My March (and hopefully April) Journal

Thank you.

I think I get you now... Perhaps a solution will present itself in time.

 

I’m having mixed feelings this morning… On the one hand, I’m starting to miss my cock. On the other hand, I love how full & achy my balls get after weeks without any kind if orgasm, ruined or other, but if I keep getting ruined orgasms every 2 or 3 weeks then it doesn’t really feel like long term chastity to me…

For now, I’m gonna keep going and see if these ruined orgasms eventually stop.

No release planned for this month or next month… We’ll have to see about June when the time comes. Unlike me (pun intended)

 

My body is seriously screaming at me right now! A very severe urge woke me up at 4AM and 4 hours later, it's still going!

I very highly doubt I'll make it to 3 full months... I'm only a week away from 2 full months and I'm panting, shaking and whimpering... Everything short of breaking out in tears this morning.

I really wanted to get to a point of the longer I go, the longer I want to continue, but it seems the longer I go, the harder and more overwhelming it gets with no plateau along the way.

I haven't decided anything yet, but if I keep going after 2 full months and this gets even harder yet, then I'm gonna lose it!

 

I just thought of something...

In another thread I asked people if they did more than Locktober and NoNutt November, by also doing "Denial December" and most of them said they never heard of that before. I heard about it on another message board.

Maybe what I can do is call it on May 2nd, for the full 2 months, then make my next session 2 and a half months ish... Then repeat that and finally try for the 3 months starting with Locktober. I think that'll give me more time to adjust and make 3 months more doable.

 

Thinking further... I wonder if getting those ruined orgasms every 2 or 3 weeks are what's making this so difficult. None of them were intentional. I'm just hyper-sensitive and very easily pushed over the edge.

 

thanks!

 

The urge FINALLY went away, just in time for me to get ready for work. Damn, that was rough!

 

I decided I’m gonna give myself release once I hit the 2 month mark on May 2nd. This is getting too overwhelming for me so I’m not ready a 3 month lockup yet.

I’d love to try longer, but I think my sanity is starting to take a hit and that’s where I draw the line.

I’m having more urges while at work but they’re only distracting at most. Nothing like what I went through this morning, but they’re getting more frequent now.

 

I'm thinking after this lockup session, maybe I'll switch out to my Dice Game and let fate decide how long I'll be locked up for instead of doing set schedules. Might make everything more interesting.

 

Week 8 - I'm starting to miss my cock and this is just getting more and more difficult... Is desperation setting in?

Day 50 - I had a really hectic day at work yesterday. Nothing bad happened, it was just a non-stop grind the whole time. When I got home, I was so tired I didn't bother to pee before going to bed. I just crashed out. Woke up at 4AM to pee and crashed out for another 2 hours and then got up with mixed emotions... The weather has gotten cold again and I'm feeling it. I also feel very hungry from the non-stop grind yesterday. But, most notable, I think I'm starting to miss my cock. I got up this morning wanting out of my cage, not because I want to cum, but because I just wanna hold it. It's a little depressing. I'm starting to feel like a child who wants his toy but it's just out of his reach and there's no parent to help him get it. Maybe this'll pass... I'm off work for a few days, so I'll find something useful to do in the meantime.

Day 51 - Yesterday I accidentally gave myself a ruined orgasm while doing my weekly hygiene upkeep. That soothed the horniness and urge for the rest of the day, but this morning it's starting back up again. It's only minor for now, but I know it'll start growing again in the coming days. I'm going to try to last until June 1st without release since I keep getting these ruined orgasms. Hope it's not so, but they might become the new normal for me if I remain so physically sensitive. If this doesn't change, then I might need a new plan, but we'll have to wait and see.

Day 52 - Slept in on my day off. Woke up a bit horny, but less than usual after that accidental ruined orgasm, but I still wanna jerk off. Every day, I'm either watching porn on my PC or I'm playing it in my head and even visualizing myself in scenes with women who are totally my type. I really wanna jerk off and it's making start to feel a little depressed that I can't. The thrill of not being able to jerk off when I really want to is slowly turning into a sad burden. I'm always horny, always grabbing my cock cage, always wishing it would somehow unlock itself... It's starting to get difficult to stay focused on the good feelings of being locked up for so long, but I'm determined to pull through and keep going. I never expected to last nearly this long when I first started 8 months go, so I have hope that I can last even longer if I just keep going. Maybe those ruined orgasms are what I need.

Day 53 - Pretty uneventful morning... Posted some replies in CM threads and gave some advice to a newbie looking to order their first cage. Instead of watching porn this morning, I decided to resume leveling up a character in World of Warcraft. Other players with female characters are wearing some pretty skimpy outfits... So, do I really need to watch porn? LOL! These other players are something else! As mid day approaches, the horniness is increasing and I'm starting to get urges again. My balls are aching as well. If I wasn't locked up right now, I would definitely be jerking off for much needed relief.

Day 54 - Woke up with a damp underwear this morning, because I leaked alot while sleeping. Been horny since I got up and having urges pretty much all morning. Been trying to stay occupied by sticking to hobbies & research that I like to get involved in (not porn), but I can't ignore the horniness and urges to jerk off for much needed relief. On the one hand, I love how it feels, but on the other hand, it's really starting to weigh down on me... Had more urges in the evening while at work. There was one MILF of a customer at the store I waited on who had me silently moaning in frustration after her departure. I ended up going to bed late because I was so horny and it was difficult for me to fall asleep.

Day 55 - Less than a week to go until my 2nd full month is in, yet this is getting more & more difficult, in contrary to others telling me things would smooth out after a month or so... I didn't get a full night's rest, because a serious erection woke me up and made me even more horny. I was swelling in my cage and couldn't get images of hot MILF's out of my head for more than an hour. After my cock finally calmed down and went soft, I leaked ALOT. It's a good thing I ditched my white underwear for dark colors, because I'm leaking in them literally every day. Others in CM suggest I'm reaching a "breaking point" and it may be time to call it... Perhaps they're right, but I'll wait until I get that 2nd full month in before I decide anything. 2 full months may be my hard limit. I think desperation is finally setting in! If I go further than 2 months and this just keeps getting harder, then I'm gonna lose it!

Day 56 - Got a decent night's rest but feel exhausted this morning... I'm thinking maybe instead of starting another set schedule for my next session, I'll start playing my dice game again and let fate determine how long to stay locked up for. I think that'll be more interesting. Regardless what my next session will be like, I decided I'm giving myself release upon hitting the 2 month mark, so I don't literally go insane and drive myself to doing something stupid. I think I'm already partially there, because getting nothing but ruined orgasms for 2 months has made me more than just non-stop horny and frustrated... I'm constantly imagining hot women totally naked and teasing me, plus the customers at work are now triggering urges and I'm starting to catch myself staring at some of my co-workers who I always found attractive, but now I'm finding it hard to resist picturing them totally naked in front of me. I'm conscious about my job, so this has got to stop! On May 2nd, I'll give myself release and hopefully that'll help put my mind back where it belongs.

 

CHANGE OF PLANS! - I got hit with the most serious urge EVER and I couldn't stand it anymore, so I intentionally made myself cum in may cage. I'm probably gonna get a severe drop for it, but I'll take it over utter insanity. This means my lockup will continue on. This was more of a mercy release than a full release, so I feel it was necessary. I think I'm already starting to feel better.

 

Had a full night's rest without waking up once last night. I got a slight soreness in my pelvis, but it's a minor annoyance at most. The horniness is gone for now and there's no urge and I'm very focused today. It's a lovely day and it's warm outside and it's my day off today, so I'm gonna get shit done today.

 

I should've mentioned above, that caged orgasm yesterday wasn't nearly as bad as previous times... Maybe it's because the previous times I did it just to see what it was like and they sucked... Where as this time, I REALLY needed it.

I'm still locked up, so the ticker hasn't been reset. No need for that now.

 

Yes, that caged orgasm gave the me relief I needed, so I can stay locked up longer.

And yes, I agree it's better to take one month at a time, so I shall.

I'm feeling some minor urges today, but they're barely noticeable for now. Nothing like yesterday morning... I've had bad urges before (I mean BAD, BAD, BAD!), but yesterday was like a nuclear bomb went off! If I hadn't made myself cum in my cage, it would've been spontaneous, which would've been far worse.

 

Well, I was in a playful mood this morning and tried to swap out my Cage of Shame for my Vice Mini V2 with anti-pullout, but…

After I put on the ring and fastened the strap to it, I started getting hard and when I tried to put the cage shaft on, I got pretty close to the edge. Had I continued, I would’ve involuntarily shot my load again, so I took the shaft off and waited for my cock to calm down and get flaccid before taking the ring off. I had to wait another 15 minutes before putting my Cage of Shame back on to avoid edging myself again.

So, I gotta find another way to have some “play time”, because I’m just too Bloody sensitive!

 

It’s only been 3 and a half days since I gave myself a caged orgasm and I’m already starting to get urges, but they’re not so bad… Yet!

 

You know what… I think instead of posting a weekly digest, I’ll just post things here as they happen, otherwise I’ll be repeating the same things 2 or 3 times.

 

Ughhhh… Boring day at work. There’s nobody here. I wanna go home.

 

Oh bugger! I’m having a serious urge right as getting ready to go on my lunch break!

 

LOL! Nope!