?

Female leadership - by switching the scripts and changing the dynamic, we are creating an environment for the feminine to lead and ‘flow’, taking things in an interesting and unique direction, different than the goal focused dynamic men drive for and that we are used to. Can this happen without chastity? Does creating a non-stereotypical penis/masculine focused environment let the feminine flourish and women to have more experience though which they can gain confidence and become more expressive (aka ‘dominant’)? We haven’t needed a cage to see personal growth and confidence.

Tease and denial - I don’t think this has anything specifically to do with a chastity cage. But is a power shift and change in expectations between a couple. Does simply agreeing that she will decide what happens and doesn’t and when he gets to orgasm achieve the same thing? Is a cage needed for this dynamic to exist? Being endlessly horny and frustrated. Does NOT masturbating, not having an orgasm, and giving her control over these things achieve the same or similar result (though perhaps with less of the symbolic power)?

Kink and excitement - the chastity dynamic and cage (as with any kind of BDSM activity or equipment) provides something new to explore. Also goes with loving tight clothing and the kinesthetic aspect of these things. And helps provide additional stimulation and something to do (in what could be an otherwise ho hum sex life)…let’s face it, guys love gadgets. And we love our dicks. What could be more fun than gadgets on our dicks? It’s a match made in heaven.

Improved dynamic between a couple, excitement. Is the cage responsible for this, or is it the change in mindset, goals and who is leading the dynamic? Goes with novelty and rekindled excitement and improved intimacy.


Comparing my own journey to some that I read here, in some cases guys might achieve far better results not focusing on or introducing a cage. It seems like it can create a big hurdle and distraction vs taking a different approach focused on the specific desired outcomes and change in relationship dynamic that both partners can relate to and both benefit from.

Given all this, what are your experience with/without a cage and how does the dynamic change in either case and if all of this was established before a cage, how did the cage enhance your relationship?

Whew...hopefully that wasn't too confusing to understand.

 

[true42]

For us it's not about me being caged. I am sometimes; currently not.

It's about a change of mindset. And that's what I really appreciate. I am no longer my own; I belong to her now (as I always should have).

 

[Lckdnpnk]

I really wish my partner was into the whole lifestyle as I really enjoy the pent up horny feeling that goes along with long periods of denial and flirtation/teasing. I would love to be used to perform all means of sexual pleasure for/on her while being denied satisfaction for myself, but that is fantasy. When I first introduced my curiosity for chastity to her she often wore her leggings and thongs for me to see and it drove me wild seeing her dressed that way. When not locked we often had sex or she would grab me and play with me in the morning after waking up. This all played close enough into my fantasies to make it seem like a real chastity based relationship. Fast forward a couple years and we have menopause starting, lack of sex drive and her loss of confidence in her attractiveness. Sadly we essentially have no sex life…Fast forward a couple years and we have menopause starting, lack of sex drive and her loss of confidence in her attractiveness.

I really feel your pain, brother. We went through a tough menopause as well and it was the worst 4-5 years or so of our 34 year marriage. She was like a completely different person and didn’t want to talk or be touched. We had little or no intimacy of any type for many years (this was long before I discovered chastity). Now that we are a few years past it she is much more herself again and has told me that she didn’t even know she was doing most of it. She was shocked to realize how miserable I was. She said the harmones made her feel so hot she couldn’t stand to be around anyone and that she was so sorry she put me through it. Our relationship fully recovered. I just want you to know that it need not be permanent. There is hope! Thanks for your detailed explanations. I like to write, too!

 

[littleguy3]

This is a great thread. I’ve been wondering, too, how important a cage is for the various aspects of the dynamic, which are very well summed up in the posts to this thread. Looking at some of the topics, here are some thoughts and questions to explore further. In my relationship, we don’t use a cage, but I am curious about what it brings to the table. We achieve increased intimacy, I have self control, we have a lovely dance of dominance and submission between us, we do lots of tease and denial and play time (for both of us), we have found paths to greater intimacy and connection, etc.

Follow my crazy logic and I’d love to get thoughts…

My hypothesis is that if presented in the right way, a cage could enhance the experience. And it could also be seen as a ‘weird’ thing that distracts from the potential connection. ie if it’s presented as a masturbation control method…could beg the question of “why are you doing that and not saving that energy for me already”? - which could totally derail the pursuit of greater intimacy. And if the environment exists in which to present a cage objectively, then that enhanced communication it is intended to provide will have already been achieved through the open and honest discussion. Which has the side benefit of making it easier to introduce and discuss openly. Chicken or the egg...cage first or trust and good communication first?


Summing up some of the topics from the thread:

Self discovery, probably tied to self control and change ones mindset around sex and male sexuality. I can see how a cage can certainly help with this, but having self control requires personal discipline and, well…self control already. Is the cage more symbolic and a powerful symbol? This is tied to masturbation control, where a cage highlights the attention paid to arousal and masturbation.

Improve intimacy - Is a cage needed for this or is it a change in mindset to focus more on her, letting her lead and allowing a feminine dynamic to dominate vs the masculine penis and goal-focused mindset?

Related to “intimate and honest conversation” - Does a cage facilitate open and honest conversation or can this occur regardless of the cage? Why is the cage a prerequisite?

Help with feeling submissive - submission is about wearing the cage for oneself, not their partner. Where submission is an inward focus of attention on the self (we want it for the powerful feeling the symbol invokes and the physical embracing feeling we get). I find it interesting to consider that submissive is an inward focus, whereas dominant is an outward focus of attention (courtesy of Kasia Urbaniak). Are we being submissive when caged to have our sexual intimacy needs met? And dominant when we are ‘serving’ our partner, which puts them in a submissive state to have their needs met in an inward focus (e.g. enjoying a back rub, having dishes washed, etc)? Are we being submissive when providing acts of service or are we letting our spouse enjoy submission to enjoy our service? And if we want to be truly subservient (submitting and serving) to someone, shouldn’t we be capable of doing that without a cage first?

Female leadership - by switching the scripts and changing the dynamic, we are creating an environment for the feminine to lead and ‘flow’, taking things in an interesting and unique direction, different than the goal focused dynamic men drive for and that we are used to. Can this happen without chastity? Does creating a non-stereotypical penis/masculine focused environment let the feminine flourish and women to have more experience though which they can gain confidence and become more expressive (aka ‘dominant’)? We haven’t needed a cage to see personal growth and confidence.

Tease and denial - I don’t think this has anything specifically to do with a chastity cage. But is a power shift and change in expectations between a couple. Does simply agreeing that she will decide what happens and doesn’t and when he gets to orgasm achieve the same thing? Is a cage needed for this dynamic to exist? Being endlessly horny and frustrated. Does NOT masturbating, not having an orgasm, and giving her control over these things achieve the same or similar result (though perhaps with less of the symbolic power)?

Kink and excitement - the chastity dynamic and cage (as with any kind of BDSM activity or equipment) provides something new to explore. Also goes with loving tight clothing and the kinesthetic aspect of these things. And helps provide additional stimulation and something to do (in what could be an otherwise ho hum sex life)…let’s face it, guys love gadgets. And we love our dicks. What could be more fun than gadgets on our dicks? It’s a match made in heaven.

Improved dynamic between a couple, excitement. Is the cage responsible for this, or is it the change in mindset, goals and who is leading the dynamic? Goes with novelty and rekindled excitement and improved intimacy.


Comparing my own journey to some that I read here, in some cases guys might achieve far better results not focusing on or introducing a cage. It seems like it can create a big hurdle and distraction vs taking a different approach focused on the specific desired outcomes and change in relationship dynamic that both partners can relate to and both benefit from.

Given all this, what are your experience with/without a cage and how does the dynamic change in either case and if all of this was established before a cage, how did the cage enhance your relationship?

Whew...hopefully that wasn't too confusing to understand.

WOW! Very thoughtful inquiry! But it sounds like you are already achieving the benefits of the dynamic without the device. But somehow you are worried that you are missing out on something that maybe you haven't discovered.

For most of us on this space, we come to this experience broken and in need of being repaired. That's not abnormal of the human condition. You on the other hand have figured a lot of this out without the need of a symbolic tool that can be very practical in the midst of broken, addictive behavior.

For me and many on this site, we lack self control because of ingrained habits and behaviors from years of indulgence. It's really tough to admit. I was faced with my weakness this last night / this morning when my wife left me uncaged after amazing love making last night. Dealing with an erection that wanted release again was excruciating and maddening. The cage would have been far preferable under those circumstances.

Your wife probably can't understand how aroused you feel especially after period of denial followed by an orgasm. My wife definitely can't and starts to think something is wrong with me. But then she recognizes my transparency and vulnerability and that it's a man's nature.

If you have control over the temptation of masturbation, I applaud and admire you! I wonder if I'll be able to get there someday without this aid... this tool.

The cage for me has been like the bit in a horse's mouth which controls and directs the animal along it's path. Without it, I think I would stray. It has triggered the hormones that have changed me into a better man. I fear the loss of that and don't know if I'll ever be comfortable without the cage to keep me mentally focused.

 

[NoErection]

At home she wears the pants and i cant even wear them.. i have to be nude with only the cage on.. when one is not even allowed erection of his own penis, it alters the chemistry of the brain. I make no attempts in bed for my own gratification, only hers to be satisfied. I make dinners and cook to please her.. i workout and keep fit and healthy for her.. she makes major financial decisions.. i dont ask for her whereabouts and late night work..

pretty sad life eh.. not really.. i get to ride my harley to run errands daily to the groceries, gym, update socmed things at cafes.. i still have money to spend and a nice slicky pussy to lick..

 

[NowIveDoneIt]

I am a self locked person. I have tried multiple times to ask my partner to "play with me" and become a part of my chastity journey. Nope. She has no interest, desire or want of any part of chastity play and I will not ask again to prevent her from becoming resentful. That all said she does not mind that I lock myself most of the time and probably enjoys me pestering her less than before.

So what's in it for a self lock guy you ask? I have asked myself too and here are a few short answers, but tbh it still doesnt make total sense to me either.

I really wish my partner was into the whole lifestyle as I really enjoy the pent up horny feeling that goes along with long periods of denial and flirtation/teasing. I would love to be used to perform all means of sexual pleasure for/on her while being denied satisfaction for myself, but that is fantasy. When I first introduced my curiosity for chastity to her she often wore her leggings and thongs for me to see and it drove me wild seeing her dressed that way. When not locked we often had sex or she would grab me and play with me in the morning after waking up. This all played close enough into my fantasies to make it seem like a real chastity based relationship. Fast forward a couple years and we have menopause starting, lack of sex drive and her loss of confidence in her attractiveness. Sadly we essentially have no sex life, baggy sweats mostly and thongs only at the beach a few times a year for her to tan, I am on my own.

So, why still wear a device? Well turns out I like the feeling of something tight on my cock. I bought countless thongs and super tight boxer briefs previous to chastity because I love the feeling of tightness on my legs and groin/ass region. As I type this I am in my cd, wearing a thong and leggings, that is how tight I like things, except when working, this is my outfit. If I am bike riding or running I remove the cd but outfit is the same.

So you ask that can't be it can it? Nope. I also like feeling hormy and frustrated still, plus there is also the challenge of not masturbating and keeping that energy pent up for her when she may want sex every month or 2. If I see something arousing on tv, or online it helps the t and d feelings as I cannot get erect so that adds to the sexual frustration.

Another plus is when I wear the cd it helps me not be so handsy and not to hint at or make comments about our lack of sex life. It is a self imposed "restriction" but I know she doesn't like it when i get gropy or constantly remind her we havent had sex in a long while. She likes her back tickled and I do this for her without expectation of sexual reciprocation, she knows when I wear the device I am much better in that regard. That is probably why she mentions it when I don't wear it for a while even though she doesn't want to participate.

As has been mentioned by others I also like the subtle bondage aspect of not being able to grab it and play with myself combined with the discomfort and sometimes pain associated with attempted erections. Morning wood can be almost unbearable at times, I am a grower so it really tries with extra effort to get hard. The ensuing deflation and the endorphines that go along with the after effects are very very pleasurable, that alone can keep the chastity fires burning.

Yet another benefit, wearing a cd doesn't completely prevent but helps a little to decrease the depression that I fight off about the loss of our sex life as we were very active before. Mostly vanilla with only piv but we always used vibrators and sometimes cock rings of many shapes and sizes. A three hour session in the beggining of our relationship was not uncommon but now we haven't had 3 hours totalled up in 3 years.

Lastly, I still believe its healthy for men to release prostate fluids. I have read prostate massage is very healthy and benefitial to men in preventing cancers and infections. While locked I will perform a massage every couple weeks to release these fluids which can be pleasurable but not near as much as sex or being touched. Since I am locked the temptation to rub one out cannot be fullfilled even though I may get excited during my massage. This is something done on my own for my own health but keeps the desire for her burning within, even after releasing.

In order to not give in to temptations I lock my key with a timed lock, at the moment set to 40 hours. Often I don't have the timer going but right now I feel particularly weak that I may masturbate so to keep myself in denial, the lock is locked.

Thank you for reading my long post, I do love to write, it is very therapudic.

I feel every word of this. Thanks for writing it. I was about to post how deeply jealous I was of all the other posts in this thread until I read yours and realized you summed up 100% of my current situation. Unfortunately life often comes down to luck and in this case some of us are lucky to have KH's who support and thrive with this LS, others of us struggle with the hope of someday...

 

[Lckdnpnk]

This is a great thread. I’ve been wondering, too, how important a cage is for the various aspects of the dynamic, which are very well summed up in the posts to this thread. Looking at some of the topics, here are some thoughts and questions to explore further. In my relationship, we don’t use a cage, but I am curious about what it brings to the table. We achieve increased intimacy, I have self control, we have a lovely dance of dominance and submission between us, we do lots of tease and denial and play time (for both of us), we have found paths to greater intimacy and connection, etc.

Follow my crazy logic and I’d love to get thoughts…

My hypothesis is that if presented in the right way, a cage could enhance the experience. And it could also be seen as a ‘weird’ thing that distracts from the potential connection. ie if it’s presented as a masturbation control method…could beg the question of “why are you doing that and not saving that energy for me already”? - which could totally derail the pursuit of greater intimacy. And if the environment exists in which to present a cage objectively, then that enhanced communication it is intended to provide will have already been achieved through the open and honest discussion. Which has the side benefit of making it easier to introduce and discuss openly. Chicken or the egg...cage first or trust and good communication first?


Summing up some of the topics from the thread:

Self discovery, probably tied to self control and change ones mindset around sex and male sexuality. I can see how a cage can certainly help with this, but having self control requires personal discipline and, well…self control already. Is the cage more symbolic and a powerful symbol? This is tied to masturbation control, where a cage highlights the attention paid to arousal and masturbation.

Improve intimacy - Is a cage needed for this or is it a change in mindset to focus more on her, letting her lead and allowing a feminine dynamic to dominate vs the masculine penis and goal-focused mindset?

Related to “intimate and honest conversation” - Does a cage facilitate open and honest conversation or can this occur regardless of the cage? Why is the cage a prerequisite?

Help with feeling submissive - submission is about wearing the cage for oneself, not their partner. Where submission is an inward focus of attention on the self (we want it for the powerful feeling the symbol invokes and the physical embracing feeling we get). I find it interesting to consider that submissive is an inward focus, whereas dominant is an outward focus of attention (courtesy of Kasia Urbaniak). Are we being submissive when caged to have our sexual intimacy needs met? And dominant when we are ‘serving’ our partner, which puts them in a submissive state to have their needs met in an inward focus (e.g. enjoying a back rub, having dishes washed, etc)? Are we being submissive when providing acts of service or are we letting our spouse enjoy submission to enjoy our service? And if we want to be truly subservient (submitting and serving) to someone, shouldn’t we be capable of doing that without a cage first?

Female leadership - by switching the scripts and changing the dynamic, we are creating an environment for the feminine to lead and ‘flow’, taking things in an interesting and unique direction, different than the goal focused dynamic men drive for and that we are used to. Can this happen without chastity? Does creating a non-stereotypical penis/masculine focused environment let the feminine flourish and women to have more experience though which they can gain confidence and become more expressive (aka ‘dominant’)? We haven’t needed a cage to see personal growth and confidence.

Tease and denial - I don’t think this has anything specifically to do with a chastity cage. But is a power shift and change in expectations between a couple. Does simply agreeing that she will decide what happens and doesn’t and when he gets to orgasm achieve the same thing? Is a cage needed for this dynamic to exist? Being endlessly horny and frustrated. Does NOT masturbating, not having an orgasm, and giving her control over these things achieve the same or similar result (though perhaps with less of the symbolic power)?

Kink and excitement - the chastity dynamic and cage (as with any kind of BDSM activity or equipment) provides something new to explore. Also goes with loving tight clothing and the kinesthetic aspect of these things. And helps provide additional stimulation and something to do (in what could be an otherwise ho hum sex life)…let’s face it, guys love gadgets. And we love our dicks. What could be more fun than gadgets on our dicks? It’s a match made in heaven.

Improved dynamic between a couple, excitement. Is the cage responsible for this, or is it the change in mindset, goals and who is leading the dynamic? Goes with novelty and rekindled excitement and improved intimacy.


Comparing my own journey to some that I read here, in some cases guys might achieve far better results not focusing on or introducing a cage. It seems like it can create a big hurdle and distraction vs taking a different approach focused on the specific desired outcomes and change in relationship dynamic that both partners can relate to and both benefit from.

Given all this, what are your experience with/without a cage and how does the dynamic change in either case and if all of this was established before a cage, how did the cage enhance your relationship?

Whew...hopefully that wasn't too confusing to understand.

Sorry, I may have to examine this in parts! I had an interest in the physical cage and enjoy thinking of it as my wife’s firm grip. Recently I was out of my cage for a few days to let an abrasion heal and realized it pretty much felt exactly the same. I still remained chaste and gave my wife the same attention. Of course in my 20s or 30s It would not be so easy. I’m in my early 60s now and my sex drive is not the same, but it showed me that you can have the same feelings and benefits without the cage. I’m still going to wear it though! I want to know my wife has that physical key that requires her permission for access.
I have never regarded the cage as masturbation prevention. Firstly, you can put your mind to it and figure a way out or around the cage and stimulate yourself in multiple ways. Secondly, anytime you are told you can’t do something it increases the desire to do it. Unless you are mature in your dynamic and know how to get into the headspace to submit your sdesire will drive you to figure a way to have an orgasm.

 

[knightly]

WOW! Very thoughtful inquiry! But it sounds like you are already achieving the benefits of the dynamic without the device. But somehow you are worried that you are missing out on something that maybe you haven't discovered.

Pretty much. The cage intrigues me. In part the kinky playful aspect of it, in part the pragmatic I suppose. Exploring the idea to get my head straight around it and my true desire and intention. I don't feel that I specifically need one, but think I love the idea.

For most of us on this space, we come to this experience broken and in need of being repaired. That's not abnormal of the human condition. You on the other hand have figured a lot of this out without the need of a symbolic tool that can be very practical in the midst of broken, addictive behavior.

Well broken, lots of broken, and lots of work to heal and grow. Yes, very much the human condition and figuring out life's purpose and journey. Which has led me to have figured at least some of this out. I love so many of the stories and people on here, so much real and vulnerable. It's great to be part of. We're all broken and working on finding ourselves.

For me and many on this site, we lack self control because of ingrained habits and behaviors from years of indulgence. It's really tough to admit. I was faced with my weakness this last night / this morning when my wife left me uncaged after amazing love making last night. Dealing with an erection that wanted release again was excruciating and maddening. The cage would have been far preferable under those circumstances.

Your wife probably can't understand how aroused you feel especially after period of denial followed by an orgasm. My wife definitely can't and starts to think something is wrong with me. But then she recognizes my transparency and vulnerability and that it's a man's nature.

This has been a most amazing journey. To realize what lies beyond the orgasm. The flow of energy, the redirect of focus, and the resulting intimacy and connection. Yes, the arousal and energy is maddening and almost overwhelming at times. But the payoff is worth it. It's been a fun ride learning about. Going from a moment (especially with T&D) of an overwhelming desperate need for release, and channeling to back that down into calm. It is not in the slightest way easy.

If you have control over the temptation of masturbation, I applaud and admire you! I wonder if I'll be able to get there someday without this aid... this tool.

It's a matter of the larger goal and commitment to her and to myself. I gave up control because I believe she makes better choices and will do what is best for both of us. And will let her confidence, and thus feminine expression, grow. That takes trust on my part, and commitment to earn and retain her trust. Experiencing all of this blossom so far has transcended short term desire. As it seems with many of the stories I've read, that commitment and conviction gets tested as we go longer durations and are pushed for longer durations and challenging things to endure. Like bad days, weeks or months, questions of uncertainty, etc. It's not easy by any means. But so far fascinating to choose the hard path over the easy fix. I am curious to see how it goes over the long haul.

The cage for me has been like the bit in a horse's mouth which controls and directs the animal along it's path. Without it, I think I would stray. It has triggered the hormones that have changed me into a better man. I fear the loss of that and don't know if I'll ever be comfortable without the cage to keep me mentally focused.

Yeah, that makes sense. And it's those hormones that I wonder about...and will have to try to find out. With a cage, is the mental shift and dopamine build up dramatically more than without?

Thanks for the thoughts!

 

[Lckdnpnk]

This is a great thread. I’ve been wondering, too, how important a cage is for the various aspects of the dynamic, which are very well summed up in the posts to this thread. Looking at some of the topics, here are some thoughts and questions to explore further. In my relationship, we don’t use a cage, but I am curious about what it brings to the table. We achieve increased intimacy, I have self control, we have a lovely dance of dominance and submission between us, we do lots of tease and denial and play time (for both of us), we have found paths to greater intimacy and connection, etc.

Follow my crazy logic and I’d love to get thoughts…

My hypothesis is that if presented in the right way, a cage could enhance the experience. And it could also be seen as a ‘weird’ thing that distracts from the potential connection. ie if it’s presented as a masturbation control method…could beg the question of “why are you doing that and not saving that energy for me already”? - which could totally derail the pursuit of greater intimacy. And if the environment exists in which to present a cage objectively, then that enhanced communication it is intended to provide will have already been achieved through the open and honest discussion. Which has the side benefit of making it easier to introduce and discuss openly. Chicken or the egg...cage first or trust and good communication first?


Summing up some of the topics from the thread:

Self discovery, probably tied to self control and change ones mindset around sex and male sexuality. I can see how a cage can certainly help with this, but having self control requires personal discipline and, well…self control already. Is the cage more symbolic and a powerful symbol? This is tied to masturbation control, where a cage highlights the attention paid to arousal and masturbation.

Improve intimacy - Is a cage needed for this or is it a change in mindset to focus more on her, letting her lead and allowing a feminine dynamic to dominate vs the masculine penis and goal-focused mindset?

Related to “intimate and honest conversation” - Does a cage facilitate open and honest conversation or can this occur regardless of the cage? Why is the cage a prerequisite?

Help with feeling submissive - submission is about wearing the cage for oneself, not their partner. Where submission is an inward focus of attention on the self (we want it for the powerful feeling the symbol invokes and the physical embracing feeling we get). I find it interesting to consider that submissive is an inward focus, whereas dominant is an outward focus of attention (courtesy of Kasia Urbaniak). Are we being submissive when caged to have our sexual intimacy needs met? And dominant when we are ‘serving’ our partner, which puts them in a submissive state to have their needs met in an inward focus (e.g. enjoying a back rub, having dishes washed, etc)? Are we being submissive when providing acts of service or are we letting our spouse enjoy submission to enjoy our service? And if we want to be truly subservient (submitting and serving) to someone, shouldn’t we be capable of doing that without a cage first?

Female leadership - by switching the scripts and changing the dynamic, we are creating an environment for the feminine to lead and ‘flow’, taking things in an interesting and unique direction, different than the goal focused dynamic men drive for and that we are used to. Can this happen without chastity? Does creating a non-stereotypical penis/masculine focused environment let the feminine flourish and women to have more experience though which they can gain confidence and become more expressive (aka ‘dominant’)? We haven’t needed a cage to see personal growth and confidence.

Tease and denial - I don’t think this has anything specifically to do with a chastity cage. But is a power shift and change in expectations between a couple. Does simply agreeing that she will decide what happens and doesn’t and when he gets to orgasm achieve the same thing? Is a cage needed for this dynamic to exist? Being endlessly horny and frustrated. Does NOT masturbating, not having an orgasm, and giving her control over these things achieve the same or similar result (though perhaps with less of the symbolic power)?

Kink and excitement - the chastity dynamic and cage (as with any kind of BDSM activity or equipment) provides something new to explore. Also goes with loving tight clothing and the kinesthetic aspect of these things. And helps provide additional stimulation and something to do (in what could be an otherwise ho hum sex life)…let’s face it, guys love gadgets. And we love our dicks. What could be more fun than gadgets on our dicks? It’s a match made in heaven.

Improved dynamic between a couple, excitement. Is the cage responsible for this, or is it the change in mindset, goals and who is leading the dynamic? Goes with novelty and rekindled excitement and improved intimacy.


Comparing my own journey to some that I read here, in some cases guys might achieve far better results not focusing on or introducing a cage. It seems like it can create a big hurdle and distraction vs taking a different approach focused on the specific desired outcomes and change in relationship dynamic that both partners can relate to and both benefit from.

Given all this, what are your experience with/without a cage and how does the dynamic change in either case and if all of this was established before a cage, how did the cage enhance your relationship?

Whew...hopefully that wasn't too confusing to understand.

Here’s part 2: I think the cage is many times our first introduction to chastity and a gateway to it. Once we make those associations between our fantasies and the device it becomes a trigger for the sexual thrill of chastity. Just a theory.

 

[ChasteCel]

Improve intimacy - Is a cage needed for this or is it a change in mindset to focus more on her, letting her lead and allowing a feminine dynamic to dominate vs the masculine penis and goal-focused mindset?

Related to “intimate and honest conversation” - Does a cage facilitate open and honest conversation or can this occur regardless of the cage? Why is the cage a prerequisite?

[/quote]

For me, the cage helps prevent me from going off and masturbating on my own. When I can't take care of business myself, I've turn that focus on to her. What's amusing to me is that I didn't suggest the use of a cage to curb my masturbation habit, but instead for the kink aspects ... it just turned into 24/7 wear with that side effect.

That said, I always thought (though never asked to confirm) of myself as a thoughtful lover? I always liked making sure my wife got off first with oral or whatever before we got into actual sex. Pre-chastity that didn't always happen, and now it absolutely always happens.

For conversation, I see the cage as a tool to help facilitate it. Can it happen outside that dynamic? Absolutely and I'm sure it does ... but "giving the power of your orgasm" (or however you want to phrase it) to another can be seen as an amazing "gift" and open a path to different conversations.

Chicken or the egg...cage first or trust and good communication first?

There is a pre-requisite. I think if your relationship with your partner isn't strong, trying to introduce something like this may devolve for all the reasons you note. But in a strong relationship, presenting something "kinky" and asking for what amounts to an indulgence from your partner does require trust. Communication is of course key to trust.

Kink and excitement - the chastity dynamic and cage (as with any kind of BDSM activity or equipment) provides something new to explore. Also goes with loving tight clothing and the kinesthetic aspect of these things. And helps provide additional stimulation and something to do (in what could be an otherwise ho hum sex life)…let’s face it, guys love gadgets. And we love our dicks. What could be more fun than gadgets on our dicks? It’s a match made in heaven.

As I said in my story above, this scratches an itch for me that was otherwise a barrier in our relationship. I *wanted* bondage activities a lot more than she did, and to the point where we rarely had sex, and when we did I wanted to be tied up. But the reason we rarely had sex was she *didn't* want to tie me up all the time. It became a catch-22 situation. We tried for a little bit me not pushing bondage and just having sex at various times... but I dunno, it wasn't as fulfilling?

Now ... my kink itch is scratched, literally all the time. So whatever she wants to do is A-OK with me. And I do once and a while still get tied up Which she now seems to enjoy more for various reasons, including it not being every time we have sex.

Improved dynamic between a couple, excitement. Is the cage responsible for this, or is it the change in mindset, goals and who is leading the dynamic? Goes with novelty and rekindled excitement and improved intimacy.

...

Comparing my own journey to some that I read here, in some cases guys might achieve far better results not focusing on or introducing a cage. It seems like it can create a big hurdle and distraction vs taking a different approach focused on the specific desired outcomes and change in relationship dynamic that both partners can relate to and both benefit from.

100% agree. Chastity cages aren't for everyone, there are plenty of situations where it could go wrong.

For us, the cage in some ways was a tool - a means to an end. Could we have gotten here without it? I dunno, maybe. But me being caged, and ultimately unable to masturbate as frequently, has altered our relationship in a lot of good ways. Like all tools, it won't work in every situation. A kcage is a mono-tasker, not a swiss army knife.

 

[King Hippo]

Exactly what do YOU get out of being caged? What did you expect to get compared to what you realize now? Is it improving your life and improving how you feel, how you love, how you work, how you live life?

For me, it is facilitating self discovery and helping my wife and I have more intimate and honest conversation….getting to know one another more deeply. I think it helps me slow down long enough in life to really feel and evaluate what is important. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Turns out, this dynamic is making the marriage a lot smoother.