This s@#£ has just started to get real

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Oct 9, 2020
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It has been nearly 9 months since L discovered my cage the morning after I first put it on. Apart from washing and release for play or sex, I have basically worn it all the time, day and night since day one. We have been married for over 23 years, I have just turned 50 and L is nearly 43. We have 2 teenage boys (14 and 17) and live in the UK.

We have no interest in me being a cuck or sissy. And apart from a bit of spanking (for me) and the occasional bit of light bondage, we are a normal family couple looking to learn to adore each other more and more.

L has just started reading up a bit. I have been sending her the odd article about male hormone levels, come retention and ruined orgasms from a really great website, that is geared toward women and not kink.
www.evolveyourman.com

I will post the links in a separate post.

She has asked for a pause in me sending at the moment, but she has taken it on board, and we have had some good discussions. I explained what a full orgasm does to me...Careful what you wish for!"...and said

"The question is...How often are you willing to put up with the few days of me being less attentive? If you let me have a full orgasm every few days, where is the upside for you? What is the point of it? I don't have an answer to that yet, as I think she is weighing it up.

More later, I have to go shopping.
 
Oh my that was a fucking hectic couple of hours...Dropped no2 son off at first aid course. Wrong place, has to rush to get him to another town 10 miles away, then rush back, look at a sofa for sale, and drop off L at the hairdressers. Then deal with no1 son thinking he knows how to run mum and dad's life. Grrrr!!! Now I also have to move 4 sofas and pick up about 6 more times in various parts of the county.
 
Anyway back to other thoughts...

So L is definitely taking things a bit more seriously, with regard to chastity. Since having sex the Sunday after my 50th birthday party I have not had a proper full orgasm (so 20 days). Though I have had an accident ruin after she played with it, been caught self-stimulating the cage, and made love 3 times, though once I was told to lock up before finishing, and twice I remained still just before and during ejaculation, through my own choice, so as to ruin it as best as possible.

I think there is a small drop in my hormones, but not too noticeble, depending on how ruined the orgasm was. During this time, L has been supporting my goals and reading up about things a bit more. Especially about male denial and the hormone levels, as that is the only thing that would be a motivation for her, as it affects my behavior, and makes me a better person. I shall try and resist allowing myself the pleasure of a full release, until such time as L gets used to the rhythms of my subspace. Then she can make informed decisions about the best course for us in our marriage. If it is a "full" once a month,.strangely, I'm not wondering whether I can cope with it, but...When is the best time for her? Is is in line with her own cycle perhaps? Or if it was longer? I don't think I would mind.

After the initial thrill of wearing the device become normalised, and you get to come too often, as I have, the chastity subspace thing just doesn't work. She has been way too kind to me over the last months, being more cautious and not wanting things to move too quickly. But more recently, has commented that "where is the guy I saw for the first 2 months?". She hasn't really believed, until the last two weeks, that this really works, or understood the mechanics, so has allowed and wanted me to come far more than I deserved. Now we are "more or less" back on the same page, and I'm excited about the future, and where it will lead.

This morning she indicated that I should spoon her, then she started pressing back into the HTv4 (Standard). The extra length, pressing gently on her lady areas from the rear felt exquisite. Then she got up. I handed her the wooden spoon, as I was having some naughty thoughts about a caged-edging-wank, and she ensured that I remembered my place. I don't enjoy the spanking, but the afterglow is incredibly arousing and humbling at the same time. I don't want to be bad afterwards.
 
I always welcome constructive criticism, helpful advice and any feedback. Be sure to leave comments. Or DM me if you want to share something more personal.
 
It sounds like you are in a good place! A good paddling does refocus the mind (and other bits, too).

Treasure Ms L's control and enjoy your submission.

asa
 
It sounds like you are in a good place! A good paddling does refocus the mind (and other bits, too).

Treasure Ms L's control and enjoy your submission.

asa

Thanks Asa, It has been a wooden spoon or a hairbrush so far, hard enough that I need to bite the pillow,.but she doesn't want to mark me. The afterglow and sore cheeks for a few hours is like a mental hug, makes everything feel better. I am thinking about a nice paddle. Which is worse (or better) guys? Depending on your point of view of course?
 
My thought is that you should always use the right tool for the job which in this case would be a well crafted paddle.
 
We had great piv sex on Sunday, and I was allowed a full orgasm. Been taking a while this week to get back to subspace.
 
We had great piv sex on Sunday, and I was allowed a full orgasm. Been taking a while this week to get back to subspace.
How long did it take you to get back into subspace or a chastity frame of mind? I found being locked immediately after a full orgasm usually shortens the period. Edging without relief really shortens it. Is she the proud owner of a paddle or crop yet? I’m sure a session with either one of those would also help get you properly sorted out.
 
We haven't had the best of weeks, been a lot of stress coming at both of us. It has taken me a long time to start feeling in the right headspace. We did have a good talk today about being more open with each other and what it is I am trying to achieve, and she probably won't be getting to come for a while. Lol. Gotta love that woman. That Goddess!

I think she still finds the whole situation quite weird, but is very supportive in the end, and I am starting to feel that in time we will get to a place where she will have an understanding of my rhythms, which will give her the confidence to take the control she deserves and I so desperately need. More patience required I know. Not my best quality. Every day is a school day.
 
We did have a good talk today about being more open with each other and what it is I am trying to achieve, and she probably won't be getting to come for a while.

I am curious why your wife won't be able to cum for a while. Maybe I misread your post.
 
So shortly after the last post I ended up in the bit of a subfrenzy. As I said, we were both stressed, kids and work do get on top of us sometimes, and I was feeling a bit locked and forgotten. So we took a little break, and a reset. I had an edge or three and a couple of self-ruins, stayed uncaged (felt weird), and tried my best to not slip back into old habits, pretty successfully I might add. On 25th June I sent her this text:

Jah: Yes, we are having a pause from things. But I thought you should know that I'm still trying to be good.
It is probably a good thing for me to learn for myself how to maintain my hormone levels. I think that leaping into a 24/7 pattern from the outset was in someways the only way to break bad habits, but now I know the benefits (like you, I knew nothing before), and my motivation and goals have shifted, getting to the next level is tough on both of us, and the last thing I want is to burden you with too much.
Please keep assuming that I am being good for you, and teasing is still what I'm looking for. Yes I'm going to edge myself and may have an occasional solo ruin, but this is only so that I can take the pressure off us both and help me to understand the more intense, loving, emotional, devotional and Yes, sexual feelings that accompany orgasm denial. Xxx

After about a week of arguing and hashing things out, I was proper moody and so was she (probably rightfully so). I had a really great day with her and just had to lock it up and hand her the key.
 
IMG-20210701-WA0000.jpeg


1st July 2021
Texted: Just said "Ooh the cage is full this morning" then realised what I'd said.

That amused her.
 
Looking back at my texts I think I've got confused about the dates. I was out for a couple of weeks. Anyway, I've been denied just over a week, through her TofM, then Sunday just gone I had the privilege of worshipping her pussy with my tongue and she got close. I was edged but saved for later. In the morning I had a chat with her about how the different sized cages for my HTv4 affect me, and put the nub on my ring to demonstrate how subbie it makes me feel and she said. "Well you might as well stay in that" and then locked it up. Now bearing in mind that I had laminated my emergency key a few days before, this gives me goosebumps in all the right places,.even as I write.
20210723_125209.jpg


Monday night I licked her pussy again to some soft moans, then she told me to get the key. We made love and then sensing that she was done said that I should be stopped. A short while later and a little protestation from Little Jah, and I was told to come out. Still unsure of what I need, and having trouble getting to grips with the concept that I don't need/want to come as much, so I can feel this devoted all time time, she asked what I wanted. We agreed on some edging and a ruined, but it was a team effort, as it is something we are learning together.

"Hands off" and I had a near perfect ruin. 1 or 2 strokes less perhaps next time.
 
So Tuesday morning, I enquired if she came last night, which she did. It isn't a given for her, as so many things have to come (excuse the pun) together to make it happen. But something was still bugging me all day...

Did she come before or after I entered her soft warm pussy?

She laughed a bit when I asked her, and I said,
"Well you do it so quietly, I don't always know"
Then joked that it wasn't fair to keep it a secret, as she always knows when I do. And, it would help me learn how to please her better with a little direction.

We also touched on coming together, which is a great thing for any loving couple to share, and realised that, in our attempts to get there together we sometimes missed the point.

She told me that sometimes she would hold back, waiting for me, and I suggested that perhaps she needed to let go and relax. Although she thinks a multiple orgasm is beyond her reach (though occasionally she did have them before chastity, when I was masturbating too much and lasting too long) , I said that perhaps if she didn't spend energy on trying to get there at the same time as me, it might happen. It was a really good conversation.

I explained further and deeper than I had been able to before; How orgasms were about the journey not the destination for me now, and how, more and more I like the feeling of denial. Devotion. Desperation.

So the answer then... Though I didn't plan to keep you in suspense readers, and BTW I kinda knew, but wasn't 100% sure is...

Before.
She came before! (This is a big thing for me, I couldn't be happier. Despite her telling me that I'm really good at it, so many things have to come together)

I said
"That is so fucking hot. Next time lock me up."
"Really?"
"Oh yeah. So hot!"
She said she doesn't always want a worshipping and likes me to come inside her.
I suggested that next time perhaps we go straight in, and we talked about a previous time where she was disappointed that I had to stop inside her to avoid a full orgasm and she didn't quite get there, and how we can improve our timing by taking a little care not to over-stimulate me too early (all I took was grabbing my hips and dictating the depth and speed of my thrusts for about 4 pumps and I was ruined)

We are learning so much about each other. 23 years of a very loving marriage and we are really finally getting to know each other intimately. With freedom to express ourselves. Not fully. But with baby steps, we are getting there.
 
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Back to Monday evening. I was so fucking horny. I was pressing against her in the bathroom, and she started picking spots, she likes grooming her chimps. And she just kept pressing her vulva against my cage every 5 to 15 seconds. OMG. I was grabbing her arse (ass to our friends in the US) and rubbing her back and breasts. It was so fucking goddamn sexy.
 
Posted in "Hot things your KH have said to you:

18th July
My wife found a round leather dog collar in the charity shop today, and held it up. "Do you think it will fit?" I said.
With a look of caution she slipped it around my neck and then off again, worried that the young lad in the store had seen.
"It would need a new hole" She said quietly..
We left without it, but later this evening she looked at me and said,
"I should have bought that collar, I might go back for it tomorrow"[/QUOTE]

21st July
So Mrs Jah managed to zip into town today, but got there just as they were closing with no cash, and they wouldn't take a card, because the lady had shut down the till. So the collar has been reserved.
"I'm getting it more as a necklace for you" she said

So am I to be wearing it all the time? Will I be required to wear it at work? If I'm asked about it, what would I say? "It's a necklace from my wife?" I doubt it, but I would be proud to wear it all the time, and let people think whatever the fuck they want. It kinda looks like a brown leather eternity collar. I'm quite excited

22nd July
She went back and.purchased the collar. Can't wait for her to slip it around my neck and fasten it.
 
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I started a thread about submissiveness:

https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...e-submissive-to-want-to-be-in-chastity.42457/

I don't think I am a particularly submissive person, but I now want my orgasms controlled, and obviously enjoy the addictive feeling of the build up from days of denial. Does this mean that I am submissive? Well that is what most may think from the outside. But the reason I first put on a cage was not to be submissive, it was because I realised that my masturbation habit was out of my control and I needed something to help me to stop and show my wife the respect she deserved. She had expressed annoyance that I sometimes took too long, and knew, though never really vocalised that it was caused by my addiction. So saving myself for her is the goal. I'm still her bull.

Ah...but is a willingness to submit mean you are completely submissive? Like sexuality, I think there is a sliding scale perhaps. Very few are 0% or 100%, most are somewhere inbetween. Yes, over time the feeling of being denied is addictive, and shifting.

I certainly don't see submissiveness as a negative thing, I'm very comfortable with who we both are. However, there are many grey areas when it comes to D/s relationships. We aren't all necessarily naturally dominant or submissive, as a couple learning and experiencing things along the journey they are things we choose to embrace and enhance in ourselves for the betterment of our bond together. I submit because I want to honour Mrs Jah and make her happy. Not because I'm submissive by nature. If my wife liked being tied up I would enjoy that and find it very erotic, but she doesn't, and I am not turned on by someone doing something they don't like. I'm turned on by turning her on.
 
https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/thoughts-on-teasing.42476/


I wrote this a few weeks ago and showed it to my wife today to help her understand what my ideal tease might be like. Tonight I licked her till she unlocked me, then I was allowed inside her for about a minute or two, then forced back into my cage without relief. I love this perfect lady.

The perfect tease.

Please take your time to read this, it took at least a week to write. It's not a criticism, as I think you are getting really good at it, and some of these thoughts are inspired by things you do or have done anyway. I just really wanted to share my thoughts on something I was thinking and fantasizing about. I was thinking of sharing it as a post for feedback and other ideas. Here goes:

A great tease is like a joke. The set-up, the punchline and then the follow ups. A bit of a rhetorical questioning works for instance;

"I bet you really desperate to get my property out of your cage?"...

In the bedroom this could be followed by some cruel (read lovely) teasing with the key and some cage rattling maybe. Holding the key near your pussy which I can possibly just glimpse through some beautiful sheer lace panties, letting me contemplate what is beneath them for a while, what you are possibly going to deny me is so hot. Or when I'm kissing you down there, even hotter.

"Should I?"....
"Hmm?"...
"But I do like you locked and desperate"...
"And I'm not sure if my 'little' thing deserves to come out"...
(See SPH below)
"maybe if you....?" (Do something for you)

Then, right when you see the desperate ache in my eyes...

"Well that's not happening! I want you to be more desperate for me"... Or
"I'm sorry...No...Not tonight, it hasn't been quite long enough yet"

In the bedroom it's the perfect time to just let go. If I've been let out for a bit of edging, making me stuff it back in at this point really makes me feel amazingly submissive devoted to you. I loved it the other day, after I put the cage on, and you forced it down until the lock lined up. "Click" In my head it reinforced the control you have and I melted before your sexual superiority.

"Not for a long time"...

"Especially if you don't please me!"

"So...Maybe never"


This all works on so many levels. First part draws attention to my predicament, and that my manhood is for you, not me. Let's me know you are thinking about Little J, even if you don't need him, and makes him think he might be getting out.
Then the punchline. Little J reels in feigned protest and pumps some happy hormones into my brain.

Then the kickers. The first putting doubt as to how long, turns it up a notch.

The second reminds me of my place and what is at stake if I'm not a good attentive husband, with a suggestive twist that you still might require sexual satisfaction and my release may be dependent on whether I provide you that buzz or not.

Then the burn..."So...Maybe never!" Which dials the verbal tease up to 11. I don't think I want to never be released, but the danger of it being a possible outcome is a huge turn on. What if...

The great thing is that any part, or even just one of them work great on their own. There are just certain triggers that work. Words like "Desperate", "longing", "tight" etc...
"Small, little, cute" I am really turned on by a bit of light SPH (small penis humiliation) when it is locked, though strangly (or obviously?) not when it's out. For instance:
"It looks so cute in that little cage, I think you need the smaller one, put it on!"
"Shall I let it out of that tiny cage, so it can get bigger"

"Beg me to keep you locked...Or I'm never unlocking you."

Describe your perfect vanilla tease.

so how did it work out for you and your wife?

She wants to get better at teasing, but says when it comes to it, she often draws a blank. She doesn't like captions with other women in, and pictures are easily found with teenagers around, so we have agreed I will make a text file of lots of different ones I like, and hide it on her phone. Then she can lucky dip them. This will help reduce the time she needs to think about it, which as a busy working full-time mum is tricky, and makes eventually learning to do this with ease possible.
 
Think that's us up to date. I hope you are enjoying the read. I welcome any comments, criticism (constructive please) and feedback.

There is a lot of talk, and to much extent I agree, about "just do as she says" or "communication is key" or "never top from the bottom.

What we have to remember, and appreciate is that for each couple there is a journey, and it takes time, and a lot of trial and error (we fuck it up all the time). We have had several arguments and tantrums. Been throwing in the towel. But we work through them and get back on track.

Don't let it become a "one strike and you're out" situation. Work at it. Don't give up. Chastity is not a walk in the park for either partner. It's hard, well not often for me. Lol. Be forgiving, try to learn from your mistakes and to quote Pixars Meet the Robinsons

"Keep moving forward"

Jah
 
Fantasy

I come into the bedroom and my wife was wearing a black lace négligée. I climb on the bed and kiss my way up her legs, getting stiffer every inch. As I slowly approach her vulva I begin to take in her scent and I start to twitch and moan in my cage, as I edge. I start kissing her vulva through her lace knickers, then notice the key on a silver chain around her waist just resting just above her pussy.
I start to twitch with anticipation and feel a drop of precum force its way up my shaft and out of the tip. Then she said. "Let's spoon, but....."
But what?"
"You have to remain still"
"That's not going to be easy"
"I know, especially as I'm going to grind against your caged cock"
"Thank you Mistress"
"But you mustn't move"
"Yes Mistress"
"If you manage to last 10 minutes, I might let you out of you cage"
"Thank you Mistress"
"But.....For every thrust I will add one day to your sentence"

By the end I was two weeks down.

"Let's see how you do tomorrow, but there'll be no prospect of release after tonight, now go to sleep"
"Yes my Goddess. Thank you"

Nooo!