Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

So, as of last night he's back in the 'normal' cage, which allows, as he put it, 'the merest glimmer of an erection'. He said this morning that his sleep was more disturbed than in the shortie (which is only about a centimetre shorter!) but he felt more like himself. When we were changing the cage over yesterday (super quick - no time for any funny business or for it even to grow) he asked whether he should shave underneath the ring or if I would go back to doing it - fter all it was 'our property' rather than just his. He looked very surprised and concerned when I said I wanted to let it grow out a bit and that we'd only shave him if it became really uncomfortable, and even then only the bit just under the ring. He asked me why and I said just to trust me. (I haven't told him about our surprise next weekend). He asked if this was more 'consequences'. I just tried to smile and look inscrutable. Not sure that worked because he laughed, but didn't press the point.

He asked if he could be unlocked for a while -'just for an airing'. I asked if he was very desperate to come - I put on a mock sympathetic tone. His answer was interesting - he said he was more desperate than anything just to be hard. He said he'd felt emasculated - especially in the smaller cage. And he also wanted to be reassured it hadn't shrunk in the smaller cage!! I said we'd maybe inspect in a week or so but for the moment I thought it better to keep him locked and out of trouble - so we can get him properly desperate.

He asked me what the rest of the conseqences would be and of course I said it would be a surprise. He asked whether it would involve the things I'd put in his drawer and I said not necessarily, but maybe. He asked whether I might just give him any kind of hint. So, deep breath, I said I really wanted to explore more of him 'receiving' and me 'giving', rather than the other way around. He said, 'you mean anal?' I said I don't like that word - it feels clinical and slightly porny and that I preferred to use the word 'receiving'. I know he's been ambivalent about that kind of play - not least because of a bad experience when he was at school.

[This is something I've talked about with Laura a couple of times now. She said that if I was really going to use this 'consequence month' to assert myself and experiment with changing the dynamic, then having him 'surrender himself' completely would be a fun experimnt for both of us. Laura said that for maximum effect with minimum downside, I should aim for rather short but frequent sessions over at least a couple of weeks, and to be very slow and very gentle, with more lube than 'you can possibly imagine'. I said we'd experiemented with this occasionally but she pointed out that this will be different. He'll know you've planned this and over the course of a couple of weeks you'll be going a little bit edgier each time. And she said to be ultra-careful once we've worked our way up (from butt-plug (how I hate that phrase!) to 'pinkie' to baby bear (hand-held) to pegging) because this will be at least once, maybe twice a day and any chafing will spoil the whole thing. I said to Laura that it felt too much and she said he would tell me if it was and I would know when to stop but that I should be open minded about experimenting with this kind of level of control and power and that I might be surprised by some of the 'side-effects'. I asked what she meant and she said 'the spillover into the rest of our lives, which might be fun for both of us but which will be easily reversible if we don't like it.]

Anyway, I didn't tell My Pete all of that but said it was something I'd like to very gently explore over the next couple of weeks. He asked me when. I said that I didn't know yet but he'd know because I ould pat him gently on the bum and that when I did that he would know to go and get himself ready. He gave me the most frightened rabbit expression I've ever seen. I asked him how he felt - he said a bit scared, but excited. He asked me how I felt and I said, 'aroused'. What I didn't tell him was that I felt quite wobbly and scared too but I'm under strict instructions not to show that.

We had a lovely long kiss, during which I started thinking that maybe we should give the consequences a miss and go back to our normal way of things. But at one point I thought of how he'd pinned me and had done what he did (forever now the nameless Bad Thing), which gave me courage again! I patted him on the head, saying that it has been a while and I'm pleased to say his response was immediate, although as usual when we've had a break, I did have to ask him more thn once to slow down. It felt lovely though - a feeling I've missed a lot over the last couple of weeks.

Afterwards, more kisses and happy chatting, with my hand on his cage. I said that at least one of us is going to enjoy the next two weeks a lot. I think I was trying to convince myself.

Sal

 

He's out for a run at the moment. I woke up having a wobble, wondering if I'm really up for the next couple of weeks and if so, what the effect might be on us both.

I texted Laura just now, then rang her. She's been reassuring, repeating that either of us can stop any time and any effects won't be permanent, just to enjoy etc. She reminded me of two things - one relatively trivial and one that seems really important. The trivial one was that I need to decide, when he's receiving, whether he's locked or not. She suggested trying both, but trying a few days locked first. [advice on this gratefully received - we've only done this a very few times before and I couldn't really work out which worked better] But the more important thing was to recognise that the psychological side is way more powerful than the physical act and that with all the bits and pieces of hardware it can be easy to forget that.

She suggested getting a piece of velvet or nice material and putting the 'various prosthetics' (how can she use that phrase?) on that on a bedside table. Task him with cleaning them meticulously each time. When I give him the signal, I should make sure he doesn't hurry with his preparations - make him take his time to do whatever he needs to do. That period of anticipation is a big part of the whole scene.

But most of all when we're both ready, whatever 'implement' I've chosen (start small!) I should first ask him to hold it, maybe ask him to examine it and describe it (eeeek!) try experimenting with him taking it into his mouth first (amplifying the receiving) then be sure to have him stroke and fondle it, (she says this works especially well if I'm wearing it as a strap-on) asking him to act as though it's completely real and that I should absolutely do the same - she said I needn't be silent either. And she recommended watching him carefully because I'll learn a lot about how he might enjoy being stroked when he's uncaged. And I should keep telling him that this is about me giving and him receiving, not about trying to come. So remember slow, slow, even slower. Don't try to thrust. She said my confidence is important as he'll take his cue from that. And aim for frequent moments rather than long sessions. And over the two weeks, make the 'foreplay' longer, not shorter and just gradually increase the size of the prosthetic (ugh!) only if we both want to.

I feel reassured but having to appear confident isn't so easy. Gin and tonic might help. This afternoon...

Sal

 

The chat with Laura over the weekend really helped and so did all the comments here. (Thank you @anasyrma @cshorts @NowIveDoneIt @Rectrix @Open2njoy @Midnight1966 @BavarianWoman !) Looks like everyone is of one mind! My Pete and I have this kind of thing over the last couple of months just very, very occasionally and it had quite an effect, but this feels completely different.

Laura pointed out that this month of consequences is planned and deliberate, gradually escalating and (deep breath) will be frequent at least for a couple of weeks. ‘Consequences month’ uses lots of little mind-games all at once – the items (my undies, a sheath) in his underwear drawer, the cane in the corner of the bedroom, which I move from one corner to the other every day – I don’t plan on using it but he doesn’t know that), me clopping around in heels at home and using height whenever I can (even just having him sit a little lower than me, so simple, so effective) and having him wear fewer clothes than me whenever there’s an opportunity.

He’s been in the ever-so-slightly larger cage for a bit but when he asked me yesterday if he could be uncaged for a ‘shower and shave’ and I said no, (need to let it grow out for his waxing next weekend, which he doesn’t know about) and he argued, I threatened him with ‘shortie’ again, and made a point of asking him whether we should get him one of those tiny nubby cages. Frightened rabbit, even though he knows I’m joking!

I know he’s excited, but also squirmy-scared. So am I, although I’m trying to disguise it.

When he got back yesterday morning, I asked him to lay out all the items (quite a collection!) on the table in the bedroom, to make sure they’re all clean, and to put the lube there too. I asked him this just as he stepped out of the shower (caged!) so he was naked with me clothed, and I was very matter of fact about it – just as if I’d asked him to help me move the sofa. He didn’t say anything but half an hour later, he was dressed and everything was laid out just as I’d asked.

A few hours later, we were sitting having coffee and reading the papers and chatting about nothing in particular, and in the middle of the conversation, out of nowhere I just said, “would you do something for me?” (same sofa-moving tone as before) and I asked him to go and ‘pop in one of those little plugs for me’. For a moment I think he genuinely didn’t know what I meant but then off he went. When he returned, we just carried on drinking coffee, reading the papers and chatting – both of us fully clothed – as if nothing was different. Then I asked him, “how does that feel for you?” (all my lines so well rehearsed!) He said it felt surprisingly nice and very erotic, which I found exciting. I asked how he’d feel about helping me clean the fridge while he still had it in there. Who knew that chores could be so thrilling?! About another half an hour later I just told him to fish it out, clean up and pop it back on the table in the bedroom for me. When he came back, I asked how he was doing and he said it had made him desperate to come and that he felt very frustrated. I said that it must indeed be very frustrating being in the cage all this time and hardly being allowed to get hard at all for month, and we’re only half-way through. I had to ask him not to beg (although actually I love it when he does).

In the evening I asked him again to ‘pop in the plug for me’, but this time I watched him put it in, which he said he found erotic but scary and I found surprisingly exciting – not the insertion itself so much, but the feeling of control. We just lay there for a while with my hand on his cage, chatting and then I asked him to take it out (which I didn’t watch).

This morning, I don’t know whether I was kidding myself or looking for it, but he seemed super-attentive - making my coffee with extra care, being extra solicitous. Great fun for a bit, but I’d hate it if he was like that all the time! I asked him cheekily how his bottom felt this morning and he said he was just fine. And off he went to work, in his cage, feeling a bit itchy, he said. More planned for tonight. This is fun!

Sal

 

Thanks @maid julie ! Laura's advice, and my own instinct is that subtle mind tricks are the way to go. I know he'll have locked me moving the cane from one side of the bedroom to another and I can imagine what's going through his mind. I'm not sure if either of us will ever be ready with the full-on wearing-my-knickers stuff but I do know that just putting a pair in his underwear drawer will have sent his mind racing. I haven't asked him strip off completely when he comes in, but I have asked him occasionally to delay putting clothes back on after a shower. And I've experiemented with having him wear a lot less than me - eg havng him go around with just boxer-shorts and t-shirt at home, while I'm in all my usual clothes.
Maybe I'll gradually build up to something more - there are still two weeks left, after all! Thanks for the ideas and most of all, for your implicit support.
Sal

 

Hanging around at work, waiting for footage to turn up to edit. I had a bit of a wobble last night. The last few days, we’ve been gradually working our way up from a plug, having him go around with the aneros for half an hour or so, and have got as far as using ‘pinkie’ (the smallest) handheld. There are parts of this consequence month that I absolutely love – the feeling of power and control and lots of little things such as when I clop around in heels and have him sit a little lower than me, or play with cfnm (or at least clothed female fewer-clothes male) and I can see that we both find this erotic. But I’m missing our usual sexual relationship and yes, I am missing that sensation of being filled, and for some reason I haven’t been asking him to take care of me orally much these past few weeks. But I can live with this for another week and a bit.

The worst thing is I started to feel self-conscious about me being the ‘giver’ and him ‘receiving’. He seems to become so silent – so passive – that it makes me start wondering if everything’s ok and then it takes me out of the moment. Even though I haven’t been sure how to deal with it, in an odd way, it’s made me respect men a lot more. If I had doubts like this and had to ‘perform’, in the way that men do, I honestly think I would just go soft. No wonder he’s enjoyed giving up responsibility!

When I asked him, My Pete said everything was ok but a bit stomach-churny scary but once he’d gone to work this morning I had a quick phone call with Laura. She was about to go into a meeting so she was rather businesslike but just reeled off a whole bunch of things, which have put me in a better mood. She asked if I had a pen at the ready (!) and said what I was feeling was ‘classic’! She said to ignore my self-consciousness and just be an actress – that as long as I can keep my face reasonably straight then I should try to look him in the eye, especially as I (it?) enters him. She said he’ll be feeling a mix of things but definitely arousal will be one of them. If I ask him to describe how it feels, it’ll break the silence and I’ll probably find his excitement exciting.

She said to make sure we spend lots of time on foreplay – let him hold the ‘device’ even if it’s something I’m just going to use by hand. Hold it near to my pelvis and ask him to treat it as if it were real. Spend a lot of time on this – at least ¼ of an hour with him licking and fondling it each time – just make sure it’s super clean! She said I’ll learn a lot, just by watching what he does. I should try making some sound effects as he does this or at least say that I find it erotic – even if I don’t at first. I asked her how often we need to do this and she said once or twice a day but she said the most powerful moment was when he was being entered so in each session I should withdraw (“slowly, slowly, slowly! – no, even more slowly!”) and then, more lube (“no, more than that!”) and enter again, slowly. And repeat, lots of times. And look at him when I do it – even when it’s just with ‘pinkie’. (A couple of people on this site have recommended that as well). Afterwards, ask him to say how it felt and how he feels. She said, that she thought that should all help, but for goodness sake, slow and frequent and no thrusting… yet! She said lots of nice things about me doing brilliantly and I felt a lot better.

She asked if his behaviour was changing in any way and spilling over into the rest of our lives. I said that it was, just a little, but not in any horrible way. I mentioned I was feeling a bit frustrated and she said there wasn’t any reason I shouldn’t ask him to satisfy me any way I like, as long as he keeps the cage on!

I’ve got a half day today, and My Pete will be back by 6, so we’ll continue this evening I hope. I’m feeling nervous but excited again.

Sal

 

My Pete's in the shower at the moment. We're going to London today for his waxing (which he doesn't know about yet) and a nice lunch (which he does). Suddenly feeling nervous about it. Laura texted, "Be calm and confident". Sal

 

Excuse this long post. As ever, it's my therapy.

The Big Waxing Day went well – way, way better than I’d expected. I woke early from nerves and watched MyPete sleeping like a baby, which he definitely wouldn’t have been, had he known what was in store for him. Breakfast in bed - (I did wonder if he was being more attentive than usual, but I realized it was his turn to make it anyway.) We chatted about going into town for the day – the inevitable trip to John Lewis to get a new blender etc. I reminded him that I’d booked us a nice lunch in Soho so I suggested we start there late morning and wander around the shops for a bit. Honestly, like taking candy from a baby.

He went off for a shower and I eventually joined him in there. I removed the cage and ring so he could wash. He said, as he has done for the last couple of weeks that it was getting a bit uncomfortable underneath, where the hair seems to rub but I said that he was looking quite stubbly down there and I quite liked it, so perhaps he could manage just for another little while? Little did he know!! He looked pretty surprised when I suggested we go into town without his cage on but I just said something about needing an airing and perhaps we’d get him to try on some trousers so he might be better without the cage. I said not to worry though – we’ll lock him back up when we get home. I saw he was getting hard, so I quickly moved the conversation on. While we were getting dressed, I said that I wanted to choose his underwear. He immediately thought that I that I was going to ask him to wear mine, which I’d put in his drawer, and he said he really didn’t want to wear them, especially going out. I told him I had no intention of asking him to wear my knickers (which was true) and just pointed out a fairly ordinary pair of reasonably brief calvin kleins. He asked me if I was choosing his underwear now and I just said, “Consequences”. (I did notice that he got quite hard during this little exchange – something I made a mental note of).

Lovely coffee and cardamon bun in our favourite café in Soho. Of course, he spotted that I kept looking at the time and could tell there was something afoot, so eventually I told him that I had a little surprise for him. He said he knew, and that he was looking forward to finding out where we were going to have lunch. I said there was another surprise before lunch. And I told him about his waxing. I said that I would find it really erotic (I’m actually not at all sure about that) and asked him to do it for me. I was expecting a fight about it but to my surprise he just said that if I was sure it was what I wanted then he’d go along with it! Result!!

Then he had a mass of questions about what to say to the salon person. I told him what he was having done, but said that I’d emailed them with exact instructions, what kind of wax, exactly the extent of the ‘procedure’ etc. I said the reason I’d chosen his underwear was because that would be the template – all the hair underneath his ck’s would be coming off. He just looked up at the ceiling and said, “Fuck”, which is not something he says at all often. I gave him a couple of paracetamol to take, reminding him that this is what I go through from time to time, although I did say that the first time is the most painful. I left him at the salon, (he was now looking nervous as anything) asking him to text me when it was all over and I’d come and take him to our lovely lunch to celebrate.

The first thing he said was “That was un-fucking-believable”. I said, “What, you actually enjoyed it?”. He said that no he most definitely had NOT enjoyed it. I kissed him and thanked him and he gave me his goofy grin and said he could eat a horse. I said it was a French restaurant so maybe we would do just that. It was just lovely walking in the sunshine, laughing. I asked him how it felt and he said, “Fucking tender” and we both laughed. I asked him how it had felt having it done and whether it had been erotic and he said that it had been humiliating but not exciting – just effing painful. I thanked him again. I asked whether he’d had a male or female technician and he said it had been a big burly bloke with lots of tattoos but decent bedside manner and taste in music.

We had a fantastic lunch and lovely wine. And we got our stuff in John Lewis. When we got home, I made us smoothies in the new blender and asked to look at the handiwork. I had to keep myself from laughing. The line between hair and no-hair was very abrupt – to the point that it almost looked like he was wearing skin-coloured underwear. The line round the top of his thighs reminded me of stocking tops, although I didn’t say so. I was worried that it would look effeminate but actually I really liked the contrast between hairy, muscly thighs and the secret smooth areas. And I liked that he’d gone through with this for me.

I made him promise me that he wouldn’t touch himself before tomorrow when we could lock him up again. I said that I would know if he did and would add on a lot of ‘consequence time’ if he strayed.

Yesterday evening he went out with mates and I wrote my diary (all the above).

This morning, I asked him if he’d played with himself during the night and he said no – I believed him – he’s a terrible liar – and I thanked him for that. I gave him our signal by patting him on the bottom and he immediately trotted off to get ready. He’s still a bit tender from the waxing so we just used pinkie (the smallest device), which I asked him to fondle first, then I put it in and out just a few times, making sure to look at him as I did so. I saw that he got very aroused, which of course I find exciting. When I stopped after just a couple of minutes, he asked, “Is that all?” I asked him to get the ring and cage and we locked him up again – it is consequence month still, after all.

I still love that moment of turning the key. Mostly I don’t take it off my necklace, so it means that my head is intimately close to him and I always try to look him in the eyes when I’m locking him. Then he made me breakfast in bed – hmmm… two days running. He’s off to the shops now. When he returns, I’m going to pat him on the head and I hope he’ll know exactly what to do.

Sal