In at the Deep End

I really thought that the cage was working well yesterday (The Vice). It was sitting well and comfortably on me and almost all of my skin had threaded through and stayed there from 3pm till when I tried sleeping at midnight. It hadn't seemed that cocky or stupid setting the time fore 48 hours that afternoon with all my equipment locked in and a delivery of the Birdlocks rescheduled till Tuesday (so I didn't have to chase around today before work).

Sometime around 3am I woke up and everything was still highly secure. I remember pressing the device to my body and see if any more skin could be puled out the bottom ring to make it even more secure and help the device sit even more tightly on my penis than it was tat the moment. I remember filling the cage but also not feeling that much about it - and certainly not getting any enjoyment from it. A bathroom trip meant that I had to tug off the remainder of the bondage tape Uberkiny had given me as part of a previous order - it was just enough cover my ankles and I had figured that the lack of ability to wriggle and wearing underwear may help keep the device on.

Back to bed in just my underwear (Sloggi Tanga's) anda all is fine. Everything feels secure and comfortable - it feels like it supposed to be there (not an annoying pain - in more sense than one that needs removing - . i drift off to sleep and at some point wake up just enough to become frustrated with my underwear wearing and off they come the device still locked on. Except this morning it isn't.

This morning on day five I have a raging erection and my penis is shouting for attention with no line of defence except for my own will power. Fortunately I have to go to work soon so am likely be out of the house till at least 6pm but if I still feel then as I do now - it's going to be a long long night. What was I thinking setting the safe for 48 hours... .

Day five and all my brain wants to is direct my hands towards my unrestrained member and release the tense throb its emanating from there a kind of dull ache which says it you just massage me now it will all go away and you can be comfortable. There's also part of me which is still craving the attention of a women at the moment - like the other night - not for sex but just some hot to slip into bed with me in their underwear to hug and kiss and distract and make everything else go away... .

I had thought that typing all of this might reduce the desire to come. But as I type I've just become aware that I am wriggling my bum. Small little thrusts forward and back. I can probably make it between now and getting up but am wondering what tonight will be like - the keys to the safe won't open till tomorrow night but I'll have two new devices available from tomorrow as soon as they arrive for collection in the post office after redelivery.

Wish I hadn't had a second go at using the bondage tape last night now, to see if it was true what I felt about the extra stickiness after I fell asleep, or I could have bound my arms behind my back this evening and waited for the morning. Grrrrr.

Any ideas on how to get through the night this evening. Do I fashion a temporary restraint (I've probably got some string somewhere....), or impose a punishment on myself if I fail (never really thought about that kind of aspect before. Or, simply stop being such an idiot and toughen up: it's only one night - surely I can be man enough to control my own hands for a night however strong the temptation for release is right now.

Right now I have a one track mind and my body is crying out not to wait for the full 30 days. Help!

 

Well that's embarrassing.

I don't think that I'm like this in real life but chastity seems to engage me in 'melodrama mode' and being only on day five of a series of lock ups there's probably not much excuse for that. Especially if I am having a hissy fit for (essentially) locking myself out of my devices. Ironically thanks to a perennially late work colleague I would have had time to pick the Birdlocks today rather than getting them delivered tomorrow. So all the angst could have been averted.

God, what kind of man am if I can't go for five days without manhandling my penis? The excuse would be that I was tired and horny (I almost fell asleep on the train on my way home today), but that doesn't really cut it. There is also the possibility that I really am that addicted to physical release, or, at least the habitual repetition of that I'm getting the equivalent of smokers cravings when they wean themselves off: In which case can somebody come lock me up and take the key off me permanently. (Or, let me rephrase - until a beautiful, creative, intelligent woman wants to use the contents locked within... .)

The correct response should have been: Oh, the device has come off. Never mind. I'll just not touch myself till I can get to the shops tomorrow.

Job done.

That only leaves tonight which is a quiet night in. I can't quite decide if its worrying or pleasing that I'm currently missing wearing a device. It feels a little strange for it not to be there, especially as over the last couple of days I've been able to put some on so they are actually comfortable to wear (even to a point, the Kali).

So I guess I've left myself two choices for tonight.

1) To be a man and tough it out - after all its not much to ask to stay chaste for one night by self-control. (or)
2) To put defences in place to stop or distract opportunities to fail...

As to the later there are only really two ways to manage it. Firstly, find a way to tie myself up - I have some string somewhere - or, Secondly, create some kind of punishment for failure as if I was somehow my own key holder (which I guess am ), but this all seems a little overblown for such a simple of thing as "mentally" staying locked. If anybody wants to suggest anything in the next few hours I'll gladly listen.

In the meantime I'll try and behave like a grown up and stick to the deal on the site: 1 month of chastity till at least 14th Feb.

Yours contritely

OnTheEdge

 

Have occasionally skimmed through the Chastity Contracts thread on this site and been wondering today if that might solve a few problems for myself even as a solo-locker.

Rule 1 would be:

One extra day locked up for every pound spent at chastity sites (such as Uberkinky) except for replacement locks. (I might even consider adding an extra for hour spent on any non-essential items - or give myself a sensible budget.)
​

Rule 2:

One extra day locked up for every day during lock up that a device is not locked on - multiplied by the amounts of orgasm had during that time. [So 2 days with 1 orgasm would be 2x2=4 days added & 2 days with 2 orgasms would be 2x3=6 days - Using formula: dXo+1]​

Rule 3:

For practical reasons I'm currently stuck in plastic for most of the time. (Both because its more discrete under clothing and I frequently work in high security areas - and don't really want to get a reputation amongst my colleagues... This means that I will let myself out for cleaning a maximum of three times a week. Which must be immediately after a shower (and needed - to avoid smell etc) unless it's the weekend where I can choose to swap to another device such as Kali or the Pod [where I might need a bonus change on Monday/Tuesday morning to change back for work.
​

No idea if I would ever implement these kind of rules. But I guess I was just searching for some kind of structure within the chaos. Particularly after having thrown my toys out the pram this morning. In daily life I tend to be quite a creative person and have both written and performed in the past - but its useful to have some rules in which to create or else it can seem that the entire world is sliding ... ... ...
T
There would have/need to be other rules too but these are just idle thoughts.

* * *

I've also kind of forgiven myself for this morning. Which is also part of the reason for potential rule one. There's a play device I've long be interested and kind of ogled through the 'internet shop window' as a fantasy rather than actual purchase. Not suitable for daily use and by my reckoning worse than the Kali's Teeth (well Mike's Spikes) which so far feels like it has disappointed in actual use. This should be enough to make me regret it. I'm fast becoming quite the little masochist - not something I expected when joining this site. It's one thing to browse and research, but quite another to buy, and do. This device will most definitely saved till it/I deserve it.

Wasn't intending to internet shop again but the 10% flash sale helped ease the blow... . Two deliveries now coming in the next two days and that will be it for a definite while.

* * *

This leaves the issue of tonight. It's eleven at night and I'm on the bed but still dressed, will have to remind myself to stay 'pure' when bed time comes - but I'm a grown up so that shouldn't be hard should it. (Maybe a poor choice of words there.) Things will be so much easier when the decisions are out of my hands again. (Again, again with the words.) Bring on the BIrdlocks...

 

Five days down and I want to cum.

This may have something to do with being unlocked since yesterday morning and my penis doing its best to stretch and enjoy its freedom throughout that time.

Also thanks to some link following on this site I ended up on the onlyshecums tumblr which was perhaps not wise for a boy seeking to stop himself going over the edge.

The good news over the last couple of days is that I am stronger than I think I am. Both in coping with devices and the physical struggle (and sometimes pain) in getting them on. But mostly in the psychological battle of holding myself back from orgasm. There were plently of times last night that I had the matter-in-hand (so to speak); But there never felt any intention to bring myself to the point of no return.

This must be more than a little due to the promise I made in the International Chastity Month thread. Not only do I not want to fail (for myself) but I feel duty bound to stick to what I have said. If I tell you on here that I am going to do something - that is what is going to happen.

 

@Jasmic68 - Yes it was!

 

Way back in 2009 a thread was created about the Birdlock Pico...

@z00plus said "After 3 hours, you're just begging for your release."
@badboy said "I think this would be hard to wear for more than 8 hours"
But @Warptcuck claimed: "I can wear it anywhere from 3 to 5 days."

Last year @LockedForever said he was "in month 2 of wearing it" (I wonder how long he lasted.)

Reading @petevans post in the same thread was possibly a mistake:

Also with 'Warptcuck' saying that he has worn it for 5 days, but 'Badboy' saying only 8 hrs was realistic, perhaps there should be a competition for Pico wearers to see who could go the longest! I guess verification could be acheived by way of photos & using the plastic chastity locks!Although not sure if the plastic lock can be used simultaneously with a standard padlock?
​

Especially as I now look like this:



And that would take me up to somewhere around the 19th of February or March... ... ... .

Still got to make it to Valentines day first though.

 

Is this a dagger which I see before me,
The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.
Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible
To feeling as to sight? or art thou but
A dagger of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain?
I see thee yet, in form as palpable
As this which now I draw.
​

Or as Macbeth may have put it today:

Have I really just lined up tiny fiery arrows and pointed them inescapably towards my most tender parts? ​

 

It's been a mixed 24 hours.

The Birdlock Pico was really great during the day. It stayed on fine. But during the night my erection started to pull the cage off and as I found whist 'loading it' the previous afternoon with the locking strap on stuff only seems to want to come out and not go in. So if the cage starts to lose your manhood there's no real way to get it back in there.

Bathroom behaviour had so far been really good in the device and I had been able to urinate a number of times quickly and simply. This changed however just before the device came off and there needed to be a degree of clean up in the bedroom afterwards. (Which I still don't enjoy or want as part of my chastity experience.)

I also kind of like the fact that it is time consuming to fit. As as a self-locker this is a great encouragement to keep it on and not waste time later trying to get it back around my cock. Once its there its there. Having to fit it again can be a really good distraction for not removing it.

The other issue was that I broke the terms of my chastity agreement I was fulfilling with others on the site as part of International Chastity Month (even if I'm still not sure it's a real thing observed elsewhere). Thanks to someone who won't be named again I had found my way on to the Onlyshecums Tumblr after a shower and a little massaging quickly went too far...

To be honest there was a particular post which used C's name teasing a guy and my mind suddenly connected many things and I exploded. I quickly ruined it but have been feeling guilty over my promise ever since. Particularly as only the other day I had said that if I commit to something I will do it. As such I have started again with a new lock up period of 6 weeks (extended from the original month) and in agreement with another of the member will return to that thread on 1 March to see if they agree that I have "served my penance humbly":

good luck with your new target however. perhaps you should check back here on the first of march to see if we think you've served your penance humbly just before you unlock
​

Due to the fact that I had clearly originally promised not to touch at all - except for essential contact - it only seemed fair to accept the words of those I had failed.

Still have device fitting problems but that doesn't mean that I can't keep my hands off. Will try and keep some devices accessible so I can swap and change. Currently back in the Kali due to speed of fitting. I must have at least one device that will just stay on.

 

Not necessarily@jemima I'm in the process of trying out a variety of devices and heard that the Birdlock range has a smaller range of cages than average. I've also picked up the Birdlock Mini but have yet to try that fitted. This afternoon I got as far as a my penis and one testicle but the other continued to escape. Due to the nature of the cage it seems to work best with both (testicles) resting either side if I've got that right.

One reason for the Pico was that the pin pricks at the bottom discourage playing with the device (or yourself) and I have a definite problem in getting any device to stay on for a period of time. I had hoped that by now my body might have started adjusting - but it doesn't look like it. I am also resisting encouragement to get a PA as neither like the idea of altering my member in that way either for myself or others who might see/use it.

In terms of urinating I'm find when the device is filled but over time my penis still seems to want to work its way back out the ring at the top of the cage. Other devices such as the Kali avoid this but have obvious other problems ranging from pain when hard to simply falling off when soft. Fortunately the pain doesn't seem to bother me too much anyway.

Speaking of which my second (and last order for a good long time) came through from Uberkinky today and none of the three items are particularly for the screamish. All of them however much more secure than the ball trap devices in the short term. Except:

1. One clamps on incredibly hard but slides on as soon as I am soft.
2. Another completely stops any contact or stimulation with my penis and is relatively secure - but it is sealed off so I can not urinate when wearing it.
3. And finally the third device, Would definitely prevent me from wanting any kind of stimulation down there, but can't be locked. Having tried it briefly today I think it could also be the only device I have tried so far that I wouldn't want a future keyholder to choose.

Still too many spoilers there - I want to talk about each of the devices more when I have more time and not about to go out.

Just for the record - back in the Pico for the moment. It is staying on for the time but will be surprised if it lasts the night. There are still some fitting problems but I hope that I'm getting there.

 

Spoke too soon about the Pico - Think the problem is the fairly thick band that the penis has to stay past for the device to fit. Heading out now will have to refit when back.

 

So would I, but at the time it seemed like a choice between spikes or no device

 

Its taken today to realize that one of my testicles sits higher than the other. Which explains why, especially with The Vice (and its variable settings) has proved so pain full to wear. One ball has gone through and the other suffers an extend period of mini-ball crushing.

Which is exactly what happened during the train journey in today. It stopped being painful about midway through the day. Which once home realized was because that testicle had escaped back through the ring. Since being home I've showered and tried various settings to the point where now nothing is working even the settings which did before - so I'm going to give my body a bit of a rest for a while and try again.

Ring wise with the Vice the state of play is so far:

S - Not a hope.
M - Possibly the ideal - But slightly too trick to wrestle. on.
L - Works until the ball is pushed out due to being crushed by the cage - Wondering if a longer space will help and keep everything in.
XL - Surely this would the to get everything through most??? - But not sure I can keep it on before fitting the cage.

There's also the spacer options from A (shortest) to D (longest):

A - According to science I have an average penis (or just a smidgen above according to research) but it settles small ...
B - Maybe a half-way-house if 'A' doesn't work - but not sure why else I'd use this one.
C - Works fine for one of my testicles, but fairly uncomfortable to sit down with the other (maybe with a bigger ring...?)
D - If I could get into the 'M' ring maybe this would be the right length to stop ball crushing, then work my way down the sizes?

Also - why did nobody tell me (correction: did I not realize) that standing up makes the ring fitting a hell of a lot easier? I thought that laying down would help in giving easy reach but gravity also plays its part and if you're standing up well they hang down... So by lying down gravity has been working against me.

Progress, progress, progress.

Oh and @Jasmic68 I did try and buy a HolyTrainer but they were all out of my size in any version. Hopefully though (as above) I may have found the problem - if not the solution - unless some cares to design a device with 'personal' settings for each testicle.

Now that I have some back up devices and padlocks(!) if I get locked out of one I can get home and replace it with another until the originals key released. It's not ideal as it takes bonus commitment to refit when home but as a temporary measure its doable. My biggest problem in all this is that in search to find a device which clings on and/or discourages tampering some of these alternatives may come with the threat of pain if stimulated. Still I suppose some would see that as another motivation to keep the other one on. (Not that I've been trying to make it fall off.)

 

Ugh - In the night is when they fall of the most! They seem to prefer me vertical than horizontal. Still I get your point.

Maybe I just need to give in for the moment and let myself off wearing a device whilst at work or out and about. There's only so many train journey's I can make where I have to sit slumped in the chair to make the pain bearable or chose a train busy enough to stand up in so don't weird others out as to why I'm still standing... ... ... . (Oh sometimes I over think far too much.)

 

Woo hoo - Good news!

Was just packing everything up off the bed, ready to try sleep, which included moving most of the contents of The Vice sorted into piles and some other devices. When I started to lock up for the night. (Myself not the house.) Being in a lazy mood I was going to pick a simple snap lock device but then when reaching down between my legs I could feel two obvious dangling testicles. Not the most obvious thing to get excited about I know. But, it meant that I was able to use the Vice and lock up with minimal fuss. (Well, apart from that it proved a 'nightmare' to get the three locking holes to align with this spacer in place.

For the record I'm currently using:

• S - The smallest anti-pull out setting of three
• L - The third biggest ring size setting (would be good to try 'M' again for better security - but its late and I'm tired...)
• D - The biggest spacer gap you can get. I would want to use A at the other extreme - but I need to be sure that my testicles don't retract first, or, I'll end up crushing them again.

So the current aim is to get the spacer down all the way from D to A (the furthest you can go) and probably switch the ring size down to a medium from large.

For the moment however I'll treat it as a success if I can sit down for breakfast tomorrow without wanting to immediately get back up again.

That and finally being locked properly means I can fill these posts with something of more interest than whether my cage has fallen off.

Right its 2AM - I need to be up in five hours... ... .... ..

 

Left for work with the smallest space set oln non pull out guard. Removing the pull out guard (on The Vice) considerably improves fitting - at least on me - but the short distant between the cage and rings make it another ball crushing device. First time I have had to get off a train to remove and after only one stop too, but if that train had got busy - there could have been much yelping.

Also very confused about what happened to the key... One minute it was next to the bed and I was in the bathroom trying to fit the The Vice after a quick wash around it was gone. (I'm sure I'm missing something here but can't think what.) So now I have a padlock locked on to The Vice just as I thought I was getting the hang of its settings! I do still have the spare key - but as I was using my 'master' lock (which is better quality than the ones which come with the device - it is locked in a portable four digit combination lock safe to which I do not know the code. Hoping to find the key tomorrow, or that will be a long a pointless safe break to sit through... .

When home again I tried to wrestle on the Birdlock Mini. My testicles were once again behaving cooperatively but I struggled and failed to get them through the ring and out the other side. I've succeeded with the Pico which seems have the same size/settings for the ring. So it is possible - just not tonight.

Spent some of today thinking about my chastity "journey" and how little stimulation I have added since I joined the site 6 weeks ago. Certainly nothing compared which what would have happened when I was not practising chastity and would let nature takes it course without really thinking or engaging with. My thoughts also turned to the fact that its still 40 days before I'm next likely to get any release. Which is fine but today feels like a much longer time than yesterday especially when adding in all the back story. Having said that I'm still very much up for doing the time and am motivated to see it through - though I'm not sure its always going to feel as easy as it does now.

Talking about things being easy I *must* not get an erection tonight. Before I (mentally) closed my Uberkinky account I had one last shop (as I've mentioned before) and bought some of the items I had wanted but slightly feared. To be honest these three are probably some of the key reasons that I got into actually practising chastity. I used to lurk on the shops website using Google's "Porn Mode" to hide my internet tracks (or more importantly there pop up advertisements) and let my brain drift...

Tonight I'm trying out a glans ring - but with spikes - the Crown of Thorns. It's been on for a while and is screwed in tight under the head. When I say 'screwed in tight'. I've been wearing it for the last couple of hours and stop tightening right at the point where the pointed pins made their presence unforgettable. So the device is trapped on sitting pressed in under my head but it is comfortable - although as I type there is a strange feeling going on down there. Which I'm putting down to an erection whilst pinned. It's an odd feeling. So far whilst wearing the Crown (of Thorns) my member has got nowhere near as erect as it can on an unlocked day so when that happens and my body presses against the minimal ring (its tiny) I'm expecting unpleasantness. But we know from my Mike's Spikes that I can handle a reasonable amount of that.

Speaking of which one of the other two devices was a regular Kalis Teeth with much sharper and set spikes (as in you can't remove them like with Mike's device). I know its not a good idea but there's no accounting for kink, I guess. At one point after some devious/cruel thinking I had the Kalis Teeth locked on with the glans ring above it. That way if the Kali tried to fall off it would be prevented by the glans ring (solving a regular problem that I have had of gettiing devices that purely sit on the shaft to stay on.

I think you could remove the glans ring Crown without the included allen key - but I'm not sure that I'd want to try.especially as it would be easy to forget which way to turn.to release the spikes. Not too much of a problem but I've noticed that in very quick test of the device over the last couple of days that after having been screwed into this device turning the screw for the pins either further in or out will cause agitation. Not much of a problem now I know. But when trying to capitulate during a raging erection I'm not sure it will be the same story.

Could possibly live with it permanently at the current level - on the assumption that the six pins currently poking in just beneath my head haven't done anything really damaging. Whereas at the moment although I can't forget the feeling in my penis, it is not something I am desperate to stop. Having said this there is still plenty of rooms for the pins to turn in tighter and they could even sit flush with the device at one point which would make it *very* hard to remove without the allen key. Unfortunately due to where the pins would be sitting on the users anatomy at this point I'm not sure that anyone could get this far without serious (and possibly permanent...) injury. I still have an urge to see how far I could eventually go though. If your key holder has a cruel streak and you have a reasonable pain tolerance level this is probably a good one to try.

Ah off now I can feel my penis trying to stretch again .

Crown of Thorns Glans Ring [Uberkinky]
Comes with 6 adjustable screws
You control the pointy pressure
Spiked tips dig in deep, ensuring secure placement
Makes erections painful!​

Crown of Thorns Glans Ring [Meo.de]
Users considering Dr. Sado's Crown of Thorns should have some resistance to pain.

This solid stainless steel glans ring was developed by fans and connoisseurs of S&M toys! Turn the glans ring so its six pointed grub screws with spiked tips can dig in deep, ensuring secure placement. Turn it a little too much to release some pain and suffering! If you happen to get an erection while wearing the Crown of Thorns, you can expect to be in a world of pain from the mercilessly sharp screw tips, making this Crown of Thorns perfect for beastly auto-erotic play.
​

[Pictures from Uberkinky]