Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

I've been reading up on how to do this. There seem to be lots of theories but the one that seems most sensible (and reasonably enjoyable) is to allow him to get close and then to make sure he stops or withdraws for a while. A bit frustrating fr both of us, I expect, but we'll see if it works in the long run. I think I'm part of the 'problem'. Not only have I kind of trained him to be this way, but I've also spent year learning how to squeeze down there and I need to resist doing that! Thanks for the advice. Sal

 

My body's been out of bounds for a bit so I tried an little game the other night.

We were lying on the bed chatting about new year's eve (which had been a bit dull). Nice candlelight, and I had my hand on his cage, as usual. I felt like trying something playful, even though I was feeling a bit bloated. I gave him that look and said, 'Would you do something for me?' He immediately looked like an eager puppy but then remembered that I was off-limits and asked what it was I had in mind. I asked him to fetch 'Little Bear' (which is actually very similar in size to him, ie about average, whatever that means), to warm it up and strap it on. He started asking where it would go (I don't enjoy anal very much) and I said (rather firmly, hehe) to just go with it. While he was gone, I put out all the cadles, except one.

After a bit, he came back (still locked, of course) and looking a bit embarrassed in his little harness. We had a long, long kiss and I was sure to play with his nipples. He wanted to play with mine, bless him, but they were far too sensitive (and not in a good way) for that.

I told myself to act as if the strap on was actually part of his body and after making appropriate ooohing and ahhhing noises (men are men, after all) I took I fodled for England then took it in my mouth. I kept eye contact as much as I could. I know this all sounds very weird, and a couple of years I would never have belived we'd have done this. It's something we've done a few times now and each time, I've strangely enjoyed it, knowing that for him it completely messes with his head as he watches me. This time though, after probably five minutes or so, I stopped and told him that I wanted to watch him while he made himself come. He immediately started asking questions (nainly, 'how') and I just shushed him and told him to play with himself. I said I'd find it exciting to watch him.

Actually, I did find it really exciting. I added some lube and whispered to him to show me how he rubs it in, how he plays himself. At first I could tell he was very self-conscious (delicious!) but after a couple of minutes he seemed to get really into it and lose himself for a bit. A few minutes later he just said, "I can't come like this". I'd never really expected that he would be able to. I just said, "Of course not" and told him that watching him had been very intimate and I'd learned some things too. He called it 'mindfuckery beyond mindfuckery', which we christened 'An MBM Production' (we are so witty!)

He got rid of all the gear, we chatted some more, read for a bit and then went to sleep. About an hour later he woke me up asking to be let out. I thought something was wrong because it seemed urgent but it turned out that he was just desperate. He begged and wheedled for a while. I'd started by being annoyed at being woken but ended feeling warm and fuzzy and very much in control as I told him 'no'.

All this reminded me of a documentary film I once worked on, about phantom limbs... The brain plays some powerful tricks.

Sal

 

Last week we were flaked out on the sofa after friends had just left. I had woven in various trigger words throughout the evening, that only MyPete would have noticed (‘the key to a good stew is…’, ‘I’m not one of those people who keep my recipes locked away’, ‘the finish on the shelves frustrated our attempts to paint them properly’). We were having a laugh and debrief and he suddenly asked me, as he does from time to time, to tell him my chastity fantasies. I said I would, but as ever, but I said I only would if he would. I’ve been interested to see how these fantasies change over the months – as usual we had to reassure each other that having these fantasies didn’t necessarily mean we want to make them real by putting them into practice!

I began with the one I’ve described here twice before, (e.g. here) which is light hearted but very erotic for me. I told MyPete, truthfully, that if there really was such a shop, I would love to take him there.

The second fantasy is also a recurring one. It’s where I have complete power over his ability to come. That means keeping him locked and having control of the key. He’s totally desperate and begs me to unlock him. Eventually, after much playing with the key, I release him but he discovers that however excited he is and however hard he tries, he’s be physically unable to climax without my explicit permission. When I described this, he said he felt that for him it would be the ultimate in letting go of all responsibility. I could tell we were both very excited by the idea.

His first one was a bit of a shocker. In it, I and friends, all dressed quite formally, are sitting around chatting when he appears and is asked (by me) to remove his clothes so we can take a look at him. I unlock him, there’s much inspecting and measuring, and commenting on his size. He asks if he may please be allowed to come, and I firmly say no and lock him back up. I think there was something in there involving Big Bear as well. He was rather sheepish about telling me. I asked if it was something he thought we’d both enjoy in real life. He was rather non-committal and he asked about whether I’d enjoy it. I was non-committal too except that to myself I thought that the whole size humiliation thing really doesn’t excite me much – more the opposite if anything. I do like the cfnm bit though. I think it’s still the idea of a powerful animal under my control that excites me most.

His second fantasy was about us both going to a nudie beach together with him in his cage, and he threw in another one where there was rather an involved arrangement. He had his balls on a leash (we have actually done that before) and the leash went round a bed post at the end of the bed. The other end was in my hand. Every time he was beginning to enter me, I’d tighten the tension on the cord so he’d never quite be able to. I looked him in the eye and said that maybe we should try that for real one day. I mentally tucked that one away.

Conversation moved on to other things and after a lovely kiss, I knew that he would tell me how frustrated he is and ask whether he might be unlocked. I play this game with him where I make it look like he’s persuaded me and say things like, “I can tell you really need to be unlocked” and “You’ve really roused my sympathy this time” and “Ask me nicely and you might get a lovely surprise”. Every time, he’s like an eager puppy but 9 times out of 10, I just smile and say, “Well, I only said ‘might!”, or “I’m afraid I think it’s too early”, or “I can tell you’re desperate, but I think you’d enjoy being even more desperate, and you know that excites me”. I’ve found that unlocking him about once or maybe twice in ten times is enough to keep him completely eager.

When I read this back, it seems a bit cruel and manipulative, but I know we both enjoy it. This time, true to form, he begged to be unlocked and I went through the rigmarole and finally said ‘no’. He looked a bit crushed until I told him that I was feeling very frustrated too, so maybe he could do something about that and at least have some vicarious enjoyment. And he was back into eager puppy mode again! He asked what exactly I wanted, and I just told him to surprise me. It was lovely, intimate and I felt deliciously out of control while being in complete control, if that makes any sense. I felt a little guilty afterwards, but he looked pretty happy too, so that guilt didn’t last long!

Sal




,

 

Well, you think you know your partner...

On Sunday morning we got up as usual and I unlocked him so I could shave underneath, apply cream etc (we’ve decided not to wax for a couple of months). Into the bathroom, turned on the shower and, uh-oh, no hot water. In fact, only freeeeezing cold water because it comes from a tank somewhere above us, probably the Arctic and is very cold indeed in this weather. We looked at each other and somehow convinced each other that some people swear by icy swims and cold-water showers and say that it has all sorts of health benefits. So, giggling like teenagers, in we went. Eeeek! It was nipple-poppingly cold.

We were laughing and shrieking and then I looked down and, well, he had really shrunk. I realised that the only times we’ve been in properly cold water, of course he’s had his swimming trunks on, or I haven’t been looking. In all the years I’ve been with him, I’ve never seen it like that, even when we’ve had to stick frozen peas down there to get him back in the cage. I realise this must be a common experience for men, but it was a jaw-dropping first for me.

My first reaction was to ask if he was ok. He said it was normal. And I said something like, “That can’t be normal! It’s tiny!” I was honestly amazed and a bit appalled and all the while I was laughing and feeling the icy water. I didn’t think for one moment to disguise my reaction, just saying things like, ‘imagine if you got stuck like that’ and ohmygoodness, it’s minuscule’. I measured it against my finger and it was literally hardly past my first knuckle. I was a bit crazy with the cold and shouted that ‘it’s like a little clit, even mine’s bigger than that!’. (Which isn’t true, of course) By this time we were getting practically hysterical so we got out and dried ourselves and actually felt a nice glow afterwards, although it’s not something I could do often!

Back in the bedroom about to get dressed and I just asked him to pop the cage on so I could lock it – it was all very matter of fact but I noticed that he was looking at me a bit strangely and then saw that he was clearly very excited indeed. I made a comment about not having needed to worry about him getting stuck with it being weeny. Eventually he wrangled himself in and I locked him.

Over breakfast, (and after MyPete had called the plumber!) we felt rather good after the cold shower and I said that I’d enjoyed learning something new about part of his body. I jokingly apologised for calling him so small, ‘but it really was’ teeny, teeny tiny. Then I remembered he’d mentioned a couple of times recently that sort of scenario – except I think he’d meant for me to make comments when he was hard, not when he was being doused in cold water! He asked me if it had really been such a surprise and to tell him what I'd thought when I saw it – and I realised he wanted me to talk about it. This felt a lot safer to me than commenting on his ‘grown’ size (which is average and just fine), and more honest too, because it really had been shockingly small – of-serious-medical-interest-tiny - and I kind of revelled in telling him. And I could tell while I was saying all this that he was getting very excited.

I showed him on my finger how small it had been and then I found myself saying a crazy thing. I said that I wanted him to order a cage that size, for ‘whenever we might need it’. I said that, after all, we now both know that it’ll fit perfectly well. He started to say something, but I just got up and kissed him. He was sitting and I was standing over him. It felt close and erotic, and I felt gloriously in control and happy knowing that he was excited too. I made it clear that nothing else was going to happen and packed him off to the gym, as previously planned, pointing out that they probably had hot water there. Once he’d left, Big Bear had one of his rare outings. Even though I was on my own, the contrast made me laugh out loud (while simultaneously gasping a bit)

In other exciting news, our hot water got fixed that very evening. It cost an arm and a leg but this is the most fun I’ve ever had with a broken shower.

Sal

 

Thank you @Open2njoy. This wasn't going very well. As someone else on here pointed out once, I seem to have trained him to come a bit too easily. The trouble is that all the 'consequences' we tried (I prefer that to 'punishments') were turn-ons for him, so the thought of coming too soon became exciting for him, which made him even less able to hold back. Complicated!

At last though, we've made a little progress. A few things have helped. First, I reminded him that this is my responsibility, not his, so it isn't something he needs to worry about. Second, he told me to stop squeezing him! It took me bloody years to learn to control those muscles and I realise it's become a sort of reflex, so I have to remember to relax. Third, I've learned to be able to tell when he's near the point of no return and he knows that if I say, 'stop' he has to withdraw instantly. If he pre-empts me and withdraws of his own accord, he knows that I'll be pleased. And a fourth thing - the 'consequence' if he overdoes it has been that I sexually ignore him for a day and not even tease him. I've never been explicit about this but he mentioned that he'd noticed I do this. I just said, 'do I?' Other than a couple of 'RnR's ('relief with no relief', or ruins), we're progressing in being able to get him to withdraw before he comes and he's lasting a little longer now. Nowhere near long enough for me to be able to relax and come, but a girl can dream... I can still make him come straight away by saying 'come for me now', which is incredibly exciting for both of us and I don't want to lose that.
Unfortunately, the progress isn't consistent but generally we're going in the right direction I think.

Sal

 

The other day, MyPete, who is desperate and therefore boob-fixated at the moment, came up behind me while I was working at home and squeezed them. It felt nice, but I wasn't in the mood, was busy with effing spreadsheets and there was something about it that felt intrusive and he was initiating physically, whereas usually we limit his initiations to verbal hints etc. I didn't make a big deal of it, because I like that he enjoys my body and I just said 'maybe later'. He let go, but it wasn't the reflex it should have been but a good ten seconds with me before he eventually took his hands away. I just said, 'that's not good' and got back to work. A couple of hours later I was making us tea and, while ostensibly ferreting around for biscuits, he was following me and especially my boobs around the kitchen with his eyes. Having been a late developer and made fun of by girls at school when I was flat chested, I've especially liked that he enjoys that part of me. I think the fact that the key is in there somewhere really helps. He clearly thought I'd forgotten the earlier groping though.

I said that I could tell he was desperate. He confirmed that - not that he needed to. I said that he obviously need to come and he nodded, as eager an excited puppy. I led him to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed and asked him to pull his trousers and underpants down, leaving them around his ankles. (Lots of half-formed memories of childhood make him very vulnerable when he's standing like that). I said that he was obviously very frustrated and needed to come. I said that I wasn't in the mood but that needn't mean that he couldn't have some release. He was pathetically grateful. I unlocked him and stood up to kiss him for a moment. By the time I sat down again, he was standing to attention, throbbing away. I said that I love it when he's excited (which is very true - I feel flattered every time). And then, I just sat and watched it bobbing around. I didn't need to tell him that he couldn't touch himself, of course and I could tell he was absolutely desperate for me to stroke him, or lick him or anything.

Eventually (it didn't seem like very long) of course, it started to subside and I'm afraid I said something like, 'maybe you're not so desperate after all'. And I asked him to put the cage back on. He was horrified - he had totally expected to come and was totally desperate. He wrangled himself back into the cage and I locked him (sigh - no satisfying click, but a blissful feeling of control). I gave him a little lecture about me being responsible and that although I enjoy that he fancies me, and touches me, I expect sexual commands to be followed instantly. He looked very sheepish and asked if I was angry. I truthfully said that I wasn't at all angry but just that he needed a little 'touch on the tiller' from time to time, which is totally fine.

To consolidate the message of who's (sexually) in charge, I took monstrous Big Bear out of the drawer and put it (him?) on the bed. He knows not to touch it, but I didn't either. I just gave a little pat to his head and this time his reflex was impeccable, and satisfying. He told me afterwards that the combination of me watching him while he went soft, while then immediately being asked to satisfy me while being reminded of Big Bear, was humiliating. But he also said it was exciting because I was in control and obviously enjoying it. He apologised for groping. I asked him if he was still content to relinquish all sexual responsibility. He said yes, very much so and I made him say it properly out loud. We finished with a long kiss and his top goofiest grin. Unbeknownst to him, if he had begged me right then to unlock him, I probably would have.

Men are such simple (but incredibly lovable) beasts!

Sal

 

My Pete’s out with his work pals until late. I’m slightly woozy, just back from an ‘early evening drink’ (haha, it’s already 11pm) at the pub with a bunch of friends, including Laura. It was fun catching up with her.

She’s in a happy place now. Her Paul was there as well this evening and I found him much more interesting company than previously. He seemed to take a real interest in me and other people and there was much less ‘mansplaining’ than before, much more listening and proper conversation. When I got Laura alone, I asked how things were going with Paul and she said that they were better together than they’d been in years. She certainly seemed happier than I’d seen her for a long time. She said that they’d managed to reset their relationship.

He was allowing her to take the lead rather than feeling that he ought to be seen to be taking all the decisions, or acting like he was an expert, whether or not they were things he knew anything about. I asked if they were still doing the chastity thing and she said yes – that they’d got a brand new shiny cage and he wears it now for a few days at a time. But she said she didn’t think that the cage was the thing that had caused the reset. That had come about because they talked things through, and he realised she was on the point of leaving him unless something radically changed. She thought the chastity thing was more like a sign of her being able to take the lead, rather than the cause. I asked in what way she now takes the lead. Most of the things she talked about were to do worth running the home, everyday small decisions about stuff, and a lot of the bigger things too. (All the things I don’t want with MyPete, - I want us to be equal out of the bedroom) Mainly what’s changed is that her Paul isn’t trying to assert himself all the time, which I think I’d picked up on too. She felt that the chastity cage was part of a ‘virtuous circle’ that helped her to assert herself and him to stop asserting himself, rather than any kind of ‘silver bullet’ that caused everything to be better. But it does remind them both of her power and amplifies it.

Then we had a discussion about men’s size! No, really! I mentioned the episode in the freezing shower with MyPete where he’d shrunk to the size of half my thumb and that I’d never actually seen him that small before. She said it’s amazing how small they can get and we both laughed. She asked me whether I had said anything about it and I admitted that I had shrieked with laughter and said quite a lot of light-hearted things, knowing that MyPete wouldn’t be so sensitive about how big it was under freezing water. I said I’d never make fun of him when he was hard, even though he’d hinted that he’d actually like it if I did. But I said to her that it really had been ludicrously, laugh-out-loud small. I told her that I’d measured it against my finger and afterwards asked him to get a cage that size, since we now knew it would fit, and we never knew when it might come in handy! Then she asked me what I’d thought of it when it was shrunk like that. I said kind of funny, kind if cute. I said that I’d, like a reflex, wanted to put it in my mouth only, because we were being frozen at the time, that definitely wasn’t going to happen.

Then Laura just looked at me and said, “Welcome to my world”. I didn’t know exactly what she meant. She told me that her Paul is small, really small, and not just when it’s cold. She told me her theory about ‘small man syndrome’, which is when some men seem to want to over-assert themselves, either because of a lack of power and control in their lives, or sometimes because they’re small in other ways. She said that for a while, until recently, it had been something they never talked about - a no-go area. But in their recent reset, when the cage came up, that meant that size was ‘on the table’ for discussion, all wrapped up with his over-assertiveness (as she saw it) and what to do about it.

I asked her whether his size bothered him and she said it must have done – think of all the teasing, embarrassment etc. I asked whether it was just small when he was unexcited, but she said he was really very small even when he’s excited and she indicated against her hand. I asked if it bothered her. She said at first it had, because she felt she was constantly having to take care not to react or show surprise. Then she’d found that he was actually quite skilled in bed, and he kind of suited her build, so that even though she didn’t feel exactly stretched, she could come quite easily with the right kind of motion, and they’d been able to be pretty matter of fact about his size.

Then, something had gone wrong in their relationship, and he’d taken to looking at porn rather than her and any humour about size had become a no-go area but so had sex generally. But now things were much better. She said it was funny how I’d remarked that when I’d seen MyPete all shrunk, I’d wanted to put it in my mouth, because that’s one of the things she enjoys most about her Paul’s size. We both agreed that oral sex with someone average, or goodness knows, with someone large, takes way more concentration (to keep teeth out of the way, not choke etc) than with someone smaller. Smaller is definitely much more fun in that way, and cute.

She asked me how things were going with MyPete. I told her that it feels good at the moment, but it feels best when both of us can properly get into the mindset that I am responsible for our sexual satisfaction, and that that part of his body is as much mine as it is his. Then we talked about this and that, and work stuff.

Writing this now, I feel quite sorry for her Paul and how embarrassing it must have been for him in previous relationships. I’ve grown to rather like him, especially in his newish persona.

Writing this of course makes me think about sex. MyPete will be home soon and part of me feels like unlocking him. I’d love to have straightforward sex but I know he’ll come too quickly and we can’t wait a couple of hours afterwards because it’ll get too late and we’ll just fall asleep. Quite a bit of training to do… That’s something I hadn’t foreseen with this ‘chastity project’ - it’s powerful stuff and all too easy to inadvertently ‘train’ or ‘condition’ MyPete’s reactions in ways that I might not have chosen. I expect I’m being conditioned too. Eeek, I must stop over-thinking!

Sal

 

Thanks for the thought but I think a piercing isn't for us. I like it the way it is. He is very definitely circumcised and I like the look. We're both a bit squeamish about piercings. I realise he can probably pull out, but I don't think he can easily get himself back in. So he knows I'd find out. Sal